Films Jokes

Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day.

I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I'm never gonna give you Up.

I should stay up until 3 in the morning more often

I want to make a show with the two actors who have played Khan in the different Star Trek films where we discuss literature. We will call it "Prose and Khans".

My wife is one of those annoying people that ruins films by asking questions.

Last night we were watching Schindler's List and she stupidly asked, "Why are you w**...?".

Bruce Willis was offered a role in the new Star Wars film, but turned it down to concentrate on action films

Because you know what they say about old habits...

I was talking to my Irish mate about Brad Pitt's films, but I could not remember the name of that historical Greek film he was in.....

"Troy." he said, suddenly.
"I am." I replied. "Give me a minute"

He saved his family three times in the Taken films and got no thanks.

The next one should be called Taken 4: Granted

I agree even in marriage, s**... without wife's consent is r**..., But by same logic isn't spending husband's money by the wife without his consent...Robbery? Why do our films find it funny? How can people joke about it?

My friend keeps hiding Disney films in my lunch.

I'm fed up.

I've seen so many Adam Sandler films...

it's not even funny.

Did you know that all of the Hobbit films were recorded in L.A.

Yeah, you could tell by the Smaug.

I watch doomsday films like there's no tomorrow.

I watch doomsday films like there's no tomorrow.

My gf is one of those people who ruin films by asking silly questions when you're trying to concentrate...

Last night we were watching *Schindler's List* when she leant over and whispered in my ear "why are you fapping?"

What do Batman films and religious farms have in common?

They may have a Christian Bale in them.

I like watching horror films behind the sofa.

That way my neighbours don't know I'm there.

Just seen a Disney trailer.

I've just seen a Disney trailer
It said, "A new movie from the people that brought you Up."
Flipping Heck! I never knew Mum and Dad made films.

Gene Therapy

The act of watching Gene Wilder films to cope with the loss of Gene Wilder.
This is the place for wordplay, right?

I went to see a night of x**... short films!

Imagine my disappointment when it was just 30 Roman movies.

AT&T buying Time Warner has so much unforeseen consequences...

But at least we know DC films will continue to be phoned in.

I once had a guy try to sell me s**... films. I was so incredibly enraged!

Last week he was just GIVING them away.

How many Godfather films are there?

A Coppola 'em.

My wife said she is leaving me because I always mis-quote the Terminator films.

She'll be back.

A man walks into a bar, and sees King Kong having a drink...

Now, the man loves all of Kong's films, so he decides to walk up to him. He says, "wow! King Kong! I'm such a big fan. Sorry to bother you, but do you have time for a photo? "
King Kong suddenly looks up, checks his watch.
He turns to the man and says "sorry, I've a plane to catch".

Why do all mediocre film school graduates make foreign films?

Because they're over C's.

My friend and I recently watched the Star Wars films back to back in preparation for The Last Jedi...

unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the screen.

Did you hear about the gay amnesiac who stared in pornographic films?

He never knew he had it in him

Action films set unrealistic expectations.

I just tried to jump onto a moving train but I destroyed my son's Scalextric.

There is at least one great philosophy in each of Brad Bird's films

The Incredibles: "When everyone's special, nobody is."
Ratatouille: "Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere."
The Iron Giant: "Screw our country, I want to live."

James and giant peach should have been serialized into a number of films.

Dave and the giant strawberry.
John and the giant cantelope.
Your mom and the giant cucumber.

Why are they making so many Fast & Furious films?

So they can make Fast10 Your Seatbelts .

What do you call a lumberjack who directs gothic films?

Timber-ton.

Called up the movie theater to find out what the order was for the double feature horror films.

It follows It Follows.

Alternate dimensions joke

A man learns how to go into alternate dimensions where he can become other people. He says "This is awesome, I've always wanted to be Arnold Schwarzenegger acting in the Terminator films, but I've also always wanted to compose classical music. So first, I'll be Bach"

What did Buzz say to w**...?

A lot, I mean there were three movies and a couple short films in that franchise.

I told my girlfriend I love Pixar films and I haven't actually got any

I think it's time to own Up.
(Gary Delaney)

Did you all hear Alex Jones likes Transgender Adult films?

Looks like the shoe's on the other futa now!

What do you call an elderly woman who stars in films?

A Geriactress.

TIL There are actually 5 Highlander films, the latest of which came out in 2007. But nobody talks about the 4 sequels because

There can only by one.

I was concerned when I heard Pixar had been accused of placing s**... content in their films

But everyone seems to think it's just Hunky Dory.

I'm pretty sure I've figured out my neighbour's 3 favourite films

* 10,000,000 Explosions
* Army Guys Yelling at Each Other
* Subwoofer: The Movie

Last night, my wife and I watched 4 films back to back

Luckily, I was facing the TV

Best films of all time Lord of the rings and the Hobbit trilogies...

Now that's what I'm Tolkien about.

A man goes to Blockbuster and starts looking at films

He goes through different genres until he stops at superheroes and ask to the shop assistant:
\- Could I rent "Batman Forever"?
And the shop assistant replies:
\- No, Batman returns always to the shop

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend

They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

What's the deal with short films?

I'm so tall that I have to squint to see them!

Arnold Schwarzenegger is retiring from doing films.

He already has a new gig in mind. He wants to be an exterminator.

I liked the Harry Potter books and films but...

I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed

A clever Russian is planning on a streaming service exclusively for banned films.

He's going to call it Nyetflix.

I went on a blind date with a fellow movie buff

Talk soon started about our love of the silver screen. She asked if I was in to Indie films and I said" of course they are some of the best!". "ok", she replied, "what's your favourite then?"
"I don't think you can look past Raiders of the Lost Ark personally, but the Last crusade is a close 2nd"

My wife and I watched three films back to back last night….

Luckily I was the one facing the telly

A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren't dumb

A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her what's 2+2? The little girl shivers and squeaks out T-three? The crowd erupts yelling Give her another chance! So they do and ask her again what's 2+2? The girl stands there for a moment before answering is it 4? The crowd starts chanting once again Give her another chance!

My next door neighbour has been in a few films

She'll be furious if she ever finds out

Why are there not many films about Abraham Lincoln?

He doesn't do well in theaters.