Finish Line Jokes

72 finish line jokes and hilarious finish line puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about finish line that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Finish Line Short Jokes

Short finish line jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The finish line humour may include short crossed finish jokes also.

  1. And the ferrari speeds past the finish line... In the worst case of cheating the London marathon has ever seen!
  2. The Tetris movie is finally coming out in 2023 after numerous delays. Every time they finished a line in the script, it disappeared.
  3. I was running a marathon. I was in first place and could see the finish line. I tripped and fell and now all I see is... De feet
  4. How do you get whole race to hate you? Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)
  5. I just found out that no lines of latitude pass through Finland! As they cross the border, that's the Finish line.
  6. which came first, the chicken or the egg? the chicken, silly! eggs don't have legs, so it would still be stuck on the starting line when the chicken crossed the finish.
  7. COVID-19 news: Finland forced to close their borders again No one will be crossing the finish line.
  8. I just barely crossed the finish line in a Law and Order 5k race. I would have got first, but the cops beat me to it.
  9. Did i ever tell u about the time i went to see a drag race? Yeah... I wasnt expecting to see a bunch of dudes dressed as ladies heading for the finish line.
  10. For the final piece of coursework in my art diploma, I used my knife to cut a line across Mr Hamill and Mr Wahlberg just after they'd finished eating. I scored full Marks.

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Finish Line One Liners

Which finish line one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with finish line? I can suggest the ones about finishing work and finishing fast.

  1. Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
    A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
  2. My daughter said her nose is running. So I made a finish line by the door.
  3. There are some lines that I never cross Such as Zeno's finish line.
  4. Is the border of finland a... Finish-line?
  5. What has 3 legs, 5 arms, 3 ears and 7 eyes ? The finish line of the Boston Marathon.
  6. What do you call a false marathon destination in Finland? A lie'n finish finish line!
  7. What do you get when a pair of shoes crosses the finish line together? Tied shoes
  8. I just finished seeing a leak of The Last Jedi, and ending line was a shocker:
  9. How did h**... lose the race? He didn't r**... the finish line.

Humorous Finish Line Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about finish line you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ending call jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make finish line pranks.

One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.

Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!

My grandma Edna had to get a job... she applied and was hired at the toy factory where they make Tickle-Me Elmo dolls. She was led to her station near the end of the assembly line where the foreman told her what was expected of her.
A couple hours later, the foreman came back to check on her. He stood behind her and observed as she meticulously folded two marbles into a small piece of cloth. Then, using a needle and thread, she stitched the folded cloth between the legs of a newly assembled Tickle-Me Elmo doll. Then she placed the finished doll into a bin for packaging. The foreman quietly watched with a growing expression of puzzlement on his face as Edna repeated this process several times.
Finally, the Foreman's eyes lit up with understanding. He placed his hand on her shoulder and said "No, Edna. I told you to give each doll two... test... tickles."

The turtle

There was a lion in the jungle who was getting very bored and very evil. So because he was the king he started a contest with his old friend turle. The contest stated- whoever makes turtle laugh first does not have to suffer death. So he had all his subjects line up in front of turtle. The first in line was zebra, he told the funniest joke the kingdom had hearf in centuries, even lion laughed a little. But turtle stared him in the eye mercilessly and without emotion. The lion looked at zebra and said sorry, rules are rules so he killed him and fed zebra to the hyenas. Then giraffe came and told an equally funny joke to which turtle didnt respond. So he died a terrible death as well. This went on for weeks and weeks and turtle would not laugh. When finally the only animals left were the lion, the turtle, and the hyenas. So lion told the hyenas, bring me your best jokester and we will finish this contest. So the hyenas brought their best comic and he told his joke. The turtles eyes widened he looked at lion and said ha...haha....hahahahahahahahaha! I just got the zebras joke.

As I finished m**..., I wondered why the "Cheers" theme song was in my head.

Then, I got to the line "and you're always glad you came"

A middle aged woman walks into a grocery store…

She has been single for the past 5 years and is extremely lonely. She proceeds to collect a few things here and there from throughout the store. Lip balm, a gallon of milk, a few rolls of paper towels, chicken p**... pies, and laundry detergent.
When she finishes finding all of her items she proceeded to the checkout counter. Immediately after she got in line a man came up behind her and began to wait as well. He had a 12 pack with him and was obviously drunk. He was staring at her groceries then up at her, swaying back and forth trying to keep balance.
You must be single? he asked her.
Normally she would ignore a stranger talking to her, especially one this drunk, but she was for some reason slightly intrigued. She noticed he kept looking at her groceries and up at her. Maybe he thought she was single based off what she was purchasing. Maybe he could point out something that would help her find someone to love.
Yes, I am single , she said. But can you tell me something? How can you tell I'm single? she said as she looked down at the few things in her basket.
cause….. he struggled to stand up and looked her in the eye. cause you're ugly.

