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Film Director Jokes

48 film director jokes and hilarious film director puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about film director that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Film Director Short Jokes

Short film director jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The film director humour may include short director jokes also.

  1. The moon landings were faked… But the director was such a perfectionist that he demanded they be filmed on location.
  2. A director and composer are arguing about the score of a film Composer: Is it really THAT important that there are no voices in any of the tracks?
    Director: It's instrumental
  3. What would you call a Hollywood film director who is isolating from Covid Quentin Quarantino.
  4. Say what you want about The Human Centipede The film's director really knew how to bring people together...
  5. My wife is a film director and I really can not stand it. Every time we go out somewhere, she makes a scene.
  6. I know a film director that only hires overweight actors and actresses, even if they're terrible. I think it's flabbercasting.
  7. I've only told my closest friend that I lost my job as a film director. ##
    ## I don't want to make a scene.
  8. My friend said "Women directors have never had major success with a live action film" So I said, "Nonsense! Just look at the Matrix trilogy."
  9. Just came off a job filming an advert for Mexican food. I thought the last shot was of some tortillas, but as we finished, the director shouted, 'That's a wrap.'
  10. The moon landings are staged and, in fact, completely created by a film crew and everything. The only thing is that the director was too lazy so he said just to film it on location.

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Film Director One Liners

Which film director one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with film director? I can suggest the ones about film and band director.

  1. The moon landing was fake But the film director demanded they film on site
  2. What do you call a film director with an STD? Alfred 'ItchCock
  3. Horror film director George A Romero has died… Give him a few minutes...
  4. What do you call a rodent film director who makes great genre films? Martin Squirrelsese.
  5. Which film director is the best at basketball? Martin, because he scors-ese.
  6. I watched a film where Steven Spielberg was circumcised... ... it was a Director's Cut.
  7. I don't like to make a scene. Which is probably why I never made it as a film director.
  8. What do you call a film director with bad eyesight? Squintin' Tarantino
  9. What do you call a film director that has c**...? Alfred Itchcock
  10. Chris Brown was the director of what film? s**... Punch

Cheerful Fun Film Director Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about film director you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean writer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make film director pranks.

A film crew was filming in the highlands in Scotland when an old Gaelic seer came hobbling by and said, "Tomorrow rain," and hobbled on. Sure enough it rained the very next day. Again he hobbled past and said, "Tomorrow sunshine." It was indeed a fine sunny day the next day. The director was mighty impressed and got the crew to hire him and every day the wise old sage predicted accurately what the weather would be. But after a couple of weeks the old man didn't show up and eventually the director found him in a bothy and said, "Hey, we need your predictions, why aren't you showing up?" "Radio broken," the old man replied.

The Native American Weatherman

A director is shooting a movie in a desert near an Indian reservation. One day, a native american comes up to him and says "Rain today."
The director doesn't pay much attention, but towards the middle of the day, it rains. The director is now impressed, and instantly hires the native american to predict weather for him.
The cycle continues until the director is about to shoot the most important scene of the film. He asks the native: "What's the weather like today?" He says "Don't know."
"What? What do you mean you don't know?"
"Radio broken."

Did you see the headline about the film director who stormed off set after someone filled his trailer with herbs?

Michael Bay Leaves

Ricky Gervais Tim Allen joke.

“What can I say about our next two presenters?” Ricky Gervais asked.
“The first is an actor, producer and director whose movies have grossed over $3.5bn at the box office. He’s won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes for his powerful and varied performances, starring in such films as Philadelphia, Forrest Gump, Castaway, Apollo 13 and Saving Private Ryan. The other... is Tim Allen.”

Did you hear the director planned to film two sequels simultaneously for the Michael J Fox 1980's time travel comedy?

He planned to make back-to-back back to the 'Back to the Future' future features!

My films ended with the black and white era. The song-writers gone and the music-directors too.

Noise rules.

One day while filming the Star Wars original trilogy

Mark Hamill got very thirsty, so he asked the director for some soda.
George Lucas replied that Carrie had already taken all the coke.

What does a ship captain and an aspiring film director, have in common?

They both get captured by Shamalian pirates

Jesus the Mexican stuntman.

Jesus was a Mexican stuntman who died while making a film. At his f**..., his mother said to the director, "Jesus died for your scenes."

Lenin in Warsaw

A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called Lenin in Warsaw. Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, n**..., having mad s**... with another man. And then another. And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.
Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audience.
First question: Very interesting movie, comrade, but—where was Lenin?
The director answers: In Warsaw.

On a film set, everyone is getting ready to start shooting, when the director calls for his assistant to bring him the script.

The assistant runs onto set and starts k**... over props, crawling around the floor and frantically pulling his hair.
As the assistant starts tearing off his clothes and shaking them around, the director thinks to himself, "He's lost the plot!"

The film director kept noticing people in the background hamming it up.

He shouted, "I said not to hire extra-verts!"

Did you Chewbacca became a film director? The actors keep complaining he hasn't gotten one scene right yet...

Wookie Miss Takes

Did you know Eric Stoltz was up to play Marty McFly?

But the director thought he was too shaky early in filming.

One day Brock Lee fell off stage during filming.

He bumped his head pretty hard, and fell into a coma.
After a while, the director and other actors urgently went to the hospital to check up on him. The doctor who was overseeing Brock came out and said
"We hope he gets better soon, but as of now, he is in a vegetative state."

Sean Connery arrives at a grand hotel ready for filming the next day

The director meets him, and is delighted "great to see you, Sean, its an honour to have you join us for this project" he says.
"The pleasure is mine" Sean replies, "though it's been a long drive and I'm tired. Is my room ready?"
"Of course, of course, I have your key right here", he says handing over the key. "I appreciate its quite late so we'll have a bit of a later start tomorrow. Are you happy to meet us in the lobby for ten-ish?"
"Tennish?" asks Sean, "but I didn't even bring my racket!"
... An old joke in honor of the great man.

What's the difference between wit and a joke?

A young filmmaker excited to be part of his first film festival is attending a talk between a director and a writer. At the end of the talk he gets up and shouts out, "If I could ask a question, what's the difference between wit and a joke?"
The writer looks at him for a second, picks up his glass of water and pours it on his own head, says
"This, is a joke"
Surprised by the sudden act, the young filmmaker proceeds hesitantly, "And what is wit?"
The writer responds, "Wit is dry".

A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called Lenin in Warsaw.

Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, n**..., having mad s**... with another man. And then another.
And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audience.First question: Very interesting movie, comrade, but—where was Lenin? The director answers:
In Warsaw.

I got thrown off of a TV commercial set a few years ago.

We were filming an ad for Taco Bell. The director didn't like being corrected. He kept saying "That's a wrap" when clearly it was a Taco Supreme.