The Best 73 Finger Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Finger jokes. There are some finger forearm jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these finger broken finger puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Finger Jokes and Puns

What happens when you finger a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red.

I broke my finger yesterday...

... on the other hand, I'm okay.

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

Finger joke, Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the au

Grandpa told me this

Guy lost his finger in a work accident

His wife was telling her friend about it

The friend asked "did he lose the whole finger?"

The wife replied "no, the one next to it"

A guy calls his wife to say he's had an accident at the factory

He says, "I got my finger cut off!"

She asks, "The whole finger?"

He replies, "No, the one next to it."


Why are hands so important?

You always need them for thumb finger another.

Finger Licking Good

Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Finger joke, Finger Licking Good

What does a pedophile and a guitarist have in common...

They both like to finger A-minor.

So a tourist walks into an English pub...

A tourist walks into an English pub. While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather big women next to him talk in a strange accent. He walks up to them and says:

"Excuse me, I can't quite put my finger on your accent -- are you two ladies from Ireland?"

They get outraged and snap back:
"It's Wales, you idiot!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

A man is sitting at the doctor's office

As he is doing this, he playfully rotates the wedding ring on his finger. An older gentleman across from him beckons and whispers "Son, there ain't no combination that's gonna unlock that thing".

How do two lesbians pass their time when on their period?

Finger painting.

You can explore finger digit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean finger toe dad jokes. There are also finger puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is green and smells like a pig?

Kermit the frog's finger

Was walking by a mental hospital when...

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.

I broke my finger today...

But on the other hand I am completely fine.

Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?

The specific ocean.

A blonde was rushed to the hospital

A blonde was rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in her index finger.

Doctor: how did this happen?

Blonde: I tried to suicide.

Doctor: you shot your finger for suicide?

Blonde: No, I shot in my ear. But just before pulling the trigger, I realized that there would be a loud bang, so I closed my other ear with my finger.

Finger joke, A blonde was rushed to the hospital

Preacher

A preacher said, "Anyone with a special request who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar ."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.

How can you tell a mechanic recently had sex?

He has 1 clean finger.

src: heard on radio yesterday

So I was fingering this girl, she said put 2 in so I did.

She said put your whole hand in so I did, next she demanded the other hand so I obliged. Finally she said "now clap your hands" I said "I can't" to which she replied "Pretty tight huh?"


The moist finger

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, at first encountering resistance but then plunging in, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.

I took my finger back out and within seconds, before I knew it, she was going down on me.

And I thought to myself..... "I really need a new freakin' boat."

A blonde goes to a doctor...

"Doctor, doctor! When I press my body, it hurts!", says the blonde

"Well, could you show me where exactly it hurts?", the doctor replied.

She then procceeds to press some spots, an "ow" with every press. The doctor then gives her a band-aid.

"What am I going to do with a single band-aid?", asks the blonde.

"Cover up the cut in your finger."

What do Popeye's fingers smell like?

Olive oil.

I recently watched my wedding video backwards.

I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.

What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?

My hand.

42! 42! 42!

A man Is walking past a mental health building, he can hear the patients in a yard shouting " ", not being able to see over the high walls, he finds a hole in the wall, as he looks through, a Finger pokes his eye. "43! 43! 43!" The yard shouts!

I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand everything is fine.

Why do pedophiles like to play guitar?

Because it's completely ok to finger A minor

A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"

"Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

I took my finger out of her hole, and in seconds she was going down on me.

I thought to myself, Man. I am really gonna miss this boat.

I lost a good friend and long time drinking buddy a few days ago in a tragic accident

he got his finger caught in a wedding ring

I was relaxing in a Jacuzzi when my wife pointed a finger at me and gave me a really angry look...

... I knew I was in hot water.

A woman walks into a convenience store...

"I need four D batteries," she says.

The cashier nods and motions to her with a finger. "Come this way."

"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need four D batteries!"

I played my wedding video backwards today.

It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.

I know there's a reason why I cut my hands off.

I just can't put my finger on it right now.

A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."

The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a urine test."

"Tell me what you want." I whispered, as I slid my finger up and down her G string…

She said, "I want my guitar back."

How bad does it hurt to get a finger cut off?

I'd say about a 9 out of 10

A brunette goes to the doctor

A brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Everywhere I touch it hurts."