The Wasp

There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted and breezes through, finishing with 5 phDs. He then decides he wants to go into politics. He starts out municipally and then onto state government, until he finally decides to run for President of the United States. He wins in a landslide, he was so popular that it was rumoured the opposition even voted for him. After his 8 years in office (yes, he got reelected) he remembers all the other wasps he left behind in the hive. He goes back to visit them. He sees his mother, his father, his auntie, his uncle, his brothers, his sisters, his cousins, and his one in-bred half brother on his dads side. When he is there he gets thirsty, he goes to the watering hole but there is a gigantic line, he estimates that it would take him 3 days to get a drink. "No point in waiting that long." He said. Then he made his way to the cider, but there is an even longer line there. Suddenly, he remembers that almost no one drinks punch in his hive. He makes his way over to the punch bowl, and guess what? There is no punchline.

12 Shots

A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up twelve shots of whiskey. The bartender places twelve shot glasses on the table and begins to fill them.
Halfway through, the man starts grabbing the shots and slamming them back in rapid succession, finishing the last one just after the bartender poured it.
"Wow, buddy, I've never seen anybody take so many shots so quickly." the bartender remarked.
"Hey, if you had what I had you'd be drinking just as quick." the man replied.
"Oh," said the bartender, "what do you have?"
"About two bucks."

"Where'd your 'P' go?"

So a preschooler was learning about the alphabet and all of its mysteriousness. So, teacher told the little gentleman to recite the letters of the alphabet. The boy begins to say the letters A, B, C, but abruptly stops. The teacher asks why he stopped, so the boy replies, "I have to go the bathroom". As her response she tells him he can go 'wee-wee' once he's finished reciting the alphabet. So, again, the boy starts to sing his abc's.
"A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z"
The teacher responds, "Very good! But where'd your "P" go?"
*(dramatic line skip)*
The young boy blushes profusely and quietly whispers, "Down my left leg."

A blonde , brunette, and a readhead.

Are going on a road trip when they accidentally trespass into a secret military base and the punishment is viable by shooting. So they bring the readhead and make her stand against the wall . The captain exclaims .
"Ready ! Aim "
the read head than turns around and says.
" Tsunami!" and all the soldiers fall for it and the readhead escapes.
Next is the brunette. Same deal she lines up and the captain than says. " Ready ! aim ! ". The brunette than turns around and says .
" Tornado!" all the soldiers fell for it and she escapes.
Last is the blonde. "Ready ! Aim !" just when the captain is about to finish the blonde yells .
" Fire !"

Old Lenny

Old Lenny lived far out in the western mountains of Maine. He had spent all of his 80 years living on the family homestead.
One morning, two land surveyors appeared at his doorstep. The first one spoke: "Now Lenny, we know you is a proud Mainer, but it seems you ain't in Maine at all. We jist finished surveyin' this whole township, and your house is actually on the New Hampshire side of the state line."
"Wicked decent," says old Lenny, "I'd had enough of them Maine winters anyhow."

A woman tries to ask a man "Do you like the p**... Dolls?"

A woman sees a man she is attracted to so she tries to start a conversation with him, she isn't good at pick up lines so she tries to think of something she can ask him.
A p**... Dolls song is playing so she thinks to herself that she should ask this man if he likes the p**... dolls.
She asks "Do you like the p**......"
The man out of nowhere starts kissing her and doesn't let her finish her sentence. He then takes her to his place and they do it.
After they're done she asks him "This is what I wanted, how did you know that I wanted this?"
He asks "How did you know that my name was Cat?"

A woman decides to call her friend in a foreign language while waiting in line at a grocery store.

When she finishes, a racist American man gets annoyed.
The man says, "You have to speak English in God's forsaken land of America! If you want to speak Spanish, go back to Mexico!"
The woman says, "I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England."

Free Haircuts

One day, a florist went to a barber shop to get his hair cut. After the barber was finished, the florist went to pay, but the barber said, "No, this one's on the house, I'm doing the community a service this week and giving free haircuts." The next morning, the barber comes to work to find a handwritten thank you note from the florist along with a dozen roses. Later, a policeman came into get his hair cut. When the officer went to pay, the barber once again refused payment. The next morning, the barber came to work to find another thank you note along with a dozen donuts. That afternoon, a congressman came to get a haircut. Again, when the congressman attempted to pay, the barber told him there would be no charge. The following day, the barber once again arrived to a surprise at work. This time a dozen congressmen had lined up to get their free haircuts.

Annual Snail Racing Day

It was annual snail racing day and so, all the snails elected Snail B to judge while Snails J, P and O help set up the course. All the other snails then got into their designated soapbox cars, which were painted with their letter.
Snail B yelled out four beeps, and on the last and higher pitched beep, all the snails started racing.
At one point of the race, Snail S's car hit a bump and flew off the track, with him in it. Snail S landed several feet away from his car, badly bruised, and called for help, but no one heard, for all his other snail friends were either racing or waiting at the finish line. After several tense moments, Snail S was picked up, but only to be cooked and eaten.
At the end of the race, Snail X came first, with Snail K second and Snail W third. After all the snails had crossed the finish line, everyone looked around and asked, "Where did the S car go?"


A Harvard grad and an Agricultural grad are competing for a bank job. The bank president is equally impressed with both candidates so he comes up with with a test to see how they think on there feet. He tells both candidates to write a poem using a word he will give them in 3 minutes to complete the task. Both candidates agree. The presidents say the word is "timbuktu". Go!!!
The Harvard grad starts writing immediately and finishes in a minutes while the Aggie has not written anything down. The president tells him time is half over just write something down. The Aggie frantically writes something and finishes just in time.
Since the Harvard grad finished first he will read his first and it went something like this.
Basting is the desert sun, Camels lined two by two, Destination timbuktu.
Impressed the president reads the Aggies.
A hunting Tim and I went, Spotted three lovelies in a tent, With the morning dew, I buck one and, Tim buck two
Aggie gets the job is you are worried about that.

3 Swimmers are on the starting blocks at the Paralympic games

The first one has no arms, the second one has no legs, and the third one is just a head standing on the block.
The race starts, the first two swimmers jump in and start swimming, someone pushes the head in.
They go at it like crazy and finally the guy with no legs reaches the finish line.
Everyone cheers, he is so happy, but he looks around and sees bubbles coming from the water.
He dives and grabs the head that was underwater. The head coughs some water and says:
"I train for five years to swim with my ears and just before the start an idiot comes and puts a swim cap on me!"

u**... race.

I was at a group thing and we went on break. Some dude and I got to neighboring urinals and in unison our pee hit the water at the same time. We both knew one thing, the race was on!
The race was a dead heat. Both of us were expelling as fast as we could. I could hear the pressure increasing as we both of us wanted that win.
The winner of a foot race can be designated by the one who crosses the finish line first. In that respect I won.
The winner of a drinking contest is the one that didn't pee on themselves. In that respect, I lost.

Guy walks into a bar and is in despair....

He sits down and asks for 6 top shelf whiskey shots all lined up....
The bartender pours them all out and the guy quickly shoots them one by one.
He asks for 6 more and the bartender obliged. As he's pouring the next 6 shots he gently asks the guy if he's ok.
The man replies with an awkward demeanor - " yah....I'm ok... But you would be nervous too if you had what I had."
The bartender asks the man curiously as he is finishing pouring the last round of shots....... "well... What do you have??"
the man quickly finishes drinking the last of the second round of shots and replies...
" fifty cents."

Just announced, they are making a movie based on Tetris...

Apparently it was due to start filming this year but writing the script was taking longer than expected as every time they finished a line it would disappear.

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon...

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon.
He is walking up and down the line of men, complementing, or insulting the men on their work in the field that day.
Finally, he reaches a private at the end of the line.
Without being able to finish his sentence, the private interrupts his superior saying, "THANK YOU, SIR."

Maybe Russia is in a huge marathon that ends with, invading Finland.

And crossing the finish line.

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim from the mainland to Vancouver Island, doing only the breaststroke.
After about 14 hours the brunette staggered up on shore and was declared the winner.
About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up to the finish line in second.
Nearly four hours after that, the blond finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporter asked why it took her considerably longer to finish the race, she replies, I don't like to sound like a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms!

Father and son are watching a formula 1 Grand Prix

And the father says, You know I used to be the guy who waved the cars off at finish line.
Son : I did not know that dad.
Father : you could say....
Son : Dad plz no...
Father : ... that I have a bit of a checkered past!

What do you call the border of Finland?

The Finish line.
What do you call a c**... addict's last use of the drug?
The finish line.

The 2016 Presidential Election ended in a tie

So then president Obama decided the tie breaker would a race around the White House, with the fastest time being awarded the presidency. Bernie Sanders being the honest man he is went first, but is older and well past his physical prime, completed the race on 17 minutes 46 seconds. Trump being the next man up is in a bit better physical shape in 15 minutes even. Hilary Clinton wanting to assure the country is safe from Donald Trump cuts a few corners to improve her time. At the finish line Obama informs her she ran a time of 10 minutes 17 seconds. "Wow!" Hilary responds "10:17 must be a record!" jumping for joy. "Not exactly" States Obama. "Bush did 9:11"

What did the Formula 1 commentator say when Kimi Raikkonen drifted gracefully past the finish line in pole position?

"That's a great finnish by the Ferrari star."

The owner of a racehorse is angry

The owner of a racehorse is angry because the horse he paid so much money for has yet to win a race.
Listen to me, the man says, grabbing the horse by the harness. You'd better win this race or you'll be working the farm tomorrow.
The horses line up in the gates, the starting gun sounds, and the gate is removed. All of the horses take off for the finish line, except the owner's horse. He is fast asleep in his starting pen.
What the heck do you think you're doing? the owner yells at the horse.
I'm grabbing some rest, says the horse. I've got to work the farm early tomorrow morning.

Did you see that Olympic downhill skier who actually crossed the finish line backwards?

He came in last...b**... first...

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11

Two villages in Thailand cannot find a way to settle their differences.

They arrange to meet on the battle field the following day to finish it once and for all.
The next morning, hundreds of villagers from each settlement line up facing each other, ready for war.
They both send a single monk, fully dressed in hooded robes to the middle of the field. They begin to fight, one on one, **to the death**.
Confused, a young villager asks his father why the villages are not facing off in their entirety.
"Ah, my son, when the Catholics come here long ago, they teach us one thing", his father begins, "to win battle, you must fight friar with friar".

A guy named Miles gets lost during a marathon in India...

"Surely I should be at the finish line by now!" he thinks.
Shortly he comes upon a group of Punjabi people, practically a score of them. "Excuse me," he asks, "Have you all seen anyone running a race around here? I'm not sure how long this thing is supposed to be. If so, can you point them out to me?"
Twenty Sikhs point to Miles.

Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run....

If they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line.

A man is attempting to donate s**... at a s**... bank...

... but he's having difficulty finishing, and so takes a while.
Eventually he manages, so he screws the lid on, and heads back into the reception to deposit the cup.
But by now a long line has formed with other men attempting to do the same thing - all the way to the door.
Furious, he marches up to the receptionist at the front of the line and says, "This is unacceptable - I can't wait this long, I have places to be! I need you to process my sample right now."
The receptionist turns to him and replies, "I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to go to the back of the line; we have a strict first-come first-served policy."

A captain is giving orders to soldiers staying in line

After finishing he asked if anyone has a question to ask.
One of the soldiers asks I'm sorry Sir, but why do your boots have different colours, one black and one brown?
Captain realizes that he really has two different boots and says that he will go home and change them, and that soldiers should wait here till he comes back
One hour passes, all soldiers are exhausted, and finally the captain appears, sad, and still wearing different boots
A soldier asks why didn't he change the boots, why are you still wearing one black and one brown boot?
The captain replies, I couldn't find a normal pair at home, the other two are also different


One night I was dreaming the number 7, over an over. To my amazement, when I woke up it was 7 o'clock, on July the 7th. So I took the bus on line 7 straight to the racetrack and bet 7777$ on the 7th horse from the 7th round. It finished on 7th.

The day of the Boston massacre as soon I heard about I said that some lines just shouldn't be crossed especially not the finish line

I will give credit where credit is to : Anthony Jeselnik

I was dropped from the athletics team after I kept on getting tired before the finish line.

My coach said that I was not performing up to the mark.

To me perfect s**... is like a carwash.

You start by lining it up and going in slow, and finish when three Mexican dudes run up and furiously towel you off.

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts
down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.
How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees? he asks himself.
Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn't work properly.
Hmm, it looks okay, says the server, and starts the chainsaw.
The man jumps back in shock and cries, What's that noise?

What banner phrase did the art sculptures create to christen their upcoming race?

Finish line or BUST!

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris go out for a morning run together

Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.
"How'd you do?" she asks him.
"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"
"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11."

A man wins a horse race

A man won a horse race after the other horse dropped dead before reaching the finish line.
However, the winner had a hard time enjoying his victory, because it's no fun beating a dead horse!

A man is working in the shoe factory

A man is working in the shoe factory, talking with his supervisor from across the line. As he works on the incomplete shoe, he strikes up a conversation with his boss. "Anything new in your world Bob?" he asks. "Yeah, actually! I just finished my degree and am starting a 2nd job as a therapist!", he responds. The man, moving on to the bottom of the shoe is shocked. "Wow, that's great! You know, I've actually been having trouble getting over Jess-" he starts, before Bob interrupts "Let it go man. It's time to heel".