fire Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious fire puns

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking .

Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .


I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.


A man notices his wife's butt is getting big...

I bet your butt is as big as my grill.

His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they're about the same size.

That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. Not tonight, says his wife.

He asks her why not, to which she responds, Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weiner?


Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.


A Marine, A Navy SEAL, and a Delta Force member are sitting around a fire....

The marine says, "I once killed 50 enemy combatants with a single belt of my M249." The Navy SEAL says, "I wiped out an entire enemy compound with my K-Bar." The two look at the Delta Force and expect him to pipe up, but he just stares at the fire, stirring the coals with his penis.


I was fired from the keyboard factory today.

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.


In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one


I searched google for "how to start a large fire"

52,000 matches


Cigarettes are like hamsters

Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.


I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.


A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"


What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common?

They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire


A girls walks into an Adult Store. "Hi I want to buy that Red Dildo right there"

Cashier: that's a Fire Extinguisher you whore"


I've just been fired from the clock making factory

after all those extra hours I put in.


Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer?

She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself


"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."


I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think


I got fired for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer at work.

She got fired too.


Hey girl, are you a fire alarm?

Because shut the fuck up.


Why do police officers wear blue?

Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.


I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.


Three cowboys sitting around a campfire

Two are arguing who is tougher.

"Last week I rode a 2000lb bull it bucked me off so I punched it one time and it turned into steaks" said the first.
"That's nothing, last time I had sex I used a live rattler for a condom" boasted the second.

The third said nothing, and continued quietly stirring the embers in the fire with his penis.


If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?



It the event of a fire, what steps should you take?

Fucking large ones.


Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire?

If it burns, it's a smart ant.

If it doesn't, it's retardant.


Two gay men and two lesbians are having sex when the house catches on fire. Who gets out first and why?

The gay men, their shit is already packed.


They say you should test your fire alarm once a month...

But it's costing me a fortune in houses!


I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.


My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch, it might be me.


I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking."

Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."


I got fired from my job as a massage therapist

My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.


A sadist, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac, a zoophiliac, and a masochist are sitting in a jail cell together.

The zoophiliac says, I want to have sex with a cat.

The sadist says, I want to torture the cat, then have sex with it.

The pyromaniac says, I want to torture the cat, set it on fire, then have sex with it.

The necrophiliac says, Well I want to torture the cat, set it on fire, have sex with it, kill it, and have sex with it again.

The masochist says, Meow.


Two firefighters are fucking

The chief walks in on two of his firefighters having vigorous sex.

He shouts: Hey what the hell are you two doing?

One of the firefighters: Chief, you don't understand, he suffered some serious smoke inhalation.

Chief: Thats not how you treat smoke inhalation. The first step is mouth to mouth.

Firefighter: How do you think all this started?


I got fired from my job at a carpet shop

Apparently asking customers "fancy a shag?" is inappropriate ?


I just got fired for something that I didn't do...

my job.


What are the most funny Fire jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Fire? Well, here are the best Fire dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Fire pick up lines to share with friends.

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