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Fire Smoke Jokes

82 fire smoke jokes and hilarious fire smoke puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fire smoke that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Fire Smoke Short Jokes

Short fire smoke jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fire smoke humour may include short white smoke jokes also.

  1. I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking . Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .
  2. I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking." Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."
  3. Today I cooked something for my family and they all said it was terrible. Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire.
  4. I got fired from my job because I kept asking the customers if they prefer smoking or nonsmoking. Apparently the correct terms are "Cremation" and "Burial".
  5. I got fired from my job yesterday for saying smoking or non smoking But apparently the correct terms were cremation and burial
  6. Nurse to my dad at the hospital... ... after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke?
    Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire
    Nurse: looks to my mom
    Mom: no.
  7. This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire... When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm.
  8. There was a fire at the supermarket I work at today. We now offer a large selection of smoked goods.
  9. In a fire you should always use the stairs. My brother used the elevator. He went up in smoke.
  10. So I Saw A Fireman Smoking Outside The Station and I thought, 'I wonder how many cigarettes are started by fires?'

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Fire Smoke One Liners

Which fire smoke one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fire smoke? I can suggest the ones about blowing smoke and forest fire.

  1. There was a fire yesterday at my local thrift store A person died of secondhand smoke
  2. There was a fire at the Goodwill yesterday A person died of second-hand smoke
  3. Why was the baby smoking? Because it was on fire.
  4. My grandfather stopped smoking twenty years ago today. I'll never forget that house fire.
  5. I can communicate via smoke signals but I can only say one thing. "We are having a fire"
  6. Fire fighters throw the best parties. They've got a lot of hose with smoking hot bodies.
  7. Did you hear about the fire at the magic shop? meh, it was all smoke and mirrors.
  8. Don't smoke Unless you're on fire, then it's natural.
  9. Simple recipe for making your own naturally-smoked, organic meats... Start a forest fire.
  10. What do you call an alpacca that screams when it sees fire? A smoke aLaama.
  11. What did the fireman say when the church caught on fire? Holy smoke!
  12. What's smoking and has four wheels? A quadriplegic in a two story house fire.
  13. What happens if you use holy water to put out a fire? Holy smokes!
  14. Put a nicotine patch on that fire....... Because it's smoking!
  15. Why was the man's cassette player smoking? Because his mixtape was fire.

Fire Smoke Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about fire smoke you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean smoked jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fire smoke pranks.

An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada.


Suddenly his car gets broken.
He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called.
But the chief has only $4, and no credit card. So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: "Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!"
The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning, signals back – once again, with the smoke:
"OK, chief, but why so much?"
At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby.
A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky...
The tribe signals:
"Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?"

A guy goes to a house of prostitution.


He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed.
She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand.
He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her.
He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.
By this time, the firemen are there.
He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"
The fireman says, "No!"
The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."

A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear.


He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him.
After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires.
When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.
A moment later, the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can rip your t**... out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I’ll [insert appropriate colloquialism for s**... here].”
The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers and bends over; and the bear does what he said he would do.
After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers back into town.
He’s pretty mad.
He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest.
He sees the same bear, aims, and fires.
When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.
A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “You know what to do.”
Afterward, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town, and buys a bazooka.
Now he’s really mad.
He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires.
The force of the bazooka blast knocks him flat on his back.
When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says, “You’re not doing this for the hunting, are you?”

A tourist was watching an Indigenous man sending smoke signals.


Everything around him was primitive, except of a latest model fire extinguisher.
"What's the fire extinguisher for?" the tourist wondered.
"It's for erasing the misspellings!"

A man works in the operations department of a large bank.


Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers.
One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said, "I've got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level.
He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air.
He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate.
He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!"
The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.
The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs."
The pilot was silent for a moment; finally, he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

Two mexicans are stranded in the desert for days....

... and they're at death's door....
They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with s**... after s**... of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"
"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree".......
"ees... a.... Hambush"

The Rabbi and the Devil

So, one day, the devil visits a synagogue while all the folk are deep in the middle of whatever it is they do at synagogues.
Once the smoke and clamour clears, the devil steps forth, slicing the air his pitchfork, flashing eyes of fire. At the sight of him, hooves and all, all the men and women in attendance run screaming for their lives out of the synagogue, trailing their children behind them.
As pleased as the devil is with his grand appearance, he can't help but twist his head to look at the rabbi, who's calmly putting his things away for the night with a tired sigh.
"You," the devil says, pointing his spindly finger at him, "rabbi. Do you not know who I am?"
The rabbi only sighs and continues to clear up the place.
The devil steps closer to the man, scalding the floor with each step. "And yet you do not seem to be afraid, why is that?" he hisses, s**... his beard.
The rabbi shrugs. "Why should I be? I've been married to your sister these past forty-three years."
.
.
Credit/Source: video I watched on youtube a while ago. I've probably added/cut-out from the original, but that's the charm of Chinese whispers, no?