He asks "What do you mean?"

So she showed him what she meant. She touched her knee and said "Ouch!" Then she touched her chest and said, "Ouch!" Then her shoulder, "Ouch!"

The doctor looks at her and asks, "You're really blonde, aren't you?"

She replies "Yes, as a matter of fact I am. How did you guess?"

Doctor says, "Well your finger is broken."

I was at the gym the other night, I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in.

Long story short, she filed a complaint and I'm banned for life.

I've been trying to put a finger on what's causing my anxiety...

But my boss doesn't like to be touched.

Body Pain

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.

That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?

No I'm a blonde , she replies.

I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.

A telecoms engineer joins the army...

On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"

I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...

But I can't put my finger on it.

When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.

But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the funeral, Emily".ο»Ώ

I burned my finger on my computer processor.

It MHz.

I just accidentally super-glued my thumb & index finger together, and at first started to panic…

But then I remembered that it's always going to be okay.

What has one finger and is very demanding?

A ransom note.

What has five fingers and isn't your hand?

My hand.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?

When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?

She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

What has 4 fingers, a thumb, and is not your hand?

My hand

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower of meat all over the place."
Again the genie clicks his finger and it begins showering small chunks of meat which the second T-Rex begins snatching up.

The third T-Rex, not satisfied, roars
"Make the same as the last one, but make it a MEATIER SHOWER!"

If a ring for a toe is a toe ring...

Then shouldn't a ring for a finger be a *fingering*

How can you tell if a mechanic has gotten laid?

He has one clean finger

I broke my finger last week

On the other hand, I'm okay

Don't wait until you're on your death bed to tell people how you feel

You might be too weak to lift your middle finger

Went to the gym earlier, and while working out I noticed a hole in my trainer... just big enough to get my finger in.

Anyway....she filed a formal complaint and I'm banned for life

A woman walked into a sex shop and asked to buy a vibrator.

The shop assistant beckoned with his finger and said " Can you come this way."

The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need a vibrator."

A man works up courage to ask his wife how many sexual partners she had before him

She says "really?" and goes silent. Doesn't say anything in the morning. Or afternoon. Or the next day. After 3 days, husband approaches his wife and apologetically asks - "Why are you giving me the silent treatment? Are you mad at me for that stupid question?"

Raising her finger she says "Shhh. Be quiet, I'm still counting"

A man goes to a doctors office, and says Whenever I touch anywhere on my body, it hurts

He touches his arm, and screams in agony. He touches his shoulder, and screams in agony. The doctor observes all this and says, I think you have a broken finger.

Broke my finger today

On the other hand I am ok

Those Zoom doctor appointments are not very good.

Especially when your doctor has you stick your finger up your own ass and then you find out that he isn't really a doctor and you are in the wrong meeting.

A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts when I touch my face, elbow and knee." The doctor says,

"You've broken your finger"

What's green and slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger

I was cleaning one of my finger guns.

I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.

A programmer walked into a bar.

He raised his middle finger and his thumb to the bartender and said "5 beers please".

Why did the anarchist refuse to put his finger up his ass?

Because he didn't want to feel prostate.

What do you call the opposite of a lady's finger?

Mentos

Brunette goes to the doctor

Brunette woman goes to the doctor complaining that every were she touches her body it hurts, doctor asks touch your face, she says it hurts he says touch your knee,she says it hurts, the doctor finally comes to the conclusion and asks the woman, you was born a blonde wasn't you, woman says yes why, doctor says because your finger is broken.

Whenever the wife and I fight I sit down and watch my wedding video in reverse

I take the wedding band off her finger, hand her back to her dad and walk out of the chapel with my best mate

A school teacher invited a Native American to give a presentation to his students about their culture

After discussing history, traditions and lifestyle, the conversation turned to language.

"One of the interesting things about our language," he said, "is that there are no cuss words."

"But then what do you say if you are hammering a nail and accidentally hit your finger?" asked a student.

"In that case," he replied, "we use your language."

I lost part of my hand in a freak accident that also gave me amnesia

I'm trying to remember what happened, but I can't put my finger on it

Why are fingers so reliable?

You can always count on them

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the finger middle finger jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working finger missing finger piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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