Fifty Jokes
159 fifty jokes and hilarious fifty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fifty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a good laugh? Check out this collection of the fifty best jokes to make you chuckle! From jokes about turning fifty to puns and goofs on seventeen and nineteen, this collection of nifty fifty jokes is sure to make you smile.
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Funniest Fifty Short Jokes
Short fifty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fifty humour may include short 50 cent jokes also.
- What do Green eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
- What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. deer nuts are always under a buck...
I'll see myself out now. - Critics say botox is too expensive... ...but I spoke to fifty people who just paid for the treatment, and none of them looked surprised.
- What would a prisoner say to you if you left them on an island for fifty years? G'day mate!
- So a deer walks into a gay bar... Two hours and several drinks later, he walks out and says to himself, "Wow. I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there..."
- When my kindle reads Fifty Shades of Gray to me It's like getting an obscene phone call from Stephen Hawking
- Who's your favorite artist? UN: "Who's your favorite artist?"
Israel: "Netta!"
UK: "Dua Lipa!"
Zimbabwe: "Fifty trillion Zimbabwean Dollars!"
UN: "What?"
Zimbabwe: "I'm sorry! 50 Cent, for you!" - A deer walks into a gay bar He comes out wasted, saying "I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there!"
- Got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving the "Caution Wet Floor" sign to the Fifty Shades of Gray aisle.
- "You don't look a day over fifty!" I told the mother-in-law on her birthday. Slightly ruined her 38th.
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Fifty One Liners
Which fifty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fifty? I can suggest the ones about sixty and being 50.
- What do you call fifty guys watching the Super Bowl? The Detroit Lions.
- I lost fifty pounds... Unfortunately, I was in England at the time.
- Fifty clowns got fired from the circus. Luckily, it freed up three parking spots.
- I've just written a book called "Fifty Shades of Gravy" It's very saucy
- What's a bodybuilder's favorite movie? Fifty Shakes of Whey.
- What starts with an E and rhymes with fifty? Eminem
- What are the odds I could find the sum of numbers from 1-100? I'd say it's fifty fifty
- There were fifty dragons and forty eight people... How many didn't?
- I've been playing the same guitar for fifty years. We have a mahoganous relationship.
- What do you call fifty-three Ohioans with diarrhea? The Cleveland Browns.
- You know sports is always fixed when.... ...you lose more than fifty dollars!
- What state does Puerto Rico want to be? Fifty-Juan.
- Fifty Cent went on tour with Nickleback It was called the 45 cent tour.
- Q: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
A: About fifty pounds. - What movie are people coming early to? Fifty Shades Freed.
Fifty Shades Of Grey Jokes
Here is a list of funny fifty shades of grey jokes and even better fifty shades of grey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Fifty Shades of Grey beat the record for fastest selling R-rated movie in history... Well, first it tied the record... then it beat it....
[credit goes to the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers] - I think it's only fair the week after Black Friday be called White Friday And then with the remaining Fridays before the next Black Friday, you can have fifty shades of grey.
- Why did the characters from Fifty Shades of Grey get into a fight about fast food? They couldn't agree where to go. Christian wanted Domino's, but Ana insisted on Subway!
- What kind of person can't stop watching 'Fifty Shades of Grey'? A colorblind synaesthesiac listening to the radio
- In art class, I saw my friend making a gradient from dark to light on his paper with his pencil today. "Hey, what are you doing?"
"Illustrating Fifty Shades of Grey..." - "Fifty Shades of Grey" gives its readers unrealistic expectations. It makes them think that Vintage Books will publish anything that gets sent to them.
- What do new car colours and your mom's literary collection have in common? They both only have fifty shades of grey.
- Why does Bruce Banner have Fifty Shades of Grey on his iPhone? Because he needs something to get him angry enough to turn him into the Hulk on short notice.
- Fifty Shades of Grey: Dog Edition Dog Anastasia's Friend: "How did the interview go?"
Dog Anastasia: "Didn't even happen. I just couldn't figure out which one was Mr Grey" - My girlfriend wanted to act out a scene from Fifty Shades of Grey It was the scene where Christian wanted to buy Anastasia a new Audi...
Thirty Fifty Jokes
Here is a list of funny thirty fifty jokes and even better thirty fifty puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The World Trade Center had a Speed-Reading club they went thru fifty stories in thirty seconds
- Jesish kids need money too A Jewish boy asks his father for fifty dollars, to which the father replies "forty dollars, what do you need thirty dollars for?'
- Ten, Twenty, Thirty, fourty, fifty, sixty, sixtyten, "what?" four twenties "France, stop it" four twenties and ten. "France you're drunk"
- A young Jewish boy A young Jewish boy wants a new bike. So he goes up to his father and says, "Dad, can I have fifty dollars?"
The dad exclaims, "Forty dollars! What do you need thirty dollars for?" - When I was at school, fifty two percent of the class were good at maths. I was one of the other thirty eight percent.
Fifty Days Jokes
Here is a list of funny fifty days jokes and even better fifty days puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Coming on valentines day. Fifty shades of grey. There won't be a dry seat in the cinema.
Cheeky Fifty Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about fifty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean turning 50 jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fifty pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a lesbian and a s**... whale?
Fifty pounds and a flannel shirt.
Plane Ride
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
It's the first day for a fraternity...
It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.
One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?
Apple and Fifty Shades of Gray are popular for the same reason ...
... they both offer the fantasy of being dominated by a rich guy, who pushes the boundarys of what you though you were into.
The engineer and the mathematician
A mathematician and an engineer are at a bar when the most beautiful woman either of them has ever seen approaches them.
She takes them to a football field and tells them, "I'm going to stand on the far goal line, and you'll stand on this one. Whichever of you reaches me first can do whatever you want to me."
"There are two rules, however. Your first move can only be to the fifty yard line, and each move following can only be half the distance of the previous."
The woman walks to the far side to the far goal line, and the race begins.
The mathematician, upon seeing her reach the goal line, breaks down in tears, because he knows that he can never make it to the far goal.
The engineer takes off immediately. He knows he can never reach her, but he can certainly get close enough for all practical purposes.
Two prostitutes are discussing
one asks the other:
-What did you ask to Santa Claus this year?
the other one answers:
-Fifty dollars like everybody else
Peeing !
A drunken man was casually peeing into a drinking fountain in the park.
A police officer comes up to him and yells frantically.
"What do you think you're doing. There's a public toilet fifty meters from here!"
The man, amazed, yells back.
"What do you think I have, a hose?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the fortune teller
h**... went to see a fortune teller. After he had sat down in the darkened room, the fortune teller said, I will read your palm for fifty dollars, and that entitles you to ask three questions.
Questions about what? asked h**....
About anything, replied the psychic.
But is not fifty dollars an awful lot to charge for that? complained h**....
Maybe, said the palmist, and what is your last question?
People come up to me all the time in the street
and they say to me, they say, "Joe, what's the difference between Ḥag Shavuot and Ḥag Ha-Katzir?"
And I say to them, I say, "Oh, about fifty bucks."
A young Jewish boy asks his father...
A young Jewish boy asks his father, "Can I have fifty dollars to go out with my friends?" His father replies, "Forty dollars? What on earth do you need ten dollars for?"
A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...
Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."
Bruce Lee threw a grenade and killed fifty people...
And then the grenade exploded.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it better to hire fifty $20 h**... rather than a single $1000 e**...?
More poorgasms
Is there some organization that evaluates the quality of shea butter?
Because if so, it could have Fifty Grades of Shea.
A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!"
The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can.
The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast."
The sailor replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too, if you had what I have."
The bartender says, "Oh? What do you have?"
"Fifty cents!"
A blind man walks into a Fifty Shades of Grey theater
takes a deep breath and says " MMM ... I guess I'm at a fish market"
Would it be awesome if Fifty Shades movie will get...
69% on rottentomatoes?
I asked the girl I've been dating to see Fifty Shades of Grey with me this weekend, but I think she's worried were moving too fast.
She seemed concerned and said she didn't want to be tied down.
Fifty Shades of Grey.
I hear that when you go see Fifty Shades of Grey, some theaters, to go along with the theme of the film, will tie moviegoers to their chairs. It has been determined that the real reason for this is that it is the only way to get people to sit through the entire movie.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Forty minutes before we get to the first s**... scene in Fifty Shades Of Grey?
They do beat around the bush...
Did you hear, Henry Winker is directing the new Fifty Shades of Grey Sequel?
Yeah, it comes out next year. It's called Fifty Shades of Aaaaayyy!
A man is asked why he can't see the Fifty Shades of Gray movie...
He replies, "I'm color blind and can only see 36 of them."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A newly married Deaf couple..
Soon realize that initiating s**... in the dark is quite difficult. The wife decides that if she wants to have s**... she will s**... him once so he knows. He replies, "and if you don't want to have s**... then s**... me fifty times".
A team of particle physicists ran an experiment for the entire year,
and the detector reported exactly fifty two events which they were looking for. They published a research paper called "Weekly interacting particles".
50 Fifty Shades of Green
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mother was over the age of fifty when she gave birth to me
You could say I was born with a silver p**... in my mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Colorblind people are wondering why is everyone on Facebook is celebrating Fifty Shades of Grey
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I want to write a s**... charged novel with an FBI twist.
*Fifty Raids A Day*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A tourist in Amsterdam sees a p**... in a window
He taps on the glass and says "How much?"
"Two hundred and fifty euros," she responds.
"Wow! I never realized it was so expensive"
"Well of course it's expensive, it's shatter-proof!"
I heard they were going to put Frederick Douglass on the Fifty.
But they were worried it would only be worth $30.
A Little Jewish Humor
Q: How much does a moil get paid?
A: Fifty dollars and a tip.
Lawyers
A woman walks into the lawyer's office and says, "Excuse me, what's your rate?"
The Lawyer says, "Fifty dollars for three questions."
The woman is shocked. "Isn't that a little steep?"
" Yes," says the lawyer."What's your third question?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Well done Turkey on shooting down a Russian warplane.
Now proceed to level two where you have to destroy fifty Russian warplanes and fight off an invading ground force.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One time, I solicited a midget h**....
I paid her fifty bucks to go up on me.
A Lady walks into a Grocery Store..
A lady went into the grocery and asked for fifty gallons of milk. The clerk, amazed, asked her what she was going to do with that much milk. "I have a skin problem and the Doctor prescribed a milk bath". The clerk asked "Pasteurised?" She replied "No just up to my chin"
Sheep
At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."
50 blondes
Q:What do you call fifty blondes lined up ear-to-ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
#ThugLyfe
"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.
"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"
Interviewer: You said you are quick in mathematics, could you tell me what is a two hundred and fifty times eighty whole divided by sixty nine?
Man: Six thousand eight hundred and fourty five.
Interviewer: Hm... that's not the right answer...
Man: But i'm quick.
Great Mystery
Newsboy : "Great mystery! Fifty victims! Paper, mister ?"
Passerby : "Here boy, I'll take one" (After reading a moment) "Say, boy, there's nothing of the kind in this paper. Where is it ?"
Newsboy : "That's the mystery, sir. You're the fifty first victim".
One American in Rome, Drinking beer at street cafe when a pretty girl sat beside him.
American: Hello, do you understand English?
Girl: only little.
American: How much?
Girl: Fifty dollars.
Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Bill Cosby walk into a bar.
Karen Straughan turns to Anita Sarkeesian and says, "I got fifty bucks says the black one goes to jail first."
Whats the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I wouldn't pay fifty bucks for a lentil on my chest.
What do you do when fifty vampires show up at your house?
Hope it's Halloween
I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but then I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
Got a password lock
that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong password to look into my phone.
Now I have fifty pictures of drunk me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
'American Police' playing cards.
I bought a deck of 'American Police' playing cards yesterday.
There's no hearts or diamonds in it. Just one s**... and fifty one clubs.
I'm an American, but I thought Marine Le Pen got less than fifty percent of the vote.
Why did she not win?
Cashier: You can't pay with this Fifty. We don't accept bills larger than a Twenty.
Me: I'm pretty sure they're the same size.
Fifty men walk into a bar, 25 French and 25 polish
50 polish men walk out
Did you know that the rapper, 50 Cent, is Russian?
Yeah, his full name is Fifty Percentoff.
If I had a dollar for every time someone made a blonde joke at my expense,
I would offer fifty cents per blond joke.
A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn
A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caught sight of the American coast, when he sighed "I can't make it either..." and promptly swam back to Norway.
I turned on the TV, and it was static
My wife asked me, "what's that noise?" I said "fifty shades of gray"
How many Aggies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fifty. Forty-nine to rotate the ceiling, one to hold the lightbulb.
How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fifty. One to screw it in, forty-nine to blog about it.
A Scotsman at the chemist's shop.
A Scotsman went into a chemist's shop, and asked to buy some arsenic.
"That'll be a pound - er, what do you want it for?" the chemist asked suspiciously.
"Fifty pence," replied the Scotsman.
A homeless man asked me if he could get fifty cents for a sandwich.
I told him, I don't know, let me see the sandwich.
Have you heard they are make Fifty Shades of Red movie?
I heard its a period piece.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What would a book on b**... culture written in alabama be called?
Fifty Shades of Hay.
