Fired Jokes

Following is our collection of fire engine puns and missile one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Fired jokes for adults, dirty shot jokes and clean work dad gags for kids.

The Best Fired Puns

What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired

My boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in gun and badge*



My boss: You're a waiter where did you get those

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking .

Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

Bullets are so weird

They only do their job AFTER they're fired


I was fired from the keyboard factory today.

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes

It was the end of my Korea

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.

An officer was fired for smoking cannabis and masturbating on the job.

No name was given but he was a high wanking officer.

I've just been fired from the clock making factory

after all those extra hours I put in.

An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job...

No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high wanking officer


I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft...

I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn't putting in enough shifts, then I couldn't keep the space clean and finally I lost control

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

My brother got fired from his job because he had sex with one of his patients...

its a real shame as he was a great veterinarian

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person.

I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"

He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now out of my sight! If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"


Why was the Pepsi employee fired?

He tested positive for coke.

My dad got fired for having sex with one of his patients the other day.

Which is a shame because he was a really good vet.

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

A small joke I remembered

Boss: if I find you sleeping on the job one more time, you're fired!

Employee: sorry boss

Boss: ok, now go and do the sheep inventory

Employee: oh no

I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking."

Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."

Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break?

He got fired for sleeping on the job.

I got fired from my job as a massage therapist

My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.

I just got fired for something that I didn't do...

my job.

I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".

Special education just wasn't for me.

I got fired from the sperm bank

I can't figure out why, it might have been that every time someone left I said "Thank you for coming"

I got fired from my job at the library...

Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.

There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired

Because she couldnt control her pupils.

I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday...

I made a grave mistake.

I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable

Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.

I can't believe that they fired me from the clock making factory!

After all the extra hours I put into it!

A guy looking to get fired calls his boss and says, Hey boss, what's the difference between your daughter and tomorrow?

I'm not coming in tomorrow.

Why did the Pepsi executive get fired?

He tested positive for Coke.

They fired me from the calendar factory

I don't know why. I just took a few days off.

Today I gave a student detention for being tardy

I was then fired from my job as a special ed. teacher

In the divorce court today

In the divorce court today an 85-year old farmer divorced his 17-year old wife, claiming he could not keep his hands off her.

He has since fired all of his hands and bought a combine harvester.

I got fired from PC World today.

A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.


Probably a shovel was not the right answer.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today...

I left without making a scene.

A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."

He got fired.

I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"

I was informed I should have said "burial or cremation" instead.

I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off.

I am never working for a calendar company again.

I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

The CEO of Pepsi was fired this morning.

They found trace amounts of Coke in *her system.

*I have to be factually correct.

I got fired from my job..

..for being a pervert

I don't understand why, though, I'm always hard at work.

How is a gynecologist like a pizza delivery boy?

They both get close enough to smell it, but if they eat it, they'll be fired.

My dad got fired as a road worker because of stealing.

I didn't believe it at first, but when I got home.

All the signs where there.

I Just got fired from the orange juice factory.

They said I could not concentrate

Bob told his wife, "I can't work for him anymore after what he said to me".

Wife: What did he say?

Bob: You're fired

I just got fired from the grocery store for being too violent...

...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!"

I just got fired from my job in Museum

They said they're not happy with my work here, which is ridiculous, i only worked here for 2 days and already sold 2 picassos.

A bullet walks into a bar, depressed.

"Why the sad face?" asks the bartender.

"I got fired."

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

Did you hear about the lumberjack who got fired for cutting down too many trees ?

He saw too much

So I got fired from the clock factory yesterday

Apparently I wasn't putting in enough hours

I just quit my job, I couldn't work for my boss after what he said to me

He told me that I was fired

Told my boss he needs winter tires

Got fired. Apparently that's something offensive to say to people in wheelchairs.

My boss fired me.

"Why?" I protested. "I haven't done anything!"

Turns out that was his reason.

A nun was fired from her job in heaven...

A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."

Fifty clowns got fired from the circus.

Luckily, it freed up three parking spots.

TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Got fired from my job at the gym...

Apparently I just wasn't working out.

My boss at the furniture stores said "After what you did, I never want to see you again. You're fired!"

But I regret nothing. Sometimes you just have to take a stand.

Why doesn't the army have anyone named Will?

They were all fired at.

I had a really sad day today

First - My ex got run over by a bus

Second - I got fired as a bus driver

I recently got fired at my job at the calendar factory

It's because I took a day off

Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind man

But I was fired from my job as a bus driver

I got fired today for arranging the vegetables in a sexually suggestive way

Apparently that's "unacceptable behavior for a special needs teacher".

Trump Today

Trump Today:

Missile #1: "You're fired!"

Missile #2: "You're fired!"

Missile #3: "You're fired!"

And so on 56 more times.

I used to open so many cards on Valentines Day.

Eventually the post office fired me for it.

My wife caught me checking out the nanny the other day.

She fired the nanny. Then she told me no more sex for a year!

I said, "You're firing the maid, too?"

Did you hear about the Pepsi delivery drivers who were fired?

They tested positive for coke.

Selling a french WW2 rifle

Never fired, only dropped once.

Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?

Lack of concentration.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old woman came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Hear about the farmer who couldn't keep his hands off his beautiful young wife?

He fired them.

TIFU by getting fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

This girl wants to get me fired for giving her inappropriate shoulder rubs...

Good luck with that, I don't even work there.

I got fired from my kitchen job for stealing cookware...

... it was a whisk I was willing to take.

Today, in Hawaii, a missile wasn't fired

But someone sure will be...

Got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently they were mad at me for saying Get a load of this guy every time someone walked in.

I gave up my seat on a bus to a blind, old lady today.

Later, I got fired from being a bus driver.

I was just fired today, simply for telling my co-worker that her hair smelled nice.

I think they are discriminating against me for being a midget.

There is an abundance of job jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 86 funniest jokes and fired puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any slicer witze you can hear about fired.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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