Fireplace Jokes
35 fireplace jokes and hilarious fireplace puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fireplace that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fireplace Short Jokes
Short fireplace jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fireplace humour may include short bonfire jokes also.
- Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace
- "Doctor, help me. I've been sleeping like a log." Doctor: "So how is that a problem?"
Patient: "I keep waking up in the fireplace." - After cleaning up from a recent severe storm, my neighbor offered me free wood for my fireplace. That was very nice of him. Free firewood doesn't grow on trees, you know.
- After some investigation, I discovered some cracks in the hearth of my fireplace In other words, it's having a mantle breakdown
- Fireplace! Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace
- My buddy told me he fantasizes about being made of bricks and having a chimney. He'd really be stoked if he was a fireplace.
- So my girlfriend's mother is throwing papers into the fireplace When my girlfriend asks "mom, what are you doing!?"
I reply "Taxes." - I had to go downtown the other day for a meeting about fireplaces. It was at a real hole in the wall.
- I told my friend to clean the fireplace. He refused to do any dirty work.
I thought that job sooted him. - Got vaccinated, avoided swine flues. Got vaccinated, avoided bird flues. Then I bought a house with two fireplaces. Got chimney flues.
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Fireplace One Liners
Which fireplace one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fireplace? I can suggest the ones about campfire and chimney.
- Slept like a log last night Woke up in the fireplace.
- What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces? Natural logs.
- What does a fireplace and a dead guy with a lisp have in common? Both are in a hearth.
- I have started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log.
- Why did the fireplace call the doctor? The chimney had the flue.
- How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Throw it into the fireplace and hear it go WOOOF!
- Take Heart You'll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
- Why wouldn't the blonde go near the fireplace? Because the chimney had a flue
- A fireplace and a chimney get into an argument You're an ash hole!
- My son keeps putting out the fire in the fireplace Should I take him out of there?
- Why did silly Billy put his bed by the fireplace? Cuz he wanted to sleep like a log.
- The laziest person in the world.? The one who came up with the name 'fireplace' -_-
- I f**... on a fireplace once. It was lit.
Fun-Filled Fireplace Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about fireplace you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean forest fire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fireplace pranks.
I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.
Oh yeah? the son retorts. Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.
Little Johnny
Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
A man walks into a bar
And sees a dog by the fireplace l**... its b**....
The man goes to the bar and orders his drink and says to the barman while pointing his thumb towards the dog and says ha, I wish I could do that
The barman replies give him a biscuit and he might let you
Someone brings their new friend over to their house for the first time.
The friend is walking through the living room when they stop at the fireplace and pick up an odd-looking jar that caught their eye. "What's this?" they ask.
The host replies, "Oh, that's my Father's ashes."
Startled, the friend turns and accidentally drops the container onto the floor where it shatters and spills the ashes everywhere. "Oh no! OH NO!! I'm SO sorry!" they exclaim.
"Don't worry about it. We'll just clean it up, my Dad can tap his cigarettes into a mug until he buys another jar from Walmart."
In the original version of Cinderella, that wasn't her real name, just a nickname she got because she always slept by the fireplace and got covered in cinders.
Really makes you wonder about the person who invented Nutella.
I always wanted to lay n**... on a bearskin rug in front of a fireplace...
Evidently c**... Barrel has a policy against this.
Surgery
After her fifth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her gammon was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a n**... here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them". "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".
"Ah, that's really nice" said Jane.
"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".
"Brilliant!" said Jane." "And the third?".
"That's from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse..............he just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."
A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish...
A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish, so much so that he eventually buys a huge, synthetic sturgeon and hangs it on the wall above his fireplace.
Eventually, however, looking at the fake trophy makes the man feel like a fraud, and he can't stand it.
One day, he makes a final attempt at fishing up something impressive. Finally, after hours of waiting, he reels in a record-breaking chub, one that weighs more than any other in recorded history.
A fellow fisherman passes by and is impressed.
"Wow! How did you get such a big chub?"
"I saw a plastic sturgeon!"
How do you catch a bear?
You first dig a hole. Then fill it up with ash from your fireplace. Since bears love peas grab a frozen bag from the store and surround the hole with frozen peas then wait. When the bear comes around and bends down to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
On a cold night I walked into a bar in the Caribbean...
..I saw that the bar was filled with gloomy shivering sailors and one happy pirate. I went to order a jug or r**... and told the pirate that I could make him lose his smile and make all the others happy.
He replied that it's never going to happen.
So I took his wooden leg and threw it to the fireplace.
All the sailors were delighted and the pirate was hopping mad.
