Fire Jokes

179 fire jokes and hilarious fire puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fire that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy a collection of hilarious fire jokes that are sure to ignite your funny bone! Whether you want to warm up by the camp fire or put out some quick fire, this compilation of jokes will make your pyromaniac friends laugh and leave everyone else wanting to extinguish the joke.

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Funniest Fire Short Jokes

Short fire jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fire humour may include short burn jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired
  2. My boss: You're fired. Me: *turns in gun and badge*
    My boss: You're a waiter where did you get those
  3. I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking . Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .
  4. Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now. And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.
  5. Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
  6. I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college. Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me. 13 years of loyal service to the company, down the drain.
  7. I got fired from my job as a masseur. There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.
  8. Cigarettes are like hamsters Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.
  9. I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.
  10. What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common? They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

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Fire One Liners

Which fire one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fire? I can suggest the ones about fuse and shoot.

  1. Bullets are so weird They only do their job AFTER they're fired
  2. I was fired from the keyboard factory today. I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
  3. Elon is firing twitter employees with bad posture I have a hunch I might be next.
  4. My boss fired me for making too many asian jokes It was the end of my Korea
  5. Why did the fox News Christmas tree catch fire? They left it too close to the gaslight.
  6. I searched google for "how to start a large fire" 52,000 matches
  7. I've just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
  8. Why was the rifle unemployed? Because it was fired
  9. If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside? K9P
  10. Why was the Pepsi employee fired? He tested positive for coke.
  11. I just got fired for something that I didn't do... my job.
  12. There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired Because she couldnt control her pupils.
  13. I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday... I made a grave mistake.
  14. A stormtrooper just got sent to the firing squad. He will be missed.
  15. What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire? Amazon kindle.

Setting Fire Jokes

Here is a list of funny setting fire jokes and even better setting fire puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
  • Give a man a fire, and he's warm for the night. Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.
  • Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life
  • Build a man a fire, and he'll stay warm for a day... SET a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.
  • Give a man fire and he'll be warm for a day Set a man on fire and he'll stop bothering you.
  • On her deathbed my wife said, "Sweety, I will see you in Heaven." Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!
  • Cigarettes are just like weasels... Both are completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.
  • Build a man a fire, you'll warm him for a day. Set a man on fire, you'll warm him for the rest of his life.
  • If you build a man a fire he will be warm for a couple hours. If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.
  • Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones.... Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant.

Caught Fire Jokes

Here is a list of funny caught fire jokes and even better caught fire puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • It has been 2 years and still nobody knows why Notre Dame caught fire.... ...but Quasimodo has a hunch.
  • When did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? When his hand caught fire.
  • I worked at a restaurant that specializes in pizza, but I got fired for getting my finger caught in the dough roller... ...she got fired too.
  • My wife called me to tell me my son was caught for setting a house on fire I corrected her by saying, Arson
  • This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire... When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm.
  • Why was the chef fired? He was caught stroganoff
  • Why didn't Pinocchio make it thru puberty? He caught on fire.
  • My reddish-brown Toyota minivan caught on fire yesterday It's a burnt burnt sienna Sienna.
  • The Greeks made a weapon that caught things on fire and could not be put out with water, it only made the flames bigger. They called it Greece fire.
  • An 80s singer caught himself on fire, what does he do? Stop, Drop, and Rick-Roll
Fire joke, An 80s singer caught himself on fire, what does he do?

Fire Burn Jokes

Here is a list of funny fire burn jokes and even better fire burn puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire? If it burns, it's a smart ant.
    If it doesn't, it's retardant.
  • Firemen are called to a burning pub. They drag out an Irishman and asked him how the fire started. "I don't know." He says, "It was on fire when I went in there."
  • A Kraft cheese factory recently burned down... No one reported the fire for hours, because no one believed that there actually were hot Singles in the area.
  • Why do the firemen take out people from a burning building before they put the fire out with water? Bros before hose.
  • Today I decided to burn some calories.. So I lit a fat kid on fire.
  • My girlfriend is just like a burning hot fire You take away the oxygen and they're gone.
  • Best joke my dad ever told me (he wasn't good at telling jokes) Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
    A: To put out forest fires.
    Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
    A: To put out burning ducks.
  • Two Eskimos light a fire in their boat in an attempt to stay warm. However, the fire burns through the boat and it sinks, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
  • A mathematician is in a burning hotel room. When he spots the fire extinguisher, he says, ok, the problem is solvable and goes back to sleep.
  • Why did the mad scientist deliberately create a huge fire tornado? Some people just want to watch the whirled burn.

Friendly Fire Jokes

Here is a list of funny friendly fire jokes and even better friendly fire puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do police officers wear blue? Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
  • AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.
  • Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.
    *Joke's from my Dad and his friend*
  • TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat. Woops, wrong sub.
  • Cant work for my boss anymore Me: I cant work for my boss anymore after what he told me yesterday.
    Friend: What did he say?
    Me: " You're fired "
  • TIL that during WWII 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire. Whoops, wrong sub.
  • My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior. He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.
  • What do you call a fatality that results from friendly fire in a gang war? Homiecide
  • I sneezed in front of my stuttering friend and said, "man, my sinuses are on fire". "i-i-is i-i-it an-an-allergy?" he asked
    I said, "no, it's a metaphor".
  • I left my job today Friend: why?
    Me: I couldn't work for that boss after what he said to me.
    Friend: what did he say?
    Me: you're fired

Free Fire Jokes

Here is a list of funny free fire jokes and even better free fire puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm not saying it's cold outside, but… I had to take a chisel along when I walked the dog to free him from a fire hydrant.
  • If you love someone, set them free. If you hate someone, set them on fire.
  • I just got fired from my new job at the pharmacy. Apparently "drug free workplace" and "free drug workplace" are not the same thing at all.
  • What do you get if you make a joke about the leader of the free world on television in the country that is referred to as the leader of the free world. Fired and charged with a federal offence.
  • An englishman was sued for discrimination after firing all the redheads from his s**... club. He was able to get off Scot-free.
Fire joke, An englishman was sued for discrimination after firing all the redheads from his s**... club.

Silly & Ridiculous Fire Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about fire you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fuel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fire pranks.

I got fired from the s**... bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

I've lost all my pokemon cards in a house fire...

I've only got Ash now.

A little boy comes downstairs in the middle of the night and asks for a cup of water.

Dad: OK, but that's the 730th one you've had tonight...
Boy: I know, but my room's still on fire

A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area

As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"
The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."

This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?

A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.

The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.
The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.

I got fired from my job as a massage therapist

My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.

That pig is a hero.

One day two farmers are chatting and farmer 1 notices that farmer 2 has an odd pig.
Farmer 1: "hey why does that pig over there only got three legs?"
Farmer 2: "oh that pig, he's a hero. bout a month ago there was a fire at my house and that pig came in, and pulled my whole family out of the house while we were sleeping."
Farmer 1: "oh, so it lost the leg in the fire?"
Farmer 2: "no, a pig like that you don't eat all at once."

I got fired today, because my boss caught me m**... with a vegetable

Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.

Smith & Wesson Joke

A customer came in to where I work told me this one. Thought I'd share:
Have you heard Smith & Wesson is making a pair of revolvers to commemorate the government shutdown? They will be called The Congressman and The Senator respectively. They don't actually do anything and you can't fire them.

I got fired from my job..

..for being a pervert
I don't understand why, though, I'm always hard at work.

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

I just got fired from the grocery store for being too violent...

...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!"

what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck?

Jose and Jos-B
this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom

Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer?

She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes.....

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.

I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.

it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.
it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

Squirrels are like cigarettes.

They are completely harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light them on fire.

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

Roses are red

Roses are red.

Tulips are red
My garden is on fire.

A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.

A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory.

Benefits were good, but the parking was terrible.

I Just got fired from the orange juice factory.

They said I could not concentrate

A lawyer had just undergone surgery

...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"
"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."

Donald Trump is like a marshmallow...

He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.

A Mathematician is given a psychological test.

The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into s**... position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

Accidentally called 911

Set my house on fire to not look s**....

They say you should test your fire alarm once a month...

But it's costing me a fortune in houses!

I just got fired from my job in Museum

They said they're not happy with my work here, which is ridiculous, i only worked here for 2 days and already sold 2 picassos.

I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

Cigarettes are just like squirrels.

They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"

"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

What do you call a jacket that's on fire?

A blazer.

"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

What do you call a monkey holding a fire c**...?

A Baboom!

The blacksmith hires an apprentice

He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith

A man tried smuggling sausage and v**... out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.

The whole event was pretty terrible.
It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

A telecoms engineer joins the army...

On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"

I can't believe that they fired me from the clock making factory!

After all the extra hours I put into it!

I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".

Special education just wasn't for me.

I got fired from PC World today.

A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.
Probably a shovel was not the right answer.

I got fired from my job at the library...

Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.

In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors

If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American

I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking."

Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."

I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job.

If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.

I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.

I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

So I got fired from the clock factory yesterday

Apparently I wasn't putting in enough hours

I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off.

I am never working for a calendar company again.

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"

My boss said he's going to fire everyone with bad posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire

Great guy, horrible firefighter.

My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he'll fire the employee with the worst posture...

I have a hunch it might be me...

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch, it might be me.

What do you call women with a f**... for firefighters?

Fire h**....

What's one thing you dont want to have while putting out a fire?

Verizon Wireless.

Give an Eevee a Water Stone and it turns into Vaporeon. Give an Eevee a Fire Stone and it turns into Flareon.

Give an Eevee a couple dollars every month for their art project and it turns into Patreon.

Why couldn't the Mexican fire his bow?

He didn't habenero.

They fired me from the calendar factory

I don't know why. I just took a few days off.

I got fired from the s**... bank

I can't figure out why, it might have been that every time someone left I said "Thank you for coming"

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn't putting in enough shifts, then I couldn't keep the space clean and finally I lost control

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.
Ah, he said, That's my altar ego.

I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"

I was informed I should have said "burial or cremation" instead.

Fire joke, I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"

jokes about fire