Fifteen Jokes
78 fifteen jokes and hilarious fifteen puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fifteen that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fifteen Short Jokes
Short fifteen jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fifteen humour may include short sixteen jokes also.
- "You said you had between ten and fifteen million dollars in the bank," she yelled. "I didn't lie," I replied, "I've got exactly $23."
- I began speed reading, and just last night I read The Da Vinci Code in fifteen minutes. I know it's only 4 words, but it's a start.
- I wish I knew how to turn off my carbon monoxide alarm.... It's been going off for about fifteen minutes and the noise is making really dizzy and lightheaded.
- Two Russians meet in a prison cell... "How long?" the first one asks.
"Fifteen years. You?"
"Ten, for politics. What're you in for?"
"For nothing."
"Liar! For nothing, you get five years!" - When all this is over, I hope I can return to working at the mirror factory where I've worked for over fifteen years. I really couldn't see myself doing anything else.
- Cop gave me a ticket for doing fifteen over the limit. I didn't know radar guns could measure beers.
- What's bigger than a tuna? A threena.
- My new personal trainer encouraged me to do do fifteen push-ups every commercial break on TV Man... I love Netflix!
- I started out with $20 in my pocket, and if i had a dollar for everytime someone told me I'd be a huge success... I'd have $5, the antidepressants cost fifteen
- How to fall down the stairs Step One:
Step Six:
Step Seven:
Step Ten:
Step Fifteen:
Share These Fifteen Jokes With Friends
Fifteen One Liners
Which fifteen one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fifteen? I can suggest the ones about eleven and fourteen.
- What do you call a man with fifteen cats? Claude.
- In my old age, I am like a fine wine... Fifteen percent alcohol by volume.
- You look so young... what is your secret? I am fifteen.
- Tom Waits for fifteen minutes and then he is legally allowed to leave.
- Exam results have improved since 2001. Well duh. That's fifteen years ago.
- What do we want? Chinese food!
*When do we want it?*
Fifteen minute. - I have this 90s pop ballad stuck in my head. It's been seven hours and fifteen days.
- If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk. - I KNOW KARATE, KUNGFU,BOXING,JUJITSU.... And fifteen other cool words
- What's the difference between a man and an ox?
Fifteen pounds and a six-pack. - I did crack once... For fifteen years!
- I like my girls how I like my wine Ten-fifteen years old and locked in my basement.
Hilarious Fun Fifteen Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about fifteen you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thirteen jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fifteen pranks.
[first] at the party
a guy was in a party, belting drink after drink. After ten to fifteen minutes, he took something out of his shirt pocket, looked at it for a while, and put it back. A guy comes up to him and says "I've been watching you the whole time, may I ask what's in you shirt pocket?" the man replied: "It's a picture of my wife, and when she finally starts to look beautiful, it's time to go home
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Different fats
The Italian man said, "Last week, my wife and I had great s**.... I rubbed
her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed
for five full minutes at the end."
The Frenchman boasted, "Last week when my wife and I had s**..., I rubbed
her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes."
The Gay guy said, "Well, last week my boyfriend and I also had s**.... I
rubbed his body all over with Crisco. We made love, and he screamed for
over six hours."
The other two were stunned. The amazed Frenchman asked, "What could you
have possibly done to make your boyfriend scream for six hours?"
The Gay guy said, "I used the bedspread to wipe my hands."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This punker gets on a bus and takes a seat.
His hair's all green, he's got brightly colored tattoos covering his arms and piercings all over his face. Feathers hang from each earlobe. Across the aisle sits an old man who proceeds to stare at him for the next fifteen miles. Eventually the punker gets pretty unnerved and blurts out:
Hey man, didn't you do anything crazy when you were young?
Without missing a beat, the old man replies:
Yeah, when I was in the Navy, I got drunk one night in Singapore and had s**... with a Bird of Paradise. I was just wondering if you were my son.
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From Mark Z. Danielewski's "House of Leaves".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Scotsman's Chilli
A hungry bloke
walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow......
He sits at the counter and
notices a Jock with his arms folded staring
blankly at a bowl of
chilli.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the
hungry bloke
bravely asks,
"If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I
do?"
The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and
says,
"Nah, ye can g**... ahead."
Eagerly, the young bloke reaches
over and slides the bowl over to his place
and starts spooning it in with
delight.
He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in
the chilli.
The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chilli
back into the bowl.
The old Jock says:- "Aye, that's as far as I got
too".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Scotsmans Chilli
A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow.......
He sits at the counter and notices a Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli. ...
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry bloke bravely asks:
"If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?"
The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says,
"Nah, ye can g**... ahead."
Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.
He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli.
The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chilli back into the bowl.
The old Jock says:- "Aye, that's as far as I got too".
This blonde goes to the pediatrician...
This blonde goes to the pediatrician because her baby keeps getting diaper rashes. The pediatrician asks, "How often do you change your baby?"
The blonde says, "Once a month."
The doctor yells, "What? Why do you only change him once a month?"
The blonde says, "Well, the box says 'good up until fifteen pounds.'"
A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...
Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."
"So how was your golf game today, dear?"
"Well, it was fine until Tom hit a hole-in-one on the third and promptly dropped dead of a heart attack."
"Oh, my! That's terrible!"
"You're telling me! For fifteen holes it was 'hit the ball, drag Tom, hit the ball, drag Tom'."
How to fall down the stairs:
Step One...
Step Two...
Step Three-and-a-Half...
Step Seven...
Steps Ten through Fifteen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Shingles
Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the n**... and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said, "Shingles."
The doctor asked, "Where?"
Kevin said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Mary earns fifteen dollars
One day, little Mary was coming home from school, and when she came home, she said, "Mom, I got five dollars!"
Her mother said, "Where'd you get the five dollars?"
Mary replied, "Well, little Tommy was up the tree and he asked me to do a cartwheel."
The mother said, "Mary, don't you know that he just wanted to see your p**...?.."
Little Mary got mad. She said, "Oooh..." and the next day, she came home with ten dollars.
"Mary, where did you get ten dollars?" said the mother.
"Well, I told you little Tommy was up there," said Mary, and her mother replied, "Mary, didn't I tell you he wanted to see your p**...?"
Mary said, "No, Mom, I fooled him! I wasn't wearing any!"
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer
were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
They say it's inoperable...
A guy walks into a bar and orders seven shots of whiskey. The bartender lines up the seven shots and the man starts slamming them one after another. The bartender says "You sure are drinking those awfully fast."
The man responds "You'd be drinking them this fast if you had what I have."
In an empathetic tone the bartender asks "What do you have?"
"Fifteen cents"
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
My resolution last year was to lose 25 lbs.
Anyone know how I can lose 50lbs in an hour and fifteen minutes?
After waiting fifteen minutes for my cappuccino I got the wrong order
still, it's better latté than never
"Boy, when I was your age I used to walk fifteen miles to school."
"Oh, is that why you didn't graduate"
A young computer science student is on the phone with his father...
His father says: "so how have your classes been going?"
The son replies: "not bad. I did really well on my test on hexadecimal today! It was only worth fifteen points, but I'm still happy about it."
"Oh yeah? What grade did you get?"
"An F!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's with girls having weird names nowadays?
I recently slept with a girl and after s**... she was like "I'm Fifteen" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel.
What do a sea shanty and an overstuffed clown car have in common?
Fifteen men on a dead man's chest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two r**... from Alabama are sitting, drinking. . .
When one turns to the other & declares "I'm finally dating a geeeenuuuuine m**...!"
The other looks up & says: "Really, Jim Bob?"
"Yep!" Jim Bob replies. "She's fifteen but she only got 3 kids."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... walks into a bar
and says, "I'm with the Utah Liquor Control Department, prepare for a fifteen hour compliance audit."
A couple are about to finish their dinner, when the waiter arrives.
Waiter: How did you like your steak, ma'am?
Wife: Oh it was good, thank you. Pay the chef my compliments.
Waiter: And Sir, how did you find your Pork Belly?
Husband: Oh well, we met on a train some fifteen years ago...
I've been happily married for two years.
And the other fifteen years have been kinda.... meh.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A few guys are drinking at a bar.
A few guys are drinking at a bar when a drunk guy walks in, staggers up to them, and then points to one of them, shouting "Your mom's the best s**... in town!" Everyone is expecting a fight, but the guy he pointed at ignores him, so the drunk leaves and goes to the other side of the bar.
Fifteen minutes later, the drunk comes back and says, "I just did your mom, and man, was it hot!" The guy again refuses to fight, so the drunk wanders off again.
Fifteen minutes later, the drunk comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy responds. "Go home Dad, you're drunk."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bird of Paradise
His hair's all green, he's got brightly colored tattoos covering his arms and piercings all over his face. Feathers hang from each earlobe. Across the aisle sits an old man who proceeds to stare at him for the next fifteen miles. Eventually the punker gets pretty unnerved and blurts out:
Hey man, didn't you do anything crazy when you were young?
Without missing a beat, the old man replies:
Yeah, when I was in the Navy, I got drunk one night in Singapore and had s**... with a Bird of Paradise. I was just wondering if you were my son.
My ex-wife was born on Sept 11, which ending up being remembered for the national tragedy that happened that day.
And then fifteen years later the Twin Towers were destroyed.
Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?
At a fancy dinner party, a man turns to a woman and suddenly says:
- Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?
The woman giggles.
- Of course I would!
- How about doing it for fifteen dollars?
The woman looks disgusted.
- Why, what kind of woman do you think I am?
- That's already been established. Now we're just haggling about the price.
One day, in Ancient Rome
A senator was late to the Senate, when Cicero was giving a speech. He got there fifteen minutes after the start.
He slipped into his usual seat and whispered to the senator next to him: "What Cicero is talking about?"
His neighbor said: "I don't know, he hasn't got to the verb yet!"
This farmer was telling me about how brilliant his sheepdog was at maths,
"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, "
And the dog barked ten times.
"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "
And the dog barked twenty times.
"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "
"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding them up. "
'Twister kills fifteen in Kansas'
Anybody else think the Americans may be playing it wrong.
A man in an oldschool hockey mask and wielding a butcher's knife burst into my home yelling "two plus ten is fifteen!"
I said: "I'm afraid. That's incorrect."
You may not believe this . . .
But not more than fifteen minutes ago, I heard a rather detailed account of the whole story. So yes, I do actually recall the *most famous reindeer* of all. Vividly.
A Man Walks Into A French Restaurant And Orders Fish...
The waiter brings out his order and the man begins to eat it. After about fifteen minutes, the man keels over and dies. The waiter, panicking, calls the paramedics. When they arrive, they examine the body of the deceased man.
"Well?" asks the concerned waiter "What killed this poor man?"
One of the paramedics solemnly looks into the eyes of waiter and simply replies "Poisson"
Two guys are relaxing in a pool, one is belly up, and the other is bellow down.
They have been like this for fifteen minutes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Colin meets a g**... the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks." She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."
They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. It's so dark he can't see anything so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your p**... hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."
She says, "Thank you." He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?" She says, "Go ahead." He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?" She says, "Of course." He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents allways warned me to never h**... through the cellar door and one day when i was fifteen i pushed it open and saw some incredible things i never saw before...
Like trees, and birds, green grass and the sun, my god it was beautiful.
I have a tongue twister for all to try, I learnt this when I was a fifteen year old kid, I can still pull it off to a tee..
I'm not the Pheasant plucker, I'm the Pheasant pluckers mate.
I'm only plucking Pheasants because the Pheasant pluckers late.
Good Luck..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the john haggle with the h**...?
He just wanted to get the most bang for his buck.
I'm sorry. That's fifteen seconds you'll never get back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I caught two teenagers smoking p**... outside my office window.
Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two teenagers smoking p**... outside my office window.
As a 39 old guy, I felt proud for coming up with this joke. (My 8-yr old ugggghhhhh'ed at it)
Q: Why did fifteen (15) started running away?
A: Coz he heard "thirteen fa(u)rtin.."
^(PS: You have to say it) *^(just)* ^(right)
Two blondes were passengers on a four-engine plane...
Suddenly, one of the engines quit and the pilot announced that the plane would now be fifteen minutes late.
A short time later, another engine quit. The pilot announced they would be thirty minutes late.
Then the third engine quit and the pilot announced that they would be one hour late.
At this point, the one blonde said to the other, "Boy, if the fourth engine quits we could be up here all day!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The doctor told me I had only six months to live, so I shot him dead. The judge gave me fifteen years.
Problem solved.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings at that time.
"I have good news and bad news", the owner replied. "Which one would you you like to hear first?"
"Give me the good news first."
"The good news is that, a man enquired about your work and wondered, if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it will, he brought all fifteen of your paintings."
The artist exclaims, "That's wonderful. What's the bad news?"
"The man was your doctor......."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I caught two kids smoking p**... outside my office.
Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking p**... outside my office.
In the early evening...
My wife caught me, my boss and two kids smoking p**... outside my office.
Later that night, an officer caught five people smoking p**... outside my office.
My wife looked at my boss and then looked at me while that story aired on the evening news and then commented
"Phew, I'm glad it wasn't us"
A fifteen year old kid gets an upright bass and starts to take lessons.
After his first lesson, his dad asks him, "what did you learn today?" "I learned to play the A note." After his second lesson his dad asks again, and he responds "I learned to play the D note." After his third lesson his dad asks again and he responds, "I learned to play the E note." After the fourth lesson his dad asks, and the kid responds, "I don't need lessons anymore. I've got a gig with a bluegrass band."
Auto
John: "My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Oldsmobile, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Plymouth."
Dave: "Really? What did he get?"
John: "Fifteen years."
A retired man named Dave took a part-time job at a small woodshop, but every morning, he was late.
Five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes. The owner wasn't too upset because Dave was great with customers, but one day he got curious.
"Hey Dave," the owner asked. "What did they say at your last job when you came in late all the time?"
"They said the same thing no matter what time I came in," Dave grinned. "Good morning, Colonel."
