Firefighting Jokes
135 firefighting jokes and hilarious firefighting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about firefighting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Firefighting Short Jokes
Short firefighting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The firefighting humour may include short jokes also.
- My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building. Turns out they were firefighters.
- Why couldn't the Mexican be a Firefighter? Because he didn't know the difference between Jose and Hose B.
- The firefighters in Greece are making the fire worse. You aren't supposed to use water on Greece fires.
- Gender neutral guide: Fireman = Firefighter Policeman = Policefighter
Mailman = Mailfighter
Fisherman = Fisherfighter - Why are the majority of firefighters men? They've been training with fluid launching cannons since the day they were born.
I'll show myself out. - What did the pyromaniacs say when their kid told them he wanted to be a firefighter? *gasp* YOU'RE NOT ARSON ANYMORE
- The people you meet as a firefighter are really weird sometimes. I met this woman today who kept demanding I shave her baby.
- My friend got sent to prison for pulling out 3 people from a burning building Unfortunately, it turned out they were firefighters
- Did you hear about the Japanese firefighter who changed careers to aviation in 1940? He went from hero to Zero.
- Firefighters recovered just the bottom of one shoe after the shoe factory burned down It was the sole survivor.
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Firefighting One Liners
Which firefighting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with firefighting? I can suggest the ones about and .
- My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire Great guy, horrible firefighter.
- What kind of girls date firefighters? Hose.
- What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons? José and Josb
- What award do you give a firefighter? most extinguished
- What do you call women firefighters? Firehoes
- What do you call two mexican firefighters? Hose A and Hose B.
- What did the Hispanic firefighter name his kids? José and Hose-B
- What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons? Hose-A and Hose-B
- What do cops and firefighters have in common? They both wanted to be firefighters.
- If a firefighter has 2 eyes, then what does a ballerina have? Two, too
- My cooking is so great.... ...that firefighters like to come and watch.
- What do you call a mentally disabled firefighter? Flame retardant
- My father always told me "Fight fire with fire" He lost his job as a firefighter.
- Guys, I'm dating a lady firefighter tonight! You think she might put out?
- How can you tell someone's a firefighter? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
Firefighting Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about firefighting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make firefighting pranks.
Chuck Norris became a firefighter, after hearing of his decision fire ceased to be an element.
Firefighters in London were called to assist hospital staff when a man's g**... became trapped in a spanner. A hospital spokesman said the patient took a turn for the worse.
Did you know that smothering is the most immediate form of fire relief?
Yo mommas so fat, she might just be what firefighters need to stop the Gettysburg fire in California.
A Compilation of Awful, Somewhat Nerdy Jokes
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"To."
"To who?"
"To whom*."
___________________________________________________________
What do they do to tickle me elmo before he leaves the factory?
Give him two test tickles!
___________________________________________________________
What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.
___________________________________________________________
Two atoms duck into the trenches after an intense firefight.
One atom exclaims, "I think I lost an electron!"
The other asks if he's sure, and the atom replies, "Yes! I'm positive!"
A little girl lives next to a fire house...
She admires the fire fighters so much she makes her own firetruck. It consists of her wagon, with the team of her cat in front with a string tied to his t**..., and her dog which lacks the testicular string, however has a harness and reins for her to lead him with. The firefighters see it, and have to ask why the string on the cat. She replies "I need a siren too."
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
It's Career Day at the Elementary School...
...and everyone's dad comes in to give a presentation about their job. The first dad up is a firefighter. Next is a policeman. Then a banker, and so on, until everyone's dad has gone up to talk about their job, except one.
"Where's your father, Bobby?" the teacher asks.
"He died 2 years ago" Bobby replies.
"Well, why don't you tell us what he did before he died?" says the teacher, to which Bobby responds, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
An engineer, a doctor and a priest were playing golf.
A f**... was playing ahead of them and each man had his own personal ball spotter lining them up and then taking them to their ball.
The game was moving extremely slow and the men were starting to become annoyed.
The head golf pro showed up to see how the men were doing. The priest, being curious asked the pro what the deal with the men was.
