find Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious find puns

While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving, I overheard this gem.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

👍🏼

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50

Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes.

Riceless.

👍🏼

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"

👍🏼

I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a suicide forest

A little upset to find out he came back

👍🏼

Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help.

She asked me where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night.

👍🏼

Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"


I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

👍🏼

If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver?

**Ag**stralia

👍🏼

If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive..

.. they would eventually find me attractive

👍🏼

my wife asked me if I wish she had been born with big tits.

I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.

👍🏼

I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding

I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.

👍🏼

Son, I found a condom in your room.



Gee thanks, Grandpa!

Why are you calling me Grandpa?

Because I couldn't find it yesterday.

👍🏼

Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...

She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".

👍🏼

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive

They would eventually find me attractive.

👍🏼

Malaysian Airlines and United should merge

That way they can beat their passengers and no one will ever find out.

👍🏼

I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed the other day.

Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go. Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO! Honestly, some people are fucking sick in the head.

👍🏼

Most people are shocked when they find out...

...how incompetent I am as an electrician.

👍🏼

My friend just asked me, "If you became invisible, what would you do first?"

I said, "I'd go to Paris, find a performing street mime and beat the shit out of him; the round of applause he'd get would be astounding."

👍🏼

Hey girl, are you an obelisk?

Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through process of elimination.

👍🏼

I'm an asshole on the outside, but I'm like an onion

You peel back the layers, find the same thing and just start crying

👍🏼

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

👍🏼

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
 
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
 
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.  Do you have it in paperback?

👍🏼

How do you piss off a female archeologist?

Find a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

👍🏼

10 year old boy walks on his parent's room while they were having sex

Parents stop and looked, laugh a lot and then carry on
boy leaves the room in disgust.
2 days later, father walks down stairs to find boy on top of grandmother, naked and fucking her ultra hard and fast,
boy turns to father and says "not so funny when it's YOUR mum, IS it?!

EDIT- My English is not that good yet btw anyone cares to PM me the joke with proper punctutation and proper english

👍🏼

I was shopping with my wife and I couldn't find her, until I saw a beautiful women.

I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?

She replies: Why?

I say: You will see in 20 seconds.

👍🏼

My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!

So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"

👍🏼

Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..

Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.

Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: or a female partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: And that means you're bi.

Me: Yep

Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?

Me:

Me:

Me:

Me: Did you just...

👍🏼

Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office

Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office

👍🏼

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park.

It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .

👍🏼

How do you find a blind guy at a nude beach?

It's not hard

👍🏼

I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids...

Apparently she left me two days ago.

👍🏼

Court decision: "I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair......

....what happens next will shock you."

👍🏼

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

👍🏼

Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.

I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out.

👍🏼

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift.

But I couldn't find a manual.

👍🏼

I invented a new word.

Plagiarism.

---

EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you.

👍🏼

What are the most funny Find jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Find? Well, here are the best Find dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Find pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes