Firmly Jokes
34 firmly jokes and hilarious firmly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about firmly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Firmly Short Jokes
Short firmly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The firmly humour may include short forcefully jokes also.
- My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised. Nobody expects the spanish Acquisition
- So my wife glared at me from across the table and firmly stated You weren't even listening were you?! I wasn't sure what to say, but I thought That's a strange way to start a conversation .
- "relax, the prostate exam will go easier that way" said the doctor as he put a firm hand on my shoulder. And then he put his other hand on my other shoulder.
- What do you call a musician who can play multiple instruments but always chooses the accordion? A firm believer in the “squeeze is worth the juice.”
- I firmly believe in taking care of one's body... That's why I protect mine in a thick layer of fat.
- My Aunt is a firm believer that Mucous Membranes have rights. She calls herself a Phlegminist.
- I firmly believe that all races are equal. Which is why I'm no longer allowed to position the starting blocks at the Olympics.
- Why do Italian women love me? I'm firm when I need to be, but I can also be soft and tender.
The name's Dente.
Al Dente. - My friend's house stinks because he lives downwind from a milk processing firm. Everything smells like dairy air.
- losing my virginity was a lot like how I learned to ride a bike My dad having a firm grip on my shoulders .
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Firmly One Liners
Which firmly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with firmly? I can suggest the ones about solemnly and intently.
- I recently signed on as a partner at this vampire hunting firm. I'm a stakeholder now.
- Two alligators were swimming next to a law firm... *
- What do you find in the filing cabinets of a law firm? Organised crime.
- I firmly disagree with putting fruit in cake There's just no good raisin for it
- I met an exercising nun. She was a firm believer.
- What do you call a flatworm that firmly believes in discipline? A disci-planarian.
- I'm a firm believer in karma... All of the people I treated badly had it coming to them.
- I'm a firm believer that vaccines cause a... dults.
- What do you call it when one law firm sues another law firm? A bar fight.
- Im not a lawyer But I do have a small private firm right now.
- Elliot Ness, Cookie Monster, and John Locke start a law firm. Locke Ness Monster.
- How do two lawyers greet each other? With a firm handshake.
- What did Jaws call his solo banking firm? Loan shark.
- He was going to make a donation to the spern bank However nothing is firm yet.
- My law firm specializes in grain futures contracts. Barley Legal
Amusing Firmly Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about firmly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean confidently jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make firmly pranks.
These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.
Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.
A paranoid man stays at a hotel,
As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".
Trial
A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.
He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."
A man and a women are in Hawaii on their honeymoon
They start arguing over the pronunciation of "Hawaii".
The man says it is pronounced "Hawaii" while the woman firmly believes it is pronounced "Havaii".
The woman is sick of this silly argument interfering with their vacation so she asks a local how it is pronounced and he says "Havaii".
The woman was elated to hear that she was correct and thanks the local for his help.
He responds, "You're Velcome".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Cancer
The cancer s**..., but at least I don't have Alzheimer's!
Wait
No
I do
I can feel the edges of my mind unraveling; each piece, once so firmly put together, slowly falling away from my grasp. To know that the mind, the seat of who you are, can simply... disintegrate, like a mighty sandcastle in the tide...
Well, at least I don't have cancer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
50 Shades
He slowly but firmly grabs my t**.... I try to say goodbye and I choke. I try to walk away and I stumble...'
- of Macy Gray.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man was walking down the street one day when he observed a small boy struggling to reach the doorbell at one of the houses.
The kindly old man said to the boy, Can I help you with that sonny?
At which point he smiled, placed a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder whilst pressing the doorbell firmly with his other hand.
There , said the old man, as he stepped back from the door. Now what do we do young man?
We run like h**... mister , the boy replied.
LPT: To prevent a snake from biting, grasp their tail firmly and shake vigorously
Since snakes don't have hands, the snake will think that you are a businessman and that he is a business snake, and you are about to make a handshake deal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground
And I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
Fun with rhymes.
If plants wore pants would plants try to dance? If plants tried to dance would plants have a chance if plants wore pants and you took a glance? If plants wore pants would they joust with a lance? If plants had a lance would the blow hit or glance? If plants were advanced and wore pants and danced they would be firmly rooted in their anti vegan stance.
Btw I have way too much time on my hands.
I confronted my friend when I suspected him of cheating with my partner.
He firmly denied being my friend.
Why are books about the social contract and demand-side economics so hard to find?
Because they're kept firmly under Locke and Keynes.
My friend firmly believes that he's a solute
I think he's diluted
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man boarded a plane in New Orleans with a box of c**......
A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.
The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the c**... staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the c**... thaw out.
Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, 'Would the gentleman who gave me c**... in New Orleans , please raise your hand?'
Not one hand went up... so she took them home and ate them herself.
