Financial Jokes
108 financial jokes and hilarious financial puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about financial that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laughing about money? Wonder no more, as this article is packed with hilarious financial jokes from financial advisors, analysts, controllers and more. Get ready to learn about financial aid, the portfolio, the financier and beyond. Whether you're a financial literacy pro or just starting to get the hang of it, these jokes are sure to have you laughing your way to the financial year-end.
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Funniest Financial Short Jokes
Short financial jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The financial humour may include short finance jokes also.
- My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible. I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery!
- I'm not one to brag about my financial skills, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.
- This is an awfully hard time for me financially. Last month I was unable to pay the bills to my exorcist and as a consequence I have been repossessed.
- I'll have you know I'm in a great financial situation. Even my credit card company says my balance is outstanding!
- Nerdy financial humor. You have been warned. I started showing more interest in one of my investments.
It appreciated it. - My financial adviser said I should be tight with my money. So when I got home I high-fived my wallet.
- What do you call a financially strapped, wig wearing Czechoslovakian? A paycheck to paycheck toupee Czech.
- What university department did the Fonz go do when he needed help paying his tuition? Financial Ayyyyyyd
I'll^see^myself^out - After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide CHECK CZECH CHEQUES
- I've just had some great news. Financially I am going to be $3. per month better off.
The boy I was sponsoring in Africa has just been eaten by a Lion.
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Financial One Liners
Which financial one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with financial? I can suggest the ones about income and investment.
- What do you call a heavy metal band With financial problems? Megadebt
- I treat my family like dogs. With financial support and unconditional love.
- My financial situation is so bad... ...I'm being sponsored by a child in Africa.
- I slept with a bank manager and got financial aids
- Archaeologists just excavated an ancient bank It put them in financial ruin
- My financial advisor asked me "What's your net worth?" I said "I don't own a net".
- My financial advisor said that I need to be better with my money. So I fired him.
- When life gives you financial troubles... Make Financialade.
- Guess who my financial advisor is going to be for halloween. PENNY-WISE
- What kind of STD can you get from money? Financial aids
- A hacker saw my financials He set up a go fund me
- How can you tell the electrician is having financial trouble? His wife started stripping.
- What do you call a clown that makes good financial decisions? Pennywise.
- Why couldn't the bad financial advisor move the debt? He couldn't budget.
- Financially trouble people, how do you explain your kids why Santa skipped your Trailer
Financial Investment Jokes
Here is a list of funny financial investment jokes and even better financial investment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you're having financial problems, try investing in the toilet industry. You'll be flush with cash in no time.
- What do you call a reptile that gives sound financial advice? An Invest-i-Gator .
Courtesy of my 8-year old daughter. :) - What did the financial adviser say to his client asking about if glass coffins were a good investment? "It's remains to be seen."
- How does a fisherman build a financial safety net? He invests in fish stocks.
Financial Aid Jokes
Here is a list of funny financial aid jokes and even better financial aid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm about to write a Ten Thousand Dollar Essay I'm going to Title it, "Financial Aid Assitance"
- What did the Somalian get from the social welfare office? Financial Aids.
Financial Advisor Jokes
Here is a list of funny financial advisor jokes and even better financial advisor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Financial adviser meeting FINANCIAL ADVISOR: What's your net worth?
FISHERMAN: Which one? - I accidentally washed my wallet today... Turns out that's not what my financial advisor meant when he told me to liquidate my assets.
- I doubt this is what the financial advisors meant when they told Lays to... adjust for inflation.
Financial Planning Jokes
Here is a list of funny financial planning jokes and even better financial planning puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My father has the worst financial planning ever, My name is ROI.
Financial Analyst Jokes
Here is a list of funny financial analyst jokes and even better financial analyst puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- UP or DOWN? A financial analyst and a broker enter an elevator together.
The broker says:
\--Guy, really! Can you just tell me this time - UP or DOWN?
Hilarious Financial Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about financial you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wealth jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make financial pranks.
I don't mean to brag but I'm helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter.
I can't really talk about it.
Days after a massive F5 tornado hits Mississippi..
...financial experts estimate it did over 50 million dollars worth of good.
Financial Planning like a pro
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. His sickly father told Dan he was going to inherit the business and a fortune but his father's one wish was to see Dan get married and settled before he passed on.
One evening, Dan went to a financial planning seminar, It was given by the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was bright and personable to boot. Dan fell in love at first sight. He told her, "I may look pretty ordinary, but my father will probably die soon and I will inherit the family business and a large fortune. Impressed, the woman asked Dan for his business card, and three weeks later, she became his stepmother.
A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...
Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.
She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.
The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."
The Answering Machine
Hi, this is Eric.
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are a telemarketer, I have no money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Obama walks into a bar.....
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were t**... hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...
He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.
First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The f**...
One day a man dies and in his will, he leaves $300,000 to his stock broker, financial adviser and his lawyer, each one receiving $100,000. In the will he also states that he wants all 3 of them to to leave half of the money they received ($50,000) in his coffin after the f**....
The day of the f**... comes and each man approaches the coffin to do what was asked of them and once they're all done, they meet up at the bar.
After a few drinks, the stock broker speaks up "I gotta be honest with you guys. I only left $10,000 in the coffin. But I mean, it's not like he'll be able to spend it, right?"
To which the financial adviser admits "Hey, don't feel bad. I only left $5,000 in the coffin. I mean, is he really expecting us to throw away that much money?"
At which point the lawyer speaks up and says in a disapproving tone "I can't believe you guys would be so greedy! I'll have you know I left a check for the full $50,000 in his coffin like he asked!"
If I'd had a nickel for every time I've been financially irresponsible...
I'd probably still be in debt right now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call Jews with h**...?
Financial AIDS.
I handled financial transactions at a multi-billion dollar international corporation.
In other words, I'm a cashier at McDonald's.
I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...
There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.
The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.
Financial Management
A Man found 100$, He went to a 5 star hotel for Dinner there. His bill was 300$.When He said that He has only 100$, then Manager handed Him to Police. He gave 100$ to Police and went free.
Its Called Financial Management.!!
Over the last few years I've stopped drinking, doing drugs, partying, and going out all the time.
I've become addicted to financial security.
What's the best way to ensure that Asia's senior citizens' pension programs are financially sound?
Sufficient amount of youth in Asia.
Banks have been using insects to adjust customers' balances and deal with financial issues.
They're the account ants
Oooooo Eeeeee Oooooo Ahhh Ahhh Ting Tang...
I was shocked when my adopted daughter told me she was going to marry a Witch Doctor.
Why do you want to do that? I asked.
Pwobabwy for financial secuwity, she replied.
Just got some good news from my financial planner
...she told me I'd only have to keep working 3 years after I die to afford my retirement.
A hacker locked a bank's financial information down and demanded payment to decrypt them.
Police tried to catch him but he ransomeware.
The five senses have had massive lay-offs in their financial department.
There's no accounting for taste.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I ran out of kleenex
So I have been m**... into dollar bills.
I guess you could say my financial situation is a little sticky.
What do you call a financially unstable law enforcement officer that writes dark poetry and literature?
A po popo Poe
A huge crab walks into a bar...
...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."
The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"
If I had a dollar for every time I heard the news about Mugabe's impeachment...
... I'd have enough dollars to pull their country out of the financial crisis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a sugar daddy with h**...?
Financial AIDS
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm so happy that my financial situation has finally improved.
I just found out the African boy I've been sponsoring has been eaten by a lion.
How do you know when someone isn't financially independent?
When you're too afraid to leave them a loan
My dad decided that he would start a business protecting famous comedy acts from financial risk
Hilarity ensured.
I won the lottery a week ago and I haven't stopped crying.
I guess I'm not financially stable.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Women lose interest when Men struggle financially?
Because that Man generates no *Interest*.
What do you get when you cross the host of America's Next Top Model with multiple member-owned financial cooperatives?
Tyra CreditUnions
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
PSA: If you have unprotected s**... with a banker
Watch out! You might end up getting financial AIDS.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've just gotten some great financial news
The young boy I sponsor in Africa has been eaten by a Lion
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who handles financial matters in a monastery?
That's nun of your business
Yale educated
The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.
"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.
"Yale," replied the lad.
"And what's your name?" barked the manager.
"Yim Yohnston," he replied.
If I had a dollar for every time somebody told me , don't worry, you'll all get back pay
I'd still be in a financial hardship due to the government shutdown.
My financial adviser asked me what I bring home at the end of every month.
"Crippling depression," I told him.
I could afford to buy 100,000 balloons, but it wouldn't be financially prudent...
I can't afford the cost of inflation.
Financial collapse in Japan
Origami Bank has folded.
Sumo Bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.
There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they might get a raw deal.
Kamikaze Bank shares have nose-dived.
500 jobs at Karate Bank have been chopped.
A man started a financial advice company.
The prices were 1000€ per question.
His brother asked: Isn't that a bit too much?
The man answered: Yes it is. Do you have any other questions?
A financial fraudster, a reformed whoremonger, an alcoholic, and a motivational speaker walk into a drugstore.
The guy at the counter then says, Back to your old habits, eh, Mr. Belfort?
There are two great financial geniuses in the Bible
One was Noah, who floated his stock while everyone else had to go into liquidation.
The other one was pharaoh's daughter, who went to the bank of the Nile and drew out a prophet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of German jokes...
Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of
strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies:
'Yes, she has become a p**... to subsidise her drug habit.'
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
I know the pandemic is causing people to struggle financially, but honestly, I'm making a fortune.
I rent out bookcases to be installed behind everyone doing a TV interview about either Covid or the Impeachment process.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm financially set for life
...providing I die next Monday
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I handle financial transactions for a multibillion dollar company and I am working and this complete b**... with brown hair walks into my store and you know what she says to me?
Woof woof woof woof woof.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Financial Advisor: "I don't quite know how to break this to you but you're basically broke." Wife: "He's always spending money on s**... stuff!"
Me: "Lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are s**...."
A struggling businessman named John approaches Yoda seeking financial advice
John asks Yoda How is it that I am not rich? I work 80 hours a week, I kiss up to my bosses, I avoid my family, I stay away from romantic relationships, I never go out with friends, and yet still, I am not wealthy. Everybody told me that under capitalism, if I worked hard enough, I too could be rich and powerful.
Yoda took a second to think. He then replied Ahhh yes. Cap, it all is..mm?
A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma
Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.
Sanctions aren't Sanctions
Putin warned that the sanctions imposed by the West are akin to an act of war .
Someone needs to let him know that they're not sanctions.
They're Special Financial Operations
*not my joke but haven't seen it posted here*
The CEO of Coca-Cola calls Vladimir Putin.
Mr Putin! I noticed you've changed the Russian anthem. Do you have any plans to change the colors of your flag as well and return to the previous purely red flag? If you'd put a Coca-Cola logo in the corner, we'd solve all your financial troubles for the next five years.
Putin puts the CEO on hold while he discusses with his generals. Psst, when does our contract with Aquafresh end?
What do you call the the Head of the Washington D.C. Financial Ethics Board?
>!They would be the Capitol Capital Principle Principal!<
Why do so many restaurants have financial problems?
Because there's no Accounting for Taste.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman asks her friend "How are your kids getting on now?"
"Fine!" Comes the reply. "My oldest boy grew up to be a doctor, the second grew up to be a teacher, and my daughter grew up to be a lawyer!"
"What about your youngest boy? How's he doing?
"Ah. He grew up to be a thief. He lives at home with us still."
"So you let your three decent kids fend for themselves, and kept the black sheep of the family at home? Isn't that wrong?"
"No, of course not. He keeps us supported financially. The other three are all unemployed."
(Translated from Greek, sorry if it don't make sense!)
Financial Advice
With inflation at 7.5%, you lose half your money in 9 years. The only way to outperform that consistently, that I have found, is crypto. Just this year I've already lost half my money.
