The Best 88 Find Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Find jokes. There are some find unsatisfied jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these find harder to find than puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Find Jokes and Puns

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50

Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes.

Riceless.

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"

I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a suicide forest

A little upset to find out he came back

jokes about find

Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"



I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver?

**Ag**stralia

If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive..

.. they would eventually find me attractive

Find joke, If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive..

I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding

I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.

Son, I found a condom in your room.



Gee thanks, Grandpa!

Why are you calling me Grandpa?

Because I couldn't find it yesterday.

Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...

She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".

Malaysian Airlines and United should merge

That way they can beat their passengers and no one will ever find out.

You can explore find quest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean find leave dad jokes. There are also find puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!

A husband comes home to find his beautiful blonde wife sitting at the kitchen table in tears.

"What's wrong, dear?" He asks
Through her tears she says, "well, I've been trying to put this puzzle together all day and I just can't seem to figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger."
He looks at her and in his most sympathetic voice says, "sweetheart, put the frosted flakes back in the box."

Ba dum-tiss

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad masturbating in the living room...

As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."

During a funeral...

The pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

Find joke, During a funeral...

What did Kate Middleton find out on her wedding night?

That not all rulers are twelve inches long

Burglars are getting very clever these days..

Last night, my wife woke me up..

*Darling! Darling! There's a burglar downstairs!!*

So I go down, check every room and don't find anyone.

Then I realised I don't have a wife and when I went back upstairs my bed and tv were gone.

My grandfather's favorite joke.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.

[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift.

But I couldn't find a manual.

5 advices to men for a happy life

1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,

2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,

3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,

4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,

5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

How do find the blind man at the nudist colony?

It's not hard.

Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

I invented a new word.

Plagiarism.

---

EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you.

Court decision: "I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair......

....what happens next will shock you."

Find joke, Court decision: "I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you..

You have my Word.

I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids...

Apparently she left me two days ago.

How did Kanye find out that Kim was bound, gagged, and held at gunpoint?

She released the video on pornhub.

(Too soon?)

How do you find a blind guy at a nude beach?

It's not hard

My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure

I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her

Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..

Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.

Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: or a female partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: And that means you're bi.

Me: Yep

Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?

Me:

Me:

Me:

Me: Did you just...

A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."

A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."

She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"

He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park.

It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .

Hey girl, are you an obelisk?

Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through process of elimination.

The man came home early from work to find his wife lying naked on the bed, crying her eyes out.

What's wrong? he asked.

I've got nothing to wear to the dance tomorrow night, she

sobbed.

Oh come on now! You've plenty of clothes, and with that

he went over to the wardrobe. See here, there's the nice

pink dress, the pale blue skirt, the yellow cocktail dress, hi

there Tom, the green silk gown…

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Β 
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
Β 
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
Β 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.Β  Do you have it in paperback?

How to find out if you're old or not:

Fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young. If they panic, you're old.

If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive...

....they would start to find me attractive.ο»Ώ

Why didn't the Romans find algebra very difficult?

Because X was always 10

If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative...

Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!

Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office

Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!

So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"

For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find that very hard to deal with.

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.

"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.

"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.

"It was a dictatorship."

I was shopping with my wife and I couldn't find her, until I saw a beautiful women.

I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?

She replies: Why?

I say: You will see in 20 seconds.

What did they find under Michael Jackson's pillow?

Billy's Jeans

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.

A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."

The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."

The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"

How did Chris Browns girlfriend find out he was cheating on her?

She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.

I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it...

Apparently, she left me two days ago...

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.

Third and most important.

3. He should be great in bed.

One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.

The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."

The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the hell are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"

I think You're mistaken my lady.

Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"

Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.

She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.

"That's so clever!" the woman exclaims. "How did you do that?"

"Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis."

I was looking for a sofa to buy, and the salesman pointed to one and said, This one can seat three people without any problems.

I said, Where the hell am I going to find three people without any problems?

I tried to buy a Mortal Kombat soundtrack.

All I could find were Finnish Hymns.

A guy rides his motorcycle through the border from Spain to France every week carrying two bags of sand.

The border guard searched the bags every time, but never found anything, so he had to let him through. The guard has his last day at work before retiring and the guy comes to the border again, carrying his two bags of sand. The guard says "look, man, it's my last day, I'm not going to bust you. You're clearly smuggling *something* across the border all this time but we never find anything, what is it.". The guy says "I'm smuggling motorcycles"

I just hired a beautiful 21 year old girl to look after my 1 year old baby. Now I have two issues:

1. How to tell this to my wife

2. Where to find a 1 year old baby

I want my 11780 dollars.

Dear Bank of America, I just want to find 11780 more dollars in my savings account.Everyone at your bank counted wrong.

An astronaut is making coffee onboard the ISS...

He turns to his crewmate and says:
"Damn, I can't find any milk for my coffee."

The crewmate replies:
"In space no one can, here use cream."

A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest

The man enters the bank.

Man: I'm here to find out about the mortgage

Employee: I don't really care.

I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. Then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I'd still make jokes, but no one would laugh...

Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.

What's better than enchiladas?

n+1 chiladas.

(sharing this joke I came up with tonight while making enchiladas, because my family didn't find it funny).

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.

Where the hell do you think you're going? he says.

I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.

Where do you think you going? the wife asks.

I'm coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!

Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail.

They find three parachutes.

Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, The world needs a great person like me!

Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, I need to help make choices for our world , so he jumps off the plane.Β 

At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane.Β 

The Pope says to the boy, take the last parachute, I am too old and I'm going to die soon one day. Β 

Actually there are two left. Donald Trump took my backpack.

For extra cash consider robbing sex offenders.

Their address is easy to find, and they can't own guns.

Only downside is politicians usually have good security.

A redditor answers the door to find a salesman who's selling encyclopedias

"I don't need those," says the redditor. "I'm very well-informed."

"Oh, that's fortuitous!" replies the salesman, "Just think of how much fun you'll have sifting through them and finding all the errors!"

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Where ever you left it πŸ€·β€β™€οΈπŸ€­

My daughter said she needed adult supervision

I told her she'd have to find someone else because I wear corrective lenses

A kid came out as bisexual to his dad and the dad said they have to move

"This apartment has a strict no-animal policy.", he says. "Wait until they find out I have a bison."

science fact - did you know you can find the gender of an ant by putting it in water?

If it sinks, girl ant.

If it floats, buoyant.

(from my 11 yo) What does Darth Vader say after cutting someone's head off with a lightsaber?

"I find your lack of face disturbing."

How do you offend an American?

Don't worry, they'll find something to be offended about.

Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X. Shes not coming back.

...and we don't know Y either.

To the person who hacked my account

I will find you, and I will kill you.

My English friend was shocked to find out that his ancestors came from Transylvania.

Now he can't even look at himself in the mirror.

A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.

They walk up to God and ask to be married.

God says give me some time and I'll get back to you.

Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.

A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask for a divorce.

God responds, "It took me four years to find a priest in this place. How long do you think it'll take me to find a lawyer?!"

Anyone know where a guy can find someone to hang out with, maybe have a few beers with, talk to, and kinda just enjoy spending time with?

Asking for a friend.

[Request] Self deprecating joke about height for wedding

Long story short, I am officiating a wedding between the 2 tallest and most stunning friends I have. I am about 5'9 VS his 6'4 I would like to make some jab about them not being able to get anyone taller or when they asked me i immediately started thinking about how tall of a stool I would need to find and bring with. Just nothing seems all that funny, any ideas? Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit, feel free to delete!

Why are quantum physicists such bad lovers?

When they find the position, they can't find the momentum. And if they do find the momentum, then they can't find the position.

So Fred has accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.

John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.

"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."

After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.

"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back in the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

A woman put on some clothes and walked out to her garden and saw a man in her tree.

"What on earth is going on here?" she asked.

The man replied, "I'm every so sorry, madam. An awfully embarrassing incident has happened here. I'm a skydiving instructor, the landing didn't go as I'd expected."

The woman frowned, and said, "But there's no parachute...and why are you holding binoculars?"

"How else do you expect me to find my parachute?" he asked.

A blonde called her car customer service saying she could only drive her car during the day. During the night, it didn't move at all.

A mechanic comes and after an inspection couldnt find anything wrong.

"You sure you put the right fuel?"
"Yup. Petrol"

Eventually, he asks her if shes using the right gears.

She says, "Of course, I'm not stupid. I'm using D during the day and N during the night"

If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for tea you are a terrible parent.

I don't care how busy you are, find the time to microwave them first at least.

Came back home to a message from my girlfriend

Came back to find a message from my girlfriend on the fridge.

"It's not working, I give up, I have gone to stay at my mother's"

The fridge was humming away happily. I opened it, the light was on. I touched the beers inside, they were cold.

I don't understand, what does she mean?

I was surprised to find out that Elon Musk was born in South Africa

I thought he was born in Mad-at-gas-car.

Two eagles walk into a law firm looking for a job

The hiring manager asks, "So why should I hire you two?"

And the eagles say, "Well, we've been eagles since the day we hatched from our eggs. You're never going to find a para-eagles better than us!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the find find some puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working find find your mama piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes