finals Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious finals puns

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?

The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."

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A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.

The man: Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy: That was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man: That's terrible, but couldn't you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?

The guy: No…they are all at the funeral!

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A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100m finals

I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"

"No," she said,

"Eight black men and a gun."

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Fidel Castro is dead

Looks like Keith Richards and the Queen of England are moving on to the finals.

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A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.

She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car crash, or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete sexual exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"

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A man takes his seat at a FIFA World Cup Final

He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.

MAN: "who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"

GUY: "that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

MAN: "oh... that's terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat .. ..but these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"

GUY: "No...they are all currently at her funeral!"



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FIFA FEVER

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Boss: "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life"!!

Me: "Well It got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago 2011

Boss: "Really"?

Me: "No"

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Why do old people read the bible so much?

Cramming for finals :)

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Why do old people read the bible so much?

cramming for finals

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Why do old people read the Bible so much?

Cramming for finals

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Why do old people read the bible so much?

I asked my grandad the other day "why do old people read the bible so much?"

He replied "cause we're cramming for finals"

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Why did LeBron James skip college?

He didn't want to show up for finals.

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Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery

walk in with A's and leave with D's.

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Studying for finals is like playing Tetris

just when you seem to get the facts to fit together, all that you thought you learned disappears.

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World Cup

A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.

The man: Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy: That was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man: That's terrible, but couldn't you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?

The guy: No…they are all at the funeral

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Loving Husband!

A man takes his seat at a FIFA World Cup Final.
He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.
MAN: Who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?
GUY: That was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
MAN: Oh… that's terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat. But these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?
GUY: No…they are all currently at her funeral!

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Why didn't LeBron James go to college?

Because he struggles with finals

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Why did LeBron James choose to not go to college?

Because he struggles with finals.

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Final Exam

The Final Exam

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to school until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The
guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy. Then they turned the page. On the second page was written...

For 95 points: Which tire? _________

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A World Cup joke.

A man takes his seat at the FIFA World Cup final.

He looks to his left and notices that there is an empty seat between himself and the next guy.

Man:"Who would ever miss the World cup final?"

Guy:"That was my wife's seat. We've been to the last five World Cup finals together. But sadly she passed away."

Man:"I'm so sorry..and it's very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat. But these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"

Guy:"No... they're all at her funeral."

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It was the finals of a poetry competition

The finalists: An English Professor and A Redneck. The judge says, Here is your task. Write a 4 line poem that ends with the word Timbuktu

The English prof goes first on stage. His poem:


Slowly across the desert sand

Ran a dusty caravan

Men in camels, two by two,

Destination: Timbuktu.

The crowd bursts into applause. Not to be deterred, the Redneck gets up and says,

Tim and I a-hunting went,

Met three whores in a pick-up tent,

They were three, and we were two,

So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

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There was once a poetry competition...

and it was down to the final two contestants. The first was an English Lit professor from Harvard while the second was a country boy from the back woods of Alabama who had somehow made it that far.

For the finals the moderator says "Gentleman, I will now ask each of you to create a poem using the word 'Timbuctu.' Good luck and may the best man win. Harvard, you may go first."

The professor takes the stage, stands there for a second, clears his throat and says -

"Across the burning desert sands, winds a lonely caravan.
Camels traveling two by two, destination Timbuctu"

The audience is thoroughly impressed and considers the competition practically over, but Alabama still gets his shot.

He slowly takes the stage and scratches his head for a minute before beginning-

"A camping me and Tim we went,
Met three girls in a pop-up tent,
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one and Tim bucked two"

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If you had to choose between your local WNBA team winning the finals and receiving $5.....

What would you spend your $5 on?

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I bought a ticket to world cup finals without realizing it's also my wedding day! Does anyone want to go in my place?

The church is St Antony's and the brides' name is Joanna..

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A guy goes to the doctor and tells him "Lately I've been dreaming of squirrels playing soccer!"

the doctor says "No problem, take these pills before bed, and it will keep you from having strange dreams."

The guy says "Sounds great, but can i start tomorrow night, tonight are the finals!"

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A doctor was checking up on his Patient at the psychiatric hospital

Doctor: How are you feeling?

Patient: I keep fantasizing about baboons playing soccer.

Doctor: Ok, I will give you medicine today, you'll stop fantasizing...

Patient: Give me the medicine tomorrow, today it's the finals!

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Timbuktu

In the finals of a national poetry contest, the last two contestants are a Harvard graduate and a redneck. The Harvard graduate steps forward to receive the last subject. The judges tell him 'Timbuktu'. He thinks for a moment and recites his poem:
Across the vast and open sands
March a lonely caravan.
As they march, two by two
Destination Timbuktu
The crowd goes wild as the redneck steps forward. The judges tell him his subject is Timbuktu. He thinks for a while, when a big grin spreads across his face.
A huntin me and my friend Tim went.
We found three whores in a pop-up tent.
Of them were three, and of us were two,
so I bucked one and Tim-buck-two!

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Poetry Contest

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a red-neck from Southeast Tennessee A & M. The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu". The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started, he jumped up and recited the following poem:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.

The audience went wild!! How, they wondered could the red neck top that?! The clock started again and the red neck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:

Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They were three, we was two,
So, I bucked one and Timbuktu.

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Don't let the Golden State Warriors blowing a 3 - 1 lead in the NBA finals..

..distract you from the fact that the British blew a 13 colony lead in 1776

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Ooh! Ooh! I have a current events joke!

Go easy on me im drunk.

When I heard that the A/C had gone out at the AT&T Center in San Antonio tonight for the NBA finals, I thought to myself... I guess this favors the Heat.

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Did you hear about the atom that was caught stealing electrons?

He was arrested and charged.

...this is the stuff I come up with while procrastinating studying for finals.

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Olympics Ticket

To whoever might interest, a friend of mine bought a ticket for the Olympics football finals, but he didn't realize the date was the same as his upcoming marriage.

If any of you wants to take his place, with everything already paid, the marriage takes place at the Catholic Church and the bride's name is Joanna.

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I tried very hard to pass my culinary school finals

But I'm still constipated.

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A man takes his seat in the front row of the World Cup Final

He looks across and notices an empty seat between him and the next guy.

The man said, Who would ever want to miss the World Cup?
The other man replied, It's my wife's spot, we have gone to the past 4 World Cup finals together but she died recently
The man asked, I'm so sorry.. Where is the rest of your family?

They're at her funeral.

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A man sits down at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat between him and the next guy

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?

The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."

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Spelling bee

A Nebraska Huskers fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.


"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Husker.


He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"


"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a plot of agricultural land, used for the raising of crops and livestock."


"Uhhh..." The Nebraskan sat there for several more minutes, continuing to ask for alternative pronunciations, word origins, etc. The moderator was getting frustrated. Finally the huskers fan asked, "Uh, can you use it in a sentence?"


"Old MacDonald had a FARM!" the moderator shouted.


"Oh!" said the Husker.


"E-I-E-I-O!"Β 

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Who is faster?

Usain Bolt in the 100m finals or Ryan Lochte running through the airport to catch his flight out of Brazil?

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What do you get when you put 8 black men and a Gun together ?

The 100m Olympic Finals, ofcourse.

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Rat Dreams

David goes to a doctor.
David : Doctor, I see weird dreams.... Rats play soccer in my dreams.
Doctor : I see... I'll write you some tablets. Start taking them from tonight.
David : Can I please start taking them from tomorrow?
Doctor : Why from tomorrow? Why not before going to bed tonight?
David : Because it's the finals tonight

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A little haiku about finals.

I am really fucked.

Where did the semester go?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

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It's finals week and the only question on the test is "what is 2+2?"

A philosophy major writes a long eloquent response but doesn't bother to actually answer the question.

A math major makes a formal proof that 2=2 and that addition is commutative before using the squeeze theorem to prove that 4≀2+2≀4.

An engineering major knows the answer is 4 but writes down 5 just to be safe.

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Hey Professor can I do something to help my grade?

Professor: Uh...it's May.

Me: Oh sorry! MAY I do something to help my grade?

Good luck on finals everyone!

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What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals ?

The Lakers .



(Laker fan here. Sorry prob would have been more appropriate last week during the finals. )

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Doctor, every night I dream of mice playing football, what should I do?

-Take these pills tonight, it should all go away
-Can I take them tomorrow?
-Why?
-Tonight are the finals

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Just finished finals and there was only one thing I couldn't answer

The questions.

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Stressed over finals? That's fine.

Just make sure your suicide note is in MLA format.

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J.R. Smith can't wait for the NBA Finals to end tonight...

He thinks Cleveland is up 3-1.

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What do you call an Italian at the World Cup Finals?

A referee

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How many NBA finals does Lebron plan on losing?

not 1 not 2 not 3 not 4 not 5 not 6 not 7

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NBA finals refs

RIP Lebron

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True Love

Guy: "who'd ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"

Man: "That was my wife's seat, we have been to the last five World cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

Guy: "Oh.... That's terrible and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat..
But, these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member or friend with you?"

Man: " No .....
They all are at her funeral! "

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For some reason...

I find myself becoming extremely religious right around finals week.

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The Worst "F" Word

Finals

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The Stanley Cup Finals left me so angry last night..

I demand capital punishment.

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Finals be like.

**EXAMINATION COUNCIL OF ZAMBIA**

SPECIAL PAPER 6

Time: 15 minutes.

Answer all questions. Do not turn this paper until you are told to do so. Each question carries 10 marks.

1-Black is a color and white is also a color, but black and white television is not a color television. Discuss, 10 marks.

2-1f soap and water makes the body clean, then what makes the towel dirt after bath? Discuss, 10 marks.

3-Can you trust a nurse whose husband sells coffins? Discuss, 10 marks.

You are free to use a calculator

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My college professor messed up our finals and gave it to us out of order

I asked him why he was so sloppy with his organization, but he didn't have a response.

I recommended getting a stapler. When he asked me why bother, I told him "Well, it's a staple in every test."

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Four college students partied hard one night.....

...and woke up late the next day, the day of their finals, so they went to their principal and apologized saying they visited an orphanage and on their way back their car's tire got punctured and they had to push it all the way back home......

The principal thought of giving them a second chance and said they can come in tomorrow and appear for the test.

Next day, they all appear having prepared hard the last night. The principal puts each of them in a different room with invigilators, and hands them their question paper,..

1. What is today's date ? [2 marks]
2. Which tire got punctured ? [98 marks]

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Why do old people read the bible so much?

we are cramming for finals

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I was so mad when I got diarrhea during finals week that

I lost my shit.

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Why did the air guitar champion not play at the finals?

His guitar was stolen.

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Went to my daughters netball finals the other day.

What a semi.

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Why do old people read the Bible so much?

Cramming for finals.

^credit ^to ^/u/dannyfdo

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Why do vampires love the NBA Finals?

No stakes

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A Little Chemistry Humor Before Finals

*Billy was a chemist's son, but now he is no more; what he thought was H2O was H2SO4, hey!

*Singing it is more fun

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Asked my friend when the finals would end.

"Finals never finalize."

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I heard the band Europe wrote a song about the days leading to the end-of-semester exams.

It was the finals countdown.

:D

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How did Mr. Skeltal prepare for his finals?

Learning by dooting

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Went to my daughter's soccer finals the other day...

What a semi!

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The real hero of Champions League is Make A Wish Foundation

who made a young retarded man's dream come true so he could be a goalkeeper at the finals.

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I just learn the first word I spoke was Quote .

I have to ensure that on my death bed, my finals words are End Quote .

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I should wear a Kobe Bryant to my finals...

I know I won't pass

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midterms and finals are like prayers to god.

i never get answers.

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Went to me daughters netball finals the other day!

What a semi!!!

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What do my finals grade and black people have in common?

They're both only worth 60%

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What happened to the loser of the Frisbee Championship Finals?

He threw it.

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What does a Cleveland Cavaliers fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?

He turns off the PlayStation 4.

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What do you call it when Marvel gives an end-of-the-semester test on items we drink out of?

The Stan Lee Cup Finals

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I do my finals like my eyeliner

I wing it

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Why do old people always go to church?

Studying for finals

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How Bama Fans Watched The Semi Finals 2018

I thought this was funny enough to share. Rolltide!

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Why can't LeBron win a championship?

Because he always fails the finals.

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Here is a joke ...

My grades after finals

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It's finals week and it's okay if you're gonna fail a course or two

Because you'll still have a more successful career than Kim Kardashian's marriage

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Went to my daughter's netball finals yesterday.

What a semi.

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Finals week has me like the North Koreans stole all my files...

...I really WannaCry

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Finals right now

I wish 15 minutes could save me 15% or more on finals

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Did you see the finals in the international music competition?

Singapore lost.

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Why did LeBron never attend college?

Because he always fails the finals

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Why did Lebron James choose to not go to college???

Because he struggles with finals

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I hate finals week.

Everyone gets testy.

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Went to my daughter's netball finals the other day

What a semi

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I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

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I went to my teenage daughters netball finals last weekend

What a semi ;)

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Well it really is *finals* week.

Tell my family I love them. Goodbye cruel world.

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What are the best Finals puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Finals? Well, here are the best jokes about Finals to have fun with.

Joko Jokes