A young boy was obsessed with tractors..

He got a toy tractor and tractor pyjamas for his birthday, and he loved them with all his heart. 2 years later he got his first mini tractor, and rode it everyday until it became too small. Skip forward again, it was his 16th birthday, and his dad bought him his first real tractor. He takes it out to work around his dad's farm, which is what he always wanted to do. After a month he suddenly decided that farming wasn't for him and he was no longer interested in tractors. Skip ahead another 5 years, and the man is walking home from his office job when he spots a house burning down. He walks over to the house and positions himself in front of it. He suddenly takes a huge breath and s**... in all the smoke, the fire goes out, and the people are saved. A bystander asks him "How on earth did you do that?!" The man replied calmly, "Easy, I'm an ex-tractor fan"

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are staying at a hotel.

The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hall, for it has reignited. He finds a fire hose, and, after calculating velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc., he extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. Satisfied, he goes to bed. Even later, the mathematician wakes up to the smell of smoke. He goes into the hall and sees the fire and hose. He thinks for a moment, then exclaims, "Ah! A solution exists!", and then goes back to bed.

My laptop got left outside during a storm. I tried turning it on and the screen blew and the keyboard started smoking.

That's the first time I've seen the rain set fire to a Dell.

Pigs

Standing next to pig processing plant when I heard all the machines firing up and smoke started bellowing from the stacks. Only thought is, man that place is going full boar

This pig with the wooden leg . . .

A guy visits his friend, who is a farmer, and sees him sitting on the front porch, chewing a strand of wheat and petting a pig with a wooden leg. They get to talking, and the friend asks the farmer about the pig's leg.
'it's the craziest thing', say the farmer. 'There was this fire a few weeks back, in the old barn next to the house. I was lost in the smoke, searching for a way out, when the central support beam collapsed, pinning me down. I was going to die. BUT SUDDENLY, through the thick haze, I see this pig rushing toward me. She manages to wedge her body under the beam, and with all her might lifts the load just enough for me to shimmy my body out, and we both run to safety.'
'WOW, that is some incredible story,' says the friend 'but it still doesn't explain the wooden leg.'
--'Well, with a pig like THAT, you don't want to eat it all at once!'

An officer was fired for smoking cannabis and m**... on the job.

No name was given but he was a high w**... officer.

My fire alarm keeps going off.

I think it's because my girlfriend keeps coming in.
She is smoking hot.

A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.

A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"

My friend loved to collect tractors but stopped after he had a bad accident in one. These days he helps the fire service by removing all the smoke from burning buildings...

...he is an ex-tractor fan.

An officer was fired for smoking w**... and m**... on the job...

No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high w**... officer

A lady was putting gas in her car today while smoking a cigarette.

Unfortunately, the lady caught her arm of fire. She was frantically moving her flaming arm in the air until a police officer brutally slammed her to the ground and handcuffed her. "Why are you arresting her?" I said. "She was waving a firearm" he responded.

Stopped by the police

I spilled some gas on my sleeve while gassing up one day. Got back on the highway and lit up a smoke and started my sleeve on fire. I put my arm out the window but the flames did not go away. I sped up to 70 then 80 when I noticed the flashing lights behind me. The cop says "looks like I'm going to have to write you a couple of tickets " I said I know I was speeding but what else?"
"Possession of a firearm sir "

My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".

Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.

**Long** A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer...

So, these three are in a hotel. The engineer is woken up in the middle of the night by a fire. He grabs an extinguisher, and puts out the fire, then goes back to sleep.
Later, the physicist is woken up for the same reason. He does some quick calculations, and dumps the precise amount of water onto the flames to extinguish them.
Finally, the mathematician is woken by the smell of smoke. He walks over to where the fire had been, and finds embers. He coaxes a fire out of them, then goes back to sleep, knowing he has reduced it to an already solved problem.

An old lady was smoking and pumping gas...

Next thing I know, she's running around the parking lot, screaming, with her arm on fire. The cops showed up and arrested her for waving a firearm in public.

