Finger Thumb Jokes

37 finger thumb jokes and hilarious finger thumb puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about finger thumb that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Finger Thumb Short Jokes

Short finger thumb jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The finger thumb humour may include short middle finger jokes also.

  1. I just accidentally super-glued my thumb & index finger together, and at first started to panic… But then I remembered that it's always going to be okay.
  2. Why are women bad at parking? Because men have told them that this (*holds thumb and index finger 2 inches apart*) is 8 inches.
  3. I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together and at first, I started to panic. But then I remembered... That it's always going to be okay...
  4. A programmer walked into a bar. He raised his middle finger and his thumb to the bartender and said "5 beers please".
  5. When the waiter brought my order he had his thumb in my steak So I yelled at him, "I don't want your finger touching my food!" So he asks me, "Would you rather it fall on the floor again?"
  6. Three of five fingers were willing to cooperate but the thumb and forefinger were opposed!
  7. Some people press the button in the elevator with their thumb and others press it with their index finger. Why? To get to the right floor.
  8. Somebody once told me... Hands off my Macaroni, Milwaukee pasta bandit found dead. He was picking up the gun, with his finger and his thumb, raising up, pointed straight at his forehead.
  9. I once met a Lawyer in court, but I didn't get to see much of his fingers. Justice thumbs.
  10. I had a careless shop teacher in High School... He lost his thumb and ring finger in an accident. What a shocker.

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Finger Thumb One Liners

Which finger thumb one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with finger thumb? I can suggest the ones about finger gun and finger.

  1. What has 4 fingers, a thumb, and is not your hand? My hand
  2. Why are hands so important? You always need them for thumb finger another.
  3. What do you call a judge without any thumbs ? Justice fingers.
  4. What do you calla judge with no thumbs? Justice fingers
  5. Why did the middle finger get mad at the thumb? We don't know. It just snapped.
  6. What did finger say to the thumb? I'm in glove with you.
  7. I accidentally glued my index finger to my thumb It's OK
  8. What do you call an amputated finger? Disposable thumb
  9. Heard about that Judge from America who has no thumbs? Honestly, Justice Fingers.

Charming Humor Finger Thumb Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about finger thumb you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thumb jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make finger thumb pranks.

A young boy asks his dad

A young boy asks his dad: "Why do people say gardeners have green thumbs when their fingers aren't actually green?"
The dad replies: "It's just a saying, son. It's like when somebody is caught stealing something, they say that they have been caught 'red handed,' even though their hands are actually black."

Another penguin joke. n**...

A penguin takes his car in to a mechanic, and the mechanic tells him it will be an hour until he is ready. So the penguin decides to get an ice cream cone.
Penguins don't have opposable thumbs let alone fingers so he ends up with ice cream all over himself.
Later, he returns to the mechanic who says"I found the problem. It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, I just ate some ice cream."

I like to imagine my fingers as the races of Middle Earth...

The thumb is the dwarf because it's stout
The pinkie is the hobbit because it's diminutive
The index is the elf because it's the most dexterous
The ring is the human because they were given the most rings
And the middle is the orc... because it's the rudest

At the Hotel Bar...

A man was sitting at a hotel bar, when a group of men sat down next to him and ordered a round of drinks.
"You guys with a convention?"
"Yes, we're with the Gynecology conference"
"Really? I was this close" he holds up his finger and thumb about an inch apart "to becoming a Gynecologist."
"So what did you end up doing?"
"I'm a proctologist."

A brunette, A redhead, and A blonde....

Enter an elevator and spot something on the floor.
The brunette immediately says "Eww, that's s**...".
The redhead, touches it with her index finger and rubs it with her thumb together and says "Yup, definitely s**...".
The blonde, touches it, rubs it between her fingers and tastes it and says: "Yup, definitely s**..., and it's not from anyone in this building."

Little Jack Warner

Little Jack Warner
Sat in the corner
A finger in every pie.
He stuck in his thumb
And pulled out a b**...
And said "Lets all go to Dubai!"

A guy goes to his proctologist...

While the doc was getting ready for the exam, the man asked "So how did you get into proctology?" The doctor goes, "Well, I wanted to be a Gynecologist, **holds up thumb and index finger** but I missed it by this much"

A man orders a soup in a restaurant ...

This man sits in a restaurant and orders a soup. After some time, the waiter approches with the soup, keeping his left thumb in the soup itself.
The man notices this, and after the waiter arrives at the table he asks slightly angry "Hey, why do you put your thumb into my soup?"
Waiter: "I have a very serious infection in that finger, and my doctor told me to keep it warm all the time."
Now the man was serious angry and yells to the waiter: "So? Why don't you push the thumb up in your a** to keep it warm??"
Waiter: "Yes, this is what I always do after I served the soup"

An American, an Englishman, a German and a Japanese go golfing on their annual meetup...

As they are playing, they hear a ringing sound. The American rushes to his golf bag and pulls out a mobile phone. He answers the phone and when the conversation is done, he explains to his friends, "My company needs to be in touch with me all the time, so I carry this fancy phone around with me." The other golfers are mildlyinterested.
As they continue playing, another ringing sound is heard. The Englishman puts his thumb to his ear and his last finger on his mouth and also has a conversation. When he is done he says "My company also needs to be in touch with me, so they installed a speaker on my thumb and a microphone on my last finger. The antenna is in my hat. The other golfers nod in approval at his technology.
Later in the day, yet another ringing sound is heard. The German tilts his head and starts talking. When he is done he says to the others, "To keep in contact with my company, there's a speaker in my ear canal and a microphone in my tooth. The antenna is in my spine." The other golfers are impressed at such marvels of technology.
As they are playing the last hole, a beeping sound is heard and the Japanese runs into the bushes. After he hasn't shown up for a while, the other golfers look for him and eventually find him squatting on the ground, pants down. "Oh, I'm sorry for intruding." Says one of them. "Oh, it's okay. I'm just waiting for a fax."