The Best 85 Fire Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Fire jokes. There are some fire firefighter jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these fire fire safety puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Fire Jokes and Puns

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking .

Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.

Fire joke, Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

I was fired from the keyboard factory today.

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

A little boy comes downstairs in the middle of the night and asks for a cup of water.

Dad: OK, but that's the 730th one you've had tonight...

Boy: I know, but my room's still on fire


A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area

As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"

The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."

This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?

A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.

The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.

The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.

Fire joke, This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Math

I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday...

I made a grave mistake.

I got fired from my job as a massage therapist

My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.

That pig is a hero.

One day two farmers are chatting and farmer 1 notices that farmer 2 has an odd pig.
Farmer 1: "hey why does that pig over there only got three legs?"
Farmer 2: "oh that pig, he's a hero. bout a month ago there was a fire at my house and that pig came in, and pulled my whole family out of the house while we were sleeping."
Farmer 1: "oh, so it lost the leg in the fire?"
Farmer 2: "no, a pig like that you don't eat all at once."

I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable

Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.

You can explore fire extinguish reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fire wildfire dad jokes. There are also fire puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Smith & Wesson Joke

A customer came in to where I work told me this one. Thought I'd share:

Have you heard Smith & Wesson is making a pair of revolvers to commemorate the government shutdown? They will be called The Congressman and The Senator respectively. They don't actually do anything and you can't fire them.

I got fired from my job..

..for being a pervert

I don't understand why, though, I'm always hard at work.

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck?

Jose and Jos-B

this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom

Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer?

She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself

Fire joke, Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer?

I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.

it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.

it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

I've just been fired from the clock making factory

after all those extra hours I put in.


I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

Roses are red

Roses are red.
Violets are....red

Tulips are red

My garden is on fire.

A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.

A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"

Donald Trump is like a marshmallow...

He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

Accidentally called 911

Set my house on fire to not look stupid.

They say you should test your fire alarm once a month...

But it's costing me a fortune in houses!

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

Cigarettes are just like squirrels.

They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?

K9P

Why do police officers wear blue?

Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"

"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

What do you call a jacket that's on fire?

A blazer.

Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire?

If it burns, it's a smart ant.

If it doesn't, it's retardant.

"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

What do you call a monkey holding a fire cracker?

A Baboom!

The blacksmith hires an apprentice

He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith

What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common?

They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

I can't believe that they fired me from the clock making factory!

After all the extra hours I put into it!

I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".

Special education just wasn't for me.

I got fired from PC World today.

A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.

Probably a shovel was not the right answer.

Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night

set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life

I searched google for "how to start a large fire"

52,000 matches

I got fired from my job at the library...

Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.

In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors

If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British

If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German

If they retreat, they're French

If they switch to your side, they're Italian

If they apologize, they're Canadian

If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American

I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking."

Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."

I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job.

If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.

I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.

I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

I just got fired for something that I didn't do...

my job.

I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off.

I am never working for a calendar company again.

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"

My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire

Great guy, horrible firefighter.

Cigarettes are like hamsters

Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he'll fire the employee with the worst posture...

I have a hunch it might be me...

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch, it might be me.

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.

What do you call women with a fetish for firefighters?

Fire Hoes.

What's one thing you dont want to have while putting out a fire?

Verizon Wireless.

They fired me from the calendar factory

I don't know why. I just took a few days off.

I got fired from the sperm bank

I can't figure out why, it might have been that every time someone left I said "Thank you for coming"

What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?

Amazon kindle.

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn't putting in enough shifts, then I couldn't keep the space clean and finally I lost control

Give a man a fire, and he's warm for the night.

Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

Ah, he said, That's my altar ego.

I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"

I was informed I should have said "burial or cremation" instead.

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like...

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.

My boss just said he's going to fire the employee with the worst posture....

I have a hunch its me.

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist, he hadn't even finished coloring the second one.



What's the difference between a Texas energy company and a Dumpster Fire?

A Dumpster Fire creates affordable light and heat.

I got fired from my job as a cashier today...

This customer walked in, picked up something from the counter, walked up to the till and said, "I'd like to pay for a Bagel with Cream Cheese.."

I told him clearly, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit"

Today I cooked something for my family and they all said it was terrible.

Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire.

It has been 2 years and still nobody knows why Notre Dame caught fire....

...but Quasimodo has a hunch.

I got fired from my job as a masseur.

There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They said I wasn't putting in enough Shifts.

But to be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.

This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks.

One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.

A Chemist, Biologist, and Physicist were captured by Nazis

The Nazis had taken all three scientists to the woods and lined them up on their knees with their hands on their head. They were about to be executed.

The Nazis aim their guns, and the biologist screams "bear". The Nazis turn around expecting a bear, but none was there. The biologist had escaped the Nazis.

So they aim their guns again and the physicist yells "lightning". Again, the Nazis turn around to look for lightning but don't see any. The physicist had now escaped.

With just the chemist left, the Nazis aim their guns and the chemist yells "fire!".

The neighbors hate us.

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

Make a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

A 6 story building is on fire

Fireman 1: Your turn to choose… you want the ladder or the stairs?

Fireman 2: Ok, I'll take the latter

Fireman 1: Ok, I'll take the ladder

What did the daddy fire say to the mommy fire when their child graduated?

"That's ar-son"

What's the worst thing about being a birthday cake?

After you are set on fire, you are eaten by the hero that saved you.

If There's Hell Below …

As a lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery he asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.

I was fired from a bakery...

Their packaging says their products are "made with love" and they said I was only making them with "like."

Fooling Around

The boss went up to the bartender and asked, "Have you been fooling around with the waitress?" "Oh no, sir, I sure haven't," replied the bartender. The boss replied, "Good, then you fire her!"

Why did the Fox News Christmas tree catch fire?

They left it too close to the gaslight.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fire fire fighter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working fire fire fighting piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes