Fined Jokes
52 fined jokes and hilarious fined puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fined that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fined Short Jokes
Short fined jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fined humour may include short fines jokes also.
- At a recent rally, somebody threw a beer at Trump's head... He's fine. It was a draft, so he dodged it.
- My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye." I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.
- My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave. But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
- Businessman: How much will it cost to buy a large singing group? I need one for a party. Lady: Do you mean a choir?
Businessman: Okay, fine. How much does it cost to acquire a large singing group? - My wife said, Can you have a talk with the kids on drugs? I said, Fine, but I don't make any sense when I'm high.
- Just saw a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out. He said he'll be fine, he's just going through a rough patch.
- There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator Only a fraction of you will get this
- How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
- I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on." "Okay, that's fine." they replied.
I added, "Your luggage is outside." - I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you... I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...
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Fined One Liners
Which fined one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fined? I can suggest the ones about found guilty and traffic fines.
- Veganism is like Communism They are both fine, unless you like food
- What does every women in the world want? Nothing, they're fine.
- What does a girl want more than anything in the world? Nothing. She's fine.
- I broke my finger today... But on the other hand I am completely fine.
- I like my women like I like my kidneys… One is fine but I'd rather have two
- The first rule of passive aggressive club is... You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
- There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator the division is clear
- What do you call a knight made entirely out of fine china? Sir Ramic.
- I didn't vaccinate my five kids and both of them turned out fine.
- I just ended a 5 years long relationship I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship.
- Hey girl, is your atomic number 11? Because you're sodium fine.
- I knew a guy who fell into an industrial meat grinder He's fine now.
- Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
- A cat gives birth in a public park... ...and is fined $50 for littering.
- Got a parking ticket yesterday. Not sure why. The sign said fine for parking.
Gather Around for Fun Fined Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about fined you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean penalty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fined pranks.
Just been fined £500 for having a joint in my greenhouse.
I guess people in glass houses shouldn't get s**....
How much was Texas Instruments fined when they were caught offering free breast augmentation procedures to employees?
$5,318,008
Why didn't the Seahawks give the ball to Marshawn l**...?
They couldn't fined him.
Your mom dropped you off today...
She was fined for littering
TIL that in some states, graffiti vandals are fined $100-200 per letter.
So if you make a whole bunch of letters, you could end up with a hefty sentence.
Flower Salesman Arrested
Local Chinese man Chen Yu stopped a Catholic monk from selling flowers tonight in Downton Dallas. The monk was detained for not having a vending license. The monk will be fined $300 and Yu has been awarded for his efforts. At the end of the day, only Yu can prevent Florist Friars.
The EU fined Apple for its back taxes. Apple said "Jobs or taxes, you can't have both."
The EU said, "Jobs is already dead and buried, so we'll take the taxes."
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish...
and he'll be fined for fishing without a license.
A photographer had his lens fall off his camera
He was fined for indecent exposure.
What do you get when you cross a tiger with a human?
Kicked out of the zoo and fined 1,000 dollars
My brother picked up a fight with me and threw me on the street.
But joke's on him, the police fined him for littering.
What did Catwoman get fined for?
Kitty litter
A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.
She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.
Did you guys hear about the labrador who left her puppies in the street?
She was fined for littering.
What did the veteran IRS agent say to the rookie?
Fined everything ok today?
Have you heard about the woman who was fined $500 for bringing an apple back with her from France?
True story. She says she accidentally put the apple in her bag on the flight from Paris to Minneapolis and completely forgot about it until she was caught by a customs agent.
Apparently she was charged with harboring a Fuji-tive.
Why are IRS agents excellent at Hide-and-Seek?
They can fined anyone.
I don't know why the officer fined me the full amount for overspeeding as per the law.
He was saying that he's charging me for that in fraction.
A woman lost a court case...
and was fined for bringing her own popcorn, coke and candy to a movie theater. Overall, she still saved a considerable amount of money.
Serena Williams was fined $17k
Verbal a**... of the umpire: $10,000
Being warned for coaching: $4,000
Breaking her racket: $3,000
Stealing the moment from Osaka by calling the umpire a thief: Priceless
First day at college
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:
"The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
The second time you will be fined $60.
A third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
A man had s**... with a p**... without her consent.
He was sentence to 10 years in jail. Would he also be fined for shoplifting?
I got fined $50 for sneaking popcorn and a drink into the movie theater.
It's ok though, it still saved me money.
Do you know what a pirates favorite letter is?
Rrrrrr is mighty fined but it's the Cccccc they truly love.
I can't stand it when my friend plays Skyrim.
Personally I play a lawful good approach, trying to stay out of trouble, but when I invite Jacob Yu over he goes full-on thief! Always breaking into homes, stealing things, getting fined and thrown in jail. I ask him on occasion if he'd prefer a different playstyle, but he simply prefers this one. So every time he comes over, I know...
It's a fine day with Yu around.
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing
out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will
cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
How much for a season pass?
On the first day of school, the college dean addressed the freshman class to explain some of the campus rules.
"The women's dormitory
is off-limits to male students and the men's
dormitory is off-limits to female students," he
intoned. "Am body caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time, $60 the second
lime and $180 the third time. Does anyone
have any questions?
A male student raised his hand. "How much
for a season pass?"
The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having s**... in the ocean.
Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.
Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".
On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules:
On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules:"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd and inquired: "How much for a season pass?
This guy out there asking the real questions
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
TicketMaster was just fined $10 million for hacking into a competitor
At least they were told it would be $10 million, but when they went on the court's website to pay the fine, the site tacked on a bunch of "processing fees" and "venue charges" and the total came out to more like $15 million.
Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....
The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?
You've heard of click it or ticket , a slogan telling drivers to use a seatbelt or they will get fined...
Now get ready for the new slogan of 2020: Mask it or Casket !
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
He says, "The female dormitory would be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory would be prohibited for the female students."
Continuing further, he says, "Anyone caught breaking this rule would be fined $50 the first time."
"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $100."
"Being caught the third time, would incur a hefty fine of $200."
"Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
I filled my car with gas the other week and it cost me $175.00
So I drove off without paying.
They took me to court and I got fined $75.00
I will be back next week with more money saving tips...
