Silly & Ridiculous Fire Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking .
Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .
I got fired from the s**... bank yesterday
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.
And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.
I was fired from the keyboard factory today.
I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area
As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"
The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."
This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?
A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.
The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.
The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.
I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday...
I made a grave mistake.
I got fired from my job as a massage therapist
My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.
I got fired today, because my boss caught me m**... with a vegetable
Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.
Smith & Wesson Joke
A customer came in to where I work told me this one. Thought I'd share:
Have you heard Smith & Wesson is making a pair of revolvers to commemorate the government shutdown? They will be called The Congressman and The Senator respectively. They don't actually do anything and you can't fire them.
I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
You can explore fire extinguish reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fire wildfire dad jokes. There are also fire puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck?
Jose and Jos-B
this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom
Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer?
She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself
I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.
it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.
it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
I've just been fired from the clock making factory
after all those extra hours I put in.
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.
A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"
Donald Trump is like a marshmallow...
He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.
I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into s**... position
Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.
Accidentally called 911
Set my house on fire to not look s**....
They say you should test your fire alarm once a month...
But it's costing me a fortune in houses!
In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down
The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one
Cigarettes are just like squirrels.
They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?
K9P
Why do police officers wear blue?
Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"
"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."
What do you call a jacket that's on fire?
A blazer.
Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire?
If it burns, it's a smart ant.
If it doesn't, it's retardant.
"The neighbors hate us."
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
The blacksmith hires an apprentice
He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith
What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common?
They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire
I can't believe that they fired me from the clock making factory!
After all the extra hours I put into it!
I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".
Special education just wasn't for me.
I got fired from PC World today.
A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.
Probably a shovel was not the right answer.
Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night
set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life
I searched google for "how to start a large fire"
52,000 matches
I got fired from my job at the library...
Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.
In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking."
Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."
I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job.
If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.
I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.
I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.
I just got fired for something that I didn't do...
my job.
I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off.
I am never working for a calendar company again.
A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.
Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"
My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire
Great guy, horrible firefighter.
Cigarettes are like hamsters
Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.
My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he'll fire the employee with the worst posture...
I have a hunch it might be me...
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch, it might be me.
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.
What's one thing you dont want to have while putting out a fire?
Verizon Wireless.
They fired me from the calendar factory
I don't know why. I just took a few days off.
I got fired from the s**... bank
I can't figure out why, it might have been that every time someone left I said "Thank you for coming"
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory
At first I just wasn't putting in enough shifts, then I couldn't keep the space clean and finally I lost control
Give a man a fire, and he's warm for the night.
Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.
A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.
One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.
Ah, he said, That's my altar ego.
I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"
I was informed I should have said "burial or cremation" instead.
As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like...
As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.
My boss just said he's going to fire the employee with the worst posture....
I have a hunch its me.
In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down.
The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist, he hadn't even finished coloring the second one.
What's the difference between a Texas energy company and a Dumpster Fire?
A Dumpster Fire creates affordable light and heat.
Today I cooked something for my family and they all said it was terrible.
Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire.
It has been 2 years and still nobody knows why Notre Dame caught fire....
...but Quasimodo has a hunch.
I got fired from my job as a masseur.
There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.
Just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They said I wasn't putting in enough Shifts.
But to be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks.
One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
The neighbors hate us.
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
If There's h**... Below …
As a lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery he asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.
Why did the Fox News Christmas tree catch fire?
They left it too close to the gaslight.
2 wives go on a girls night out
On the way home they both need the toilet, so decide to stop at a graveyard, but they have nothing to wipe with.
The first takes off her p**... and uses them, while the other takes a wreath and uses that.
The next day, one of their husbands calls the other and says:
"No more girls nights out. My wife came home with no p**.... "
The other husband says:
"Thats nothing. Mine came home with a card in her crack that said 'from all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you. "
What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?
If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."
If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.
If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.
If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.
If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
Fire broke out at a local m**... farm, and the smoke began to drift to a nearby cattle ranch.
The steaks were high
In a safety meeting at work they asked me what steps I'd take in a fire
Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking the customers if they prefer smoking or nonsmoking.
Apparently the correct terms are "Cremation" and "Burial".
If H2O is inside a fire hydrant, what's on the outside of a fire hydrant?
K9P
Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down
The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
The traffic jam in Russia.
There is a massive traffic jam somewhere in Russia. A driver sits idling in his car.
Suddenly a man approaches and knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Putin and are asking for a 20 million rubel ransom!
Otherwise, they are going to douse him in gasoline and set him on fire!"
The man continues "We are going from car to car taking up a collection."
The driver asks "Okay, how much is everyone else giving?"
The man replies "Oh, about a gallon or so."
I got fired from my job yesterday for saying smoking or non smoking
But apparently the correct terms were cremation and burial
I was fired from my job in the Tickle Me Elmo factory
My boss didn't like me giving each Elmo two test tickles.
Got my seven year old cousin to laugh at this one
What do you call a mailman who's on fire?
Dead
A lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery
He asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.
I got fired from my job as a math teacher
I was supposed to teach the kids what sine divided by cosine was, but I kept going off on a tangent.
Your son didn't start a fire
It was arson
b**... 1- You're fired!
b**... 2- You can't fire me, this isn't your dam business !
This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire...
When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm.
I just fired my sioux chef because I found out he lied on his resume.
Turns out he's navajo.
A British spy, Irish spy and Scottish spy are captured by the n**...
Just as the n**... are about to open fire, the British spy shouts
"Hurricane!"
and all the n**... run, allowing the British spy to escape
Angered, they return, and prepare to shoot the Scottish spy when he shouts
"Typhoon!"
and all the n**... run, allowing the Scottish spy to escape
The n**... return again, angry, to kill the Irish spy when he shouts
"Fire!"
