The Best 87 Fire Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Fire jokes. There are some fire firefighter jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these fire fire safety puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Fire Jokes and Puns

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking .

Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.

I was fired from the keyboard factory today.

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

jokes about fire

A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area

As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"

The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."


This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?

A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.

The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.

The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.

I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday...

I made a grave mistake.

Fire joke, I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday...

I got fired from my job as a massage therapist

My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.

I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable

Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.

Smith & Wesson Joke

A customer came in to where I work told me this one. Thought I'd share:

Have you heard Smith & Wesson is making a pair of revolvers to commemorate the government shutdown? They will be called The Congressman and The Senator respectively. They don't actually do anything and you can't fire them.

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

You can explore fire extinguish reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fire wildfire dad jokes. There are also fire puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck?

Jose and Jos-B

this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom

Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer?

She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself

I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.

it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.

it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

I've just been fired from the clock making factory

after all those extra hours I put in.

Fire joke, I've just been fired from the clock making factory

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.

A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"

Donald Trump is like a marshmallow...

He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.


I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

Accidentally called 911

Set my house on fire to not look stupid.

They say you should test your fire alarm once a month...

But it's costing me a fortune in houses!

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

Cigarettes are just like squirrels.

They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?

K9P

Why do police officers wear blue?

Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

Fire joke, Why do police officers wear blue?

Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"

"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

What do you call a jacket that's on fire?

A blazer.

Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire?

If it burns, it's a smart ant.

If it doesn't, it's retardant.


"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

The blacksmith hires an apprentice

He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith

What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common?

They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

I can't believe that they fired me from the clock making factory!

After all the extra hours I put into it!

I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".

Special education just wasn't for me.


I got fired from PC World today.

A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.

Probably a shovel was not the right answer.

Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night

set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life

I searched google for "how to start a large fire"

52,000 matches

I got fired from my job at the library...

Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.

In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors

If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British

If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German

If they retreat, they're French

If they switch to your side, they're Italian

If they apologize, they're Canadian

If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American

I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking."

Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."

I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job.

If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.

I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.

I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

I just got fired for something that I didn't do...

my job.

I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off.

I am never working for a calendar company again.

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"

My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire

Great guy, horrible firefighter.

Cigarettes are like hamsters

Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he'll fire the employee with the worst posture...

I have a hunch it might be me...

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch, it might be me.

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.

What's one thing you dont want to have while putting out a fire?

Verizon Wireless.

They fired me from the calendar factory

I don't know why. I just took a few days off.

I got fired from the sperm bank

I can't figure out why, it might have been that every time someone left I said "Thank you for coming"

What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?

Amazon kindle.

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn't putting in enough shifts, then I couldn't keep the space clean and finally I lost control

Give a man a fire, and he's warm for the night.

Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

Ah, he said, That's my altar ego.

I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"

I was informed I should have said "burial or cremation" instead.

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like...

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.

My boss just said he's going to fire the employee with the worst posture....

I have a hunch its me.

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist, he hadn't even finished coloring the second one.



What's the difference between a Texas energy company and a Dumpster Fire?

A Dumpster Fire creates affordable light and heat.

Today I cooked something for my family and they all said it was terrible.

Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire.

It has been 2 years and still nobody knows why Notre Dame caught fire....

...but Quasimodo has a hunch.

I got fired from my job as a masseur.

There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They said I wasn't putting in enough Shifts.

But to be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.

This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks.

One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.

The neighbors hate us.

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

If There's Hell Below …

As a lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery he asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.

Why did the Fox News Christmas tree catch fire?

They left it too close to the gaslight.

2 wives go on a girls night out

On the way home they both need the toilet, so decide to stop at a graveyard, but they have nothing to wipe with.

The first takes off her panties and uses them, while the other takes a wreath and uses that.

The next day, one of their husbands calls the other and says:

"No more girls nights out. My wife came home with no panties. "

The other husband says:

"Thats nothing. Mine came home with a card in her crack that said 'from all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you. "

What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?

If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."

If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.

If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.

If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.

If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.

Fire broke out at a local marijuana farm, and the smoke began to drift to a nearby cattle ranch.

The steaks were high

In a safety meeting at work they asked me what steps I'd take in a fire

Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.

I got fired from my job because I kept asking the customers if they prefer smoking or nonsmoking.

Apparently the correct terms are "Cremation" and "Burial".

If H2O is inside a fire hydrant, what's on the outside of a fire hydrant?

K9P

Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down

The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one

The traffic jam in Russia.

There is a massive traffic jam somewhere in Russia. A driver sits idling in his car.

Suddenly a man approaches and knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Putin and are asking for a 20 million rubel ransom!

Otherwise, they are going to douse him in gasoline and set him on fire!"

The man continues "We are going from car to car taking up a collection."

The driver asks "Okay, how much is everyone else giving?"

The man replies "Oh, about a gallon or so."

I got fired from my job yesterday for saying smoking or non smoking

But apparently the correct terms were cremation and burial

"Did you know your son lit the barn on fire!?!"

You mean "arson"?

Fireplace!

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace

I once got a job at a company that makes fire hydrants.

I have to quit. There was no place to park.

Sam: Hey Dave, I saw something really weird last night in the woods.

Dave: Oh yeah? What'd you see?

Sam: We'll it's kinda hard to explain, except it looked like a group of older women gathered around a fire, doing these weird chants and they started to get naked.. I mean that could only mean one thing..

Dave: Which is?

Sam: Exactly

There was a fire at an aromatherapy candle factory

The situation is now calm.

I got fired from my job for assuring my clients that I will never let them down

I guess being an elevator operator isn't my forte

Certain public employees who have to submit daily to the rapid fire ...

... of well-meant but needless questions may be excused if they occasionally turn upon their persecutors. This is how an elevator boy dealt with one of them:

"Don't you ever feel sick going up and down this elevator all day?" a fussy lady asked him.

"Yes, ma'am", courteously replied the elevator boy.

"Is it the motion going down?" pursued the lady.

"No, ma'am."

"The going up?"

"No, ma'am."

"Is it the stopping that does it?"

"No, ma'am."

"Then what is it?"

"Answering questions, ma'am."



Source: 1913 newspaper

The other day my house caught fire.

The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and theft." Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft." Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed WHILE it's burning down.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fire fire fighter puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working fire fire fighting piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes