Finish Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

[At a parole hearing] Officer: Tell me, why should you be released early?

Inmate: It's bec..

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

My brother who has a stutter is in prison.

It's just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.

A guy with a stutter died in prison

before he could finish his sentence.

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down?

Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.


Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest


Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes


Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic

Until Bush did 9:11

is google male or female?

female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions

I just finished designing a website for an orphanage

There isn't a home page

Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario:

Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.

Is Google a woman?

I can't even finish a sentence without it coming up with other suggestions.

If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases the chances of a stroke by 50%

Let her finish the bottle and she'll probably suck it as well.

So the painters finish painting my home...

and they hand me the bill. I notice that by the paint it says $0. I say, "you guys did such a good job, why aren't you charging me for the paint?" The head painter looks at me and says, "don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."

Saw a cute girl at work today.

I told her I get off in five minutes and she smiled. Then I said I finish work in one hour and she left.

I just finished a documentary on beavers

Best dam movie I've ever seen.

If 6ix9ine serves his 47 years...

he'll be the first mumble rapper to finish a sentence

Is Google a boy or girl?

Girl because it won't let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas

My favourite Haiku

Space is limited
In a haiku, so it's hard
To finish what you

My uncle drank a whole bottle of wood varnish

He had a horrible death but a lovely finish

Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong's memorial service...

and says "Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME"

I think Google's a woman...

Because it won't let you finish a sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

I just finished a jigsaw puzzle.

It only took me six months, which is amazing considering the box says 2-4 years.

Foreign Sex

A man decides he wants to have a one night stand with a foreign girl. So he meets a girl they go to the bedroom. After the first round, the man says to her, You finish? The girl shakes her head, no. So they do it again. Now the man is really tired. So he says, You finish? Again, she shakes her head. So they do it again. By now, the man is exhausted. So he says to the girl, You finish? The girl answers, No, I Norwegian .

A blonde woman was trying to do a Jigsaw Puzzle

She got very frustrated that she struggling so she decided to ask her husband for help.

She said "Can you help me finish this puzzle, Its supposed to be a Bird"

Her husband replied "Put the Froot Loops back in the Cupboard"

A man goes to jail.

A man was sentenced to death. By tradition, the man can request one last meal

"So what will it Be?" the executioner asked

"Instead of food, can I request to sing one last song? But you must let me finish the song"

Confused by this, the executioner agreed to let the man sing


The man begins "1,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall..."

I was eating soup one day outside my favorite restaurant and it started raining..

Took me hours to finish my meal.

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it doesn't let you finish your sentence before making a suggestion.

Big vote today in England. If Leave wins I predict :

Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovakout. Latervia. Byegium

Why isn't Hitler in Mario Kart?

Because he cant finish a race

Just finished building doors for my fish.

I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry.

Why does Donald Trump finish nearly every tweet with an exclamation point?

Because he thinks periods are gross.

[NSFW] A female prostitute gives a southern man the time of his life...

When they finish the man asks "Geee Miss, how much do I owe ya?"

The prostitute replies "For you, hon? Only 20 dollars."

The southern man replies, "Well golly, miss. I thought the rate was 50 dollars."

The prostitute looks at the man, smiles and says...

"Not for you, baby... Family Discount."

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees? he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn't work properly.

Hmm, it looks okay, says the server, and starts the chainsaw.

The man jumps back in shock and cries, What's that noise?

Did you hear about the woodworker who died when he fell into a vat of varnish?

It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish.

I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...

It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing sex that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...

I am now banned from babysitting.

Doctor's orders for more peace in your life

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives after this election, we should always finish things we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished.

I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

Hitler was worst track runner

he couldn't even finish one race

Three guys are drinking methanol. "Quickly, let's finish the bottle, it's getting dark already," one of them observes.

Just finished watching that Documentary on the invention of the shovel...

Ground Breaking Stuff.

What gender is Google?

Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Talking with your girlfriend is just like software installation EULA

you just scroll down waiting for it to finish and agree without understanding what it says

Russia's Three Steps to Homework

Step 1. Putin it off

Step 2. Stalin

Step 3. Russian to finish

Is google male or female?

Female, because it doesnt let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

I just finished reading the fifth book in this great series.

It's called the "Learning to Count" trilogy.

Why is Michael Phelps better than Hitler?

Michael Phelps can actually finish off a race.

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

Einstein is it and starts counting. Pascal immediately runs off and hides. Newton just stands there and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square and sits there waiting for Einstein to finish counting. When Einstein finishes counting, he immediately sees Newton, exclaiming, "You're it!" Newton only smiles and says, "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"

Two Photons enter a bar.

Two Photons Finish their shift at their job, hop a cab and head to a bar.
They enter the bar and the bartender asks "Are you coming or leaving?" One of the photons replies "Isn't it obvious?"
The bartender replies "No, I'm colorblind.

I have a puzzle that has 3-6 years written on it

But it only took me 5 months to finish it

The Pirate and the alphabet

Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?

Because they spend years at sea.

I just finished decorating my xmas tree with tampons.

For the Christmas period.

Is Google male or female?

Female because she won't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion

What the Mayans taught me

The Mayans taught me that if you don't finish something, it's not really the end of the world.

Why was Hitler kicked off the track team?

He could never finish a race.

Nice guys don't finish last..

They finish alone in the shower.

What's the similarity between Hitler and an asthma patient?

Neither of them can finish a race.

How many Nazis does it take to finish a race?

None, Nazis can't finish a race.

My wife didn't finish her Morse code lessons before going sailing.

She seems to alright though she keeps sending me messages to send her an SMS but I haven't got a reply yet.

What are the funniest finish jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Finish? Well, here are the best Finish puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Finish pick up lines to share with friends.

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