Fine Jokes

174 fine jokes and hilarious fine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need a pick-me-up? Look no further than this collection of fine jokes sure to make you laugh! From the funny ("You so fine you got a parking fine") to the reassuringly delicate ("What did the husband say to his wife? You're so fine!"), these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face!

Funniest Fine Short Jokes

Short fine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fine humour may include short nice jokes also.

  1. At a recent rally, somebody threw a beer at Trump's head... He's fine. It was a draft, so he dodged it.
  2. My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye." I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.
  3. My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave. But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
  4. Businessman: How much will it cost to buy a large singing group? I need one for a party. Lady: Do you mean a choir?
    Businessman: Okay, fine. How much does it cost to acquire a large singing group?
  5. My wife said, Can you have a talk with the kids on drugs? I said, Fine, but I don't make any sense when I'm high.
  6. Just saw a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out. He said he'll be fine, he's just going through a rough patch.
  7. There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator Only a fraction of you will get this
  8. How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
  9. I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on." "Okay, that's fine." they replied.
    I added, "Your luggage is outside."
  10. I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you... I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...

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Fine One Liners

Which fine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fine? I can suggest the ones about fair and thin.

  1. Veganism is like Communism They are both fine, unless you like food
  2. What does every women in the world want? Nothing, they're fine.
  3. What does a girl want more than anything in the world? Nothing. She's fine.
  4. I broke my finger today... But on the other hand I am completely fine.
  5. I like my women like I like my kidneys… One is fine but I'd rather have two
  6. The first rule of passive aggressive club is... You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
  7. There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator the division is clear
  8. What do you call a knight made entirely out of fine china? Sir Ramic.
  9. I didn't vaccinate my five kids and both of them turned out fine.
  10. I just ended a 5 years long relationship I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship.
  11. Hey girl, is your atomic number 11? Because you're sodium fine.
  12. I knew a guy who fell into an industrial meat grinder He's fine now.
  13. Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
  14. A cat gives birth in a public park... ...and is fined $50 for littering.
  15. Got a parking ticket yesterday. Not sure why. The sign said fine for parking.

You So Fine Jokes

Here is a list of funny you so fine jokes and even better you so fine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I failed my chemistry lab exam. I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.
  • Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally. Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.
  • Wife: I used to be a Christian. Husband: Well that's fine by me
    Wife: Thanks, I'm much happier being a Christine now!
  • The worst part about spring... Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.
  • Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.
  • A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn't need any assistance. The tailor says… ... "Fine. Suit yourself."
  • German women love me... I'm a ladies man. I saw this fine German woman. I didn't even have to chat her up for her to hastily give me her number. It was easy to remember 999 9999.
  • Two mind-readers bump into each other on the street... The first one says to the second one: "You're fine, how am I?"
  • Turned on women's volleyball and within four minutes there was a wrist injury Don't worry I'll be fine
  • Me: Boss, I'm sorry I am late. I was having computer issues. Boss: Hard drive?
    Me: No, the commute was fine. It was my computer.

Girl You So Fine Jokes

Here is a list of funny girl you so fine jokes and even better girl you so fine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I used to think I was a boy trapped in a girl's body Lasted bout nine months, I'm fine now.
  • Girl, you're like speeding in a construction zone… Double Fine
  • I was watching an all girls volleyball game on tv today. 10 minutes in and there was a wrist injury... Don't worry, I should be fine by tomorrow.
  • Girl you are like a fine oriental rug...'d look great on hardwood.
  • The difference between Cognac and Brandy Cognac is made in the Cognac region of France and Brandy is a fine girl.
  • On a blind date, the girl told me, Tell me a little bit about yourself. Me: I'm terrible with dates.
    Her: Don't worry. You're doing fine so far.
    Me: Christmas is on July 4th.
  • I'm tired of chasing after the girls nowadays... They're all so demanding now. 10 years ago candies worked just fine.
  • Girl are you a BD due pen needle? because you ultra fine
    This killed at the pharmacy I work in.
  • I got talking to a girl the other day And I said, "Hey, do you have 11 protons? 'Coz you're sodium fine."
  • Hey girl, are you from the land of make believe? Cuz' you are Pales-fine
Fine joke, Hey girl, are you from the land of make believe?

Parking Fine Jokes

Here is a list of funny parking fine jokes and even better parking fine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • i got complimented on my driving earlier they left a note on the car saying parking fine
  • Judge, 60% of my parking tickets are bogus!! Judge: Repeat infractions?
    Man: Fine. 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!!
  • Someone complimented my parking today! They left a little note that said "parking fine".
  • Wanna hear a joke about a parking ticket? No??
  • The wardens at my University were always so nice. They always leave little notes on my car complimenting me, like, "parking fine".
  • The police recently complimented me on my driving They left a note on my windscreen which stated Parking Fine
  • "I got a compliment on my driving today," said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield that said "parking fine".
  • It's not often people compliment my parking.... but the other day, I came back from work and saw a piece of paper on may car that said "Parking Fine". That was nice of them!
  • I was recently complimented on my driving skills Someone left a note on my car that said "Parking Fine"
  • Somebody finally complimented me on my parking today! I got a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine".

Speeding Fine Jokes

Here is a list of funny speeding fine jokes and even better speeding fine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did a laid-back Italian cop say to a speeding driver? That's a fine.
  • Speeding fines doubled when workers present I don't see why a construction worker would be presenting anything during a speeding fine.
  • A cop stops a guy for speeding and he tells him:" I had a feeling I'll give a fine today, so I waited for you here all day ." "Sorry , but I came as fast as I could!"
  • Yesterday I got a speeding ticket. That's fine.
  • Exceeding the posted Speed Limit in a Construction Zone is Okay As long as the posted limit sign is accompanied by a sign that reads; *Higher Fine* When Workers Present
Fine joke, Exceeding the posted Speed Limit in a Construction Zone is Okay

Laughable Fine Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about fine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beautiful jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fine pranks.

The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.

"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."
- Leviticus 20:13 ESV

"I love you lots snuggles" said my girlfriend

"And I love you tons" I replied.
"Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily.
Sometimes I swear the fat c**...'s going deaf.

p**... the Irishman took his goldfish to the vet...

... and says to the vet,
"Doctor, my goldfish is very sick! I think he may have epilepsy."
The vet has a quick look at the fish, and after a few seconds he says, "Well, p**..., your fish looks fine."
p**... then replies, "Oh wait Doc, I haven't taken him out of the tank yet!"

s**... after surgery

A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal s**... life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."

The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."

An old married couple are driving down the road.

They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.
She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."
"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.
"But what about the smell?" she asks.
The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."

So a college teacher is talking to his male students...

"Access to the women's dorms is strictly prohibited. If someone is caught there for the first time, they will suffer a fine of 100 dollars. The second offence will involve a 300 dollar fine. Getting caught there for the third time will cost you a hefty fine of 500 dollars."
Suddenly, a student in the back raises his hand and asks:
"How much for a semester pass?"

Kiss The Mirror

A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.

(AP) New York - A baby delivered without eyelids had surgery today at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan, NY. Doctors successfully removed the child's f**... and were able to use the tissue to successfully form eyelids. Doctors said the child will be fine.

Just a little cockeyed.

A man walks into a grocery store.

Asks for a pound of tomatoes.
The grocer says, "we call them kilos over here."
The man replies "fine, a pound of kilos then."

A man ordered the soup at a restaurant and asked the waiter to try it...

Man: Waiter, will you try the soup?
Waiter: What's wrong Sir, is it too cold?
Man: Will you just try the soup.
Waiter: Is it too hot?
Man: Will you just try the soup
Waiter: Is it too spicy, Sir?
Man: Will you just try the d**... soup son
Waiter: If there is something wrong with the soup...
Waiter: FINE! I'll try the soup. Where's the spoon.
Man: Exactly.

Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.


My favorite joke from The Sopranos

A man comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. "What? Do you expect me to spread my legs for you now?" says the wife. The husband replies, "honey, I love you, but i think a vase will work just fine."
Credit to Uncle Jun.

Interesting accents!

3 hefty women walk into a restaurant, and sit down at a table. The server comes to take their drink orders. When they're done ordering he says, "What an interesting accent! Are you broads from Scotland?"
One woman looks at him with surprise and disgust and says, "WALES!"
The bartender says, "Okay, fine. Are you whales from Scotland?"

Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

Two psychics pass each other in the street..

One says to the other: "You're doing fine. How am I?"

A German baby's parents are concerned that he never speaks...

It has gotten to the point where he is five years old and has said not a word, so his parents take him to the doctor. Everything's fine, he's healthy, not messed in the head. So then one day the German baby is having some apfelstrudel when he says "mother, zis strudel is quite tepid." The parents are amazed! "Wolfgang, you've finally spoken after all these years! What's happened?"
"Up until now, everyzing has been satisfactory."

What's the best part of an ISIS joke?

The Execution.
Hehe...get it? No? Fine I'll be-heading off now.

I handed my wife some paracetamol.

I handed my wife some paracetamol (i.e Tylenol), to which she gave me an odd look. She asked me "why would I want these?"
"Do you not have a headache?"
"No" she responded.
"Not feeling unwell at all?"
"No, I am feeling perfectly fine".
"That's great, we can have s**... this evening then".

Where's your bin?

A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin.
"Hey bub, where's ya bin`"
"I took a little vacation for a few weeks,"
"No. I meant where's your bin?"
"Told ya, vacation, at the beach!"
"No man. Where's ya wheely bin?"
"Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"

What are the Fine Brothers favorite elements?

The noble gases because they don't react

Argon walks into a bar

The bartender looks up and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
Argon doesn't react because reacting has been copyrighted by The Fine Bros since 2016.

The finebros confiscated my Epi-Pen

I was having an allergic reaction.

A woman wakes up from a coma and...

A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.

How do two psychiatrists greet each other?

"You are fine, how am I?"

Britain will be just fine...

you always lose a few Pounds after a breakup.

I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".

Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".

A Blond goes to work in tears.

A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"

I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand everything is fine.

I just ended a 5 year relationship!

I am fine though because it wasn't my relationship.

A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.

The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."

What's in a name?

A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"

Using chemicals to remove polish is fine...

But use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're suddenly h**...!

A boy and his father are in an argument

Father: "I've had enough of this! Go to your room and don't come back out until you've thought long and hard about what you've done"
Son: "Fine, I didn't want to be here anyways"
Son: *Stomps up stairs*
Son: *Walks into his room, gently closes the door*
Son: "Jim Morrison s**...!"
Father: "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors!?"

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to shave before we had s**... for the first time.

I said no honey, your mustache looks fine.

A blind man and his mistress.

A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out n**..., spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.

I was in a c**... with a smart car today. The smart car was totaled.

My bike was fine, though.

An underage weasel walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry. I can't serve underage weasels."
The weasel says, "That's fine. I don't need something alcoholic. What else do you have?"
The bartender says "Oh, we have lots! We have water, pop, tea, coffee, smoothies. What would you like?"
"Pop," goes the weasel.

Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.

Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?
Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.
Mother: Will he be okay?
Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little c**...-eyed.

My girlfriend and I broke up today

Her: "I just need time."
Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."
Her: "And distance, as well."
Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"
Her: "Go ahead."
Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"

My wife came home yesterday...

and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."

BOSS: What's going on here?

BOSS: What's going on here?
JAMES: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally-
DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!!
JAMES: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife

Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.

A little confused he asked "where am I?"
Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"
"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself
slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"

A man needs WiFi at the local pub.

A man goes into a local pub and has poor cell signal.
He asks for the WiFi password.
The bartender replies: You need to buy a drink first.
The man says fine and orders a Coke, which costs him $3. He then asks again, what's the WiFi password?
The bartender answers: You need to buy a drink first, all lowercase no spaces.

So I came home from work yesterday ....

.......To find that someone broke into my apartment. Looking around, it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV was still there, my PS4, and my legos were fine. But the apartment was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps...I was delighted.

I can't remember the name of my favorite joke on here

It's fine though. I'm sure I'll see it in a couple hours.

I was having a prostate exam...

Doctor: Don't worry, it's perfectly fine to have an e**... at a time like this.
So I tried to ignore the bulge in his pants.

My son asked what marriage was like.

I said, "It's fine." And gave him the silent treatment for three days.

Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."

After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."

I was walking past the graveyard late at night

and a couple of girls said to me "Is it all right if we walk with you? Walking through here at this time of night really freaks us out!"
I said, "Sure, I'm fine with that. It used to freak me out too, back when I was alive."
And you never saw anyone run so fast.

a Homeless guy saw a pretty woman standing on the railing of a bridge determined to kill herself...

immediately he saw his chance, he walked up to her and asked, "Lady, before you end your life, would you consider doing me a favor and have s**... with me?" Disgusted and crying the woman replied, "No, of course not you pervert!" the homeless guy said, "Fine, I'll wait at the bottom."

If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days

just set it to the name of the current Australian Prime minister and you should be fine.

I'm fine with alchohol, cigarettes and m**...

But coccaine is where I draw the line

If I had a dollar for every woman who's seen me n**......

...I could pay that fine I got for indecent exposure.

Fine joke, If I had a dollar for every woman who's seen me n**......

jokes about fine