First Day Of Summer Jokes
16 first day of summer jokes and hilarious first day of summer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about first day of summer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Quirky and Hilarious First Day Of Summer Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What is a good first day of summer joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rabbi and a priest are out for a walk through the park.
It's a hot summer day and as they pass by a pond, the rabbi suggest taking a bath to cool down a little.
The priest is hesitant at first, but since they're at a remote spot with noone around, he agrees.
Just as they have finished taking off their robes a group of ladies is jogging by. The priest hastily covers his c**..., while the rabbi hides his face behind his hands.
When the ladies have passed, the priest asks:
"Why didn't you cover your private parts?"
To which the rabbi replies:
"Well, MY congregation recognizes me by my face. "
Here's one for you recent graduates.
A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.
"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."
The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."
His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."
There was a man who wasn't creative
He named his kids numbers in the order they were born (the first child was 1, second child 2 and so on)
After he had 100 kids , a fire burned his house down leaving only one child. 90
90 grew up and had his own kids that weren't creative and when they saw a stray dog , they took him in and called him 'that'
One hot summer day 'that' was run over by a car
Ofc they replaced 'that' but they never forgot him
Only 90's kids remember that
Two students are deciding whether to go to their lecture or the pool on a wonderful summer day...
The first says "How should we decide?"
The second says "How about a coin toss?"
"Sure, you can call it."
"Okay, if we toss the coin and it stays in the air, we'll go to the lecture."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cold water
A city boy was spending the summer with his grandfather on a farm.
The first night, the food was good but the plate looks a bit dirty.
The boy asks his grandfather about it and he says "That's as clean as cold water can get them."
The next night, the plates are even more g**... but all the grandfather will say is "That's as clean as cold water will get em"
The following day, the boy see's a dog l**... dirty plates. The grandfather said "I see you met our dog, Cold Water"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Happy d**... Bag Day!
Since tomorrow is the first day of summer that makes today Summer's Eve!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On a hot summer day there were two boys playing by a stream.
One boy went over to the bush to check out some noises.
He pointed out a woman bathing n**... in the steam.
So, both boys decided to stay and watch her.
All of a sudden the second boy took off running.
The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.
Finally, he caught up to him and asked his friend why he had run away.
The second boy said to his friend, My mom told me that if I ever saw a n**... lady, I'd turn to stone.
I felt something getting hard, so I ran.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since we're doing translations, here's one from Mexico:
On the first day back from summer vacation, the teacher asked the students what they did over the summer and if they got any nicknames.
Juan goes first: "I spent my summer working with my dad laying bricks!"
Teacher: "did you have a nickname?
Juan: "Yes, the brick mason's son"
Maria goes next: "I spent the summer baking bread with my dad and they called me the baker's daughter"
The teacher calls on Pepito, who seemed to be day dreaming in the corner.
Pepito: "Well, I spent my summer climbing on the roof and throwing rocks at whoever passed by."
Teacher: "Oh, I see. Did you have a nickname?
Pepito: "Yeah, it was 'GET DOWN HERE YOU SON OF A b**...!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces to the class that they will learn to speak like grownups this year.
To demonstrate, she asks the kids what they did this summer. The first child says, "I went on a choo-choo train ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a train ride."
The second child says "I went on a tug-tug boat ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a boat ride."
The third child says, full of pride, "I read a book." "Which one?" asks the teacher.
"Winnie-the-s**...!"
Two Guys, The Summer, And The Confessional
A young man goes to confession with his friend on the first day of summer. When he enters the confessional, he says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned... I have been with a woman of poor moral fiber."
Priest: "That's sad to hear young man... I must ask... was it Jenny Armstrong?"
Young Man: "I cannot say father."
Priest: "Was it Sarah Smith?"
Young Man: "I will not say, father."
Priest: "It must have been Michelle Geller."
Young Man: "Father, I will not say."
Priest: "I admire your conviction, but you must atone. Don't return to service for two weeks, or until you have said 4 Hail Mary's and 10 Our Fathers."
The young man leaves and sees his friend on the way out. "What did you get?' his friend asks. He replies, "two weeks of summer vacation and three good leads."
Little Johnny was having trouble with school...
Little Johnny was having trouble with school and his parents just didn't know what to do. They tried giving him private tutors, remedial classes, and even sent him to a summer boarding school.
Nothing seemed to work and as a final act of desperation, they sent him to their local Catholic School.
After coming home from the first day, Johnny went straight up to his room and began studying. Only coming back down to eat dinner, Johnny stayed in his room and studied till bedtime.
A few weeks later, his parents were overwhelmed to see that Johnny had improved his grades, especially his math grade which had been the worst of the lot.
They praised their son but were also quite interested in what had caused the improvement.
"Was it the nuns? The curriculum?" they asked.
Johnny shook his head and replied, "At first I didn't take them seriously, but when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Greek and a Scotsman
A Greek and an Scotsman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Scotsman then replies, 'Well... it was the Scots that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Scotsman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Scots were the ones who
built the first timepieces and calendars.
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones who invented s**...!'
The Scotsman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Scots who introduced it to women.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's the first day of 3rd grade...
Their teacher wanted them to behave more grown up since they were no longer in second grade.
As such, the teacher told them to use grownup words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.
Susie went first and said she went to see her Nana.
The teacher said, 'No, no, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown-up word.'
Next Samantha said she went for a trip on a choo-choo. Once again the teacher again said, 'No, no, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown-up word.'
Then the teacher asked Johnny what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and, in a very adult way, replied, 'Winnie the s**....'
3 Feminists at a convention
Says the first one: my husband has only one shirt and wants me to iron it. I said if you want your shirt you will have to iron it yourself! (loud applause) First day I saw nothing, the second day either, but on the third day he was ironing his shirt himself!!
Second one: my husband has white sneakers for the summer and wants me to clean them. I told him that if he wants clean shoes he has to clean them himself! (loud applause) First day I saw nothing, the second day either, but on the third day he was cleaning his shoes!!
The third one: My husband wants to eat steak every day. I told him that if he wants to eat steak he has to cook for himself! (loud applause). The first day I saw nothing, the second day either, and on the third day I saw a little through my left eye.
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus and drove off along the route:
No problems for the first few stops.
A few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.
Six foot eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.
He glared at the driver and said. "Big John doesn't pay!" And sat down at the back.
Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek?
Well, he was.
Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.
The next day the same thing happened...
Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down.
And the next day and the one after that, and so forth.
This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.
Finally he could stand it no longer.
He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo and all that good stuff.
By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.
So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said. "Big John doesn't pay!"
The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed. "And why not?"
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied. "Big John has a bus pass!"
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