The Best 55 First Day At School Jokes

Following is our collection of funny First Day At School jokes. There are some first day at school local jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these first day at school end of school year puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest First Day At School Jokes and Puns

It was the first day of school. Harry's mother went into his bedroom and said, "Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today."
"But I don't want to go to school," replied Harry, "I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school"?
"Because," answered his mother, "you're a teacher!"

When I was young I had my first induction day in IT we were making an animation on scratch me and my friend decided to go on our phones.

The teacher came over and asked, "what we were doing on our phones."

I had to think fast so I said "we were researching something" she said that was alright.

Still, to this day I wonder why she didn't notice that we had computers in front of us that had the school wifi.

When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word...

...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.

First Day At School joke, When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word...

My wife told me to get our ginger son ready for his first day at school

So I punched him in the face and stole his lunch money

No problems

A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.


An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already...

Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "To the class of '55!" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, "To the class of '55!"

"Where you from?" asks the first man of the second after they both toast.

"I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."

"You don't say?! I'm from Pittsburgh!"

The two men drink to their hometown.

"What high school did you go to?" Ask the second man as he orders them another round.

"St Ignaius on Lombard Street."

"You're kidding me, I went to St Ignaius!" The two toast the coincidence and sling an arm over each other's shoulders as they begin to fondly reminisce about the old days.

A bar regular walks in and calls out to the bartender, "Hey Steve, what's going on?"

"Oh nothing," Steve replies, "The Johnson twins are drunk again."

What is a pedophile's favourite time of day at school?

Before the first period.

First Day At School joke, What is a pedophile's favourite time of day at school?

A Weenie Contest.

Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a weenie contest to see who has the biggest weenie! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"

So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a weenie contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"

Two small boys meet on the first day of school

"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.

The first day of school...

The first day of school was always great. I remember mucking around in the classroom and wreaking havoc. Picking on the little kids and taking their lunch money. Asserting myself on the playground by tripping and pushing everyone.

I just hope the students were having fun.

Pregnant Lady on the Train

A young boy ride's the train every morning to and from school. One day as we was getting off the train he saw how much of a rush this one pregnant women was in, so he stepped aside and said "after you ma'am," as he stepped aside and let her step off the train. From that day on they began to sit next to each other every single day, twice a day. They told each other about their days, their families, their problems, and their goals. They eventually got so close that the young boy was invited to the hospital just after the birth of her first child. at this moment she turned to the young boy and said, with a smile, "I'm going to name him after you"
Excited but a little bit confused the boy responded:
"I really appreciated that, but he's your child, I think you should name him first"

You can explore first day at school school reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean first day at school red dad jokes. There are also first day at school puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I recently enrolled in pornstar school.

The first day was a lot to take in.

Greeting the new student

So a new student named Dillon walks into class for his very first day of school. All the other children were talking to their friends, while he had none to talk to. But, one of the kids walked up to him and began the conversation-
Child: "Hi, im Nick, whats your name?"

Dillon: "My names Dillon"

Nick: "Thats a cool name, Mind if I call you Dill for short?"

Dillon: "I wouldnt advise doing that"

Nick: "Why so?"

Dillon: "Because my last name is Do"

It's the first day of high school...

...and the principal is giving an orientation to the freshmen class. He says "Welcome to high school! We have a few rules we must go over. First, men will use the men's locker room, and women will use the women's locker room. If anyone is caught in the other gender's locker room, it is a $20 dollar fine for a first offense, $30 for a second offense, $40 for a third, and so on. Any questions?"
A kid in the back stands up and asks "How much for a season pass?"

Redneck Geometry

Dale was the first of his hillbilly family to make it past the second grade.

One day, Dale's pa asked, "What did y'all learn today in that geometry class?"

Dale replied, "Pi r squared".

"Dadgummit!", yelled Dale's pa, "I knew that there fancy school tweren't no good! Pie are ROUND! CAKE are square!"

The first day of school I signed up for English, Math, Science and Language.

The rest, as they say, was History.

First Day At School joke, The first day of school I signed up for English, Math, Science and Language.

What did the buffalo say to his son on his first day of school?

Bison.

I can remember my first day at school

The teacher looked at me during register and asked, "Are you chewing?" I said, "No, chewing is probably one of the foreign kids, my name is David."

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."

"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.

"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."

Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."

"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.

"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."

Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."

"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.

"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"


On my first day at school, me and my twin sister were put in the same English class.

The teacher then asked everyone to give one interesting fact about themselves.

'I'm actually a twin, and me and Jem were born on the 23rd of February making us Pisces.' I said.

'Jem and I' responded the teacher.

'No, definitely Pisces' I said.

So there's this school play...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.

Stallone goes first.

"I'll be Mozart"

Next up is Chuck Norris.

"I'll be Beethoven".

Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".

A Touching story

one day a boy was walking home from school and saw a cat lying motionless on the sidewalk. To satisfy his curiosity the boy walked up to the cat to see if it was injured or dead. He touched the cautiously the first time but there was no response. So He touched the cat again. He continued touching, touching and touching. Like i said in the title, this is a touching story.

School Teacher's Note

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

My wife told me to prepare our ginger son for his first day at school.

So I beat him up and took his dinner money off him.

First day of high school and I skipped breakfast.

They're really preparing me for college.

A kid is flunking a public school, so his parents move him to a private school

All the sudden inthe private school his grades skyrocket up to A's. Then one night at the dinner table his parents ask,
"Why were you doing so bad in a
public school, and when we switched you to a
private school you did good?" The kid says,
"because I knew they were serious about school.
The first day I walked in they had a guy nailed
to a plus sign."

When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'.

I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"

So there's an American English Teacher that went to Germany…

He went to a school to teach children how to speak English.

One the first day, he taught them all words that began with the letter A.

On the second day, he taught them words that started with B.

On the the third day, which was words with C, he thought to himself,

"How are they gonna handle D-Day?"

A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math.

A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!

First day of school

One day, a mom took her son to his first day of school. When they were walking to school, he looked all excited, but when his mom came back to pick him up, he looked disappointed. Trying to cheer him up, the mother asked what he had learned today at school. "Apparently not enough," he said. "I have to come back tomorrow!"

First Day At School

The child comes home from his first day at school.

His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

A teacher asks a kid at the first day at school:

-What is your name?

-Ashley.

-Nice. How do your parents call you?

-Waste of oxygen.

Roll call on the first day of school in London, England....

Ahmed Al Sheriah ............................."Here."

Mustafa Al Sheriah ............................"Here."

Fatima El Bindihiri ............................."Here."

Ali Acmah Shabeeb ............................."Here."

Ali Sun Al En ..........................No answer.

Ali Sun Al En?

A little girl at the back stands up and yells .... "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for Christ's sake!"

It was my first day at a new school.

When I arrived, I wanted to make sure nobody would pick on me so I walked up to the captain of the football team and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. From that day forward, everyone knew not to mess with the new principal.

What is SEX?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

I missed the first day of cosmetology school...

I had to take a makeup class.

Three kids named Raindrop, Snowflake and Brick are in school on the first day.

Three kids named Raindrop, Snowflake and Brick are in school on the first day. The teacher asks Raindrop "Why is your name Raindrop?"

"Because when I was born, a raindrop fell on my head."

Then she asks Snowflake "Why is your name Snowflake?"

"Because when I was born, a snowflake fell on my head."

Then she asks Brick "Why is your name Brick?"

"Muuuhggaahhh!"

Four high school kids who carpooled together decided to skip school and spend the day fishing.

The next day they told the teacher that they had had a flat tire, and couldn't make it to class.

Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a pop quiz yesterday, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.

Once they were seated and ready, she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"Β 

Mother and Daughter

Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?

I was so disappointed on my second day of school...

I was still in the first grade.

Father's Occupation

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year.

"He's a magician, ma'am" said Little Johnny.

"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?"

"He saws people in half."

"Wow! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"

"One half brother and two half sisters."

THE TOUCHING STORY OF A CAT AND A BOY

One day a little boy left school. On his way home he saw a cat lying by the street as though it was dead. To satisfy his curiosity, the boy came close & touched the cat to see if it was dead or hurt.

He touched the first time and there was no response.

He then touched the cat again.

He continued touching, touching and touching.

Like I said earlier, this is a TOUCHING story.

What did Slim Shady ask the class on his first day of teaching at music school?

"Hi kids, do you like violins?"

We all know what the buffalo said to his son on the first day of school, but what did he say to his son as he was murdering him with a restroom hand dryer?

Dyson.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student:

- What are your parents' names?Β 
The student replied:Β 
- My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling.Β 

The teacher said:Β 
- Are you kidding?Β 
The student said:Β 
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking.Β 

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

"My name is Billy. What's yours?"

asked the first boy.

"Tommy," replied the second.

"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?"

asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?"

asked Billy.

"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy

My wife asked me to prepare our 4 year old ginger son for his first day at school.

So I punched him & stole his lunch money.

On the first day of school, the college dean addressed the freshman class to explain some of the campus rules.

"The women's dormitory
is off-limits to male students and the men's
dormitory is off-limits to female students," he
intoned. "Am body caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time, $60 the second
lime and $180 the third time. Does anyone
have any questions?
A male student raised his hand. "How much
for a season pass?"

When I was a kid, my parents always said, "Excuse my French!" whenever they swore.

I'll never forget my first day at school when my teacher asked the class of any of us knew any French.

4 kids are at a party on sunday night

They wake up on Monday morning, and knowing they wouldn't be back in time to take a test, they emailed the professor and told him that they had a flat tire. The professor responded ok, you can take the test tomorrow

The next day the kids are at school. The professor says you all have to take the test in separate rooms

Fair the kids responded.

The first question was worth 5 points and said what is 5+5 .

Easy enough said one of the kids in their test room.

The second question was worth 95 points. It said which tire was flat

Two Dutch girls

Two Dutch girls are riding their bicycles home from school one day. The first one says "I've never come this way before." And the other says "it's the cobblestones. "

Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him "What's wrong?"

Nervous, the kid asks, "How long do I have to go to school for?"

"Until you're 18" says the father.

The kid nods, and thinks about this quietly.

=== =====

When they get to the front gates of the school, the kid says "Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I'm 18, won't you?"

Kid comes home from first day of school.

Kid comes home from first day of school and mom and dad asked him what he learned in a school today.
The little boy responds, "not enough I guess.. they want me to come back tomorrow."

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read….

"The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

My first patient of the day walked in and began describing her symptoms in graphic detail.

They don't prepare you for this in veterinary school.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the first day at school elementary school jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working first day at school end of school piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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