The pro answered that the four men were firefighters that lost their eyesight in the clubhouse fire the year before. Because of this they get to play for free and get their own caddies.
The priest hearing this was saddened and said he would pray every night for the men.
The doctor then said that we would do everything in his power to find a way to get these men's eyesight back to them.
The engineer then asked the pro why the men can't play at night.
Cats and ladders
A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's t**....
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
What did the Mexican firefighter name his 2 sons?
Jose and Josb
Joke my dad told me a long time ago, although I know he didn't create it
A math joke
A mathematician quits his job at a major university to pursue work as a firefighter. At his local fire station, the firefighters are impressed with the mathematician's resume and ask him a few questions.
"What do you do if you pass a Dumpster, and it's on fire?"
The mathematician responds. "Easy, I'd just put out the fire."
The firefighters were pleased. "Okay, what do you do if you pass a Dumpster, and it's not on fire?"
The mathematician thinks for a little bit. "Easy! I'd set it on fire!"
The firefighters are aghast at his stupidity. They ask him if he's an idiot, to which he replies, "No! I've just reduced the problem to one I've already solved!"
One day, there was a school where a class had just started...
The teacher said to the class, "OK kids! it's time to say what do you wish to be when you grow up" And so she went wih all the kids.
"I want to be a doctor" replied a small and innocent-looking girl.
"I wish to be a firefighter!" said a boy that showed no signs of fear.
"I wish to be an Idiot" Replied one very confident boy.
I'M SORRY? exclaimed the teacher, her stunned face expressed a mind that couldn't understand why would a boy say that.
"It's just that one day I was walking with my dad and a few of his friends through a store, when a very pretty woman passed by us and one of my daddy's friends said: Look at that beautiful woman walk, and the idiot she has with her"
It's my coworkers last day...
A coworker is leaving this weekend to become a firefighter. We're throwing him a farewell party and want to have a funny pun written on the wall. Something like "seeing you leave really blows" but instead have it somehow relate to becoming a firefighter.
I know you guys can help us out. Thanks!
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain,.....
Can a h**... get laid off?
The ladder
A man was trapped in a burning building and a firefighter yelled through the window, "You have two possible exit points, this ladder or the stairs." The man chose the latter. He died.
What is a firefighter's favorite video game console?
Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U
HINT: Say it outloud
The firefighters dog
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"
Let's play firefighters
Boy: Let's play Firefighters!
Girl: I don't know this game, how do you play it?
Boy: Well, I will place my hand on your legs and then I run my hand up your legs and you say r**... when you want me to stop.
Girl: Alright, let's do it.
...
Girl: Red light!
Boy: Firefighters doesn't stop at red light.
Why are mexicans bad firefighters?
Because they cant tell jose from hose B
A man walks into a bar
His name is Nathan Abe (initials NA) and he is firefighter, a second later a arsonist girl named Clair Laurence (initials CL)walks into the bar. The two start to hit it off. Eventually they go home together, the next day the mans mom calls. She asks about love life. He says, "its kind of ironic bond".
An engineer, a doctor and a priest are playing golf
There is an old joke about an engineer, a priest, and a doctor enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. That's a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.
The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.
And the engineer says, Why can't they play at night?"
What's the hardest part of being part-time Fire-fighter, part-time p**...?
You always gotta fire h**....
Johnny was in class one day...
and the teacher was asking everyone what their parents do. One said her dad was a firefighter, another said his mom was a nurse. When the teach asked Johnny what his dad does Johnny said "Well my dad is a stripper in a gay bar, and if the guy looks good and the money is right he'll have s**... with him out back in the alley." The teacher asked everyone to take their seats and sit quietly, then asked Johnny to step into the hall. She asked Johnny if his dad was really a stripper in a gay bar and Johnny said "Absolutely not. He's the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, but I was too embarrassed to say that."
What's another name for a waterbender?
A firefighter.
I'm getting a little tired of these people coming to my door telling me I need to be "saved" or "I'll burn"...
s**... firefighters.
What is the Asian firefighter's favorite song?
The Sound of Sirens
Why is a creative writing workshop the first step when training to become a firefighter?
Prose before Hose
Why are Mexicans bad firefighters?
Because they can't tell the difference between José and hose B
A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.
A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"
TIL...
Tomorrow I learned that Steve Buscemi was a volunteer firefighter on Sep....
Some people say the firefighters deserve more money.
But apparently they took a poll and the all fell through a hole in the floor.
Roses are red, I hope you go to heaven...
TIL Actor Steven Buscemi was a firefighter in 9/11
Some people say that firefighters need more money,
So a poll was taken, and they all fell through the floor.
Some say firefighters aren't paid enough.
But recently a poll was taken... And they all fell through the floor.
Being attractive is a requirement to become a firefighter...
Because they turn the h**... on.
What makes firefighters such great pimps?
They have a handle on their hose.
Did you hear about the fire at the h**... factory?
It was high priority for the firefighters to get there.
What are the two most common names of Mexican fire-fighter?
José and Hose B.
Who stands outside samsung stores?
Firefighters.
What did the firefighter p**... say when he walked into the club?
Where my hose at?
A place got lit on fire
But the firefighters were too late to reach and put it out. Media arrived as well to which one of the firefighter giving report said, "I've got a good news and a bad news, the bad news is, 41 children died in that fire. But the good news is it was an orphanage, so I have no parents to notify"
A French General sees a German and sends a scout over a hill.
After a little bit, the general hears gunshots, and the scout does not return.
Angry, the general sends a squad over the hill. Once again, there are gunshots, and the squad doesn't return.
The general cursed and stomped the ground and sent a whole platoon over the hill. Yet again, a firefight is heard, and the platoon doesn't return.
Infuriated, the general sent his entire command over the hill. Tanks rolled over the hill and failed to return after a massive firefight ensued. A private crawled back over the hill with his legs on the other side of the hill and exclaimed "It's a trap! There are two Germans!"
Did you hear the one about the firefighter who never wiped?
He would stop, drop, and roll.
My Dad was an angry man who lived by the maxim "Fight fire with fire"
He was never allowed to become a firefighter.
Why is AI the future of firefighting?
Humans can only see 30 flames per second
My father wanted me to be a firefighter
So he installed a brass pole from my bedroom to the living room. It didn't work. But my sisters both work at the Catwalk
How many firefighters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, but it took three to get it back out
What kind of women are attracted to firefighters?
Hose!
My friend said it's cool that i'm a firefighter
It's actually quite warm I told him
Recently a pole was taken and 82% of firefighters are unhappy
They all fell through the floor.
Working at home s**......
....if you're a firefighter.
What makes firefighters so s**...?
They always put out
Did you hear what the Mexican firefighter named his twin boys?
An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf.
An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the green keeper for an explanation. That's a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.
The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.
And the engineer says, Why can't they play at night?
Message from Europe
European: If your house is burning, should firefighters help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
European: If you get robbed, should the police help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
European: If you get hurt, should doctors help you?
American: Absolutely not! We dont want socialist p**....
A Priest, a Doctor, and an Engineer are playing golf.....
An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. That's a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.
The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.
And the engineer says, Why can't they play at night?"
A lot of people think that firefighters are overpaid, but recently a pole was taken...
...and they all fell through a hole in the floor.
-Milton Jones
Firefighters
How do firefighters describe their job as?
LIT AF
Did you hear about the homophobic firefighter?
He only put out camp fires.
What does a mexican firefighter call his 2 kids?
Jose and Hose B
Penguins are at war
During a intense trench firefight, a young private that was recently drafted starts balling saying he cant handle it.
The commanding officer ferociously waddles over and screams "its either us or them"!
The private pauses for a second. Looks up and says "its not always black and white"
[OC]
What holiday do firefighters refuse to celebrate?
May Day.
What's the best name for a firefighter bowling team?
Stop, Drop, and Roll
No one understands how important milliseconds are, better than volunteer firefighters
It's the amount of time they have from meeting you, to telling you they are a volunteer firefighter.
On the 4th of july firefighters fight fire with fire
Because fireworks
Why did the firefighter remove the calendar from a burning house?
To save the date!