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First Grade Jokes

90 first grade jokes and hilarious first grade puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about first grade that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest First Grade Short Jokes

Short first grade jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The first grade humour may include short second grade jokes also.

  1. The first joke I made up at age 7 - found in my first grade journal Q: Where do robbers go to the bathroom
    A: Arrest-room
  2. I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections \*Professor grading my test\*
    Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.
  3. A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!" A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
  4. Visiting my first grade son at school lunch today... Me: How is school going so far?
    Son: Good, I had a test.
    Me: What was your test on?
    Son: Paper.
  5. Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging The word was Dictate.
    [Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?
    [Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate
  6. What does every frenchmen learn in first grade of school? (sorry France) How to surrender in 6 different languages.
  7. What's green and red and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.
    This joke brought to you by one of my first grade students who loudly shared it at lunch this week.
  8. What's Admiral Akbar's Favorite Shape? It's a Trapezoid! I apologize if this has been posted before. It came to me sitting in a first grade class today (I'm a substitute teacher, not a 7 year old).
  9. My neighbor who was a first grade teacher just got arrested for prostitution I've know her for ten years
    I never knew she was a teacher
  10. I was in a first-grade class, and I saw a cute girl. I asked the girl out, but then I got kicked out of the school.
    I am never allowed to teach there again.

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First Grade One Liners

Which first grade one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with first grade? I can suggest the ones about 2nd grade and third grade.

  1. What's long and hard on a black man? The First grade!
  2. What are the four hardest years of a police officer's life? The first grade.
  3. My first breakup was in grade two... She left me for the guy with a new pencil.
  4. What is another name for ebonics? First grade reading level
  5. What are the hardest five years in a blondes life? First Grade.
  6. What are the four hardest years for a policeman? First grade
  7. Your mom is so fat Her school picture from first grade is still printing
  8. I was so disappointed on my second day of school... I was still in the first grade.
  9. Why nobody bullies a first grader mexican kid in school his dad is in the 4th grade
  10. Yo momma's so old, she sat in front of Jesus in first grade.
  11. What's long and hard On a black person?
    First grade
  12. First grade teacher asks student what the plural of horse is "Pregnant w**...?"

Unearthly Funniest First Grade Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about first grade you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 3rd grade jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make first grade pranks.

Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which o**... of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which o**... of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"
Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted.
She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.
"Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson.
"Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."
"Very good, Sam. Thank you."
Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."

A new twist on an old joke.

Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting.
They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.
He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".
They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him to count to 10 again.
He says "1, 3, 5, 7, 9".
Finally they decided to just go for it and removed the whole brain. They again asked him to count to 10 one more time.
He says, "Look. I'm great at counting to 10, ok? I love numbers and I have the best numbers. No one has better numbers than I do. My 4th grade math teacher - and let me tell you, she was the best and smartest math teacher in the country at the time - my 4th grade math teacher said to me that I am the best counter she's ever seen. The best. So if you want me to count to 10, let me tell you I can count to 10 alright. That's no problem. I will do it. I will. And I will do it better than any has ever done it before, ok?"

A 2nd grade class just gets in from recess...

The teacher tells the class they're going to do a spelling assignment that relates to what they did for recess. "If you can come up to the board and write the word I give you, you'll get a gold star for the day," the teacher explains. "Tommy, what'd you do for recess?" she asks the first student. "Well," Tommy begins, "I played in the sand box with Suzy!" "Okay great. If you can come to the board and spell the word 'sand' I'll give you a gold star." So Tommy goes up to the board, spells 'sand' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks Suzy, "Suzy, what'd you do for recess today?" So Suzy answers, "like Tommy said, we played in the sand box together." "Okay," the teacher thinks, "if you can come up to the board and spell 'box' I'll give you a gold star. So Suzy spells 'box' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks the third student, "Tyrone, what'd you do for recess today?" "Well I wanted to play in the sand box with Tommy and Suzy but they wouldn't let me," Tyrone answers. "Oh no!" says the teacher, "That's terrible! Do you know what that's called? That's called 'racial discrimination.' If you can come up to the board and spell 'racial discrimination' I'll give you a gold star."

This one I heard when I was in 8th grade. it's pretty darn funny.

Three men die in a car accident and go to heaven.
They walk up to Satin Peter. Peter looks at them and says "Now,Let me explain how things around here in heaven work;
You all will have a car based on how many times you cheated on your wife."
He looks to the first man "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replies,"None sir,I was faithful til the end." "Okay,You get this car." Saint Peter gives him a brand new golden ferrari.
Peter says to the second man "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The man replies "About five times."
Saint Peter says "Okay here's your car." He gives the second man a fairly new Lexus.
Finally,Saint Peter asks the third man; "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" He replies "About 10 times."
Saint peter says "okay,Here is your car." The man gets an old beat up car that barely runs.
So after that,The men go driving around heaven. They stop at a gas station to fill up. The second and third man go to the urinals while the first man pumps gas.
The second man comes out and sees the first man crying. he walks up to him and says "What's wrong?" The first man explains "I just saw my wife hitch hiking."

Health Class

Three boys received their grades from their s**... education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.
"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.
"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"

It's the first day of 3rd grade...

Their teacher wanted them to behave more grown up since they were no longer in second grade.
As such, the teacher told them to use grownup words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.
Susie went first and said she went to see her Nana.
The teacher said, 'No, no, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown-up word.'
Next Samantha said she went for a trip on a choo-choo. Once again the teacher again said, 'No, no, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown-up word.'
Then the teacher asked Johnny what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and, in a very adult way, replied, 'Winnie the s**....'

Discrimination?

A First-grade class comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"
Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."
The teacher says, "That's great. Tell you what, go to the blackboard, and if you can write the word 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."
She does and gets a cookie.
The teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.
Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."
The teacher says, "Good. If you can write the word 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."
Morris does, and gets a cookie.
Teacher then asks Leroy what he did at recess.
He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."
The teacher says, "They threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination.
Tell you what, if you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

My favorite racist joke is more funny than it is offensive -

On the elementary school playground, there was a group of boys that liked to play basketball. Tyrone, a fourth grader, was the only black boy in the school, and far outperformed his peers in most athletic contests. He could run faster and jump higher than any other student at the school. He could easily outrun and out jump even the fastest and tallest fifth and sixth grade boys. When they played basketball, Tyrone's team could only play three players at a time to be fair, and he was still always picked first.
"You're the best at basketball because you're black, Tyrone," the other boys would say. Tyrone would wonder about this. His mama always told him not to think he was any different than any of those white boys. Being black didn't mean he was any better or any worse than anyone else. But he was obviously better at basketball than any of the white kids at his elementary school, so what else could it be?
Tyrone got home from school one day and asked his mama, "Mama, I can jump higher and run faster than any of the other kids at the school. Even the fifth and sixth graders. Is it a 'cause I'm black?"
"Naw," Mama said, "you's the fastest runner and highest jumper 'coz you's the only one who's twenty two."

Using the word 'definitely'

A 3rd grade English teacher stood in front of her class and asked for volunteers to use the word 'definitely' to describe something.

The first student, Johnny, raised his hand and said "Teacher, the sky is definitely blue!"
The teacher responds "Well Johnny, sometimes the sky can be grey and sometimes it can be black." Defeated, Johnny put his hand down.
The next student, Susie, looking to make Johnny look bad proudly said "The grass is definitely green."
Teacher responded "Not so true Susie. When the grass dies, it can be brown, or yellow." Susie was embarrassed.
The teacher looked around the room and saw a puzzled look on her student's faces. Just as she was about the help her students out, little Billy threw his hand up.
"Yes Billy?"
"Teacher, are farts lumpy?" Little Billy asked.
"No Billy, farts are not lumpy."

"....Then I definitely just pooped my pants."
EDIT - Names...D'oh. Face meet palm

The crab saw it. (average length)

In the first grades classroom one day, the teacher asks the students:
-*Why* *is* *the* *flounder* *so* *flat* ?
Alan then quickly responds:
-*Because* *he* *had* *s**...* *with* *a* *whale*.
The teacher gets mad, and sends Alan straight out of the classroom. The teacher then asks another question:
-*Why* *are* *the* *c**...* *eyes* *so* *big* ?
Alan then opens the door and sneaks his head out into the classroom and says:
-*Because* *he* *saw* *the* *whole* *thing* !

Obstetrician career change

An Obstetrician decides that he's sick of his job and opts to become a car mechanic. For the next several months he attends night classes at his local technical college to gain his certification. A few months before the end of the curriculum, the entire class is informed that there will be a final individual exam that will constitute the majority of their grade and determine their certification status.
The day of the exam arrives and the obstetrician walks into the examination room to find three instructors and a car waiting for him. His task is to disassemble the engine, then reassemble it in the given time limit. The obstetrician does his best, though fears that he may have made a few mistakes.
A few weeks later he gets his results back and discovers he was awarded 150 points out of 100 on the test! He immediately rushes to his professor's office and asks about his score. The professor gives him a long look, then says,
"Well, the first 50 points you received were for correctly disassembling the engine, the next 50 points were for reassembling it, and we gave you 50 points of extra credit for doing it all through the muffler."

Chris says to his father.

"Dad I just passed my drivers test and I was wondering if you could help me buy my first car".
His father said he'd make a deal with his son
"You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.
Then we'll talk about the car.'"
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said
"Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said,
"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair…and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
The Dad replied:
'Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?'

Which tire was flat?

Two students decide to go skiing for the weekend, and are having such a good time they decide to blow off the (calculus, I believe) exam that they have scheduled for Monday morning in order to get some final runs in before they head back to school. They decide to tell the prof that they got a flat tire and therefore deserve to take the exam at a rescheduled time.
Hearing the story, said professor agrees that it really was just bad luck, and of course they can take the exam later. At the appointed time, the prof greets them and places them in two separate rooms to take the exam.
The few questions on the first page are worth a minor 10% of the overall grade, and are quite easy. Each student grows progressively confident as they take the test, sure that they have gotten away with fooling the professor. However, when they turn to the second page they discover that they really haven't.
The only question on the page, worth 90% of the exam, reads: "Which tire was flat?"

A Following Person

A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher, "Paul has to go to the principal's office."
"I wonder why," the teacher mused.
"Because he's a following person," Alice replied.
"A what?" the teacher asked.
"It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go to the office.'"

A 2nd grade teacher tells the class to say a sentence using the words "Liver" and "Cheese" in the same sentence....

...So the teacher picks a white kid to go first, he says: "My mom made me a Liver and Cheese sandwich, it was really good!".
Then the teacher picks a black kid to go second, he says: "My mom bought the wrong kind of Cheese, so my dad punched her in the Liver!".
Finally, the teacher picks a mexican kid to go third,he says, "2 boys were trying to look up my sister's skirt and i said 'ey putos, Liver alone, Cheese my sister!!!"

Tell your favorite f**... joke growing up. More terrible the better.

Three men jumped out of an airplane. The first one jumped and dropped a penny. When he landed, he found a boy crying, and asked him why he was crying. He of course said, a penny fell on his head.
A second man jumped and dropped an apple. He found another kid crying, and he asked why. The boy said an apple hit him in the head.
The third man jumped and dropped a grenade. He found a boy laughing his eyes out when he landed. He asked the boy what was so funny and he said, "When I f**..., my house blew up."
Third grade forever

A dad and his son...

...talk about the son's first car. The father strikes a deal with his son, "Cut your hair, improve your grades to a B- average, study up on the bible, and then I'll buy you a car." The son, seeing no other option, agrees. Two months later the dad checks in on the son to see him with long hair, reading the bible, and a positive report card. The dad says "son, I'm glad you're studying the bible and raised your grade, but why haven't you cut your hair?" The son replies "well dad, as I read through the bible, it says Moses had long hair, Abraham had long hair, and there is even evidence that Jesus had long hair." Then the dad says "yeah, but notice how they walked everywhere".

Two students go skiing..

Two students decide to go skiing for the weekend, and are having such a good time they decide to blow off the (calculus, I believe) exam that they have scheduled for Monday morning in order to get some final runs in before they head back to school. They decide to tell the prof that they got a flat tire and therefore deserve to take the exam at a rescheduled time.
Hearing the story, said professor agrees that it really was just bad luck, and of course they can take the exam later. At the appointed time, the prof greets them and places them in two separate rooms to take the exam.
The few questions on the first page are worth a minor 10% of the overall grade, and are quite easy. Each student grows progressively confident as they take the test, sure that they have gotten away with fooling the professor. However, when they turn to the second page they discover that they really haven't.
The only question on the page, worth 90% of the exam, reads: "Which tire was flat?"

Why did the college student change his major from Biology to Physics after his first exam?

He needed to see if how fast his grade dropped broke any laws of physics.

Little Johnny was having trouble with school...

Little Johnny was having trouble with school and his parents just didn't know what to do. They tried giving him private tutors, remedial classes, and even sent him to a summer boarding school.
Nothing seemed to work and as a final act of desperation, they sent him to their local Catholic School.
After coming home from the first day, Johnny went straight up to his room and began studying. Only coming back down to eat dinner, Johnny stayed in his room and studied till bedtime.
A few weeks later, his parents were overwhelmed to see that Johnny had improved his grades, especially his math grade which had been the worst of the lot.
They praised their son but were also quite interested in what had caused the improvement.
"Was it the nuns? The curriculum?" they asked.
Johnny shook his head and replied, "At first I didn't take them seriously, but when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!"

When I was in the first grade my teacher could remember my name

Which really hurt since I was home-schooled

49ers Fan

On the first day of school, a first grade teacher explains to her class that she's a Seahawks fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Seahawks fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand? 'Because I'm not a Seahawks fan' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you aren't a Seahawks fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I'm a 49ers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you're a 49ers fan?' "Because my mom's a 49ers fan, and my dad's a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan too!" "Well" said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that's no reason for you to be a 49ers fan. You don't have to be like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a m**..., what would you be?' Janie smiled and said 'I'd be a Seahawks fan.'

r**... Geometry

Dale was the first of his h**... family to make it past the second grade.
One day, Dale's pa asked, "What did y'all learn today in that geometry class?"
Dale replied, "Pi r squared".
"Dadgummit!", yelled Dale's pa, "I knew that there fancy school tweren't no good! Pie are ROUND! CAKE are square!"

A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground

She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.

A first grade teacher asks her students, "What comes after 69?"

One student responds, "Mouthwash"

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did
for a living.
"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.
Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's father replied, "Well, I'm really an attorney. But how do you explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old child?"

Due to controversies over child labor in China, Apple has recently had to lay off thousands of people due to loss in sales...

They fired the kindergarteners and half the first grade.

A first grade teacher was trying to teach her students about animals

She said "What does the fat Cow give us?"
Her students shouted out "Milk!" Unanimously.
She then said "Well done! Now, what does the fluffy chicken give us?"
Her students responded with "Eggs!"
She then said "Good work! Now for the last question. What does the big pig give us?"
Her students paused for a moment and they all shouted "Homework!"

A kid is flunking a public school, so his parents move him to a private school

All the sudden inthe private school his grades skyrocket up to A's. Then one night at the dinner table his parents ask,
"Why were you doing so bad in a
public school, and when we switched you to a
private school you did good?" The kid says,
"because I knew they were serious about school.
The first day I walked in they had a guy nailed
to a plus sign."

A teacher calls up her first grade class from recess

She she says to little Sally
-"Sally, what did you do at recess?"
-"I played in the sand box"
-"If you can spell the word "sand" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
So she spells it and enjoys a cookie
Then comes in Jimmy so the teacher says
-"Jimmy, what did you do at recess?"
-"I played in the sandbox with Sally"
-"If you can spell "box" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
So he spells it and enjoys a cookie
Then Tyrone comes in
-"Tyrone, what did you do at recess"
-"Sally and Jimmy threw rocks at me!"
-"wow that sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can spell "blatant racial discrimination" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"

I remember my first kiss.....

it was during recess, by the swings. Her name was Liz, she was in 4th grade. We were talking, I don't know what came over me, I grabbed her face and kissed her. It lasted about 10 seconds, we both awkwardly kissed each other, it took us both by surprise.
That night, it was all I could think about. Apparently, that night, she told her parents.
And that's why I can't teach in New York State anymore.

A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math.

A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!

If you can spell...

A first grade teacher is bringing her class in from recess.
Teacher: Jimmy, what did you do outside?
Jimmy: I played in the sandbox
Teacher: Wonderful! If you can spell "sand", you will get a cookie! What did you do Sally?
Sally: I played in the sandbox with Jimmy.
Teacher: Fantastic! If you can spell "box", you will get a cookie! Toby, what did you do?
Toby: I wanted to play in the sandbox, but Sally and Jimmy wouldn't let me because I am black.
Teacher: That sounds like blatant racial discrimination! If you can spell "blatant racial discrimination"...

A kid was doing horribly in math class..

He always brought home an F or C- on his report card. His parents decided to put him in a private catholic school to help him improve. All of a sudden his grades improved drastically. He had an A+ on every report card for Math. His parents finally asked, "Son, what changed? How did you improve so much in your Math class?" He responded, "Well, when I walked in to class on the first day I saw a picture of a man nailed to a plus sign, so I knew they meant business."

Smart first grader

A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.

Obvious, innit?

A guy was very self-conscious, because he'd been born without ears. Despite this, he'd become general manager at his company.
He was still self conscious though, so when interviewing people, he'd ask if they noticed anything about him, anything they could mention about him, and if people remarked on his lack of ears, they didn't make the grade.
His first couple of candidates had been rejected, and he was pleasantly surprised when the third candidate said he'd noticed he wears contact lenses.
"What made you realise?" he asked. "Easy," came the reply, "people with no ears don't wear glasses."