Dark as charcoal

A mother goes to the kindergarten to pick up her daughter.
She arrives to a nightmarish scene, the whole place is crawling with fireman, emergency vehicles and panicked parents, the kindergarten caught on fire, smoke everywhere.
She runs around frantically calling for her daughter: "Amber! has anyone seen my Amber!?!"
She tries to run inside the smouldering ruins of the kindergarten, but a fireman stops her, and says: "Sorry ma'm, but there's only Ashleys in there."

An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar..

He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke.
When asked about how the fire started the man says "d**... if I know, the place was in blazes when I got 'ere!"

I was at a gas station...

I was at a gas station filling up my car. Nearby I see a woman smoking a cigarette.
I tell her, You should stop that it's dangerous.
She ignores me and continues smoking.
A few seconds later her arm catches on fire and she starts waving its around trying to put it out.
I call 911 and a cop shows up and arrests her.
I ask the cop, Did you arrest her because she was smoking at a gas station?
He replies, No, it was because she was waving a firearm.
Credits to a substitute teacher for telling me this one

The mailman asked the farmer if he had a horse that smoked sigars

Farmer replied no
'Then your barn is on fire'

Two farmers are standing at a fence talking.

Farmer 1: Do your cows smoke cigarettes?
Farmer 2: No, of course not!!
Farmer 1: Then your barn is on fire.

A factory burned in a fire

One of the survivors, a worker from the factory, goes home to his wife
Honey, there was a fire, the factory burned down and many of my coworkers died
That's horrible! She replied
Tragic... The company is insuring the families of the deceased with hundreds of thousands of dollars
How did you survive? The wife asked.
I stepped outside for a smoke when it caught fire said the husband, to which the wife relied
This is why I've told you a million times to quit smoking!

I witnessed the weirdest arrest today.

I walked into an Arco and noticed 2 officers watching a woman who was smoking while pumping gas. Moments later, the woman's arm caught on fire.
She swung her arms frantically seeking help. The officers put her on the ground and successfully put the fire out with their coffee.
Then they put handcuffs on her and threw her in their patrol car.
I asked the officers what they were arresting her for. The officer looked me square in the eyes, and said, "WAVING AROUND A FIRE ARM!"

I saw a woman once

Who was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She starts waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead. She was waving an i**... fire arm.

A cop was watching a woman fueling her car. He noticed that she was smoking and all of a sudden her arm caught fire and started waving her arm. The cop tackled her and arrested her......

She was charged with waving a fire arm

Canadian wildfire from BC turned back at USA border by customs and boarder patrol.

Upon admitting to smoking "fields of m**..." on its way to the border, the fire was denied entry, and banned for life from entering the US.

I've decided that next year I'm going to quit smoking!

Hopefully someone puts out this fire by then

I was at my school disco..

Walking across the hall to get a drink. One of my classmates came up to me and said 'dude, your shoes are on smoking hot!'
I gave them a smile and kept walking to get a drink. Another classmate then approached me and said 'hey bro, you're on fire tonight!'
I gave them a wink and some goodbye guns and continued towards the queue of people waiting for a beverage.
It's at that point that the fire alarm and sprinklers go off and everybody is immediately evacuated from the disco.
Typical, I thought.
Just as I was about to get to the punch line.

Some pig!

So a traveling salesman is driving past a farm when he sees a pig with a wooden leg out front. Curious, he goes to the house and knocks on the door. The farmer answers.
"What's the story with the pig with the wooden leg?" asks the salesman.
"Let me tell you about that pig," says the farmer. "That is no ordinary pig. That pig saved my life!"
"One night about six months ago my house caught on fire. That pig came into the house, nudged me awake, and led me through the smoke to safety. That pig saved my life!"
"That really is some pig," the salesman agrees. "But why does he have a wooden leg?"
"Well," says the farmer, "a pig like that you don't eat all at once."

A young man is fired from his job after asking customers if they wanted smoking or nonsmoking.

He was fired because the correct terminology in the f**... home business is cremation or burial.

Time for some Hippie jokes!

What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
Why do hippies wear patchouli?
So the blind can hate them too.
What is orange and red and looks good on a hippie?
Fire.

A Blonde in a Fire

One day a blonde woman is in her house and she smells smoke then her fire detector goes off. She quick runs to the phone to dial 911. She explains to the dispatcher her situation. The dispatcher asked her how do we get there? The blonde replies in a big red truck, duh.

I got fired from my job at the f**... parlor.

My boss thought "smoking or non smoking?" was an inappropriate way to ask if they wanted cremation.

Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station.

The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is?"

Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.

Little Johnny replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!"

Fire broke out at a local m**... farm, and the smoke began to drift to a nearby cattle ranch.

The steaks were high