Festival Jokes

72 festival jokes and hilarious festival puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about festival that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh the night away at this year's Festival of Lights with the best jokes from Indianapolis to Edinburgh! From celebratory jokes to hilarious skits, join us as we celebrate the joy of the season with these hilarious festival jokes.

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Funniest Festival Short Jokes

Short festival jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The festival humour may include short fiesta jokes also.

  1. Did you hear the weather forecast for the hiphop festival? ...They're calling for a Lil Wayne
  2. I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
    He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.'
  3. I got arrested for fishing without a license at a dubstep festival. The arresting officer yelled "drop the bass!"
  4. My favorite drawings at the Muhammad cartoon festival in Texas were the two chalk outlines out front. Credit Evan Sayet.
  5. Why aren't midgets allowed at nudist festivals? They keep getting their noses in everyones' business.
  6. The death count nears 50 after scaffolding collapses and crushes fans at a rock music festival... Eye-witnesses say there was a lot of heavy metal.
  7. If anybody is alone during the festive period please don't hesitate to let me know. I need to borrow some chairs.
  8. Who says Fyre Festival was a failure? Instead of entertaining thousands of people it entertained millions.
  9. Hedgehogs... Why can't they just share the hedge?
    One of my favourite jokes to come out of the Edinburgh Comedy festival :-)
  10. The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq. The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.

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Festival One Liners

Which festival one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with festival? I can suggest the ones about carnival and gala.

  1. What's a feminists favorite music festival? Burning Man.
  2. I got kicked out of the conga festival I don't blame them. I was way out of line.
  3. What is William Shatner's favorite film festival? *CAAAAAAAAANNES!!!* ^^^^^^imsosorry
  4. My wife is so moody at Christmas, I blame the festive period.
  5. A man asked for directions to the guillotine festival... It's just ahead.
  6. What do you call a Muslim festival? halal-apalooza
  7. What town should a "mountain oyster" festival be held in? Oxnard, CA
  8. Sausage festivals... They're the wurst kind.
  9. I recently went to a folk festival... I was the only one who brought my folks.
  10. Why didn't anyone show up to the Indian bread festival? They heard it was a naan-event.
  11. How wide does the stage need to be at the Download festival? Depends on the bandwidth.
  12. Did you hear about the guys who got lost at the music festival? They turned up
  13. The Indian baking festival was kind of a bust. It was a naan event.
  14. What is the body's comedy festival called? Humer us
  15. My parents won't take me to the Renaissance festival. No fair at all.

Music Festival Jokes

Here is a list of funny music festival jokes and even better music festival puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There was a seventies and scones music festival being hosted in South West England but organisers had a problem. They couldn't decide whether to put The Jam or Cream on first.
  • They tried to warn us, it's finally happening, minorities herding white people into camps. Here in Oregon we call them "music festivals"
  • How many people at a Music Festival does it take to screw in a light bulb? Zero, its already lit
  • Why did the cops arrest the guy selling water at a music festival? They said he was in tent to supply.
  • Some fans were disappointed after seeing their favourite band play on a vegan music festival. Apparently there was no meat and greet.
  • What do you call a big music festival with no instruments? Acoachella
  • What do you call the last hippie at a music festival? Out standing in his field.
  • What is an insects favorite music festival? Roachella
  • Why do hippies have s**... at music festivals? Because it is intents
  • Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey are to star in a new film, a m**... mystery set at a music festival. It's a Whodunnit.

Festival Of Lights Jokes

Here is a list of funny festival of lights jokes and even better festival of lights puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I am dreaming of a light Christmas. Eskom drops festive season load shedding bomb.
Festival joke, I am dreaming of a light Christmas.

Festival joke, I am dreaming of a light Christmas.

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Festival Jokes

What funny jokes about festival you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean celebration jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make festival pranks.

Beer is good.

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

Just thought of this

So I was at a hippy music festival and after the show I met a few bands back stage. I saw a bassist sitting in the corner by himself so I sat next to him and asked.
"Hey man, my name is Mark. Whats your name, what you been up to?"

LPT: Play the Game of Thrones theme tune before you have s**... if there is a risk of being overheard.

Got me and my SO through the recent family stay overs during the festive season.

What do you do at a festival when the bass is too much?

Drop some acid, it'll neutralize the effect

What does a g**... at a carribean festival have in common with a panda?

He eats shoots and leaves!

Did you hear about the local barber?

He liked killing people with his blades during the summer festival.
They called him the buzzkill.

Being an Indian, my white friends asked me about what Indians did during the festival of Diwali...

They got very happy and asked me to take them to India the next time. I don't know what's there to be happy about. I just told them " We blow crackers."

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are g**...!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas walking stick

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas themed walking stick, covered in tinsel and alot of tree lights, I complimented the man on the festiveness of the stick.
He turned and said "Yes well usually I have difficulty with my stick being a bit too heavy but this is the only time of the year it's light"..

My wife hasn't been feeling very festive lately, but I've gotten her a present that will help her to discover the true meaning of Christmas...

A dictionary.

True story: I'm at a music festival with my wife and she is looking good.

I convince her to go to the port-a-potties. I ask here how high do you think the floor is off the ground. She says "I don't know, 3 inches?". I seductively ask her if she would like to accompany me in to the port-a-pottie and Join the 3 inch club. She looks at me sarcastically and says......"Oh, I've already joined the 3 inch club!!!" OUCH!

Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job

knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

My wife is planning a day of debauchery for a friend, otherwise known as a bachlorette party

. A pole dancing class is going to be part of the festivities and the warning on the website is "Classes are not suitable for pregnant women who have never poled before." My response to this being read aloud during the planning "Wait, then how did they get pregnant?"

I recently attended a really wild Pagan Religions Festival

People got really into it! They were worshiping anyone that wasn't nailed down

After a wedding

After a wedding, an elderly lady named Enna is nowhere to be found. The groom is frantic and tells his bride the festivities cannot continue. When she asks why, he says,
Without Aunt Enna, no reception.

The wizard materialized on the hill above the outdoor festival and proclaimed, All shall be vanquished.... except those in temporary shelters supported by a pole, and fully aquatic animals with s**...-shaped teeth!

The area was safe for all in tents and porpoises.

Forgot the tree this year, so I'm putting up a 6 foot, tinsel covered t**....

Just for the festive period.

The counties of Devon and Cornwall organised a huge music festival with the reunions of both The Jam and Cream.

The festival was called off due to the two counties not being able to agree which should go on first.

Breaking News - Devon and Cornwall Music Festival

The Devon and Cornwall Music Festival due to take place this weekend has had to be cancelled. They couldn't decide who to put on first, The Jam or Cream

What's the difference between wit and a joke?

A young filmmaker excited to be part of his first film festival is attending a talk between a director and a writer. At the end of the talk he gets up and shouts out, "If I could ask a question, what's the difference between wit and a joke?"
The writer looks at him for a second, picks up his glass of water and pours it on his own head, says
"This, is a joke"
Surprised by the sudden act, the young filmmaker proceeds hesitantly, "And what is wit?"
The writer responds, "Wit is dry".

A fortune teller once told h**... he would die on a Jewish festival.

"How do you know" asked h**....
The fortune teller replied "Any day you die will be a Jewish festival."

During the 3 days of the Woodstock festival, over 400,000 people attended

The town of Bethel had prepared beforehand and many vendors gathered there to sell food, water, and other necessities.
It's estimated that 2.7 million gallons of water was sold over the weekend,
along with 750,000 cans of beer,
100,000 hot dogs,
15,000 pounds of granola,
and a bar of soap

Went to a rock festival and got arrested for selling p**... to The Police.

It was a Sting operation.

You'll never guess what happened to my f**... when I went to a Jewish festival the other day?


Festival joke, Why aren't midgets allowed at nudist festivals?

jokes about festival