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Fills Jokes

61 fills jokes and hilarious fills puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fills that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Fills Short Jokes

Short fills jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fills humour may include short filling jokes also.

  1. My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'. I know he means well.
  2. I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold. I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
  3. My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..." I know he means well...
  4. The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision I can just see it now.
  5. My coworker just found out she won't be able to attend next week's Innuendo Conference… I guess I'll have to fill her slot instead.
  6. Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong... I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.
  7. Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub." Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"
  8. Had to stop at the gas station to fill my tires… They raised the price to $1.50. I just can't believe the cost of inflation these days.
  9. Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians... They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met.
  10. I was telling jokes at a bar filled with LGBTQ+ people I was doing such a good job nobody could keep a straight face.

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Fills One Liners

Which fills one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fills? I can suggest the ones about loads and fuse.

  1. How do you jump higher on a water bed? You fill it with spring water.
  2. What did Harry Potter say when he was filling up his car? Expensive Petroleum
  3. How many ants does it take to fill an apartment Tenants
  4. How many ants are needed to fill an apartment? Ten-ants
  5. My dentist is a really mean guy He always hurts my fillings.
  6. How many ants does it take to fill an apartment building? Ten ants.
  7. Why did the oreo cookie go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling.
  8. People tell me filling animals with helium is bad.. But i say whatever floats your goat.
  9. I didn't find the food in Budapest very filling, so I left Hungary.
  10. I filled my inflatable girlfriend up with helium... and now she's playing hard to get!!!
  11. How many cars does it take to fill up a parking garage? A lot.
  12. Did you know? The pool on the Titanic is still filled with water.
  13. Why do dumplings never tell secrets? They’re good at “keeping their fillings”!
  14. Why did the dumpling refuse to go on a date? It was “filled” with anxiety!
  15. TIL the pool on the titanic is still filled with water to this day. Oh wait...

Fills joke, TIL the pool on the titanic is still filled with water to this day.

Hilarious Fills Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about fills you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fails jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fills pranks.

The man says to the bartender...

"Gimme twelve shots of your finest whiskey, and fast!"
The bartender lines up a dozen shot glasses and as he fills them, the man starts to down them one after the other.
Shocked, the bartender asks, "What's the hurry, buddy?"
Between shots, the man replies, "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I've got."
Concerned, the bartender asks kindly, "What have you got, brother?"
The man downs the last shot and puts all his money on the table. "Fifty cents!"

The elbow

A man is complaining to his friend: "My elbow really hurts. I think I need to see a doctor." His friend answers: "Dude, this is 2012, in the supermarket they have a new computer that can diagnose much faster and cheaper. Just place a u**... sample in the machine and it says what's wrong, and that only for $1!"
The man decides to take a shot, fills a glass with u**..., goes to the supermarket, finds the computer and pours his u**... into the computer. Immediately a small paper is printed and comes out of the computer: "TENNIS ELBOW. Keep your arm warm for a few days and avoid heavy lifting. In two weeks you'll be better."
The former scriptkiddie is impressed and decides to see if he can confuse the computer. He mixes dishwashing water with diarrhea from his dog, together with some u**... from his wife and daughter. To finish it he masturbates and drops his s**... into the cup and mixes everything again.
when he arrives in the supermarked he drops his mixture into the computer. The computer spits out a little less small paper: "Your tap water contains too much calcium, buy softener. Your dog has parasites, give him medicines. Your daughter smokes marihuana, speak with her. Your wife is pregnant and you're not the father, get yourself a good lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!

College

A professor tells the class that they will be performing an experiment the next day. When the students get to class, they see the professor with a large glass vase, some large rocks, some small pebbles, and some sand. The students all get seated, and the professor begins the experiment. He fills the vase with the rocks and says, "How many of you says this is full?" When half the class raises his hand, he nods, and then pours in the pebbles. "Now how many of you says this is full?" When no one else raises their hand he adds the sand and repeats the previous question. The rest of the class raises their hands. The professor then sits down to begin the rest of the class, when a student walks up with a bottle of booze that was in his backpack. He pours the booze in the vase and says to the professor "Now what does this teach you?" When the professor didn't answer the student said "There's always room for beer."

Engineer, Physicist and Mathematician

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are sleeping in their respective hotel rooms when a problem with the hotel's electrical system causes sparks to fly from the sockets and catch fire to the wastepaper basket.
The engineer wakes up from the alarm, sees what is going on and runs to the bathroom. He fills a bucket with water, which he throws onto the wastepaper basket. Relieved that the fire is out, he goes back to bed.
The physicist wakes up from the alarm and sees what is going on. He grabs a pad of paper and a pencil, and works out how much water he will need to put out the fire. He then goes to the bathroom and fills a bucket with the precise amount of water he needs (accounting for measurement error), and proceeds to put out the fire. He then goes back to bed.
The mathematician wakes up from the alarm and sees what is going on. He grabs a pad of paper and a pencil, and works out how much water he will need to put out the fire.
"Aha! A solution exists!" And he goes back to bed.
*Alternate ending*
Later that night the hotel's electrical system fails again, causing sparks to fly from the sockets and catch fire to the bed sheets. The mathematician wakes up, considers the fire, and then takes the still-burning sheets and puts them in the wastepaper basket.
"Aha! I've reduced the problem to a previously-solved form!" And he goes back to bed.

A blind man walks into a bar...

...and after managing to find himself an empty seat at the bar he orders a pint.
Bartender fills the pint and as it is being placed in front of the blind man says, "hey Bartender, wanna hear a dumb blonde girl joke?"
Bar goes silent.
"Hey man," the Bartender says, "you're blind so there is a few things you should know before you tell your joke. You are in a d**... bar, the only one in town actually, and many of us are blonde. I am blonde. Sid the biker chick next to you is blonde and so is her girlfriend. The bouncer is also blonde along with the 2 chicks behind you playing pool. Do you really want to tell that joke?"
"Nah, you're right." says the blind man, "I would have to explain it too many times."

Two men are working by the side of the road...

One digs a hole and the other fills it back up.
They do this several times until an old lady, who has been watching them, comes over and asks "What in the world are you two doing?"
One of the workers replies, "We work for the city, the guy that plants the trees is off sick today."

My friend is never affected by fluctuating gas prices.

He never fills for more than $30.

Bow Wow

A dog walks into Western Union and asks the clerk to send a telegram.
He fills out a form and writes down the telegram he wishes to send:
"Bow wow wow, bow wow wow."
The clerk says,
"You can add another 'Bow wow' for the same price."
The dog looks at the clerk and says,
"Now wouldn't that sound a little silly?"

City workers

A passerby noticed a couple of city workers digging holes along the sidewalks.
The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but couldn't figure out what they were doing.
Finally, he approached the workers and asked, I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? One of you digs a hole, and the other guy immediately fills it back up again with dirt.
One of the workers explained: The guy who plants the trees called in sick today.

A black man walks into a corner store with a gun...

He tosses a bag to the man behind the counter and says, "Fill it up with the big ones", the man fills the bag with king-sized snickers and says: "That'll be $10.55, officer."

Who fills in for the president of Russia when he's on leave?

Deputin

What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed?

NYC subway commuters.

A guy goes to a petrol station and fills his car up.

He couldn't get back in.

A man wanted to teach his sons the evils of alcohol

So he takes out two glasses. Fills one with bourbon and one with water.
He puts A worm in the bourbon and a worm in the water. Worm in the water lives, worm in the bourbon dies.
He turns to his son and say "now what does that teach you about the evils of alcohol?"
His son thought about it for a second and says "well if I drink bourbon I won't get worms"
-my dad tells this one to at least one person every time he goes into a liquor store-

Yo momma so fat, when she wants to take a bath...

She fills up the tub and THEN turns on the water.

Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine...

"One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..."

A man walks into a bar..

and asks the bartender for a r**... and coke. The bartender says " Is Pepsi okay?" The man replies, "Yeah that's fine". The bartender takes out a glass and fills it with Pepsi and Coke.

Really Big Lighter

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. He asks the man, Where did you get such a big lighter?
The man replies, See the man playing piano over there? He's a genie and he'll grant you one wish.
So the guy walks over to the genie and says, I wish for a million bucks. All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.
The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, That genie is a little hard of hearing isn't he.
The guy replies, No kidding! You think I asked for a 14 inch Bic!

The Russian army orders 100K rubbers from a US company, specifying 12" fit needed.

The US firm fills the order with packaging marked "MEDIUM."

Guy walks into a bar and says "Give me a 'bad hombre'"

The bartender fills the glass with liquor, lights it on fire and throws it in his face.

A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole...

...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?"
"We're working" the first blonde replies.
"Just the two of you?" He inquires.
"Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick"

Sir John and Chung Lee walking in front of the Buckingham palace

Chung Lee says: "When I see all these flags, my heart fills with joy!"
Sir John:"But you are a Chinese national only visiting the United Kingdom, how so?"
Chung Lee:"Did you ever read the labels on the flags?!"

Yo Mama so fat...

When a Muslim man marries her he fills up his 4 wives quota

An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first says, I'll have a beer. The second says, I'll have half a beer. The third says, I'll have a quarter of a beer. Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. Come on, now, he says to the group, You guys have got to learn your limits.

George Clooney creates an iTunes playlist and fills it with various cartoon soundtracks.

Clooney Tunes

Please enter a new password: _____

*Fills in the blank*
MYPENIS
ERROR: Not long enough.

The mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first mathematician orders a pint of beer. The second mathematician orders a half. The third, a quarter pint. There is an infinite line up of Mathematicians.
The bartender fills up two pints and slides it over to the Mathematicians.

A blonde...

...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.
The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
"Do you know what 'UFO' stands for?" He asks.
"Of course." She replies, "Unleaded Fuel Only".
credits to u/Mr-Everest

Angry husband fills wife's car with concrete after she changed her surname

I hope she takes him to court, she has concrete evidence

2 twins changing their name.

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee. Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly... A man, their father, bursts through the door and embraces Ving and tells them, "Don't stop, be Lee, Ving", "Hold on to that fee, ling."

An incel fills out paper work.

Name: Mark Jones.

DOB: 2/4/1985.

s**...: *Oh my god, why is this so hard for me!?*

A serial killer plead guilty to h**...

after being asked by the judge why he would kill, the serial killer responded,
"It fills me with energy."
He was charged with m**....

A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.
Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy
Wow says the detective, looking up at the train in question.
That's some locomotive

A man with soiled clothing walks into a bar...

A man with soiled clothing walks into a bar.
The bartender asks him what drink he'd like, to which he replies, "A pint of Guinness please".
As the bartender fills the glass, he asks the man, "What do you do for a living?"
"Well," the man replies, "I go into caves and break the rocks, to find ores and that kind of thing."
The bartender looks sadly at him and sighs. "Sorry sir," he says, "we don't serve miners."

A farmer who knows a little bit of english wants his son to study at an english school.

One day he takes his son to a local english school for admission. A teacher gives him a form to fill in.He goes on filling the form and despite his bad english he manages to fill all the informations correctly. The last thing asked was to provide his son's
mother tongue. He fills with confidence "very long".

A wise man is walking through a market with a bag of gold.

As he passes the various sellers, a merchant quickly lights some incense and a beautiful aroma fills the air. It's frankincense, the merchant says. The best in the land.
The wise man gets some and is about to leave when the merchant calls out, But wait ... there's myrrh!

An American walks into an Irish pub, he asks the bartender for an Irish Car Bomb.

The bartender grimaces, "Excuse me?"
The man smiles, "It's a drink, you don't have those? Irish car bombs?"
The bartender lights up and replies, "Oh I have something similar, one moment!"
He then takes two tall shot glasses side by side, fills them with v**..., and lights them aflame. "Special, just for you."
The American frowns, "What the h**... is this?"
"I call it a 9/11."
*This is a joke my pal from Kerry told me, all credit to him.*

What do you call a frog that fills cavities?

Dentist Hopper.

A guy runs into a bar says to the bartender

"Quick! Give me 50 shots of your best whiskey!"
The bartender lays out 50 shot glasses and fills them with the best whiskey he has.
The man pounds them down, one immediately after another.
After the last glass, the bartender says "Wow! I've never seen anyone take that many shots at once!"
The man says "You'd do the same thing if you had what I have."
The bartender says "What do you have?"
The man says "Twenty-five cents."

A woman is walking in a park when she sees two men working.

One man digs a hole, the other fills it back in. The two men go to another spot, the first man digs another hole, and the second man fills it back in. They then go to another spot. Again, the first man digs a hole and the second man fills it back in. They keep doing this for a while until finally the woman walks up to them and asks, "Why do you guys keep digging holes and then filling them back in?"
One of the men responds, "Well, there's usually a third guy who puts in the tree, but he's sick today.

Doctor's know...

"Doc, there's something strange going on, it's not normal."
Doctor asks "What do you mean?"
"Whenever I f**... it sounds like I'm saying 'Honda'."
Doctor says "Go see your dentist, you've got a cavity."
So he goes to the dentist, and sure enough he has a cavity. Dentist fills it and, just like that, his farts sound normal again!
He calls his doctor: "Doc, you were right! I had a cavity, and once it was filled my farts were normal again! But you gotta tell me, how did you know?"
"Doctors know that abscess makes the farts go Honda".

A doctor fills a syringe with glitter and injects the patient.

"Whats that?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies "An esthetic."

Genie will grant you one ...

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. He asks the man, Where did you get such a big lighter?
The man replies, See that man playing piano over there? He's a genie and he'll grant you one wish.
So the guy walks over to the genie and says, I wish for a million bucks. All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.
The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, That genie is a little hard of hearing isn't he.
The guy replies, No kidding! You think I asked for a 14 inch Bic!

What do you call a guy who fills his underwear with glitter?

Pretty nuts

A man walks into a bar, his head hung in shame.

"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.
The man says, "Just a club soda. I think I'm done drinking."
The bartender fills the order. "Why?"
"Well," the man says, "Last night I got so drunk, I went home and blew chunks."
"I've been tending bar for 25 years," the bartender sympathizes, "and I have seen a lot of people v**... after drinking too much. It's not that big of a deal."
The man takes a long sip of the soda. "You don't understand," he says. "Chunks is my dog."

The worm experiment

In front of her 4th grade class a teacher takes 4 glasses and fills them up with brandy, wine, beer and water. Then she puts a worm inside each one and let them sit for the night.
The day after she shows to the students each glass and, without any suprise, all worm but the one in the water are stone dead.
"So - she ask the students - what did this experiment teach us?"
From the back of the class the hand of Little Johnny rises up.
"Well, Miss, this experiment taught me that, if I drink brandy, wine or beer, I'll never get worms!"

Fills joke, The worm experiment

jokes about fills