Final Jokes

Following is our collection of decisive humor and arrangements one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Final puns for adults, dirty conclusion jokes or clean qualify gags for kids.

There is an abundance of ultimate jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 83 funniest jokes on final. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any end witze you can hear about final.

The Best jokes about Final

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?

The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

I finally got someone to be my valentine!

I wish I could post this in any other sub.

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

I finally got an A on my essay!

Only 1999 more words to go.


I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.

Nobody expects the Spanish in position.

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."

I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!

It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.

I've finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I drink for evil

Finally my winter fat is gone

Now I have spring rolls

I finally found my wife's G-spot!

Who would have thought her sister had it the whole time?


Why are there so many old people in Church?

They're cramming for the final

A joke about golfers.

Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large funeral procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.

I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"

My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.

It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.

A college teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam.

Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.

Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

A jew in his deathbed...

A jew in his deathbed is surrounded by his family. He asks if the wife is there; she was. He asks if his son was there; he was. He asked if his daughter was there, and she was.

As he finds out everyone's there, he has a heart attack. His final words were:
-Why... is no one... in the shop...

I finally found my girlfriend's G-Spot......

Her sister had it!

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started...

Captain Kirk actually has 3 ears.

The first is the left ear, the second is the right ear, and then there's the final frontier.


They finally figured out why the computerized self driving car has crashed...

They didn't install the driver.

I wanted to change my name to Dragon Ball Z...

My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!"
I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!"

Last time I had sex, it felt like the 100m Olympic final.

There were 8 black men and a gun.

Euro 2016

Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...

... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.

If Liverpool wins, somebody warn the Pope!

1981:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies

2005:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies

2018:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool is in the Champions League's final
3.

I finally understand why everyone loves Gal Gadot

She Israeli hot.

A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department

He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.

"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"

The man asks, "why the clown?"

The police chief replies, "Fantastic attitude, you're hired!"

Donald Trump is standing in the gallows...

The executioner is fitting the rope around his neck.

Below the platform are all the news networks. They are all clamoring for a final statement before the man is hung for his crimes.

Trump simply smiles and shakes his head.

Finally, one question is heard above the roar of the crowd?

"Aren't you worried about dying?" A voice asks.

Trump shrugs his shoulders as he smiles again and shakes his head for the last time.

He replies: "Fake noose."

I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic

Woomba

I finally told my therapist I was having suicidal thoughts

He said I have to start paying in advance

So I finally got a housekeeper, it's my ex-wife.

She kept the house.

My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...

He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."

Graduated top of his class...

I'm finally 5 years clean!

Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I've had my heroin addiction to help me through it.

They're finally making a movie about clocks.

It's about time

I was taking my English final and they asked Write the past tense of 'Think' .

I thought and thought about this for ages.

Eventually, I went for 'Thunk'.

Why do old people start reading the bible more often?

They are studying for their final exam.

I finally figured out why I look so bad in photos.

It's my face.

Finally figured out why clickbait is so effective

An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.

After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.

"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"

"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."

So I finally got PokΓ©mon GO...

I still haven't caught any Counter-Terrorists.

I finally fixed that annoying noise in my car.

I opened the door and pushed her out.

I finally got a microwave to heat up my leftovers

So I was able to quit cold turkey

Lord of the Bow

So I was telling my friend about my prowess with a bow and arrow yesterday. I said "my best round ever didn't start so well, I only scored 1 point with each of my first two arrows. Got better after that, scored 2 with the next, then 3, then 5. On my 12th and final arrow I managed to score 144."

She was quick to point out that this was impossible, so I had to confess it was a fibbin' archery sequence.

Finally, I am no longer a 21 year-old virgin

As of today I am a 22 year-old one!

Finally I am the hottest guy in my gym.

I have 102 Β°F fever.

A man is watching a world cup final in a sold out stadium

He notices an empty seat just in front of his and says to the guy sitting next to it, "Hey man, how come this seat here's empty? Tickets for this game havee been sold out for months!"

"Well, the seat was meant for my wife, but sadly, she passed away"

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. But couldn't you get a friend or relative to come along instead?"

"Nah, they're all at the funeral."

I finally got around to reading that book by Stephen Hawking.

It was about time.

[In honor of Leonard Nimoy] How many ears does Spock have?

Three. A left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.

I finally found out why clickbait is so effective.

The Entertainment

A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performer and replied, "I hope you do too."

Jake's final conversation

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:

"I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to" his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace...I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

I finally quit drinking for good

Now I drink for evil

I finally decided to play Fortnite.

It's fun, but it gets boring after a couple of weeks

I finally found a girl who is like my mother in every way!

I brought her home and wouldn't you know it... my dad doesn't like her

Why do all german exchange students fail math?

Because nobody wants to see their final solution.

Finally figured out the reason why l look so bad in pictures.

It's my face.

Finally took that warning on the cigarette pack to heart

and stopped littering

Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery

walk in with A's and leave with D's.

I finally realized I could no longer keep my broken money making machine.

It just didn't make cents.

I finally got my job as a Samsung store guard.

Now I'm the Guardian of the Galaxies.

And that's how the fight started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'


So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

I have finally figured out how to clone a human being!

Needless to say, I am beside myself.

I just took a Baking Class

The final was a piece of cake.

A psychologist addresses three mothers, telling them that he brought each of them there to reflect their life addictions.

To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to sweets, as you named your daughter Candy."

To the second mother he says, "You have an addiction to gambling and money, hence your daughter is named Penny."

And before the psychologist could approach the final mother, she grabs her son by the arm and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving."

I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.

I was always afraid of dying alone, so thanks for being with me in my final moments.

Parachute instructor: PULL THE CORD PULL THE CORD!

Why did Adolf Hitler hate math class?

He didn't like showing his work; was only interested in the final solution.

What do you call an Englishman in the World Cup final?

The referee

My wife and I were watching Millionaire in bed.

I turned to her and asked, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said,'Is that your final answer?'

'Yes.'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."


And that's when the fight started...

I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution

My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!

I've finally found a job I can see myself in.

I start at the mirror factory tomorrow!

A blonde student catches her teacher at his desk after class

She puts her arms on his desk and pouts saying "this class is hard, I would do anything to get a good grade on the final. Anything."

He leans in close and says "Anything? Anything at all? Would you.... Study?"

I finally got hired at the local adult store

First day on the job I got a raise!

I finally understood the end of the 6th Sense

All those names at the end were people who worked on the movie.

Hillary and Trump tie in the election...

And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks "9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"
The moderator says "No, Bush did 9:11".

Finally found out why MTV doesn't do crossover episodes

The FCC had some serious problems with "Pimp my Pregnant 16 Year Old."

Philosophy final

in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.

"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."

Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.

The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"

His answer: What chair?

I finally stopped the annoying noise in my car.

I just opened the door and shoved her out.

A maid asks for a raise

A maid asks for a raise from the queen.
"Give me three good reasons to give you a raise." the queen demands.
"Well, I cook better than you." Astounded by the answer, the queen asks, "Who told you that?"
The maid replies with, "Your husband told me that.".
The queen is unhappy, but shrugs it off and asks for another reason.
"I'm a better cleaner than you are." The queen is unhappy again and asks who told the maid this. "Your husband told me that." The queen is now unhappy and asks for a final reason to give a raise.
The maid says, "I'm better in bed than you." The queen's jaw drops open and asks "DON'T TELL ME MY HUSBAND TOLD YOU THAT DID HE?".
The maid replies calmly with, "No, the driver did."
The queen curses quietly, "Shhh. Keep it down, its 25% okay?"

I finally bought the limited edition thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Did you know Captain Kirk had three ears?

A right ear, a left ear, and a final front ear

Finally started watching "Dr Who"

it's about time

Confession

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confessional booth and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally,the drunk replies:"No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."

Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her.

The dog and I live happily together now.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes