Filthy Jokes
62 filthy jokes and hilarious filthy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about filthy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ready to laugh as loud as Filthy Frank himself? Read this collection of hilarious and despicable jokes, guaranteed to leave you gasping for breath in between fits of laughter. From dirty puns to filth-filled innuendos, this article is sure to make your day.
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Funniest Filthy Short Jokes
Short filthy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The filthy humour may include short foul jokes also.
- A wife walks in on her husband playing on his PlayStation. "The house is still filthy! I thought I asked you to sweep the house!" she says.
"I did" replied the husband, "I found no hostiles" - Why did Gollum leave the room every time Sam and Frodo lit their pipes? He couldn't stand being around such filthy habitses.
- Abortion clinics should be banned Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.
- I'm halfway towards my goal of becoming filthy rich. Now I just have to have to figure out the rich part.
- How many dubstep fans does it take to clean a shower? 100.
1 to actually clean the shower, and 99 to stand around and talk about how filthy it is. - The 2 Golden Rules of Religion 1) Be kind to other people.
2) KILL THE FILTHY INFIDELS!!!! - Dirty Pig Customer is disgusted when she sees a baker crimping a pie with his false teeth.
Have you now got a tool for that job, you filthy pig
Yes, I use that for the doughnuts!! - So, there were two nuns... ...and one of them says to the other 'sister, I've got a filthy *habit*'
'Why? Have you not washed it in a while?'
'No,' she replied. 'I'm a crack addict.' - If I ever become a filthy millionaire, I'm gonna string 50 smartwatches together and create a batman belt of gadgets out of them I know it's a waist of time, but it'll be worth it.
- I will stop showering and then change my name into Richard. That way I will become filthy rich.
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Filthy One Liners
Which filthy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with filthy? I can suggest the ones about dirtiest and dirt.
- Vegans who drink water disgust me. That's a Fish's house you filthy Savage.
- Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry? She had a filthy habit
- Why do communists always use lower case letters? because they're not filthy capitalists!
- How rich are garbage men? Filthy.
- Why was Tigger always filthy? Because he was playing with Pooh.
- I asked my dad for filthy dad jokes But he was too old to keep them coming
- You guys are filthy I mean, most of you haven't showered since last year!
- Have you heard of the nun who never washed her clothes? It was a filthy habit
- Why does my son Richard like playing in the mud? Because he then becomes filthy Rich.
- Why Mark Zuckerberg wears the same T-Shirt every day? Because he is a filthy rich guy xD
- Why were Stalin's boots always filthy? He hated the Polish
- How rich are garbagemen? Filthy.
- Lifes to short To be a dirty, filthy, soulless pedant!
- The city busses here are so filthy I Cant even finish jackin' off, im so disgusted.
- How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
Filthy Frank Jokes
Here is a list of funny filthy frank jokes and even better filthy frank puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What would happen if Leafy went to The Filthy Frank show? Chin-chin would leave.
Cheerful Fun Filthy Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about filthy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nasty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make filthy pranks.
Didn't help myself today when the police pulled me over...
They suspected I was driving with no insurance."f**... filthy pigs" I raged, "have you got nothing else better to do, like arresting murderers and rapists?""Any more language like that, and you'll be arrested" he snapped."I'm sorry, I said, "It's just the beer talking."
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
There are 3 men stranded in the wild...
and one day they see an abandoned house and go inside. When they go inside however, they realized that there's only one bed. The floor was filthy, so they had no choice but to sleep on the same bed. The next morning, the two men sleeping on each side of the bed awoke and started to notice an acute pain coming from their privates. The man in the middle however, told them he had an intense and wonderful dream about skiing.
"David, why don't you go and play with...
...with Jimmy?" asks the mother.
"Oh mum, you wouldn't want to play with a filthy, obscene, thieving, lying boy, would you?"
"Of course not." says the mother, as she hugs her son.
"Well, Jimmy wouldn't either..."
What's the difference between a catfish and a Frenchman?
One is a filthy, slimy, bottom-feeding, s**...-s**... monstrosity with long whiskers, and the other is a fish.
A m**... and w**... walk into a sub shop
One orders the Italian, the other orders a filthy stinking drunk.
What does Gollum think about Gandalf's smoking addiction?
s**..., filthy habitses!
What's the difference is between a lobster with breast implants and a filthy bus depot?
One is a b**... crustacean and the other is a crusty bus-station!
*edited because I s**... up my original punchline...
A woman walks in on the janitor using the women's washroom...
"What are you doing in here?"
"The men's room is filthy"
Man in prison
After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!
This guy goes to a psychiatrist.
The doctor shows him an inkblot and asks him what it looks like.
"A n**... woman." He shows him another inkblot and asks him the same question.
"A n**... woman on a bed."
Yet another blot, "n**... woman spreading her cheeks." This continues for a while.
"You're a sick pervert!" the psychiatrist exclaims.
"I'm not the pervert. You keep showing me all these filthy pictures!"
I currently work as a kitchen hand..
So when someone asks me what type of job I have, I can tell them I have a filthy one
Why do nuns always wear such clean clothes?
Because their mother superiors don't tolerate any filthy habits.
The doctor told me that my friend is in stable condition.
The room is filthy and there's h**... everywhere.
We need a wall on our southern border to keep out the filthy, r**..., murdering savages
Keep the Yankees out of our glorious country!
We might be small and weak but at least we are actually a democracy!
Wife asks her husband to go bowling
She : "Honey do you want to go bowling tonight? We could also stay at home, make it cosy and watch a movie?"
He : "I really don't feel like putting my fingers in holes where everybody has already been with their filthy sweaty fingers.. come on let's go bowling"
How can you be filthy rich and p**...-poor at same time?
Dehydration.
I walked into a public restroom
and saw a guy staring into a filthy toilet with a quarter at the bottom. He stood there looking conflicted for a minute, then pulled a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and threw it into the toilet. Then he reached into the muck and pulled out the twenty dollar bill and the quarter.
I asked him, "Why on earth would you throw twenty dollars into a filthy toilet?"
He replied, "Well, there's no way I was going to stick my hand in there for a lousy quarter!"
A Nun walks into a bar, looking like she hasn't washed in weeks.
She leans up against the bar, clothes all covered in dirt, stinking to high heaven, and lights up a cigerette.
The barman says, "You know, thats a filthy habbit Sister!"
"I know, I know", she replies, "but I haven't got anything else to wear."
Find a penny, pick it up,
And all day long you'll have good luck...
And good, cos you're really going to need a bit of luck now! You just picked up a filthy pavement penny during a pandemic and shoved it in your pocket!
Two nuns are sitting on a park bench
Sister Carol lights a cigarette and Sister Beatrice declares:
'That's a filthy habit'
Sister Carol replies: 'blame Sister Mary, she washes the b**... things'.
Foul mouthed parrot
An old woman has a pet parrot with a filthy vocabulary. She warns him again and again to clean up his language. He just replies, "S\*!#w You, you old B\*\^$h.
So she grabs him and sticks him in the fridge to teach him a lesson.
As the poor parrot is there in the fridge, getting colder and colder, he spots a chicken, plucked and ready for the oven. He exclaims, "Holy s**...! What did you say to her"!
How do you impress a baker?
Bring them flours.
Happy cake day, ya filthy b**...
two italians
Two Italians were talking on the bus. One of them says to the other, Emma comes first, then I come, then two a**... they come together, then I come again, then two a**... come together once again, then I come again, pee twice, then I come one last'a time.
Another passenger responds with, Well I never! It's extremely rude to talk about your s**... encounters in public, however extraordinary it is. You filthy, filthy Italians!
The Italian responds with hey, what'sa matter with'a you? I was only telling my friend how to spell Mississippi.
A Man gets shipwrecked
He washes up ashore on an Australian beach. Unconscious, he's taken to a hospital, and wakes up the next day. Upon waking up, he notices how filthy the hospital is. The conditions are really terrible.
A nurse comes to check on him. "This hospital is terrible! You brought Me Here To *Die*?" He exclaims angrily!
"Oh No! We actually brought you here Yester*die*!" The Nurse Replies
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