Fight Jokes

Following is our collection of struggle puns and quarrel one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Fight jokes for adults, dirty fierce jokes and clean gladiators dad gags for kids.

The Best Fight Puns

Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you're prepared for the Reaper cushions

2 blind guys were about to fight

I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away.

Just been challenged to a water fight by next doors brat kids...

Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.

Why is 69 afraid of 70?

Because they once had a fight and 71.

#

Sorry guys.

Dont challange Death to a pillow fight

...Unless you want to deal with the Reaper cushions.


A man walks in a bar and shouts free beers outside! So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.

The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man what the hell did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!

The man says Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.

Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"

Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."

Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.

How do you stop a fight between two blind men?

Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.

I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night

Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.

Xbox and PlayStation are having a fight...

Then the cops show up: "Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U..."

Whomever said laughter is the best medicine...

clearly hasn't tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.


The First Rule of Fight Club...

... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on.

My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house.

"To fight the Decepticons," I said.

She laughed. I laughed.

The toaster laughed.

I shot the toaster.

19 and 20 got into a fight

21.

fight club

I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meetingο»Ώ

What's it called when an illegal immigrant and a child molester get in a fist fight?

Alien VS predator

My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time,

But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity

The best in town!

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.

Fight Club was awesome!

Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!


I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the Internet was a thing

I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either

If you ever get in a knife fight with a group of clowns

Go for the juggler

Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

Because you'll get jurasskicked.

The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees.

She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"

If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started...

An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex

Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians!

Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

Why don't professional boxers have sex before a fight?

They probably don't like each other.

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9

The odds were against me.

My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire

Great guy, horrible firefighter.

Had a fight with an erection today...

I beat it single handedly.

The kid runs up to a policeman

"Officer!" yells the kid, "My father is in a fight with another man!"
The officer says "Calm down kid, where is he?"
"He's right around the corner!" exclaims the kid.
The cop follows him around the corner, and sure enough, there's two men going at it as hard as they can.
"Which one is your father?" asks the cop
"I don't know!" cries the kid. "That's what they're fighting about!"

19 and 20 had a fight.

21.

A married couple are having a fight.

Finally the wife screams at the husband to get out of the house. She throws his suitcases at him and he packs his things. On his way out, the woman says, "I hope you die the slowest, most miserable, most agonizing death imaginable." So he turns and says, " What, so now you want me to stay?"

There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man

I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?

Post Malone may be a popular rapper, but have you heard of his long-lost cousin Ho Malone?

His most popular track is about some kid named Kevin who has to fight off burglars in his house.

If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence.

In the country it's called sibling rivalry.

Jimmy Kimmel should have Floyd Mayweather read mean tweets after the fight

Oh wait

Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium

Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"

The entire 15 years my wife and I have been married we only had one fight

and it's still not over.

2 members of the Swiss army get in to a knife fight,

then a corkscrew fight then a twezzer fight then a ......

FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....

In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......

My wife isn't speaking to me.

A man walks into a bar,looking all bummed out, and orders a drink. After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders a few more drinks.
The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything okay?"
The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't speak to me for 31 days."
The bartender asks," Well isn' t that a good thing."
The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night."

String Fight

My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

Alien vs Predator.

The police seem to be making up the law as they go along

I got into a fight with a white man last month, the police intervened and I was charged with assault.

Last night I beat up a black guy, they intervened again and they charged me with impersonating a police officer.

I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight....

I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight.

They've been sizing each other up for hours.

A man and his wife checked into a hotel.

An hour after checking in, the man calls the front desk.

Man- "My wife and I had a fight and she is going to jump out the window."

Help desk- " It's your personal matter and we cant help in this situation. "

Man- " Personal matter my ass the window doesn't open."

Why don't you fight the black kid that is in the second grade?

Because his father is in the eighth grade.

19 and 20 had a fight...

21.

United should rebrand to Adrenaline...

Since they promote "fight or flight".

"Hey Ryu can I watch your next fight?"

SHORYUKEN!!

You know I think Fight Club is pretty underrated.

Nobody talks about it these days

Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules...

...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.

I challenged the number 1 to a fight. When 1 showed up, he brought 3, 5, 7 and 9.

The odds were against me.

I farted in a room of hipsters

I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.

An Xbox One got into a fight with a PS4

The ambulance came. Wii U Wii U Wii U.ο»Ώ

Two cows got in a fight..

One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.

One was cowrageous.

The other was a coward.

I was throwing darts at wife's photo on dart board

and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight started…

Annoying husband

Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife says: I clean the toilet...
Husband says: How does that help?
Wife says: I use your Toothbrush.....

The (wo)man of the house

Walking into the bar, Bob said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said John "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Bob replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit!!

What's the first rule of vegan fight club?

Tell everyone.

What do you call two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard?

A pillow fight.

What do you call a war between two cannibal tribes?

A food fight.

A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.

Wife asked what was on the TV...

I said "dust". That's when the fight started.

I won a 1v5 fight today

Man we creamed that guy!

Went to my first fight club yesterday

It was great, but I missed a few of the first rules because I was late. Probably nothing important though.

I went to my first Fight Club last week.

I was unfortunately late to it and so I missed the rules. But I had a great time at Fight Club, and I would strongly recommend Fight Club to everyone.

19 and 20 had a fight...

21

Kanye West, Donald Trump, Justin Bieber and Martin Skreli are put in a coliseum, given gladiator weapons and made to fight to the death. Who wins?

Society.

89 and 90 got into a fight

91

How to start a fight

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

Battleship is a completely unrealistic movie...

Everyone knows that Rihanna doesn't fight back.

BIG fight

Me and the wife had a big fight,she told me to leave the house. To spite her I went upstairs and packed my bags. As I was walking down the stairs, a suitcase in each hand, I see she's waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. When we're at eye level, she says to me. 'I hope you die a slow and painful death.' Looking into her eyes, I reply, "So, now you want me to stay?'

A stormtrooper and a redshirt get into a fight.

The stormtrooper missed every shot.

The redshirt died anyway.

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

Two blondes are in the woods looking at a set of tracks.

"They're wolf tracks," says the first.

"No way! Those are fox tracks!" Exclaims the second.


The two fight back and forth so loud they didn't hear the train coming.

So i went to my first fight club gathering

I arrived a little late, so i did not catch the first part, but i had a great time. I recommend it to everybody.

It's normal for married couples to fight.

The trick is for you and your spouse to find a couple you can easily beat up.

So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...

So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.

Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who failed to deliver a knockout - seems like both men let their professions down badly...

And that's how the fight started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'


So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

Two guys stumble out of a bar on night to fight.

The first man draws a line in the dirt and says " if you cross this line i'll punch you"

That was the punch line.

A Scotsman is walking down the street when he spots two guys fighting. Without a second thought, he marches over to them, splits them apart and says...

"Is this a private fight or can anyone join in?"

Two blondes speaking: - My boyfriend is a veterinarian.

- Oh, did he fight in a war?
- No, you dumbass, he doesn't eat meat.

What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight

Sir Render

Why did North Korea fight South Korea?

Because North Korea has no Seoul

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they had a fight and 2021

What do you call two tectonic plates having a fight?

Ground beef

Anyone want 2 free tickets to a fight?

I've got seats 29A & B on United flight 1807.

There is an abundance of fight with wife jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 89 funniest jokes and fight puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any murphy fight witze you can hear about fight.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes