Howlingly Hilarious Fetch Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
Jesus likes to drink wine.
As we all know, Jesus liked to drink wine. One day, however, he got tired of wine. He said unto John and Thomas, "Go, and fetch me some ingredients so that I may create another kind of drink." And so they went to the market, and John asked Thomas "So, what should we get Him?" Thomas responds, "The rice, for Christ's sake."
Bubble wrap
I work in the props department for a stage show company. Yesterday my boss asked me to fetch a 30-yard roll of bubble wrap from the store room. I brought it to her but her hands were full so she told me to just pop it in the corner. Took me an hour.
an Irish man was working on a building site...
...the foreman asked him to fetch a wheel barrow. A while later the Irish man returned with a wheel barrow in a wheel barrow.
The foreman said "I asked for a barrow why have you fetched two"
The Irish man replied "I needed something to carry it back in"
Old Mrs. Hubbard
Old Mrs. Hubbard, went to her cupboard to fetch her old dog a bone.
But when she got there, the cupboard was bare,
so he gave her a bone of his own
A Sea Captain looks through his telescope
and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt".
"But why, Captain?" the Mate says.
"If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed".
The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again:
"Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants".
I just trained my dog how to fetch a beer. Now this may not sound all that impressive,
I just trained my dog how to fetch a beer. Now this may not sound all that impressive,
but he gets them from my neighbour's fridge.
Selfless until the end.
For Pontius Pilate's birthday, the Roman soldiers lined the street to his house with Jews nailed to crosses. Walking slowly, Pilate was admiring the gesture, when he spotted Jesus on the last cross... he was was muttering something. Pilot exclaimed "fetch me a ladder! if the King of the Jews has something to say, I want to hear it!" Reaching the top of the ladder, Pilate moves in close to hear Jesus in a dry, half-audible voice, singing "Happy birthday to you..."
Why did Regina George's dog only play keep-away?
because fetch is not going to happen.
My mother said fetch me a glass of water...
My mother said "fetch me a glass of water" and I said "no" my mom said "I bore you for nine months!" So I said "you bore me every time you speak!"
A man in Ireland finds a boy crying on the sidewalk
He walks up to the boy and says "Poor laddy, what's the matter? Why are ya crying?"
Little boy says "It's me mum you see, she just passed and now I've got no one at home for me. I'm all alone."
The man comforts the boy who's mum had just died and offers to go fetch Father Monaghan from the church.
The little boy responds "No need to fetch him, s**... won't help this any."
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water,
Who knows what they did up there,
They came down with a daughter.
You can explore fetch send reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fetch collect dad jokes. There are also fetch puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Childhood Nursery Rhyme
Old Mother Hubbard, went to her cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone...
But Rover took over, and he bent her over, and gave her a bone of his own
A child prodigy walks a tightrope
He can tell it to fetch too!
What do b**... spiders and small red spiders have in common?
Women will fetch their husband/boyfriend for either one.
Two guys debating about whose dog is smarter
Guy 1: "My dog is very smart, every morning he always fetch my newspaper"
Guy 2: "I already know that"
Guy 1: "What? Who told you about that?"
Guy 2: "My dog"
Jeff and Jim went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jim feel down and broke his crown and Jeff shouted 'that's awesome'
My cat actually plays fetch.
He just doesn't bring the stick back.
Old mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard, to fetch her old doggy a bone.
When she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.
I fetched a pail of water and ate a whole KFC family meal to myself...
So that's two things I can cross off my bucket list.
Be careful about teaching lab retrievers to play fetch.
He almost blew us both up with a m**... bomb.
Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert
Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?
I like my women like I like my fetch quests.
Unoriginal, not very deep, and they get REALLY boring once you've done them a couple times.
How many dads does it take to change a bulb?
One to fetch the ladder, one to go back to the hardware store to get the right bulb, another to look up and say "yep", and the rest to just stand around, debating charcoal vs gas.
Old Mother Hubbard...
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor daughter a dress.
When she got there, the cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter, I guess...
I have 72 Karma and I want more.
This not a joke.
☝️that is a joke.
I don't know what I am posting tbh. I think I am drunk.
Honey fetch me some water.😶
Mark Zuckerberg
Mark : we need 1000s of people's image so that we can fetch the data for the AI but we are running short on money this time. Any inputs?
Consultant 1: get the info from Apple's AI
Consultant 2: XoXo rofl! let's create a #10yearchallenge
Mark :
consultant :
Mark : perfe...
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water...
...but what a joke, the c**... broke, and now they have a daughter.
I trained my dog to fetch me a beer
It may not sound too impressive, but he gets them from the neighbor's fridge
My grandpa was telling me about when he used to hunt tigers.
He said, "this one time I was alone in the jungle when out of the bushes, right in front of me, a huge tiger leaped out suddenly and went RRROOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!! Kid, you won't believe it, I s**... myself."
I raised my eyebrows. "You bet I believe it, I'd have s**... myself too if that happened to me."
"That's not what I mean g**..., go fetch me some toilet paper."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water...
...Jill came down with half a crown but not for fetching water.
A man, his wife and his friend just finished diner
"It was absolutely delicious, honey! Thank you so much, princess." says the man to his wife in the kitchen. "Could you please fetch us two beers later, baby?"
His friend says: "It is very cute that you still have nicknames for her after so long time."
The man responds: "Well, I forgot her name like three years ago, so I give her nicknames to cover it up. But seriously don't tell her, amigo!"
Well Trained
I trained my dog to fetch beer.
It may not sound too impressive.
But he gets them from the neighbor's fridge.
p**... took two stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow
"Ooh!" said thew presenter, "This is a rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
"Sticks." replied p**....
My wife was elated with how far our son had gone!
I tell her, "This trebuchet is simply amazing! Go fetch our daughter!"
I've finally taught my dog to fetch a glass of red wine.
He's a Bordeaux Collie
And yes, he paws it himself...
Mom sends her son out to play fetch with the dog. 5 minutes later both the son and the dog are back inside, looking grumpy.
"What happened?" Asks the mom.
"We lost the ball." says the boy.
"Oh no, where?" The dog replies: "Roof, roof"
Stunned, the mother says, "Did the dog just say it's on the roof?"
"No," the boy scoffs. "I mean the ball is up there, but the dumb dog's not talking."
The dog rolls its eyes at the mother and says, "Well, if your kid had a better arm I wouldn't have to."
A very drunk gent checked into a hotel late one Saturday night
He awoke very ill and summoned a bellboy to fetch him a bottle of whiskey and a Sunday newspaper. The bellhop was gone a long time.
When he returned, the drunk remarked, "It must be hard to buy a bottle in this town on Sunday."
"There was no trouble with the whiskey," replied the bellboy, "but it's tough finding a Sunday paper on Tuesday."
For talk like a pirate day
There was a famous pirate captain who before a battle would turn to his ensign and say
Fetch me me red shirt
After the battle was won the ensign asked
Why the red shirt captain?
If I get shot or wounded the shirt will hide the blood and the crew won't be alarmed
A month later, looking out at the see he saw a huge English armada headed for him
He turned to his ensign and said
Fetch me me brown pants
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water...
...however if you sponsor Jack and Jill for just $2 a month, we can build a well with clean water right in their village.
Sean Connery had his dog trained
He got the dog to do all kinds of tricks. Roll over, do a flip, fetch certain items, but anytime he tried to get the dog to sit, it would d**... on the floor.
In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night.
This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation.
*I'll fetch my coat of arms*
A mother sends her son to the well to fetch water.
When the boy comes back without water, he explains that there was an alligator in the well.
"Don't worry," says the mother. "The alligator is just as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Mom," says the boy, "if the alligator is as scared of me as I am of him, we shouldn't be drinking that water."
What's the most far fetched thing about Harry Potter ??
Thata ginger would have two friends.
