The Best 55 Financial Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Financial jokes. There are some financial assets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these financial financial advisor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Financial Jokes and Puns

I'm not one to brag about my financial skills,

but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.

I don't mean to brag about my financial skills but,

my bank calls me almost everyday to tell me my debt is outstanding

Days after a massive F5 tornado hits Mississippi..

...financial experts estimate it did over 50 million dollars worth of good.

A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...

Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.

She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."

jokes about financial

The Answering Machine

Hi, this is Eric.

If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.

If you are my parents, please send money.

If you are a telemarketer, I have no money.

If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.

If you are my friends, you owe me money.

If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.


After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide

CHECK CZECH CHEQUES

I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...

He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.

First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!

Financial joke, I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...

The funeral

One day a man dies and in his will, he leaves $300,000 to his stock broker, financial adviser and his lawyer, each one receiving $100,000. In the will he also states that he wants all 3 of them to to leave half of the money they received ($50,000) in his coffin after the funeral.

The day of the funeral comes and each man approaches the coffin to do what was asked of them and once they're all done, they meet up at the bar.

After a few drinks, the stock broker speaks up "I gotta be honest with you guys. I only left $10,000 in the coffin. But I mean, it's not like he'll be able to spend it, right?"

To which the financial adviser admits "Hey, don't feel bad. I only left $5,000 in the coffin. I mean, is he really expecting us to throw away that much money?"

At which point the lawyer speaks up and says in a disapproving tone "I can't believe you guys would be so greedy! I'll have you know I left a check for the full $50,000 in his coffin like he asked!"

Nerdy financial humor. You have been warned.

I started showing more interest in one of my investments.

It appreciated it.

When life gives you financial troubles...

Make Financialade.

What do you call Jews with HIV?

Financial AIDS.

You can explore financial financier reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean financial transaction dad jokes. There are also financial puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Financial Management

A Man found 100$, He went to a 5 star hotel for Dinner there. His bill was 300$.When He said that He has only 100$, then Manager handed Him to Police. He gave 100$ to Police and went free.
Its Called Financial Management.!!

A monastery is in financial trouble, so it goes into the fish-and-chips business to raise money.

One night a customer knocks on its door. A monk answers. The customer asks, Are you the fish friar?

No, he replies. I'm the chip monk.

Over the last few years I've stopped drinking, doing drugs, partying, and going out all the time.

I've become addicted to financial security.

What university department did the Fonz go do when he needed help paying his tuition?

Financial Ayyyyyyd

I'll^see^myself^out

Banks have been using insects to adjust customers' balances and deal with financial issues.

They're the account ants

Financial joke, Banks have been using insects to adjust customers' balances and deal with financial issues.

Oooooo Eeeeee Oooooo Ahhh Ahhh Ting Tang...

I was shocked when my adopted daughter told me she was going to marry a Witch Doctor.

Why do you want to do that? I asked.

Pwobabwy for financial secuwity, she replied.

My financial adviser said I should be tight with my money.

So when I got home I high-fived my wallet.

I'll have you know I'm in a great financial situation.

Even my credit card company says my balance is outstanding!


I treat my family like dogs.

With financial support and unconditional love.

My financial situation is so bad...

...I'm being sponsored by a child in Africa.

The five senses have had massive lay-offs in their financial department.

There's no accounting for taste.

I ran out of kleenex

So I have been masturbating into dollar bills.

I guess you could say my financial situation is a little sticky.

Guess who my financial advisor is going to be for halloween.

PENNY-WISE

What do you call a reptile that gives sound financial advice?

An Invest-i-Gator .

Courtesy of my 8-year old daughter. :)

Financial adviser meeting

FINANCIAL ADVISOR: What's your net worth?

FISHERMAN: Which one?

Financial joke, Financial adviser meeting

What do you call a sugar daddy with HIV?

Financial AIDS

I'm so happy that my financial situation has finally improved.

I just found out the African boy I've been sponsoring has been eaten by a lion.

A drunk naked woman boards a cab

Driver of the cab keeps staring at her and does not start the cab.

Woman: Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?

Cab Driver: Cool down, Ma'am. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering as to where you have kept the money to pay me?

This is what most financial institutions fail to do - Assessing repayment capacity before enjoying exposure.


My dad decided that he would start a business protecting famous comedy acts from financial risk

Hilarity ensured.

What kind of STD can you get from money?

Financial aids

What do you get when you cross the host of America's Next Top Model with multiple member-owned financial cooperatives?

Tyra CreditUnions

I slept with a bank manager

and got financial aids

PSA: If you have unprotected sex with a banker

Watch out! You might end up getting financial AIDS.


I'm normally not one to brag about my financial skills

But my credit card company calls me almost everyday to inform me my balance is outstanding!

I accidentally washed my wallet today...

Turns out that's not what my financial advisor meant when he told me to liquidate my assets.

Who handles financial matters in a monastery?

That's nun of your business

Yale educated

The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.


"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.


"Yale," replied the lad.


"And what's your name?" barked the manager.


"Yim Yohnston," he replied.

If I had a dollar for every time somebody told me , don't worry, you'll all get back pay

I'd still be in a financial hardship due to the government shutdown.

My financial adviser asked me what I bring home at the end of every month.

"Crippling depression," I told him.

Financial collapse in Japan

Origami Bank has folded.

Sumo Bank has gone belly up.

Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.

There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they might get a raw deal.

Kamikaze Bank shares have nose-dived.

500 jobs at Karate Bank have been chopped.

A man started a financial advice company.

The prices were 1000€ per question.

His brother asked: Isn't that a bit too much?

The man answered: Yes it is. Do you have any other questions?

What do you call a financial scam in Egypt?

A pyramid scheme!

There are two great financial geniuses in the Bible

One was Noah, who floated his stock while everyone else had to go into liquidation.

The other one was pharaoh's daughter, who went to the bank of the Nile and drew out a prophet.

My financial advisor asked me "What's your net worth?"

I said "I don't own a net".

I'm financially set for life

...providing I die next Monday

So I handle financial transactions for a multibillion dollar company and I am working and this complete bitch with brown hair walks into my store and you know what she says to me?

Woof woof woof woof woof.

Married couple during hard financial times....

A man and his wife are having hard financial times and decide that the husband will pimp the wife out.

The man parks and waits while his wife goes around the corner to stir up business.

At the end of the night, the wife comes back to the car, and her husband asks how much she made.

"$100 and 50 cents," the wife says.

"That's great," replies the husband. "But who paid the 50 cents?"

"All of them."

My financial advisor said that I need to be better with my money.

So I fired him.

Financial Advisor: "I don't quite know how to break this to you but you're basically broke." Wife: "He's always spending money on stupid stuff!"

Me: "Lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid."

A struggling businessman named John approaches Yoda seeking financial advice

John asks Yoda How is it that I am not rich? I work 80 hours a week, I kiss up to my bosses, I avoid my family, I stay away from romantic relationships, I never go out with friends, and yet still, I am not wealthy. Everybody told me that under capitalism, if I worked hard enough, I too could be rich and powerful.

Yoda took a second to think. He then replied Ahhh yes. Cap, it all is..mm?

What do you call a heavy metal band With financial problems?

Megadebt

Sanctions aren't Sanctions

Putin warned that the sanctions imposed by the West are akin to an act of war .

Someone needs to let him know that they're not sanctions.

They're Special Financial Operations



*not my joke but haven't seen it posted here*

Archaeologists just excavated an ancient bank

It put them in financial ruin

The CEO of Coca-Cola calls Vladimir Putin.

Mr Putin! I noticed you've changed the Russian anthem. Do you have any plans to change the colors of your flag as well and return to the previous purely red flag? If you'd put a Coca-Cola logo in the corner, we'd solve all your financial troubles for the next five years.

Putin puts the CEO on hold while he discusses with his generals. Psst, when does our contract with Aquafresh end?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the financial financial aid jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working financial financial planning piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes