Finalists Jokes
14 finalists jokes and hilarious finalists puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about finalists that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Finalists Short Jokes
Short finalists jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The finalists humour may include short competitors jokes also.
- Remember past mistakes and never trust the voters to make good decisions... Southern Biscuits and Gravy was actually a finalist in the Lay's Chip Contest
- In light of recent adverse publicity, Boeing executives are considering renaming the company. Boom and Splat did not make the list of finalists.
(Too soon?)
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Amusing & Witty Finalists Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about finalists you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean school finals jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make finalists pranks.
Little Billy and Sarah are two finalists at the spelling bee...
Sarah is up first.
Prompter: Sarah, your word is dumb. Please spell it and use it in a sentence.
Sarah: D-U-M-B dumb. Billy is dumb.
Prompter: Good, now spell s**...
Sarah: S-T-U-P-I-D s**.... Billy is s**....
Prompter: Correct, now Billy, spell dictate
Billy: D-I-C-T-A-T-E dictate. Sarah might say I'm dumb and s**..., but she also say my dic-tate good.
Sunday, March 4, 2017:
World Chess Championship. The hotel hosts a gala event with food and drink in the hotel lobby. The semi finalists are mingling. The final two are bragging about their respective stratagems for the final match. The desk clerk asks them to hang around. Because we all love to hear.... Two Chess nuts, boasting in an open foyer.
It was the finals of a poetry competition
The finalists: An English Professor and A r**.... The judge says, Here is your task. Write a 4 line poem that ends with the word Timbuktu
The English prof goes first on stage. His poem:
Slowly across the desert sand
Ran a dusty caravan
Men in camels, two by two,
Destination: Timbuktu.
The crowd bursts into applause. Not to be deterred, the r**... gets up and says,
Tim and I a-hunting went,
Met three w**... in a pick-up tent,
They were three, and we were two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
Timbuktu
From my 80 year old Granddad:
Two finalists in a contest, One a college grad and one a high school drop out, were to write a poem in 3 minutes. The only requirement was that it ended in "Timbuktu". The college grad wrote his and told it to the judges;
Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.
The judges were very surprised and pleased with the poem, thinking that the drop out had no chance of beating that one.
The dropout then told his poem
Me and Tim a hunting went,
Met three girls in a tent.
Sunrise came, mornin' dew,
I bucked one and Timbuktu.
He won the contest.
One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench...
One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them, so he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.
After several rounds, two finalists emerged: Mr. Hicks from a small town named Fife and a man from Sweden named Sven.
So they had the final. The Mayor fired the starting p**... and they started eating the tench. No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish that one of his teeth fell out. He couldn't eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition. Sven kept on eating and ended up eating a total of nine tench fish.
The next day the headlines read: ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!
Best All Time Favourite Jokes
A mathematician, statistician and accountant were finalist for a position as VP in a large corporation. The hiring committee asked them all the same last question:
The mathematician was first. "How much is 500 plus 500 ?", they asked
"1000" he replied without hesitation.
"Thank you", they dismissed him.
Next the statistician. "How much is 500 plus 500?"
On the average, 1000 with 95 % confidence replied the statistician
"Thank you", they dismissed him.
Next the accountant."How much is 500 plus 500?"
What would you like it to be? responded the accountant.
They hired the accountant.
NCAA poetry contest was last night.
It got down to two finalists. A rich law student from Duke and r**... from Texas A&M. For the final round the contestants got five minutes to come up with a four line poem that uses the word "Timbuktu." After about a minute and a half the rich fella from Duke stands up and says:
Out upon the dusty sand
Traveled the roaming caravan
Camel and man traveling two by two
Destination Timbuktu
The crowd went wild. Everyone was wondering if the r**... would be able to top that. About 30 seconds before his time ran out the r**... hit the clock, eased up out of his seat, and said:
Tim and me a-hunting went
came upon three w**... in a pop up tent
They were three and we but two
So I buck one and Tim buck two
...The r**... won.
Who has the most children
There was a contest held to determine which race can produce the most amount of children in their lifetime. The 3 finalists were India, China and The Philippines.
The judges called the first contestant to the stage. Mr. India proudly announced " I have a very big family! I have 100 kids!!!". The judges were amazed and the crowd applauded.
The judges then called the 2nd contestant, Mr. China. He then sneered at Mr. India and loudly said "Only 100? I have 1000 children!!!". The crowd went wild. The judges couldn't believe that it was even possible.
The 3rd contestant was called. "Mr. Philippines, please come up to the stage. He was sweating. Shows on his actions that he was very nervous. On his was up to the stage, as soon as the crowd sees him, they went wild. They crowd cheered. Everyone on was rooting for him. The judges were amazed as they hear the crowd chant "DADDY DADDY DADDY!!!"
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her. The first man said. You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife,
The agent replies, Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. I tried, but I can't kill my wife. The agent replies, You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.
Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, b**... on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.
Poetry Competition
The two finalists at the annual poetry competition were an Ivy League college graduate and a r**.... The final stage of the competition was to write a rhyming poem using the word *Timbuktu.* The college graduate stands up to the microphone and starts.
>A desert caravan astray beneath a dusk deep blue
>On a path unknown the camels walk two by two
>Men search the stars for a bearing true
>Destination Timbuktu
The crowd erupted with applause then settled back into their seats. The r**... approaches the microphone, clears his t**... and begins to speak.
>Me n' Tim a huntin' went
>Met three w**... in a pop up tent
>They was three and we was two
>So I buck'd one and Tim-buck'd-two
Chicago Police Department
In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the president narrowed the field to three finalist, the CIA, the FBI, and the Chicago Police.
The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.
The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.
The CPD went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling "Okay, Okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".
FBI Job Opening
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, b**... on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from
her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him
to death with the chair.'