Fire Jokes

What are some Fire jokes?

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking .

Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.

I was fired from the keyboard factory today.

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

I searched google for "how to start a large fire"

52,000 matches

Cigarettes are like hamsters

Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"

What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common?

They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

I've just been fired from the clock making factory

after all those extra hours I put in.

Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer?

She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself

"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

Why do police officers wear blue?

Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?

K9P

Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire?

If it burns, it's a smart ant.

If it doesn't, it's retardant.

They say you should test your fire alarm once a month...

But it's costing me a fortune in houses!

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch, it might be me.

I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking."

Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."

I got fired from my job as a massage therapist

My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.

I just got fired for something that I didn't do...

my job.

I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".

Special education just wasn't for me.

I got fired from my job at the library...

Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.

I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday...

I made a grave mistake.

Accidentally called 911

Set my house on fire to not look stupid.

I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable

Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.

Donald Trump is like a marshmallow...

He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.

The blacksmith hires an apprentice

He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith

Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"

"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

Cigarettes are just like squirrels.

They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

I can't believe that they fired me from the clock making factory!

After all the extra hours I put into it!

This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?

A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.

The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.

The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.

I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job.

If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.

I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.

I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.

A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"

Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night

set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life

Smith & Wesson Joke

A customer came in to where I work told me this one. Thought I'd share:

Have you heard Smith & Wesson is making a pair of revolvers to commemorate the government shutdown? They will be called The Congressman and The Senator respectively. They don't actually do anything and you can't fire them.

My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire

Great guy, horrible firefighter.

What's one thing you dont want to have while putting out a fire?

Verizon Wireless.

what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck?

Jose and Jos-B

this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom

They fired me from the calendar factory

I don't know why. I just took a few days off.

I got fired from PC World today.

A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.


Probably a shovel was not the right answer.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors

If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British



If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German



If they retreat, they're French



If they switch to your side, they're Italian



If they apologize, they're Canadian



If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American

What do you call a jacket that's on fire?

A blazer.

My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he'll fire the employee with the worst posture...

I have a hunch it might be me...

A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area

As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"

The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."

I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.

it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.

it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off.

I am never working for a calendar company again.

I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

That pig is a hero.

One day two farmers are chatting and farmer 1 notices that farmer 2 has an odd pig.
Farmer 1: "hey why does that pig over there only got three legs?"
Farmer 2: "oh that pig, he's a hero. bout a month ago there was a fire at my house and that pig came in, and pulled my whole family out of the house while we were sleeping."
Farmer 1: "oh, so it lost the leg in the fire?"
Farmer 2: "no, a pig like that you don't eat all at once."

A little boy comes downstairs in the middle of the night and asks for a cup of water.

Dad: OK, but that's the 730th one you've had tonight...

Boy: I know, but my room's still on fire

What do you call a monkey holding a fire cracker?

A Baboom!

What do you call women with a fetish for firefighters?

Fire Hoes.

I got fired from my job..

..for being a pervert

I don't understand why, though, I'm always hard at work.

Roses are red

Roses are red.
Violets are....red

Tulips are red








My garden is on fire.

A Mathematician is given a psychological test.

The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."

I've lost all my pokemon cards in a house fire...

I've only got Ash now.

A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.

The whole event was pretty terrible.

It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

I Just got fired from the orange juice factory.

They said I could not concentrate

I just got fired from the grocery store for being too violent...

...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!"

AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle

Oops, wrong sub.

I just got fired from my job in Museum

They said they're not happy with my work here, which is ridiculous, i only worked here for 2 days and already sold 2 picassos.

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

Build a man a fire, and he'll stay warm for a day...

SET a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.

Give an Eevee a Water Stone and it turns into Vaporeon. Give an Eevee a Fire Stone and it turns into Flareon.

Give an Eevee a couple dollars every month for their art project and it turns into Patreon.

My boss said he's going to fire everyone with bad posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

So I got fired from the clock factory yesterday

Apparently I wasn't putting in enough hours

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes.....

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.

A lawyer had just undergone surgery

...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory.

Benefits were good, but the parking was terrible.

Why couldn't the Mexican fire his bow?

He didn't habenero.

A telecoms engineer joins the army...

On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"

Squirrels are like cigarettes.

They are completely harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light them on fire.

My aunt always said the slow and steady win the race

She died in a fire

So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.

Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."

Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says

"JOE THATS A NON STICK PAN"

How to make Fire jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Fire to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Fire? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Fire pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes