Fertilizer Jokes
30 fertilizer jokes and hilarious fertilizer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fertilizer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fertilizer Short Jokes
Short fertilizer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fertilizer humour may include short manure jokes also.
- The Planets 71% water + 29% land = Earth
100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars
100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus
100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury
100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto
100% gas = Uranus - Did you hear about the communist couple that went to a fertility clinic? They wanted to seize the means of reproduction.
- I earned an Oscar for being the best producer. He was born and named yesterday after my long fight against fertility.
- A teacher is quizzing her class Teacher: you use forest for?
Students: getting wood
Teacher: fertile lands for?
Students: growing food
Teacher: sea for?
Quiet kid: explosions - Dude, I attended the fertilizer convention the other day... ...yeah, it was a real shitshow.
- Fertility clinic What did the perverted embryonic scientist say to the microscope?
"Are those my genes because I can definitely see myself in them." - Why did the place where two roads diverged in the yellow wood become overgrown quickly? Because Frost increases soil fertility!
- Why did the ancient Mesopotamian woman have a lot of kids? Every man in Egypt had seen her Fertile Crescent.
- They say Kim Jong Un attended the opening of a fertilizer factory ...it is unclear whether he was there as a spectator or as a fertilizer.
- How did the bag of fertilizer help the vegetable farmer pay his mortgage? It raised his celery...
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Fertilizer One Liners
Which fertilizer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fertilizer? I can suggest the ones about soil and cement.
- How do you marry a country girl? Step 1: A tractor
Step 2: Fertilizer - They say revolution breeds revolution. Resistance is fertile.
- A sign at the fertility clinic. Please wait to be seeded.
- I became rich by selling fertilizer. I have some very prosperous phosphorus.
- Manure isn't the best fertilizer ... but it's a solid number two.
- Best pickup line: How do you like your eggs in the morning... Fertilized?
- What do you call it when a salmon accidentally fertilizes his sisters eggs? Roe Tide
- We need to get into the fertilizer industry... I hear business is booming.
- Did you know fences make good neighbors And bad neighbors make good fertilizer.
- What do you call it when a fruit is fertilized without consent? Grape.
- What is the fertility doctor's favourite White Stripes song? Insemenation Army.
- What did the fertile spot in the desert with water tell it's sister? Oh, ey sis
- Hey girl are you the great American West? Because you're flat and fertile
- There is a new in-vitro fertilization clinic in town with a catchy name Cumonova
- I was created in a gas station. I was an in-petro fertilization baby.
Charming Humor Fertilizer Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about fertilizer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean detergent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fertilizer pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Obi Wan Kenobi fertilize his lawn with m**...?
He wanted the high ground.
The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...
So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After hearing Kim and Kanye are having a kid via in vitro fertilization...
Of course Kanye picked the option where he could have s**... with himself and still have a kid.
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does it take 1 million s**... to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask for directions.
A farmer once bought some ammonium nitrate fertilizer, but it smelled weird,
so he put a sample in a pan and brought it to the nearest USDA branch. A security guard saw the pan full of fertilizer and yelled "bomb", but it was just panned ammonium
A husband and wife are trying to have a baby
After many attempts and what seems like an endless number of trips to the doctor and fertility clinic they meet with the doctor who tells them, "I do not think you will be able to have children."
The wife is overcome with emotion and her husband consoles her saying, "Inconceivable."
The doctor replies,"I don't think that word means what you think it means."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Anyone notice the price of fertilizer has nearly doubled this year?
s**...'s gone up!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the over-fertilized plant say to the farmer?
>!"I'm fed up with the s**... you've been giving me."!<
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who is the Greek god of fertility?
t**...
