Finals Jokes

Following is our collection of Finals funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Finals jokes

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?

The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."

A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100m finals

I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"

"No," she said,

"Eight black men and a gun."

Fidel Castro is dead

Looks like Keith Richards and the Queen of England are moving on to the finals.

A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.

She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car crash, or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete sexual exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"

Boss: "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life"!!

Me: "Well It got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago 2011

Boss: "Really"?

Me: "No"

Why do old people read the bible so much?

Cramming for finals :)

Why do old people read the bible so much?

I asked my grandad the other day "why do old people read the bible so much?"

He replied "cause we're cramming for finals"

Why did LeBron James skip college?

He didn't want to show up for finals.

Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery

walk in with A's and leave with D's.

Studying for finals is like playing Tetris

just when you seem to get the facts to fit together, all that you thought you learned disappears.

Why didn't LeBron James go to college?

Because he struggles with finals

Final Exam

The Final Exam

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to school until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The
guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy. Then they turned the page. On the second page was written...

For 95 points: Which tire? _________

A man takes his seat at a FIFA World Cup Final

He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.

MAN: "who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"

GUY: "that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

MAN: "oh... that's terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat .. ..but these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"

GUY: "No...they are all currently at her funeral!"



⚽⚽⚽
FIFA FEVER

It was the finals of a poetry competition

The finalists: An English Professor and A Redneck. The judge says, Here is your task. Write a 4 line poem that ends with the word Timbuktu

The English prof goes first on stage. His poem:


Slowly across the desert sand

Ran a dusty caravan

Men in camels, two by two,

Destination: Timbuktu.

The crowd bursts into applause. Not to be deterred, the Redneck gets up and says,

Tim and I a-hunting went,

Met three whores in a pick-up tent,

They were three, and we were two,

So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

There was once a poetry competition...

and it was down to the final two contestants. The first was an English Lit professor from Harvard while the second was a country boy from the back woods of Alabama who had somehow made it that far.

For the finals the moderator says "Gentleman, I will now ask each of you to create a poem using the word 'Timbuctu.' Good luck and may the best man win. Harvard, you may go first."

The professor takes the stage, stands there for a second, clears his throat and says -

"Across the burning desert sands, winds a lonely caravan.
Camels traveling two by two, destination Timbuctu"

The audience is thoroughly impressed and considers the competition practically over, but Alabama still gets his shot.

He slowly takes the stage and scratches his head for a minute before beginning-

"A camping me and Tim we went,
Met three girls in a pop-up tent,
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one and Tim bucked two"

If you had to choose between your local WNBA team winning the finals and receiving $5.....

What would you spend your $5 on?

I bought a ticket to world cup finals without realizing it's also my wedding day! Does anyone want to go in my place?

The church is St Antony's and the brides' name is Joanna..

A guy goes to the doctor and tells him "Lately I've been dreaming of squirrels playing soccer!"

the doctor says "No problem, take these pills before bed, and it will keep you from having strange dreams."

The guy says "Sounds great, but can i start tomorrow night, tonight are the finals!"

A doctor was checking up on his Patient at the psychiatric hospital

Doctor: How are you feeling?

Patient: I keep fantasizing about baboons playing soccer.

Doctor: Ok, I will give you medicine today, you'll stop fantasizing...

Patient: Give me the medicine tomorrow, today it's the finals!

Timbuktu

In the finals of a national poetry contest, the last two contestants are a Harvard graduate and a redneck. The Harvard graduate steps forward to receive the last subject. The judges tell him 'Timbuktu'. He thinks for a moment and recites his poem:
Across the vast and open sands
March a lonely caravan.
As they march, two by two
Destination Timbuktu
The crowd goes wild as the redneck steps forward. The judges tell him his subject is Timbuktu. He thinks for a while, when a big grin spreads across his face.
A huntin me and my friend Tim went.
We found three whores in a pop-up tent.
Of them were three, and of us were two,
so I bucked one and Tim-buck-two!

Poetry Contest

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a red-neck from Southeast Tennessee A & M. The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu". The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started, he jumped up and recited the following poem:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.

The audience went wild!! How, they wondered could the red neck top that?! The clock started again and the red neck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:

Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They were three, we was two,
So, I bucked one and Timbuktu.

Don't let the Golden State Warriors blowing a 3 - 1 lead in the NBA finals..

..distract you from the fact that the British blew a 13 colony lead in 1776

Did you hear about the atom that was caught stealing electrons?

He was arrested and charged.

...this is the stuff I come up with while procrastinating studying for finals.

Olympics Ticket

To whoever might interest, a friend of mine bought a ticket for the Olympics football finals, but he didn't realize the date was the same as his upcoming marriage.

If any of you wants to take his place, with everything already paid, the marriage takes place at the Catholic Church and the bride's name is Joanna.

Ooh! Ooh! I have a current events joke!

Go easy on me im drunk.

When I heard that the A/C had gone out at the AT&T Center in San Antonio tonight for the NBA finals, I thought to myself... I guess this favors the Heat.

I tried very hard to pass my culinary school finals

But I'm still constipated.

A man takes his seat in the front row of the World Cup Final

He looks across and notices an empty seat between him and the next guy.

The man said, Who would ever want to miss the World Cup?
The other man replied, It's my wife's spot, we have gone to the past 4 World Cup finals together but she died recently
The man asked, I'm so sorry.. Where is the rest of your family?

They're at her funeral.

Who is faster?

Usain Bolt in the 100m finals or Ryan Lochte running through the airport to catch his flight out of Brazil?

Spelling bee

A Nebraska Huskers fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.


"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Husker.


He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"


"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a plot of agricultural land, used for the raising of crops and livestock."


"Uhhh..." The Nebraskan sat there for several more minutes, continuing to ask for alternative pronunciations, word origins, etc. The moderator was getting frustrated. Finally the huskers fan asked, "Uh, can you use it in a sentence?"


"Old MacDonald had a FARM!" the moderator shouted.


"Oh!" said the Husker.


"E-I-E-I-O!" 

Rat Dreams

David goes to a doctor.
David : Doctor, I see weird dreams.... Rats play soccer in my dreams.
Doctor : I see... I'll write you some tablets. Start taking them from tonight.
David : Can I please start taking them from tomorrow?
Doctor : Why from tomorrow? Why not before going to bed tonight?
David : Because it's the finals tonight

What do you get when you put 8 black men and a Gun together ?

The 100m Olympic Finals, ofcourse.

It's finals week and the only question on the test is "what is 2+2?"

A philosophy major writes a long eloquent response but doesn't bother to actually answer the question.

A math major makes a formal proof that 2=2 and that addition is commutative before using the squeeze theorem to prove that 4≤2+2≤4.

An engineering major knows the answer is 4 but writes down 5 just to be safe.

Hey Professor can I do something to help my grade?

Professor: Uh...it's May.

Me: Oh sorry! MAY I do something to help my grade?

Good luck on finals everyone!

A guy went to a therapist

Because he had constant dreams of cats playing football everyday, so the therapist asked him to eat nothing before he sleeps food might be the reason.

He came back the day after with no progression, he was still getting dreams of cats playing football.

Oh well, the therapist said, today i want you to sleep in the living room.

The patient came back with no progress, he was still getting dreams of cats playing football

The therapist told him today i don't want you to sleep at all.

The patient: i cant, today is the finals.

What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals ?

The Lakers .



(Laker fan here. Sorry prob would have been more appropriate last week during the finals. )

What do you call an Aussie in the finals of the World Cup?

A referee.

Doctor, every night I dream of mice playing football, what should I do?

-Take these pills tonight, it should all go away
-Can I take them tomorrow?
-Why?
-Tonight are the finals

What do you call an Italian at the World Cup Finals?

A referee

How many NBA finals does Lebron plan on losing?

not 1 not 2 not 3 not 4 not 5 not 6 not 7

True Love

Guy: "who'd ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"

Man: "That was my wife's seat, we have been to the last five World cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

Guy: "Oh.... That's terrible and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat..
But, these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member or friend with you?"

Man: " No .....
They all are at her funeral! "

NBA finals refs

RIP Lebron

The Worst "F" Word

Finals

Finals be like.

**EXAMINATION COUNCIL OF ZAMBIA**

SPECIAL PAPER 6

Time: 15 minutes.

Answer all questions. Do not turn this paper until you are told to do so. Each question carries 10 marks.

1-Black is a color and white is also a color, but black and white television is not a color television. Discuss, 10 marks.

2-1f soap and water makes the body clean, then what makes the towel dirt after bath? Discuss, 10 marks.

3-Can you trust a nurse whose husband sells coffins? Discuss, 10 marks.

You are free to use a calculator

For some reason...

I find myself becoming extremely religious right around finals week.

My college professor messed up our finals and gave it to us out of order

I asked him why he was so sloppy with his organization, but he didn't have a response.

I recommended getting a stapler. When he asked me why bother, I told him "Well, it's a staple in every test."

Four idiots were in the finals stages of becoming full members of the local skin-head biker gang. Their last assignment was to terrorize some Jews at a bar mitzvah later that afternoon.

They failed their final assignment because the rabbi saw them when they first arrived. He had the four skins immediately removed before they caused any trouble.

The Stanley Cup Finals left me so angry last night..

I demand capital punishment.

Four college students partied hard one night.....

...and woke up late the next day, the day of their finals, so they went to their principal and apologized saying they visited an orphanage and on their way back their car's tire got punctured and they had to push it all the way back home......

The principal thought of giving them a second chance and said they can come in tomorrow and appear for the test.

Next day, they all appear having prepared hard the last night. The principal puts each of them in a different room with invigilators, and hands them their question paper,..

1. What is today's date ? [2 marks]
2. Which tire got punctured ? [98 marks]

Went to my daughters netball finals the other day.

What a semi.

Why did the air guitar champion not play at the finals?

His guitar was stolen.

Why do vampires love the NBA Finals?

No stakes

I'll have to admit; I'm an anti semi.

Because I dread the finals.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes