Fifty Years Old Jokes
14 fifty years old jokes and hilarious fifty years old puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fifty years old that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Fifty Years Old Jokes with Friends.
What is a good fifty years old joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Plane Ride
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old men sitting on a park bench discussing their junk
First one says, I'll bet you mine is longer soft than yours is hard.
Second one says, That's ridiculous. I've known you my whole life. Never have you, _or your wife_, bragged of such a thing.
Fifty bucks says mine is longer soft than yours is hard.
You're on. How long is yours soft?
Seventeen years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?"
Doctor: "How old are you now?"
Patient: "40"
Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?"
Patient: "No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice."
Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?"
An old man is sitting with his wife on her death-bed. He asks her about the box containing three eggs and large pile of cash hidden under the bed.
"I'm ashamed to tell you that the contents of this box represents my infidelity to you." she admits with a guilty look. "Every time I went with another man, I'd place one of our chickens' eggs in the carton."
"Well Dear, don't feel bad. I suppose three times in fifty years is no big deal."
"The thing is...", she continues- "... there's the matter of the cash. You see, I also put the money in the box every time I sold a dozen."
Give me two good reasons
Today, all schools reopened after a long summer vacation.
In one home in our neighbourhood, early this morning, a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up, Wake up, son. It's time to go to school.
SON : Awww Mom! I don't want to go to school.
MOM : Give me two good reasons why you don't want to go to school??
SON : "One, all the children hate me.
Two, all the teachers hate me!!
MOM : Oh! that's not a reason darling. Come on, you have to go to school.
SON : OK. You give me two good reasons, WHY I should go to school?
MOM : One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old, and should understand your responsibilities!
Two You are the 'PRINCIPAL' of the school "😂
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old couple gets in the mood.
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here n**... as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get n**...?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My n**... are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
A mother tries to convince her son to go to school
Early one morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up, Wake up, son. It's time to go to school.
Son: Awww Mom! I don't want to go to school.
Mom: Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school.
Son:
One, all the children hate me.
Two, all the teachers hate me.
Mom: Oh, that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.
Son: Okay, you give me two good reasons why I should go to school!"
Mom:
One,
you are FIFTY-TWO years old,
And should understand your responsibilities.
Two,
You're the principal of the school! "
Travel
Two old men meet at a bar one night and start talking about their wives. The first of man says, "I just got married for the third time maybe this one will work out. How about you how many times have you been married?"
The second man replies "I've only been married once. In fact this year makes fifty years and we are as happy as ever."
"Wow," says the first man, "that's quite an achievement. What's your secret?"
The second man thinks for a minute then says "Well I would have to say it's all the travel. We've been all over the world. In fact just last week I took her to London and in three or four years I'll go pick her up."
Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!
Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say,
'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter'
Edna always replied,
'I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'
One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said,
'Edna, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance'
To this, Edna replied,
"Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Buddy replied,
'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, but you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here n**... as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get n**...?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My n**... are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!
A Seventh Grade Health Class
was learning about pregnancy. Young Suzy asks her teacher, "Can my grandma get pregnant?" Her teacher replies that no, she can't, shes far too old. Suzy then asks if her fifty year old mother could get pregnant. Her teacher tells her no, shes a little too old for that. Suzy, puzzled, asks if she can get pregnant. Her teacher freaks out and tells her "Don't even think about it young lady, you're far too young!" Johnny pipes up from the back of class "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied,
"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here n**... as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get n**...?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My n**... are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The old couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting
at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think,
fifty years ago we were sitting at this same breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here n**... as a jaybird, too .' 'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat back down at the
table. 'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My
n**... are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and
the other is in your oatmeal.'
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