I once took an edible before heading off to my first day of classes to ease my nerves.

Sure made the start of 4th grade more enjoyable.

A first grade teacher was giving a cookie to each student who spelt a word right

"Well little John" she said. "Can you spell Pig?"
"P-I-G" John said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher said. She then went to the next student.
"Hi little Susan" she said. "Can you spell Cow?"
"C-O-W" Susan said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher said. She then turned to the third student.
"Hello little Jim" she said. "How do you spell Crab?"
"C-R-A-B" John said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher said. She then turned to the next student.
"Good day Ahmed. Can you tell me how to spell Racial Discrimination?"

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her first-grade class.

"Class," she said, "what were the first words Jesus said when he walked out of the tomb on Easter morning?"
A little girl waved her hand excitedly. "Ooh! Ooh! I know!" she said. "Pick me! Pick me!"
The teach smiled and said, "All right, Susie. What did Jesus say when he walked out of the tomb?"
Susie stood up proudly. "He said, 'TAH-DAH!'"

A father is concerned with his son's bad grades in math

so he decides to enroll him in a Catholic school. After the first marking period, the son has an A in math.
The father is pleased, but he asks his son, "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?"
The son replies, "I knew they meant business when I saw the guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign!"

Johnny goes to school on the first day of second grade

Johnny goes to school on the first day of second grade. The teacher asks each student to say their name.
Johnny replies, "my name is Johnny Fuckhour".
The teacher immediately scolds him and tells him that such language will not be tolerated.
"But that's my name," he protests. "If you don't believe me, go ask my brother in the fifth grade."
So the teacher marches him over to the fifth grade classroom and asks the fifth grade teacher, "do you have a Fuckhour in here?"
One of the students replies, "oh, no, we don't even have a nap time."

Is 'hobo' a bad word for a first grade class?

Of course not, it's a bad word for a homeless person.

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th-grade class

a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms."Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded...
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

My friend tells me he was homeschooled in first grade

I asked if his teacher was hot
He said: why do you think I was only homeschooled in first grade?

What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?

The topic for my ninth-grade class was palindromes, words or sentences that are the same read forward and backward. I asked the question, "What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?"
I was expecting the answer "Madam, I'm Adam," but one student had a better reply:
"Wow."

Security question: What was the last name of your first grade teacher?

My first grade teacher hacking my bank account: I'm in

In 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"

The very first set description in the script said that the stage was to be painted over with random words and phrases.
When I handed in the assignment, my teacher came up to me and asked: "Why is your script titled 'The Pun' and why is the floor covered with phrases?"
"Because my script is a play on words!"

s**... education

Three boys received their grades from their female s**... education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
One day we should get her for this, said the first boy.
I agree. We'll grab her... said the second.
Yeah, said the third. And then we'll kick her in the nuts!

The Baby Brother

For weeks a six-year old boy kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."
Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."
Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?" Third Pupil, with a big grin: "Winnie The s**...!"

first grade level joke

why did the banana put on sun screen?
answer: so it wouldn't peel!

A man dies and goes to h**....

As he approaches the gates he is stopped by the gatekeeper who asks for his name. "Joe." he replies. "Well, joe, I've found your name on the list. There are seven levels in h**..., but since your only sin was cheating on a science test in the third grade, you will only be in the first level." "Oh, it won't be that bad then.", joe replies. "Joe, that's the hottest level because heat rises. You'd know that if you studied for your test."

s**... Ed

Three boys received their grades from their female s**... education instructor.
One got a D, the second a D-, and the third an F.
"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy. "
We'll grab her he continued. And we'll tie her up! said the second.
"Yeah," said the third. "And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"

As a little kid, I was unusually confident. I even used to call my first grade teacher "Sweetheart!"

He hated it.

Have you heard about the gynecologist who quit his job?

Yeah so he became a mechanic.
Went to school and for the first test, he had to disassemble then reassemble an engine.
He got a %150. He got confused and asked his teacher how he got that grade.
Teacher says, "I gave you %50 for taking it apart, %50 for reassembling it and running it smoothly, and another %50 because you did it all through the exhaust."

Three Boys

Three boys were taking a s**... ed class. They received grades of D, D-, and F, respectively, so they plotted to get revenge.
"We should get her," said the first.
"Yeah," said the second, "let's grab her."
"Yeah," chimed in the third, "And let's kick her in the nuts."

jokes about first grade