Fight Jokes
158 fight jokes and hilarious fight puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fight that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Fight Jokes: Have a laugh with these hilarious jokes about husband and wife fights, snowball fights, cat fights, villains, heavyweights, and even the struggle to keep your cool when the heat is on.
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Funniest Fight Short Jokes
Short fight jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fight humour may include short attack jokes also.
- 2 blind guys were about to fight I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away. - Just been challenged to a water fight by next door brat kids... Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.
- How do you stop a fight between two blind men? Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.
- My fencing opponent laughed at me for bringing a block of cheddar to a sword fight. Until he discovered it was extra sharp.
- I saw two blind men fighting And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife"
Then they both ran away - I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.
- Xbox and PlayStation are having a fight... Then the cops show up: "Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U..."
- Whomever said laughter is the best medicine... clearly hasn't tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.
- The First Rule of Fight Club... ... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on. - Who is this Rorschach guy??? And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
-Rob DenBleyker
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Fight One Liners
Which fight one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fight? I can suggest the ones about strike and defense.
- Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight Unless you're prepared for the Reaper cushions
- Why is 69 afraid of 70? Because they once had a fight and 71.
#
Sorry guys. - I googled "Rorschach Test" But all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting
- 19 and 20 got into a fight 21.
- Who would win in a street fight between joe Biden and Donald Trump? Everyone watching
- Why should you never fight a dinosaur? Because you'll get jurasskicked.
- I had an idea for a fighting game.. But turns out, it was tekken
- What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest? (slightly offensive) alien vs. Predator
- I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9 The odds were against me.
- My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire Great guy, horrible firefighter.
- Jimmy Kimmel should have floyd mayweather read mean tweets after the fight Oh wait
- What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle? Alien vs Predator.
- It was so hot today... That I actually saw two fire hydrants fighting over a dog.
- Why doesn't Conor McGregor like fighting in the spring? Because of Mayweather
- United should rebrand to Adrenaline... Since they promote "fight or flight".
Fight Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny fight club jokes and even better fight club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- fight club I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meeting
- Fight Club was awesome! Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!
- Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules... ...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.
- You know I think Fight Club is pretty underrated. Nobody talks about it these days
- My friend blamed himself for creating a fight club I told him "Don't beat yourself up"
- My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club. I replied "Don't mention it."
- I took a girl to Fight Club. Terrible place for a first date. We had nothing to talk about.
- Everyone is surprised when I tell them I've never seen the movie fight club I don't see what the big deal is. No one really talks about it.
- Why dont people from abusive families report the violence? Because first rule of fight club is not to talk about the fight club
- I love Fight Club! I showed up a little late so I missed the first few rules but I can't wait to go next week!
Couple Fight Jokes
Here is a list of funny couple fight jokes and even better couple fight puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence. In the country it's called sibling rivalry.
- Fighting Couple A married couple were fighting. Deciding it was time to go to bed, the husband says, "Goodnight, mother of six!" to which she replies Goodnight father of two!"
- Just saw a couple of Arab princes having a fight. They were having a Sheik up
- The penguin couple got into another fight They really are on thin ice
- A couple had a A couple had a fight one night,
Going to bed husband said,
Good night mother of my three kids,
Wife said,
Good night father of none. - I hate when couples fight in public And I show up halfway through, I'm totally lost and I don't know which side to pick.
- Before telephones were invented, fighting couples would actually make up over telegraph. But first they had to learn re-Morse code.
- Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.
- Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?
simple
it is just a formality like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!!
Pillow Fight Jokes
Here is a list of funny pillow fight jokes and even better pillow fight puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard? A pillow fight.
- Well, I know it's childish, but me and my girlfriend have just had a great time having a pillow fight and I won! The secret is to stuff a few bricks in there..
- How did the Flintstones died? Pillow fight
- When you have a pillow fight with a memory foam pillow, that's a pillow fight you'll never forget.
- How did the man who invented the bed of stone die? In a pillow fight
- Jeff just had a pillow fight with death... He faced the reaper-cushions
- If you ever get into a pillow fight with death... You'd best be ready for the Reaper Cushions
- I was caught cheating in our pillow fight They sent me to execushion
- Did you hear the one about the man who lived in constant fear of pillow fights? He slept with a pillow under his pillow.
- I tried to cheer myself up by having a pillow fight. Now I feel more down than I did before.
Snowball Fight Jokes
Here is a list of funny snowball fight jokes and even better snowball fight puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the winter solstice start a snowball fight? It wanted to have a little fun before the nights started getting shorter again.
Husband Wife Fight Jokes
Here is a list of funny husband wife fight jokes and even better husband wife fight puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet seat...
Husband: How does it help
Wife: I use your toothbrush! - A man and his wife have an argument which ends in a fight Husband: So disappointing, it finished less than a minuet after it started
Wife: Now you know how I feel. - Petulant wife In the middle of a fight, husband said, "Let's not quarrel, let's discuss the things sensibly."
"No," said the wife angrily. "Every time we discuss sensibly, I lose!"
Rib-Tickling Fight Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about fight you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean raid jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fight pranks.
Battleship is a completely unrealistic movie...
Everyone knows that Rihanna doesn't fight back.
Fighter jock and the cargo pilot
A cargo plane is flying along, doing its cargo plane thing, when a fighter jet comes up alongside.
The fighter jock decides to poke some fun at the pilot who's forced to fly such an ungainly vessel.
"My plane's so much more advanced than yours. Watch this" says the jock, as he proceeds to do loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, corkscrews, and all manner of fast paced aerial acrobatics.
"Very impressive," responds the cargo pilot. "But that's nothing, watch this." For a half hour the large craft simply plods along straight as an arrow, not even so much as dipping the wings.
After a while, the cargo pilot comes back on the radio and says "So, what'd you think?"
Jock: "What d'you mean? You didn't do anything. You just flew straight for a while."
Cargo: "Oh no, that wasn't all. I got up, stretched my legs, got some coffee, went to the bathroom..."
An Irishman walks into a bar ....
An Irishman walks into a bar full of Englishmen. Looks around, and then says:
"Right, this looks like a fair fight."
I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight....
I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight.
They've been sizing each other up for hours.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A married couple are having a fight.
Finally the wife screams at the husband to get out of the house. She throws his suitcases at him and he packs his things. On his way out, the woman says, "I hope you die the slowest, most miserable, most agonizing death imaginable." So he turns and says, " What, so now you want me to stay?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got in to a gun fight with a mexican at a golf club.
I shot a hole in Juan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you ever get in a knife fight with a group of clowns
Go for the juggler
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men compare how they control their wives...
Three friends are sitting in a bar after a day of work, discussing their lives when the topic of conversation turns to how often they fight with their wives. The first guy says, "I just put my foot down and tell her what's what, and there's no more arguing after that. Then I get the TV to myself all night."
The second guy says, "I just keep repeating my point until she sees the light. Then she always makes my favourite dinner and gives me a back rub."
The third guy says, "Every time we argue, my wife is always on her hands and knees by the end of it."
The other two look at him, impressed. "Then what happens?" The second one asks.
"Well," the third says, " then she says 'Get out from under the bed and fight me you p**...!' "
I almost had to fight someone today after they hit me with a stick,
but he walked away like he didn't even see me.
Annoying husband
Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife says: I clean the toilet...
Husband says: How does that help?
Wife says: I use your Toothbrush.....
Why did the top bun and bottom bun of the Big Mac get in a fight?
There was bad beef between them
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over s**...
Greek: the Greeks invented s**... centuries before the Italians!
Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house.
"To fight the Decepticons," I said.
She laughed. I laughed.
The toaster laughed.
I shot the toaster.
What do you call a war between two cannibal tribes?
A food fight.
My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
A man orders a coffee
A man enters a bar and the bartender comes over and asks "Can I help you sir?".
The man answers "What does a cup of coffee cost in this place?".
The bartender says "That would be $2.60".
"Alright, I'll have one." says the client and he takes 26 dimes out of his wallet and he throws them on the ground.
The bartender doesn't want to get involved in a fight so he just picks up the money and he brings the man his coffee.
A week later, the same man enters the bar. He orders a coffee again but this time he pays with a five dollar bill.
The bartender smelled an opportunity for revenge and when he brings the coffee, he throws 48 nickels on the ground as change. The client throws 2 extra dimes on the floor and orders a second coffee.
My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time,
But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity
An Xbox One got into a fight with a PS4
The ambulance came. Wii U Wii U Wii U.
Wife asked what was on the TV...
I said "dust". That's when the fight started.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have s**...?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started...
Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium
Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't you fight the black kid that is in the second grade?
Because his father is in the eighth grade.
How to start a fight
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The police seem to be making up the law as they go along
I got into a fight with a white man last month, the police intervened and I was charged with assault.
Last night I beat up a black guy, they intervened again and they charged me with impersonating a police officer.
A man finds his best friend crying.
He asks "what's wrong?"
His friend responds, "I got in a fight with my mother in law. She said she won't speak to me for a month."
"Sounds like a good deal to me!"
Dejected, his friend friend replied, "that was a month ago."
I was throwing darts at wife's photo on dart board
and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight started…
FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....
In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......
The entire 15 years my wife and I have been married we only had one fight
and it's still not over.
The kid runs up to a policeman
"Officer!" yells the kid, "My father is in a fight with another man!"
The officer says "Calm down kid, where is he?"
"He's right around the corner!" exclaims the kid.
The cop follows him around the corner, and sure enough, there's two men going at it as hard as they can.
"Which one is your father?" asks the cop
"I don't know!" cries the kid. "That's what they're fighting about!"
Anyone want 2 free tickets to a fight?
I've got seats 29A & B on United flight 1807.
"Hey Ryu can I watch your next fight?"
SHORYUKEN!!
Joke For Darth
What is the difference between the first fight between Vader and Kenobi and the second?
Obi-wan then Obi lost.
Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...
It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Scotsman is walking down the street when he spots two guys fighting. Without a second thought, he marches over to them, splits them apart and says...
"Is this a private fight or can anyone join in?"
Kanye West, Donald Trump, Justin Bieber and Martin Skreli are put in a coliseum, given gladiator weapons and made to fight to the death. Who wins?
Society.
A stormtrooper and a redshirt get into a fight.
The stormtrooper missed every shot.
The redshirt died anyway.
String Fight
My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.
I was in a fight with frequency the other day
I lost and it still Hertz
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A poor guy sitting in a bar
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best s**... in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back,
points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, apparently Rand Paul was s**... punched...
So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was s**... punched, but neither man was badly hurt.
Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who failed to deliver a knockout - seems like both men let their professions down badly...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Post Malone may be a popular rapper, but have you heard of his long-lost cousin h**... Malone?
His most popular track is about some kid named Kevin who has to fight off burglars in his house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's it called when an i**... immigrant and a child m**... get in a fist fight?
Alien VS predator
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys stumble out of a bar on night to fight.
The first man draws a line in the dirt and says " if you cross this line i'll punch you"
That was the punch line.
I won a 1v5 fight today
Man we creamed that guy!
Two cows got in a fight..
One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.
One was cowrageous.
The other was a coward.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Priest, Rabbi and Atheist walk into a bar and each ask for a drink
The bartender, saying nothing and looking disdained, points to a sign clearly labelled: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
Without a fight the Priest, Rabbi and Atheist leave the bar, heads hanging.
The next day a chicken walks in and plops down on the barstool.
Wiping the inside of a glass, the bartender approached and asks the chicken Are you part of this joke?
Yeah. the chicken replies.
Again, he points to the sign: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
The chicks argues Well then how's a chicken supposed to get his beak wet?
The bartender pointed out the window and said There's another bar across the road.
There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man
I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?
What do you call two tectonic plates having a fight?
Ground beef
A mime was arrested after getting into a bar fight and breaking his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees.
She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blondes speaking: - My boyfriend is a veterinarian.
- Oh, did he fight in a war?
- No, you d**..., he doesn't eat meat.
A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.
The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.
89 and 90 got into a fight
91
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The best in town!
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best s**... in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight
Sir Render
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't professional boxers have s**... before a fight?
They probably don't like each other.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks in a bar and shouts free beers outside! So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.
The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man what the h**... did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!
The man says Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them
2 members of the Swiss army get in to a knife fight,
then a corkscrew fight then a twezzer fight then a ......
Why did North Korea fight South Korea?
Because North Korea has no Seoul
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight and 2021
