Fire Burn Jokes
98 fire burn jokes and hilarious fire burn puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fire burn that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fire Burn Short Jokes
Short fire burn jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fire burn humour may include short forest fire jokes also.
- Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
- Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire? If it burns, it's a smart ant.
If it doesn't, it's retardant. - Firemen are called to a burning pub. They drag out an Irishman and asked him how the fire started. "I don't know." He says, "It was on fire when I went in there."
- A Kraft cheese factory recently burned down... No one reported the fire for hours, because no one believed that there actually were hot Singles in the area.
- Why do the firemen take out people from a burning building before they put the fire out with water? Bros before hose.
- Best joke my dad ever told me (he wasn't good at telling jokes) Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: To put out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To put out burning ducks. - Two Eskimos light a fire in their boat in an attempt to stay warm. However, the fire burns through the boat and it sinks, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
- A mathematician is in a burning hotel room. When he spots the fire extinguisher, he says, ok, the problem is solvable and goes back to sleep.
- I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
- Dad! Dad! Fire! The house is burning!! Let's get out of here son! Quietly, you're gonna wake up your mom!
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Fire Burn One Liners
Which fire burn one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fire burn? I can suggest the ones about burns and caught fire.
- Today I decided to burn some calories.. So I lit a fat kid on fire.
- My girlfriend is just like a burning hot fire You take away the oxygen and they're gone.
- My wife told me to burn some calories... So I found a fat kid and set him on fire.
- My ex boss's house just burned down... You know what they say, fight fired with fire.
- Why did the arsonist quit starting fires? He got burned out.
- If you set a forest on fire It wood burn
- What do you get when you cross ice and fire? Freezer burn.
- Love is like fire ... It only lasts while the wood doesn't burn.
- I needed to burn some calories... so I set a fat kid on fire
- How do you burn alot of calories? Set a fat kid on fire
- I bet my life will be so much better if I burn about 75 kgs By setting myself on fire.
- I know how to permanently end all forest fires. Burn down all of the forests.
- What did the baby do when it drove by the burning building? Pass a fire.
- Why did the hipster burn himself? Because he played with fire before it was cool.
- How do you burn calories? Set your food on fire.
Fire Burn Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about fire burn you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bonfire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fire burn pranks.
Chuck Norris doesn't use a fire extinguisher to put out fires.
.. he just tells the fire to stop burning.
I've heard for many years that the feminists of the 60s and 70s would commonly burn their bras in protest, however, today I discovered that this actually never happened and they ended up just throwing their bras away instead.
They couldn't get a fire started.
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To put out fires.
Why do elephants have large, flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
How Do You Start a Flood?
An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean.
The attorney said, I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything.
The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?
The burning sofa joke
(Someone told me this a long time ago and I thought it was sort of really clever, but hard to get. Been telling it since. Few people seem to like it. Here goes...)
The fire department is called to a social club. They walk in with their equipment and find a man lying down on a sofa, and the sofa on fire. They pull the man up, put out his burning clothes, and hose down the sofa. Crisis averted.
Afterward, one of the fireman asks him, "Sir, did you see how the fire got started?"
"No, I'm sorry," he replies. "It was like that when I lay down."
Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...
... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.
The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."
The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.
The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."
They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."
The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"
That poor security guard....
A security guard at a factory has two wooden legs.
He was working a night shift once when the factory caught fire.
A spokesman from the fire brigade told the local news crew that
thanks to them arriving on the scene quickly, the factory was saved.
However, the security guard was burned to the ground.
When I grow up!
One day a child and his mother were walking down the sidewalk when they came upon a burning building. The fire department had just showed up and all the people inside were saved by the strong firemen. The little kid looks to his mother and says "mom, when I grow up I'm gonna be a fireman!". The mother replies "you're not going to grow up!, you've got luekimia!"
Did you hear about the fire at the Governor's mansion in Alabama?
The whole trailer park burned down.
What do call a white guy in a burning building?
Fire c**...
What did the farmer say when he heard the town gossiping about his cornfield fire?
"My ears are burning!"
What do you call a politician in a house fire?
Burning Sanders!
A Physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings
The Physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The engineer pulls out a calculater, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The mathematician runs to a chalkbaord, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, declares, "There IS a solution!", and then burns to death.
So a man had his eye lids burned off in a fire and the doctors used a new procedure to replace them with his f**...
He came out just fine besides being a little cockeyed.
Marriage is like a fire.
If you put the logs too close together the fire grows too hot and burns out quickly. If you put the logs too far apart the fire goes cold. The trick is having the logs just the right distance apart.
And every once in a while you have to use your poker.
Donald Trump's Library Burned Down...
In a disastrous fire that destroyed Trump's library huge damages were sustained and all his books were lost. The real tragedy is that he hadn't finished coloring one yet!
A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.
A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"
My friend loved to collect tractors but stopped after he had a bad accident in one. These days he helps the fire service by removing all the smoke from burning buildings...
...he is an ex-tractor fan.
A Mathematician is given a psychological test.
The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."
Did you hear about the insult comic who was trapped in the hospital fire?
Sick burn
A bodybuilder was killed when a fire broke out in my gym.
Staff tried to e**... him out, but he wanted to feel the burn.
One day, Billy was playing at home with some matches.
Even though his mother had told him not to. He accidentally set the house on fire, and he and his mother fled outside. As the house was burning down, his enraged mother said,
"Boy, your dad is going to s**... you when he gets home".
But Billy just laughed; he knew his dad had come home early for a nap.
Irishman and the fire
Firemen receive a call that the local bar is on fire. They rush over to the local bar and sure enough, the whole bar is aflame.
They sweep into the burning bar to check for survivors and find a man face down on the floor. They pull him from the flames, soot-ridden and unconscious, they slap him awake.
"What happened! How did the fire start?!" they ask him.
"How should I know?" says the Irishman. "It was already on fire when I went in.."
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out burning fires.
Why do elephants have big feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
How to catch a bear...
1st - Dig a huge hole and fill it with wood
2nd - Light the wood on fire and burn it until there is nothing but ashes
3rd - Place peas all around the outside of the hole
Now, when the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him right in the ash hole.
How do you catch an elephant?
First, you dig a hole and let a fire burn out in it. Then, you put peas all around it. When the elephant comes to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
Compliments of my deceased grandfather for telling me this joke when I was a kid.
Billy Joel's house has burned down. apparently due to a faulty game console.
Investigators say the fire was caused by a faulty game console. However, Mr Joel has claimed that Wii didn't start the fire.
Beer was lit
An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar and shaken awake. The firemen frantically ask him, 'How did the fire start?!'
'Beats me.' He says, 'It was already burning when I got here.'
An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar..
He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke.
When asked about how the fire started the man says "d**... if I know, the place was in blazes when I got 'ere!"
Did you hear about the Elvis museum that got caught in the path of the California fires?
Now it's just a Hunka Hunk of Burning Love.
A man went to a gas station
To pump up his car, but as he went to do so, the nozzle set his arm on fire. He then got back into his car and headed for the hospital. As he was on the highway, he was waving his burning arm out of the window, but was seen by a cop. The cop then pulled him over and promptly arrested him for possession of a firearm.
"The kitchen is burning to the ground. Quick honey call the fire marshall!"
MARSHALL! STOP BURNING MY KICTHEN!
Why do all lawyers swim n**...?
The lake of fire keeps burning their swimsuits off.
I am totally alright with Gay marriage...
I believe that if two people truly love each other and want to spend the rest of eternity burning in a lake of fire then who am I to judge?
Why do Spanish-speakers only use the fire extinguisher when they burn the cheese?
Because they were told, only use in queso emergency
The mathematician awakens, and finds another fire in the hallway.
He looks out the door, then goes back to bed. The house ends up burning down, but the physicist and engineer manages to save the mathematician. When asked why he didn't put out the fire, he says: "I saw the fire, I saw the extinguisher, the solution was trivial."
A n**...'s house in my neighborhood caught fire and burned down
There was nothing left
How do you burn an entire country to the ground?
Keep putting water on a Greece fire.
*Too soon?*
A fire burned one entire forest and only one elder rabbit survived,you know why?
Because old rabbits die hard
My wife said she thinks I like my friends more than her and if she was stuck in a burning building with my best friend that I would probably save my friend and she would die.
I told her if she was alone with my best friend in a building I probably started the fire.
Asked to give a statement after a cigarette sparked a fire that burned down a sweatshop where their products were being made, Old Navy replied:
"It's a travesty. It's a truly, horrific travesty. Nobody should be allowed to sell cigarettes to children that age!"
Whats the similarity between children and camp fires?
Both are better to watch when they are burning.
Has anyone tried burning their Gillette razors yet?
I'm having trouble getting mine to catch on fire. Total b**.... Razor burn must be a myth.
I had a chance to meet with a man who had been on fire.
I just had to know what the experience had been like for him. Intrigued, I asked him about the feeling of being in an inferno.
It was a burning question of mine.
Irish fireman (slightly racist)
p**... was at a fire one day but he had forgot his ladder. He managed to persuade the first person, a middle aged white woman that he would catch her, and he did. Then her mother followed, again p**... caught her. Next a black man jumped out and fell straight to the pavement.
p**... shouted up "don't be throwing out the burned ones!"
Did you hear about the guy who left his phone charging overnight?
It overcharged, caught fire and burned the house down.
He was arrested on charges of battery.
I opened the fire exit door for a girl to run out with me out of the burning building. I kept it open for her to come.
"I have a boyfriend!"
There was a man who wasn't creative
He named his kids numbers in the order they were born (the first child was 1, second child 2 and so on)
After he had 100 kids , a fire burned his house down leaving only one child. 90
90 grew up and had his own kids that weren't creative and when they saw a stray dog , they took him in and called him 'that'
One hot summer day 'that' was run over by a car
Ofc they replaced 'that' but they never forgot him
Only 90's kids remember that
A bank in my city recently caught fire and burned down
Iv never seen that much toasted bread before
Elephant jokes, because it's what 2021 needs
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
Bonus #1: How can you tell an elephant has been in your refrigerator? Footprints in the cheesecake.
Bonus #2: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
Bonus #3: No more elephant jokes.
Give a man a candle and he can see until that candle burns down...
Set a man on fire and he can see for the rest of his life.
Saw some videos about the fires burning near Athens.
Apparently nobody told the firefighters that you can't use water to put out a Greece fire.
A Blonde woman moves into a brand new neighbourhood,
The following evening her house catches fire and starts burning quickly, she quickly calls emergency services and gets put through to the fire department,
Blonde: Hello my house is burning down, you must come quickly.
Fire Chief: Ok no problem tell us where you live.
Blonde: It's a new house outside of town, on a new development.
Fire Chief: we don't seem to have your address on our systems, tell us how to get there.
Blonde: Hellllloooooooooo in your fkn red truck !
Big Lebowski
I used to have a job making coffee on the set of the Big Lebowski. One day they fired me because the lead actor's coffee was too hot. It was an important lesson about burning bridges.
Time to see a doctor
A guy walks into his usual bar and orders a beer. "I've got to try to get in to see a doctor soon," he confides to the bartender. "It really hurts when I pee." "Does it burn?" the bartender asks. "I don't know," the guy replies. "I never tried to set it on fire."
Russian man dies
Russian man die, but for him suffer not over. Man very wicked, and go to h**.... There devil make punish: he burn in lake of fire. Is warm. Russian man finally happy.
So devil make lake hotter. But Russian man now is warmer. Now is happier.
Devil get very frustrate. So devil make fire lake into ice lake--lake cold as million Russian winter. But Russia man now happiest of all!
"Devil!" he say, "h**... is freeze! Russia is finally happy country!"
But is not true. Is only story.
Also, man not in h**..., only Russia.
The Hitman gets fired!
A very dumb fella wanted to be a Hitman for the Mafia. But he got fired after he failed miserably on his first job!
He burned his lips on the tailpipe of the car he was suppose to blow up!