The Best 97 Film Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Film jokes. There are some film actor jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these film blue film puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Film Jokes and Puns

The moon landing was fake

But the film director demanded they film on site

The Kodak Film company filed for bankruptcy..

More details to come as the story develops

How many skateboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to film it.

**Alternate Ending**

One, but it takes him fifty tries.

Film joke, How many skateboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

How many Atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to actually do it, the other to film it so fundamentalists won't claim that God did it.

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?


Following the recent anti-Islam film made, there will be a film made to mock Jesus Christ.

It will be released in 1979 and will be called Life of Brian

Arnold Scwharzanegger gets a call from his agent about a feature length film based around classical music. When asked which character he'd most like to play,

'I'll be Bach'.

Film joke, Arnold Scwharzanegger gets a call from his agent about a feature length film based around classical

Name three things that come in a little yellow box

Kodak film, Dots candy and Woody Allen.

Did you hear about the guy who watched that new Bruce Willis film five times in a row?

He was a Die Hard fan.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'

Does your dog bite?

A man walks in the park and sees a man with a dog sitting on a bench.
"Does your dog bite?", asks the first man.
"No"
The man proceeds to pet the dog, but the dog bites him.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite?!", he says quite angry.
"This is not my dog."

My mom told me this joke, it's from one of the films of 'pink panther'. I've never seen the film though.

You can explore film pixar reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean film sequels dad jokes. There are also film puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Bruce Willis was offered a role in the new Star Wars film, but turned it down to concentrate on action films

Because you know what they say about old habits...

So I was in the movie theatre...

and I was watching an incredibly sad film. So sad that the man behind me started wailing, then he hit me in the head with a harpoon.

I wouldn't say my wife was fat.......

.....but she wore a white dress to the cinema last night and they showed the film on her back!

Nineteen blondes go to the cinema...

when the ticket vendor asked why there are so many of them they replied "the film said 18 or over".

Heard this one in a film you all might have seen

A man is talking to his son and says,

"You know, son, if you don't stop masturbating, you're going to go blind."

The son says, "Dad, I'm over here."

Film joke, Heard this one in a film you all might have seen

I hear scientists have recently started using lawyers as opposed to rats for scientific experiments...

They do this for two reasons;

One, The scientists become less attached to the lawyers.

And two, there are certain things that even *rats* won't do.

(This is a joke from the film, **Hook**. I never realized how funny it was)

Have you see the film about the guy who can't stop crywanking?

It was a tearjerker.

How do you tell the difference between an adult film star and a psychiatrist?

Ask them to pronounce the word analyzed.


Big difference between men and women when they say...

There's a big difference between men and women when they say:

"I finished an entire box of tissues watching that film last night"

They should make another Taken film about how unappreciative Neesons' family is for saving them every other day

Taken 4: Granted.

Two mice chewing on a film roll

One of them goes, "I think the book was better"

I was watching the film, 'A Perfect Murder,' with my wife

She told me she was getting scared.
"Is it the storyline?" I asked.
"Not really," she replied. "Stop taking notes."

A man goes to see a film alone...

...and sits down next to a young boy, who has a golden retriever sitting on the seat aside him.

 

The film starts, but the man has a hard time paying attention. As the film progresses, his focus is increasingly diverted to the young boy and his golden retriever. The dog is laughing uproariously during all the funny scenes, gasping and pointing during all the shocking scenes, wooping and hurrahing during all the action scenes, and gently sobbing during all the dramatic scenes. By the end of the film, the man is utterly awestruck by this wondrous animal.

 

As the film draws to a close and the credits begin to roll, the man leans over and addresses the boy: "That animal of yours is absolutely amazing! He laughed, he cried, he gasped, he cheered. He enjoyed the film on every level that it could possibly be enjoyed. I am thoroughly impressed".

 

The boy says: "I'm impressed too! He hated the book..."

Have you seen that new film about a tractor?

Me neither, just saw the trailer.

Today I masturbated 8 times! A personal record for me...

In my defence Schindler's list was a long film

What's the difference between men and women when watching video?

The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. usually has a completely different meaning.

What do you call a Swedish spy film?

The Bjorn Identity.

An elderly couple are at the cinema...

About halfway through the film, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'You should put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits?

Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.

I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me..

I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?

I was offered a part in a silent film.

I'm speechless.

What do the Russians use to film their war with Isis?

Daeshcams

A South African actor walks into his managers office (original joke)

Looking for a job. His manager thinks about it and says "we only have one role available at the moment, it's a short film about segregation"
The actor replies "great, that sounds like a-part-heid take"

I'm making a film about emos.

I really need to stop saying "cut!" at the end of each scene.

What's the biggest difference between men and women?

The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. is a good place to start.

I went to the psychiatrist wearing only cling film.

He said "well, I can clearly see your nuts"

I was beaten to a lead role in a film, and have planned to get my revenge with Matt Damon ever since.

I'll make him wish he'd never been Bourne.

"What's your favourite Pixar film?", my dad asked

I replied, "Up, yours?"

My dad gave me a weird look and said, "No need to be like that, I was only asking."

I just watched a film where a man's wife is brutally murdered and his son is left physically disabled...

...Then in a twisted turn of events, his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.

Finding Nemo is a real thriller!

LPT: Start a film on your laptop before you go to bed.

That way, the NSA will have something to watch while you sleep. ^_^

My favourite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story

The wife & I have just been to the cinema to see that film, Suffragette.

Two hours of a woman's struggle... full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.

Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car in the cinema car park, we rushed in and caught the credits.

A man was watching TV at home

He said out loud "Run you idiot!"

His wife heard him and asked "Are you watching a horror film?"

He responded "Nah. Just our wedding tape."

I went to the doctor after I swallowed a roll of film

He said we should wait and see if anything develops

Lenin in Warsaw

A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called Lenin in Warsaw. Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opensβ€”on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, naked, having mad sex with another man. And then another. And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.

Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audience.

First question: Very interesting movie, comrade, butβ€”where was Lenin?

The director answers: In Warsaw.

I made a movie about farm life…

…but the film quality was too grainy and the plot too corny…

Caitlin Jenner just signed a deal with Marvel.

She is going to be in the new Ex-Men film.

I'm planning to make a film series on databases.

I've got the first part ready, but I can't think of a SQL.

Injured myself during an Ironman marathon the other day

Got up too fast after watching the third film

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN

Growing up in the film industry, Harvey Weinstein was a huge influence for me.

He really touched me.

Laughing Dog

A man walks into the cinema with a dog. They start watching the movie (a comedy) and laugh and laugh all the way through it.
When the lights go up, a woman who was sitting in the row behind tapped the man on the shoulder and said:
" I must say I was really surprised to hear your dog laughing all through the film.
"So was I" replied the man, " He hated the book!"

I did an essay on The Room.

For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.

If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare...

...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.

I recently watched a pirated film.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give it a 3.14.

Two goats were behind a Hollywood movie studio eating an old movie film.

One goat said to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"
The second goat said, "Yeah, but not as good as the book".

I hate it when people talk and eat loud in the cinema.

Like shutup, I'm trying to film a movie here!

Marvel Cinematic Universe just announced their newest addition to their 2015 film that will be released in 2019 starring a transgender hero.

Auntman

What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry?

Popcorn

In an upcoming film, Matthew McConaughey is going to play a Neo-Nazi

He's gonna be alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

Batman, but it's a Japanese action film

Mighty Orphan Power Ranger

Two blondes at the cinema, one says to the other I bet that girl falls out of that boat and into the lake, second blonde, no way, I bet you 50 bucks, sure enough the girl falls into the lake, second blonde says how did you know that?

first blonde, I saw this film last week, second says so did I, didn't think she would do it twice.

[Mild Infinity War Spoiler] Did you guys see Peter Dinklage in the new Avengers film?

It was his biggest role to date.

Two goats chew on a VHS tape.

The first goat says "*This film is pretty good"* and the other one replies: "*Yeah, it's OK but the book was better."*

A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret fetish via his search history...

"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.

Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"

I watched a film about cheese.

It was G-Rated.

I'm making a silent film set in the Middle East

It's titled A Kuwait Place

"Doctor, doctor! My little boy just swallowed a roll of film!"

Doctor: Well, let's hope nothing develops.

Two mice are chewing on a film roll

One says, "I liked the book better"

Warhorse walks into a bar

The barman says "why the long film"

Movies

Friend 1: I just watched a film in which a man's wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled. In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and has to chase thr kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.

Friend 2 : Uhhh....what was it called?

Friend 1: Finding Nemo

A man is sitting at a bar when a cop runs in.

"Sir," the cop shouts, holding up a strip of undeveloped film, "Is this you?!"

The man looks at the film strip, then at the officer. "That's a negative, sir."

Can't wait to see Liam Neeson's new film

Taken: Out Of Context.

Filming *Aladdin* must have been physically very hard on Will Smith.

I understand that at the end of each day shooting he was black and blue.

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.

Which knee is hurting you, Walt?

The famous film producer points to his left knee.

Disney.

A man goes to the movies and sees a large dog sitting next to a woman watching the film

He says to her "I am surprised your dog is enjoying this movie"

The woman replies "Me too, he hated the book"

So Mark Zuckerberg and The Pope walk into a bar...

They sit down when suddenly Mark spills his drink on The Popes' robes. They get into a fight. A film crew recorded them duking it out and made a film out of it...

Alien vs Predator

I hear that the Government hired Stanley Kubrick to help film The Fake Moon Landing

But since Kubrick was such a perfectionist he forced the Government to film on location.

Why don't film soundtracks use jazz and classical?

Too much sax and violins.

To cut a long story short,

I became a film editor.

The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called....

Fast 10 Your Seat Belt.

If the characters were gay, Saving Private Ryan would have been a way shorter film.

There is no way a group of gay men would have taken 3 hours to find Matt Damon

A man walks into his therapists office naked, save for being completely wrapped up in cling film.

The therapist looked up at him, and said:

"Well, I can clearly see you're nuts!"

What would you call a Hollywood film director who is isolating from Covid

Quentin Quarantino.

Guy walks into a doctors office wearing nothing but cling film.

Doctor says I can clearly see you're nuts.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his friends are acting in a short film about classical pianists and musicians

.

One of friends says, "I'll play Beethoven."

Another says, "I'll be Mozart."

-

In the end, Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."

A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies

In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you Β£20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.

20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets Β£20 to give.



Her boyfriend said "I can't take this, I have seen the movie before."

She replies, "So have I but I didn't think lightning would strike twice in the same place!"

What do you call an all female team of film editors?

The Splice Girls

What do you call a sexual film that is a hit?

A banger

I'm writing a film about a guy with a time machine who tries to stop Hitler's parents from meeting ...

I'm calling it 'Back to the Fuhrer'.

Rumor has it that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin decided to team up with NASA to fake the moon landing together, but to make it look as realistic as possible, they urged NASA to film on location.

Compliments of Neil De Grasse Tyson

What's the difference between wit and a joke?

A young filmmaker excited to be part of his first film festival is attending a talk between a director and a writer. At the end of the talk he gets up and shouts out, "If I could ask a question, what's the difference between wit and a joke?"

The writer looks at him for a second, picks up his glass of water and pours it on his own head, says
"This, is a joke"

Surprised by the sudden act, the young filmmaker proceeds hesitantly, "And what is wit?"

The writer responds, "Wit is dry".

I know a film director that only hires overweight actors and actresses, even if they're terrible.

I think it's flabbercasting.

While discussing horror movies, my friend asked me who my favorite monster from film is.

Me: "Hmmm that's a tough one. I think I'd have to go with the vampire from Sesame Street."

Friend: "What!? He doesn't count."

Me: "Oh I assure you, he does."

A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called Lenin in Warsaw.

Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opensβ€”on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, naked, having mad sex with another man. And then another.

And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audience.First question: Very interesting movie, comrade, butβ€”where was Lenin? The director answers:

In Warsaw.

Have you guys heard about the new film adaptation of Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart?"

It's rumored to star Beneathio del Flooro.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the film movie jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working film romcom piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes