finger Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious finger puns

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

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As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter…

I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.

I thought to myself, "I really need a new fucking boat."

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What happens when you finger a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red.

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Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?

She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

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Wordplay is fun.

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.

I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me.

"I really need a new fucking boat," I thought to myself.

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I broke my finger today...

But on the other hand I am completely fine.

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What has five fingers and isn't your hand?

My hand.

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A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"

"Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

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I took my finger out of her hole, and in seconds she was going down on me.

I thought to myself, Man. I am really gonna miss this boat.

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The best engine in the world

The best engine in the world is the vagina, it takes any size piston, is self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks it does it's own oil change.

It's just a pity the management system is so fucking temperamental.

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The moist finger

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, at first encountering resistance but then plunging in, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.

I took my finger back out and within seconds, before I knew it, she was going down on me.

And I thought to myself..... "I really need a new freakin' boat."

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I burned my finger on my computer processor.

It MHz.

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What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?

My hand.

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I was on my way home from work, and saw my midget neighbor waiting for the bus...

I said "hop in, i'll give you a lift!"

He gave me the finger and told me to fuck off.

So I just zipped up my backpack and continued walking.

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A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."

The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a urine test."

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I played my wedding video backwards today.

It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.

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Body Pain

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.

That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?

No I'm a blonde , she replies.

I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.

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I recently watched my wedding video backwards.

I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.

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How do two lesbians pass their time when on their period?

Finger painting.

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Why do pedophiles like to play guitar?

Because it's completely ok to finger A minor

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I broke my finger yesterday...

... on the other hand, I'm okay.

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were waiting for an elevator.

On the floor, next to the elevator door, was a tiny puddle of milky liquid. The brunette notices it first and says,
"Oh my God, that looks like semen."
The redhead bends down and sniffs,
"Oh my god, this smells like semen."
The blonde gets down on one knee, dips her finger in it, and sticks the finger in her mouth to taste it and blurts out,
"It's not anybody from our building."

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A woman walks into a convenience store...

"I need four D batteries," she says.

The cashier nods and motions to her with a finger. "Come this way."

"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need four D batteries!"

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I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand everything is fine.

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If a ring for a toe is a toe ring...

Then shouldn't a ring for a finger be a *fingering*

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I broke a finger yesterday

But on the other hand, I'm fine.

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How many Fingers ?

A blonde gets knocked off her bike and takes a nasty whack to the head.

A paramedic rushes over to check her for injuries. "How many fingers have I got up?"

She suddenly bursts into tears. "Fuck me, I'm a paralysed from the waist down, I can't feel any"

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A telecoms engineer joins the army...

On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"

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Don't wait until you're on your death bed to tell people how you feel

You might be too weak to lift your middle finger

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How bad does it hurt to get a finger cut off?

I'd say about a 9 out of 10

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I broke my finger today

But on the other hand I'm fine

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I've been trying to put a finger on what's causing my anxiety...

But my boss doesn't like to be touched.

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So a tourist walks into an English pub...

A tourist walks into an English pub. While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather big women next to him talk in a strange accent. He walks up to them and says:

"Excuse me, I can't quite put my finger on your accent -- are you two ladies from Ireland?"

They get outraged and snap back:
"It's Wales, you idiot!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

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I broke my finger last week

On the other hand, I'm okay

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I just accidentally super-glued my thumb & index finger together, and at first started to panic…

But then I remembered that it's always going to be okay.

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What are the most funny Finger jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Finger? Well, here are the best Finger dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Finger pick up lines to share with friends.

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