Fine Jokes
176 fine jokes and hilarious fine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a pick-me-up? Look no further than this collection of fine jokes sure to make you laugh! From the funny ("You so fine you got a parking fine") to the reassuringly delicate ("What did the husband say to his wife? You're so fine!"), these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face!
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Funniest Fine Short Jokes
Short fine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fine humour may include short nice jokes also.
- At a recent rally, somebody threw a beer at Trump's head... He's fine. It was a draft, so he dodged it.
- Businessman: How much will it cost to buy a large singing group? I need one for a party. Lady: Do you mean a choir?
Businessman: Okay, fine. How much does it cost to acquire a large singing group? - My wife said, Can you have a talk with the kids on drugs? I said, Fine, but I don't make any sense when I'm high.
- Just saw a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out. He said he'll be fine, he's just going through a rough patch.
- There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator Only a fraction of you will get this
- I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on." "Okay, that's fine." they replied.
I added, "Your luggage is outside." - I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you... I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...
- I failed my chemistry lab exam. I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.
- Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally. Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.
- Wife: I used to be a Christian. Husband: Well that's fine by me
Wife: Thanks, I'm much happier being a Christine now!
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Fine One Liners
Which fine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fine? I can suggest the ones about fair and thin.
- Veganism is like Communism They are both fine, unless you like food
- What does a girl want more than anything in the world? Nothing. She's fine.
- I broke my finger today... But on the other hand I am completely fine.
- I like my women like I like my kidneys… One is fine but I'd rather have two
- The first rule of passive aggressive club is... You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
- There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator the division is clear
- What do you call a knight made entirely out of fine china? Sir Ramic.
- I didn't vaccinate my five kids and both of them turned out fine.
- Hey girl, is your atomic number 11? Because you're sodium fine.
- I knew a guy who fell into an industrial meat grinder He's fine now.
- Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
- A cat gives birth in a public park... ...and is fined $50 for littering.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
- What are the Fine Brothers favorite element? The noble gases because they don't react
- Britain will be just fine... you always lose a few Pounds after a breakup.
You So Fine Jokes
Here is a list of funny you so fine jokes and even better you so fine puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The worst part about spring... Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.
- Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.
- A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn't need any assistance. The tailor says… ... "Fine. Suit yourself."
- German women love me... I'm a ladies man. I saw this fine German woman. I didn't even have to chat her up for her to hastily give me her number. It was easy to remember 999 9999.
- Two mind-readers bump into each other on the street... The first one says to the second one: "You're fine, how am I?"
- Turned on women's volleyball and within four minutes there was a wrist injury Don't worry I'll be fine
- Me: Boss, I'm sorry I am late. I was having computer issues. Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It was my computer. - Mario goes to court The judge says: you must pay the court $12,000.
Mario, surpised, asks: Why?
The judge replies: It's a fine.
Mario, heartbroken, sadly says: No itsa not. - A truck carrying Vicks Vapor Rub overturned on the highway, but amazingly traffic was fine. No congestion for hours!
- Thought I'd let you all know I'm in the hospital. Thee doctors say I'll be fine but I must warn you, the Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name.
Girl You So Fine Jokes
Here is a list of funny girl you so fine jokes and even better girl you so fine puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I used to think I was a boy trapped in a girl's body Lasted bout nine months, I'm fine now.
- Girl, you're like speeding in a construction zone… Double Fine
- Girl you are like a fine oriental rug... ...you'd look great on hardwood.
- The difference between Cognac and Brandy Cognac is made in the Cognac region of France and Brandy is a fine girl.
- On a blind date, the girl told me, Tell me a little bit about yourself. Me: I'm terrible with dates.
Her: Don't worry. You're doing fine so far.
Me: Christmas is on July 4th. - I'm tired of chasing after the girls nowadays... They're all so demanding now. 10 years ago candies worked just fine.
- Girl are you a BD due pen needle? because you ultra fine
This killed at the pharmacy I work in. - I got talking to a girl the other day And I said, "Hey, do you have 11 protons? 'Coz you're sodium fine."
- Hey girl, are you from the land of make believe? Cuz' you are Pales-fine
- I flirted with a girl online. She mentioned she had a kid... I told her that was fine by me. Three-ways are always fun
Parking Fine Jokes
Here is a list of funny parking fine jokes and even better parking fine puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Wanna hear a joke about a parking ticket? No??
FINE. - The wardens at my University were always so nice. They always leave little notes on my car complimenting me, like, "parking fine".
- The police recently complimented me on my driving They left a note on my windscreen which stated Parking Fine
- Did you hear about the nun who's obsessed with Lincoln Park? She's fine, she's going to be breaking the habit tonight
- I was born by c-section and I turned out fine. Of course, whenever I park my car I have to climb out through the sun roof.
- My girlfriend left me because I got a job as a parking warden. Fine.
- Why did the cat give birth at the park? Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"
- Just got my drivers license and I'm already getting compliments! Someone left a note on my car which said "Parking fine!" I was so happy :)
- My dad came to visit for the weekend. Today he awoke and found a parking ticket on his car. He said, "Looks like today is turning out to be a fine day."
- I found out my wife's been blowing the judge to get out of her parking fines. I shouldn't be talking about it really... The judge put a gag order on it.
Speeding Fine Jokes
Here is a list of funny speeding fine jokes and even better speeding fine puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did a laid-back Italian cop say to a speeding driver? That's a fine.
- Speeding fines doubled when workers present I don't see why a construction worker would be presenting anything during a speeding fine.
- A cop stops a guy for speeding and he tells him:" I had a feeling I'll give a fine today, so I waited for you here all day ." "Sorry , but I came as fast as I could!"
- Yesterday I got a speeding ticket. That's fine.
- Exceeding the posted Speed Limit in a Construction Zone is Okay As long as the posted limit sign is accompanied by a sign that reads; *Higher Fine* When Workers Present
Laughable Fine Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about fine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beautiful jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fine pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.
"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."
- Leviticus 20:13 ESV
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... after surgery
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal s**... life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a j**... lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a j**... lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.
Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."
The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."
An old married couple are driving down the road.
They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.
She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."
"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.
"But what about the smell?" she asks.
The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."
So a college teacher is talking to his male students...
"Access to the women's dorms is strictly prohibited. If someone is caught there for the first time, they will suffer a fine of 100 dollars. The second offence will involve a 300 dollar fine. Getting caught there for the third time will cost you a hefty fine of 500 dollars."
Suddenly, a student in the back raises his hand and asks:
"How much for a semester pass?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
Kiss The Mirror
A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(AP) New York - A baby delivered without eyelids had surgery today at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan, NY. Doctors successfully removed the child's f**... and were able to use the tissue to successfully form eyelids. Doctors said the child will be fine.
Just a little cockeyed.
A man walks into a grocery store.
Asks for a pound of tomatoes.
The grocer says, "we call them kilos over here."
The man replies "fine, a pound of kilos then."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People don't usually compliment me on my driving...
But today I saw a note on my car that said "PARKING FINE". That was nice of them.
...
I'll e**... myself out.
TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.
FINNISH HYMN!!!
`That cut looks bad. You should go to the hospital for stitches.
"Nah."
"Fine, suture self."
My favorite joke from The Sopranos
A man comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. "What? Do you expect me to spread my legs for you now?" says the wife. The husband replies, "honey, I love you, but i think a vase will work just fine."
Interesting accents!
3 hefty women walk into a restaurant, and sit down at a table. The server comes to take their drink orders. When they're done ordering he says, "What an interesting accent! Are you broads from Scotland?"
One woman looks at him with surprise and disgust and says, "WALES!"
The bartender says, "Okay, fine. Are you whales from Scotland?"
Two psychics pass each other in the street..
One says to the other: "You're doing fine. How am I?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the best part of an ISIS joke?
The Execution.
Hehe...get it? No? Fine I'll be-heading off now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.
But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I handed my wife some paracetamol.
I handed my wife some paracetamol (i.e Tylenol), to which she gave me an odd look. She asked me "why would I want these?"
"Do you not have a headache?"
"No" she responded.
"Not feeling unwell at all?"
"No, I am feeling perfectly fine".
"That's great, we can have s**... this evening then".
Where's your bin?
A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin.
"Hey bub, where's ya bin`"
"I took a little vacation for a few weeks,"
"No. I meant where's your bin?"
"Told ya, vacation, at the beach!"
"No man. Where's ya wheely bin?"
"Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"
Argon walks into a bar
The bartender looks up and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
Argon doesn't react because reacting has been copyrighted by The Fine Bros since 2016.
The finebros confiscated my Epi-Pen
I was having an allergic reaction.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My s**... life lately has been like very fine jewelry
100% handmade
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
"You are fine, how am I?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A plumber rings the doorbell
"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.
"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"
"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"
"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"
"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".
Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".
A Blond goes to work in tears.
A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"
There once was a man named Brent
He made poems wherever he went
The poems were fine
But on the very last line
He added too many syllables
A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.
The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."
What's in a name?
A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"
"DeNephew."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Using chemicals to remove polish is fine...
But use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're suddenly h**...!
A genie grants a man three wishes...
"Hello sir, I am going to grant you three wishes. What is your first wish?
"I wish I could have three more wishes!"
"You aren't allowed to say that."
"Fine, I wish I could have two more wishes!"
"Ok, you have two more wishes. What is your second wish?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to shave before we had s**... for the first time.
I said no honey, your mustache looks fine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man and his mistress.
A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out n**..., spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.
Two men are climbing a mountain. One of them slips and falls.
"Oh my god are you alive?!? Can you hear me?!?"
-- "Yes, I'm alive."
"Did you break your legs?"
-- "No, my legs are fine."
"Did you break your arms?
-- "No, they're OK."
"Well, thank goodness, climb back up!"
-- "I can't."
"Why not?"
-- "I'm still falling."
My mother-in-law fell down our well last week but she is fine
she stopped crying for help 2 days ago
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An economists left leg is on fire and his right leg is frozen...
He says "on average I'm perfectly fine".
I let my brother name my twins.
He did fine with my daughter, Denise. But my son may never forgive him for naming him Denephew.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does every women in the world want?
Nothing, they're fine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.
Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?
Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.
Mother: Will he be okay?
Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little c**...-eyed.
My girlfriend and I broke up today
Her: "I just need time."
Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."
Her: "And distance, as well."
Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"
Her: "Go ahead."
Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"
My wife came home yesterday...
and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."
BOSS: What's going on here?
BOSS: What's going on here?
JAMES: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally-
DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!!
JAMES: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife
Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.
A little confused he asked "where am I?"
Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"
"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself
slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"
So I came home from work yesterday ....
.......To find that someone broke into my apartment. Looking around, it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV was still there, my PS4, and my legos were fine. But the apartment was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps...I was delighted.
Cooling yourself to -273C is completely fine...
If you do, you'll be 0K!
I can't remember the name of my favorite joke on here
It's fine though. I'm sure I'll see it in a couple hours.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was having a prostate exam...
Me:*squirms
Doctor: Don't worry, it's perfectly fine to have an e**... at a time like this.
So I tried to ignore the bulge in his pants.
My son asked what marriage was like.
I said, "It's fine." And gave him the silent treatment for three days.
Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."
After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."
If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days
just set it to the name of the current Australian Prime minister and you should be fine.
A German was packing his luggage for holiday when his wife interrupts him...
"I hope you're not going to bring sausages again", she said, "They exploded everywhere last time and caused a frightful scene!"
"It'll be fine", He said, "Stop worrying about the wurst case scenario".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm fine with alchohol, cigarettes and m**...
But coccaine is where I draw the line
A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.
"Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?".
"mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied.
Immediately the donkey started crying.
"What's the matter little friend?" the HTML dev asked.
"I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse" the donkey bawled.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend keeps beating kids in games
It's fine and all except the game is "Who punches harder?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a dollar for every woman who's seen me n**......
...I could pay that fine I got for indecent exposure.
