Financially Jokes

What are some Financially jokes?

My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery!

My wife keeps on calling me "gullible" and "financially irresponsible".

I just can't wait to see her face when I tell her I won the Nigerian lottery.

I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...

There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.

The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.

This is an awfully hard time for me financially.

Last month I was unable to pay the bills to my exorcist and as a consequence I have been repossessed.


A man has an affaire with an italian woman, and gets her pregnant by accident.

Because the man didn't want to hurt his reputation or his marriage he made a deal with the woman. He would financially take care of the kid from birth to the baby's 18th birthday if she would move to Italy and have the baby there.

The woman agreed, but she asked how the man would know when the baby was born. He told the woman to send a postcard with just the word "Spaghetti" when the baby was born and he would make sure to start sending money.

9 months go by and the mans wife comes inside and mentions a very strange postcard from Italy came in the mail for him and hands it to him.
The man reads the postcard and faints.
His worried wife picks up the postcard which reads "5x Spaghetti, 3 with meatballs and 2 plain. Send extra sauce."

(My apologies for any erroneous spelling and/or grammar.)

My 3 sons

A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to university: "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner, each very successful financially. When their father's time had come and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish.

First, it was the doctor who put 10 newly printed crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.

Then, came the financial planner, who also put $1,000 there.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.

He is now running for President

If I'd had a nickel for every time I've been financially irresponsible...

I'd probably still be in debt right now.

I won the lottery a week ago and I haven't stopped crying.

I guess I'm not financially stable.

What's the best way to ensure that Asia's senior citizens' pension programs are financially sound?

Sufficient amount of youth in Asia.

How do you know when someone isn't financially independent?

When you're too afraid to leave them a loan

Why do Women lose interest when Men struggle financially?

Because that Man generates no *Interest*.

My wife and I probably won't have a kid, we're struggling to make ends meet.

On the bright side, we're doing great financially!

What do you call a financially unstable law enforcement officer that writes dark poetry and literature?

A po popo Poe

How to make Financially jokes?

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