Fill Jokes
143 fill jokes and hilarious fill puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fill that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Can't get enough of fill jokes? We have the best selection of jokes that will have you up and rolling. Our collection of jokes about filling up, pumping, tubs, and voids will leave you wanting more. Get your daily fill of hilarious jokes today!
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Funniest Fill Short Jokes
Short fill jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fill humour may include short full jokes also.
- My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'. I know he means well.
- I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold. I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
- My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..." I know he means well...
- The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision I can just see it now.
- My coworker just found out she won't be able to attend next week's Innuendo Conference… I guess I'll have to fill her slot instead.
- Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong... I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.
- Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub." Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"
- Had to stop at the gas station to fill my tires… They raised the price to $1.50. I just can't believe the cost of inflation these days.
- Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians... They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met.
- I was telling jokes at a bar filled with LGBTQ+ people I was doing such a good job nobody could keep a straight face.
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Fill One Liners
Which fill one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fill? I can suggest the ones about blank and fuse.
- How do you jump higher on a water bed? You fill it with spring water.
- What did Harry Potter say when he was filling up his car? Expensive Petroleum
- How many ants does it take to fill an apartment Tenants
- How many ants are needed to fill an apartment? Ten-ants
- My dentist is a really mean guy He always hurts my fillings.
- How many ants does it take to fill an apartment building? Ten ants.
- Why did the oreo cookie go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling.
- People tell me filling animals with helium is bad.. But i say whatever floats your goat.
- I didn't find the food in Budapest very filling, so I left Hungary.
- I filled my inflatable girlfriend up with helium... and now she's playing hard to get!!!
- How many cars does it take to fill up a parking garage? A lot.
- Did you know? The pool on the Titanic is still filled with water.
- Why do dumplings never tell secrets? They’re good at “keeping their fillings”!
- Why did the dumpling refuse to go on a date? It was “filled” with anxiety!
- TIL the pool on the titanic is still filled with water to this day. Oh wait...
Fill Swimming Jokes
Here is a list of funny fill swimming jokes and even better fill swimming puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool I don't know what they're filling the pool with, because he abruptly left when I offered him a glass of water
- I've always dreamed of swimming in a body of water filled with soda. Sadly it's just a Fanta-sea.
- Too Much My friend filled an entire swimming pool up with herbs.
He had a lot of thyme on his hands. - My girlfriend thought the fossball table in our living room was too fratty. So I filled it up with water and turned it into a synchronized swimming simulator.
- A woman walked up to me holding a bucket Excuse me, I'm collecting for the local swimming pool
Well it'll take you b**... ages to fill it with that
Fill Me Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny fill me up jokes and even better fill me up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
- I wanted to change my name to dragon Ball Z... My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!"
I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!" - I went to fill up my tires and it cost a dollar. It used to cost a quarter but I guess that's inflation for you.
- Yesterday at a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little. "Nervous?" asked the interviewer
I replied, "No, I always give 110%" - It must be tough having the world's best clown as your dad. You would have such big shoes to fill
- Today I was walking past a car filled with black people and they locked the door when I got close. I felt like a badass until I realized that it was my car.
- My boyfriend is the best cook With only two nuts, a sausage and some milk he can fill my stomach for 9 months.
- I asked my girlfriend if I could make her mine. "Yes! Oh, yes!" she shouted, eyes filled with tears. "Great!" I said. "Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"
- They've unearthed a sarcophagus in Egypt filled with chocolate and nuts The mummy was wrapped in gold foil, so they believe it is the legendary Pharaoh Rocher
- They told me it was foolish to fill the room with nitrous oxide... Well, who's laughing now.
Great Fill Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about fill you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean empty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fill pranks.
I often wonder what my parents did to fill their time before the internet was invented...
...I've asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they don't know either...
Guy walks into a f**... home
He tells the receptionist, my wife is dying, and i need to buy a gravesite.
Receptionist says, sure, no problem. Just fill out this paperwork and we'll get the process started.
Guy says, well you should know up front this might get complicated. See, my wife weighs 800 pounds.
Ah, the receptionist says. The plot thickens.
A Pakistani living in England (offensive)
A Pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human f**... and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.
Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."
A question for your doctor
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
I'm going to buy 100 mounted fish and fill a room with them.
When someone comes over and asks where the bathroom is, I'll send them to that room instead. As soon as they come back disappointed, I'll say, "I'm sorry, I thought you said my bassroom!"
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant...
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a s**... count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.
In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor
How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39
A drunk is walking around downtown...
When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."
When the Chinese fill out government forms...
Under "Occupation" do they write "Tibet"?
How do you trap an elephant?
Start by digging a big hole in the ground then fill it with ashes. Take some peanuts and place them around the edge of the hole. When the elephant comes to eat the peanuts, kick him in the ash-hole.
Getting Married!
A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.....
The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease...
When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?".....
There was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down 'Yes.'"
Why don't Muslims fill out online forms?
Because they refuse to Submit to anyone but Allah.
Guy robs a bank
Throw the bag at the teller and says fill it up. She does so and he turns around to the person behind him and says
"Did u see me rob the bank?"
Person says "yes".
Bang shoots him dead.
Goes up to the next couple.
" Did u see me rob the bank?"
Guy says "I must have missed it, but my wife saw the whole thing!"
There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2, one to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
The English and the Scots.
A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."
Why are men great cooks....
because with 1 sausage, a pair of nuts and some milk it can fill up a woman for nine months.
During a visit to the mental hospital....
..a visitor asks the Director what criterion defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
My mom said she's going to dig a hole in the garden and fill it full of water....
....she means well
A black man walks into a corner store with a gun...
He tosses a bag to the man behind the counter and says, "Fill it up with the big ones", the man fills the bag with king-sized snickers and says: "That'll be $10.55, officer."
While filling out a survey, I came across the gender option: Canadian...
I guess you could say I'm Eh-s**....
Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
Cause if you dragged them by the feet, they'd fill up with dirt.
It takes many nails to build a crib...
...but only one screw to fill it.
It's hard following a clown act
My girlfriend dated a clown before we started going together.
I've got some pretty big shoes to fill.
Girl are you a dishwasher?
Because I would like to fill you with my dirty load in the evening, turn you on, and fall asleep before you finish
How to catch an elephant
Dig a big hole
Fill it with ashes
Sprinkle peas on top
When the elephant goes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.
Fill out job applications in crayon...
...and if you don't get hired, just blame it on your color.
My colleague can no longer attend next week's seminar on innuendo...
Now I have to fill her slot...
Men are better cooks
With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.
I always wondered what the job application is like at h**....
Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
How do make a Kia twice as valuable?
Fill up the tank
A man is with his wife who's filling up their flat tire with air...
"Since when do you need to pay to fill up a tire?" says the wife.
"I don't know," replies the husband. "But I'm sure it has something to do with inflation."
Why are men the best chefs?
Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.
An American and a Mexican are sitting at the beach when a genie offers both of them one wish.
The American says:
"I'd like a 5-mile-high wall around the US so that no foreigners or i**... Chinese goods can enter without our government's permission." And voilá the wall is built.
The genie then asks the Mexican what he wants:
"Fill it with lava."
A man asks the doctor
"Can I take a bath with diarrhea?"
Doctor:"If you could fill the bathtub with it, why not?"
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
How to catch a bear
First, you dig a big hole in the ground out in the woods and you fill it to the top with ash.
Second, place fresh peas all around the hole.
Then when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
A man from quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar....
A man from Quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar, one of them finds a lamp, he rubs it and a genie comes out, he grants the two with one wish each.
the guy from Quebec says "i want a big, 40 foot wall arround the entire province"
the genie claps his fingers and says "here, done"
the one from Newfoundland aks "is your wall waterproof?"
"uhh yeah?" responded the guy from quebec
"fill her up"
Wet phone solution.
Person 1: If you drop your phone into some water, fill a bag with rice and put the phone in the bag and sit it on the kitchen bench overnight.
During the night, the rice will attract asians who will fix your broken electronics.
Person 2: Dude, that's not how it works. They would eat the rice too.
Teacher : Why did you only fill in all the odd questions in the exam?
Blonde : Because i can't even
What's the process of applying for a job at h**...?
They just give you a bra and say "Here, fill this out."
The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...
Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?
Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.
Bathman: That's great to hear. What do you consider your second power to be?
Number 7: 49
I really hope the new 'It' movie is as good as the original..
Because those are some big shoes to fill.
Are you a washing machine?
Because I wanna fill you with my dirty load.
Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.
One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:
"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the holes, but she couldn't come so we'll have to make do without her."
I went to go apply for a job at h**... today
They just handed me a bra and said Here fill this out
Facebook will reveal what information about you was leaked in recent years.
Just log in and fill out this quiz on our new app.
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to measure the volume of a pig.
The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."
The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a volume."
The physicist answers: "let P be a spherical, friction-less pig...
A man goes to an asylum and asks
How do you admit your patients? The psychiatrist says Well, we fill a bathtub full of water then give them a spoon, a cup and a bucket then we tell them to empty the bathtub . The man replies I see, so the sane person would take the bucket , and the psychiatrist replies No, the sane person will pull the drain plug. Would you like your room to have a balcony sir?
I was filling my car with leaded gasoline wearing some comfortable aesbestos boots. As I popped a thalidomide pill into my mouth I thought...
"A government ban on assault weapons would never work..."
I just got some Sudoku toilet paper
Sadly, I can't complete it because I can only fill it with 1s and 2s.
A woman asked me what a c**... was
I made sure to fill her in
A Vampire walks into a bank and pulls a gun out
Hands up, this is a robbery! He declares, as he starts forcing the teller to fill a sack with cash.
One of the customers, cracking slightly under the pressure asks; Hey, shouldn't you be robbing a blood bank?
The vampire turns to them and grins.
No, see, I'm cursed. He explains.
Cursed?
Yep, I can only feed on smartasses, and there's always at least one when I pull this stunt.
Why men are the best cooks
Because with 2 eggs, a sausage, and a little bit of milk they can fill a girl's tummy for 9 months
After 10 years...
After 10 years, a mother realizes her kid looks a little funny and gets a DNA test done. Surprise, it's not her child! She tells the husband, who calmly replies, "What, you don't remember?" The wife shakes her head worriedly, hoping her husband's answer will fill in the gap. He says to her: "When we were leaving the hospital, the baby pooped in the diaper. You told me to change it, so I went back inside, grabbed a clean baby, and left the dirty one there."
Every day I like to fill my kids' minds with a sense of wonder.
Like "I wonder who my Dad is?"
My girlfriend used to date a professional clown before she met me.
I have some big shoes to fill.
A farmer who knows a little bit of english wants his son to study at an english school.
One day he takes his son to a local english school for admission. A teacher gives him a form to fill in.He goes on filling the form and despite his bad english he manages to fill all the informations correctly. The last thing asked was to provide his son's
mother tongue. He fills with confidence "very long".
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?
Which bible verse does a priest say often to the altar boy?
**Psalm 81:10.**
**....** open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
It used to be free to fill your tires with air now it costs $1.50!
Now that's what you call inflation!
I walked into my local bank, they asked me to remove my mask..
I said there was no way I was going risk my life or theirs by exposing us to an unprotected face.
.
.
.
Then I gave them 1 minute to fill the duffle bag.
I hate having to keep going to the kitchen to fill my glass of water.
Take a pitcher it will last longer
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath". The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my b**...."
So, this dairy farmer takes his son out to learn about milking for the first time.
After he shows how to pull on the udders and fill the bucket, he says, "Now son, we have to dip your head in the milk to make it safe to drink."
The boy is confused and asks, "You've gotta dunk my whole head in the milk to be safe, Pa?"
The dairy farmer says, "No, son, no..."
"Just past your eyes."
3 generations of males went to an old-fashioned store...
The young man asked for a pound of raisins from the pretty lady behind the counter. She had to climb a ladder to fill the order, revealing her n**... flesh under her short skirt. Then, she asked his dad what he wanted.
Wanting to see a p**...-less beauty climb the stairs again, he too asked for a pound of raisins. This time she caught on while grabbing the raisins, looking down on the men getting their carnal delights.
She then asked the grandpa, "I suppose yours is raisin' too?" "No," the old fella said, "but it is twitchin' a bit."
So this drunk guy stumbles up to a police officer
He said, "Officer, someone stole my car!"
The officer in disbelief asked him "Oh yeah where was it last?" The drunk replied "right on the end of this key."
The officer, clearly unimpressed and wanting to move on with his day said to him "Okay buddy, why don't you just take yourself down to the station. They'll have the proper paperwork for you to fill out there. But before you go, zip up your fly." The drunk looked down at his fly, and then back up at the police officer.
"s**..., they got my girl too."
How do you catch an elephant?
First, you'll need to dig a hole deep enough for an elephant. Proceed to complete surround the hole with green peas and fill the bottom of the hole with ashes.
*Once the elephant bends down to take a pee, kick it in the ash hole.*
Blonde Woman Wants To Look Young Again
A blonde woman heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
The milkman read the note, and thought there must be a mistake. He asked the women if she meant 2.5 gallons.
The blonde woman said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want the milk to be pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my b**.... I can splash it on my eyes."
What do clowns fill their cars with?
Laughing gas!
-----------
This has probably been made before, but I just thought of it after my mom, while doing her crossword puzzle, said aloud "fuel for a funny car" and I suggested laughing gas. It wasn't the right answer, unfortunately.
My wife dated a clown before she started going out with me.
I had some pretty big shoes to fill.
A joke from my grandfather
In a kindergarten classroom in Moscow in 1980:
Teacher: The Soviet Union is the heaven where you always have food to fill your stomach and your parents have a job and everyone is happy.
Student named Mikhail: Teacher I want to go to the Soviet Union.
A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go
The Russian Says: We Used My Fishing Rod, So I Get First 2 Wishes.
First: I Want All The Capitalists Out Of My Glorious Country.
Second: I Want A Big Wall Around Russia, Nobody Can Cross.
Then Ukrainian Has A Dialogue With The Fish
- Is The Wall Done?
- Yes
- Is It Strong And Durable?
- Yes
- Nobody Can Climb It?
- Nobody
- And Nobody But Moscovites Inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then Fill It Up With s**... Up To The Edges
