fingers Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious fingers puns

I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for and what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with the beard gets all the credit for it!

Still I suppose it was my fault for marrying her.

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My girlfriend looked at me with her sexy eyes and said, "I want you to make me scream with your two fingers baby"

.... so I poked her in the eyes.

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Two female police dog handlers are walking their dogs

One says to the other, "I left my panties at the police station." The other says, "Let the dog have a whiff of your cunt and he'll go and fetch them."

Fifteen minutes later, the dog returns with her panties, her baton, a broomhandle and two of the inspector's fingers.

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What has five fingers and isn't your hand?

My hand.

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My wife asked me: "Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home."

I replied: " I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"

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A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?"

His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."

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Three prostitutes are sitting in a bar. . .

and they're drunkenly arguing over who has the loosest pussy.

The first one says: "Last night I had a John put his whole fist up me and open up his fingers.

The second one laughs and says: "That's nothing! Last week I had a guy who stuck his arm up me to the elbow and could wriggle it all around, barely touching the sides!"

The third one laughed at the other two and slid down the bar stool.

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I broke one of my fingers at work today.

On the other hand, everything is OK.

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A young boy asks his dad:

A young boy asks his dad:
"Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs when their fingers aren't green?"

Dad replies:
"It's just a saying son. It's like when somebody is caught stealing something they say they have been caught red handed, even though their hands are actually black."

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A Roman walks into a bar,

holds up two fingers, and says "Five beers, please"

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What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?

My hand.

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How can you tell a mechanic just had sex?

Two of his fingers are clean.

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I'd like to thank my legs for supporting me

My arms for always being by my side and my fingers... I could always count on them.

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When I awoke from the accident and they told me my fingers were broken...

it was hard to grasp.

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Sometimes i just sit & run my fingers thru my wife's hair.

It's a nice way to tell her i love her.

And also that we're outta napkins.

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My grandpa just told me that he loves how reliable his fingers are and is really attached to them...

Says he has always been able to count on them.

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A young boy asks his dad

A young boy asks his dad:
"Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs when their fingers aren't green?"

Dad replies:
"It's just a saying, son. It's like when somebody is caught stealing something, they say that they have been caught 'red handed,' even though their hands are actually black."

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Why did the bald man have his hand down his pants?

So he could run his fingers through his hair!

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I just found out sperm banks pay for your sample....

To think I've let all that money slip through my fingers.

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How do kids from chernobyl count to a 100?

On their fingers

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Man is like spider...

..bound to have sticky fingers after being on the web

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TIL sperm donors are paid $50 per donation.

It was devastating. Imagine all the money that has slipped through my fingers.

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What is green and smells like bacon?

Kermit's fingers

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I would like to thank my arms

For always being by my side

I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me

And I would like to thank my fingers because I can always count on them

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My wife looked at me with her sexy eyes and said "I want you make me scream with 2 fingers baby"

So I poked her in the eyes.

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A young boy asks his dad

A young boy asks his dad: "Why do people say gardeners have green thumbs when their fingers aren't actually green?"

The dad replies: "It's just a saying, son. It's like when somebody is caught stealing something, they say that they have been caught 'red handed,' even though their hands are actually black."

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Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?

Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

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How many Fingers ?

A blonde gets knocked off her bike and takes a nasty whack to the head.

A paramedic rushes over to check her for injuries. "How many fingers have I got up?"

She suddenly bursts into tears. "Fuck me, I'm a paralysed from the waist down, I can't feel any"

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No matter how bad things get, at least I have my fingers!

I know I can always count on them.

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I'd like to thank my hands...

I'd like to thank my hands for always being at my side, my legs for supporting me through thick and thin, and my fingers... Because I can always count on them.

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A roman walks into a bar, sticks 2 fingers up and says

5 beers please.

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When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear.

After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.

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The English and the Scots.

A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."

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A blonde is in a car accident.

I think I have a concussion, she tells the paramedic.

The paramedic says, OK, let's check you out. How many fingers do I have up?

The blonde replied, OMG, my ass is paralyzed too?

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Three girls are sitting at a bar talking about how loose they are

The first girl says "I'm so loose my boyfriend can get three fingers inside of me". The second girl says "I'm so loose MY boyfriend can get his whole fist in me." The third girl just smiles and slowly slides down the bar stool.

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What are the most funny Fingers jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Fingers? Well, here are the best Fingers dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Fingers pick up lines to share with friends.

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