Fence Jokes
158 fence jokes and hilarious fence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a pick-me-up? Check out these hilarious jokes about all types of fences, from electric to wood, to broken and peeks fences! Laugh away as you learn about the different types of fences, including privacy fences, picket fences, garden fences, and more. Perfect for a fun night in with family and friends, or a distraction from the day!
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Funniest Fence Short Jokes
Short fence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fence humour may include short gates jokes also.
- Why was my post removed Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over. - I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- My fencing opponent laughed at me for bringing a block of cheddar to a sword fight. Until he discovered it was extra sharp.
- Is this the right sub? Need help repairing my fence. It seems everyone knows how to repost here.
- What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a small fencing sword? One's a little rapier...
- I've been bored recently so I have decided to take up fencing. The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.
- Someone called me racist for saying "black paint" Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".
- I'm having some real trouble mending my broken fence. Can anyone here give me some tips?
I was told you guys are the best at reposting. - Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'? Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".
- Today I was helping a friend install his fence, but I put in one of the stakes upside down so we had to do it over. Sorry for the repost.
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Fence One Liners
Which fence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fence? I can suggest the ones about cage and hedge.
- I put up an electric fence around my house. My neighbor is dead against it.
- What do you call 4 sheep tied to a fence in Wales? A Brothel :D
- what happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction!
- Auto-correct walks into a bar... And the batman says, 'why the log fence?'
- My wife says adults shouldn't pretend the lawn is lava, but I'm on the fence.
- I just made up a really good fencing joke!
- "How big do you suppose that fence is?" "I reckon that fence is around a yard."
- My neighbour wrongly accused me of property theft. I didn't take a fence.
- Two social justice warriors walk into a fence store... Both took a fence
- What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.
- I have a fear of fences I just can't get over it
- I saw a bird that couldn't decide if he wanted to leave my yard. He was on the fence.
- This post has been removed. It might cause a fence.
- I'm on the fence about bisexuality. I could really go both ways on the matter.
- How do you steal from a fence? You picket's pockets
Fence Post Jokes
Here is a list of funny fence post jokes and even better fence post puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A farmer in Nebraska just had his fence destroyed by a tornado, and he's asking for our help He heard we have a lot of experts in re-posting
- A moderator of this sub is my neighbor in real life, and is demanding that my fence be removed ...just because I re-posted it.
- To the guy that's bad at building fences... Oops, wrong place for this post.
Figured i'd put it in the right place and re-post it for you. - I made a post but had to take it down. Someone took a fence.
- I am pretty bad at building fences. Oops, wrong place for this post.
- Can I get some help repairing my broken fence posts? I figure there are enough reposters here that it will only take a few minutes.
- How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto? It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock.
- Posting on Reddit is like fencing You must always have a quick repost.
- If you shared on Facebook about a fence installation video you were editing... Would that make it a post post post?
- An old southern farmer is out one day with his dog repairing a fence row when suddenly part of it bursts into flames.. Wow I did not expect this post to blow up.
Garden Fence Jokes
Here is a list of funny garden fence jokes and even better garden fence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One of my neighbours has stopped talking to me after I accused him of stealing from my back garden... ...I think he took a fence.
- A feminist has just stolen my garden gate I was going to shout at her but I thought she might take a fence
- What is long, brown and runs around the garden? A fence.
- I heard a burglar in my back garden I wanted to go out and confront him but I didn't want him to take a fence
- There were five distinctive wet little thuds against the garden fence.... That told me mowing the lawn in my flip flops may not have been a great idea.
- The neighbours dog has jumped up into my garden so much that he's totally destroyed the fence. Figured here's the best place to get it fixed as everyone is a certified reposter.
- Two men break into a Garden Centre When a security guard started shouting insults at them.
One of them took a fence - I can't decide whether or not to get my garden refurbished Guess you could say I'm on the fence
- What's the difference What's the difference between renovation a garden and Trump's wearied VP?
One's painting fences, the other is fainting Pences.
Electric Fence Jokes
Here is a list of funny electric fence jokes and even better electric fence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Her body tensed and quivered as wave after wave of pure energy surged through it… I probably should've told her about the new electric fence…
- What's 12 inches, pink, and throbs? Piglet stuck in an electric fence
- See the top 10 electric fences YOU should use! Number 7 will SHOCK you!
- I vaulted an electric fence. My friend asked me, "Why did you do that?". I said ,"enough with your ample comments". He looked back in shock.
- Did you guys hear about the cow that was able to step over the the electric fence? No one could believe it, it was an udder shock!
- Lightning never strikes twice... But the electric fence worked on my mother in law.
Broken Fence Jokes
Here is a list of funny broken fence jokes and even better broken fence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A farmer's wire fence was broken, so he put new wood into the ground and ran wire across it. This is a repost.
- How does a Redditor fix a broken fence? They repost it
- Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House
- A man's fence is broken and he needs to hire someone to fix it. He went online to this sub and had everything reposted in no time.
Great Fence Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about fence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean garden gate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fence pranks.
A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
CPR
I popped my head over my s**... neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini.
"Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR."
"Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?"
"No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."
Number 12...
A man is walking down the street when he begins to hear yelling. The man notices it's coming from the court yard of a mental hospital. Once he gets closer he notices they are all yelling the number 12. The fence being too high, he peaks through a hole into the fence to see why they are yelling twelve. To his surprise he gets poked in the eye and begins hearing everyone yell 13...13...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prisoners attempt to escape from jail.
The first one throws a rope to the top of the fence, and quietly climbs to the top. But before his cellmate can do the same, the rope breaks.
"How will I get out now?" The unfortunate prisoner asks. The other one pulls out a flashlight.
"Don't worry," he replied, "I'll shine the light down and you can climb up the beam of light."
"Do you really think I'm that s**...?" He asked, "You'll turn it off when I'm halfway to the top!"
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...
but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because everyone is dying to get in.
In memory of my Uncle David RIP. He would always tell this joke
Top 3 lies told by Wyoming cowboys
1) I own this truck.
2) I won this belt buckle in a rodeo.
3) I was just helping that sheep over the fence.
Two newfies are walking down a path...
They see a sheep tangled up in a fence. The one says "man, I wish that was a pretty lady" to which his friend replys "i just wish it was dark"
Tour guide
A tour bus is going through the Highlands when the guide spots a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets out, saying "watch this" and then bangs the sheep.
When he's finished, he zips up and asks "does anyone else want to have a turn?"
Another guy from the tour says "sure, I will" and sticks his head in the fence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm on the fence about h**...
On one hand he killed 6 million Jews. On the other hand he did kill h**...
The fencer thought he knew what was about to happen but...
...his opponent feinted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...
The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.
The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."
The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"
The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her b**... and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.
The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."
The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"
The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her b**... and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.
The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."
The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's all natural, well balanced, and comes in pints?
An elephant sitting on your fence m**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
two men are driving down the country road when....
...one man sees a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. he pulls the truck over, gets out, walks up to the sheep and pulls down his pants and has s**... with the sheep. After he is done he walks back and tells his buddy "hey man its your turn". his buddy walks over to the sheep, gives a deep sigh, and sticks his head in the fence.
Jokes/Puns!
1. What kind of birds always stick together? VEL CROWS.
2. What is a spider's favorite thing to do? SURF THE WEB.
3. What goes around the cow but never moves? THE FENCE.
4. Why didn't cheddar cheese want to hang out with bleu cheese? BECAUSE HE HAD A MOLDY PERSONALITY.
5. Why do fish swim in schools? BECAUSE THEY CANT WALK IN SCHOOLS.
6. How do you catch a unique rabbit? YOU NIQUE UP ON IT.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
little Johnny
Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was l**... her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was s**... the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Finger l**... Good
Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
I was walking home and saw some drunk guy trying to steal someones gate...
I was gonna say something, but I din't want him to take a fence.
The warning sign
There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".
Police humors
Someone cut a hole in the nudist camp fence. The police are looking into it.
Someone stole the toilet from the police headquarters. The cops have nothing to go on.
What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence?
It was an udder disaster.
^(I'll show myself out)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)
Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is s**... her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one s**... the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.
How I learned to miknd my own business:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."
The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.
Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everyone's so politically correct these days.
You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little Johnny...
One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think."
Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream shop and they all have an ice cream cone, one is l**... it, one is biting it, and one is s**... it, which one is married?" The teach thinks about it a bit and says "The one s**... it." Johnny looks at her and say "The right answer was the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
Why did the blonde climb the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
A man is walking on a sidewalk past...
An insane asylum. He hears voices on the inside chanting "thirteen,thirteen, thirteen".
He is curious why they are chanting that. He looks around and finds a hole that allows himself to look inside the fence. As he puts his eye on the hole a stick jabs him in the eye. And the chant changes to "fourteen, fourteen, fourteen".
My dad tells this joke all the time.
The two old-timers...
...were having a chat over the back fence.
"You know, Chester," said one, "you should invest in some heavier curtains for your bedroom window."
"Why's that, Clem?"
"Because the ones you have now are kinda transparent. In fact, last night I could see you making love to your wife."
"Pfft! That shows how bad your eyesight is. I wasn't even home last night!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?
Udder Destruction.
I swear this joke is funnier in person.
Try it, trust me.
p**... dropper for sure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A midget was escaping prison...
A midget was escaping prison. I watched him as he climbed over the fence. On the way down he smirked at me.
I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."
Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."
Inmates Running the Asylum
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
My friend hasn't spoken to me since I accused him of stealing some wooden panels.
I think he took a fence.
Two pilots are landing a plane.
Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.
When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!
Why did the fencer downvote my latest submission?
It was a Riposte.
My Mexican friend is so indecisive
He's always on the fence
2016 is going off the rails with all the people getting offended. There are even some people who've decided it's racist to say "black paint".
Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"
FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....
In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......
The world is becoming too politically correct
You can't even say black paint anymore, instead you have to say "Lamar can you please paint the fence".
How does a fencer earn their karma?
Ripostes.
I saw some guy stealing a gate last night...
I thought not to shout at him cuz he might take a fence.
I was gonna tell you all a joke about how I had to replace the wood holding up my fence...
But I was afraid it is only a repost.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My brother and I own adjacent farms
The other day he rode over to complain that I was growing m**... on his side of the fence.
I told him to get off his high horse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day John looks over the fence and spies Sam's wife, n**..., watering the garden.
When Sam gets home from work, John brags to him that he's seen his wife n**....
Sam wants revenge, so that night creeps over to John's yard and catches sight of John's wife performing o**... s**....
The next day, Sam approaches John at the mailbox. "Hey, I saw your wife performing o**... s**... on you last night."
"Ha ha, the joke's on you," John says, "I wasn't home last night!"
A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.
The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.
The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.
The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to be outside the fence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a dwarf escaping prison yesterday, and as he was climbing down the outer fence he turned and sneered at me.
I thought to myself, that's a little condescending.
It's now apparently politically incorrect to say "Black paint"
Now you have to say "Tyrone can you please go paint the fence?".
An engineer, a mathmetician, and a physicist are hired by a farmer to build the smallest fence possible to hold all his sheep.
The physicist makes a large fence and gradually shrinks it over and over until he cannot shrink it any further.
The engineer stacks all the sheep in a specific way and builds a small fence around them.
The mathmetician builds a tiny fence around himself and then defines himself as outside the fence.
My wife has been keeping secrets from me.
I just built a fence and put down some paving. Turns out not only is she a master carpenter she's also an expert brick layer. If only I had known earlier I could have sought her advice before I did the work. It would have saved me from making all the obvious mistakes she pointed out after the work was done.
Why are there fences around cemeteries?
People are dying to get in.
*Told to me by pastor this morning just before Sunrise Service.*
A guy walks past a mental hospital
A guy is walking past a mental hospital with a high privacy fence, and can hear some kind of chant going on. As he gets closer, he hears them chanting, "sixteen! Sixteen! Sixteen!"Curious as to what is going on, he notices a small hole in the fence. He walks over and presses his face to it to try and see in, only to get poked in the eyes. The chant continues, "Seventeen! Seventeen! Seventeen!"
What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common?
They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.
I called my girlfriend's mini skirt a fence
Protects the property but doesn't spoil the view
I hate all the political correctness these days, I can't even say "black paint" anymore.
Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
johnny in the math class
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is l**... her ice cream, one is s**... her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one s**... her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last night, a p**... told me should would do anything for $200
Guess who's getting his fence painted.
Apparently, even saying "black paint" is considered racist...
You're supposed to say, "Leeroy, would you please paint the fence."
Everybody here must be a fencer
Because all I see are ripostes
Little Nancy, 8, was filling a hole in her garden when
the nosey neighbor peered over the fence, and asked "What are you doing?"
Nancy replied, "Well my goldfish dies so I just buried him"
The obnoxious neighbor laughed and said in a condescending tone, "That is an awful big hole for a tiny gold fish"
As Nancy used her shovel to pat down the last heap of earth she replied, "Well he's in your cat"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cowboys sitting on a fence watching a dog lick his nuts..
One says to the other, "man I wish I could do that" then the other says, "doncha think you should at least pet him first"
Too guys trying to escape a prison
Last fence they have to jump has bells on it. First guy jumps, touches the wires and the bells ring.
They guard says:- Who goes there?
The guy makes a noise:-Meow!
Guard says: -oh, its just a cat.
Second guy jumps, hits the wires, bells ring.
Guard says: -Who goes there?
Second guy:-Just another cat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People are so political these days...
...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".
A man was walking through town when he noticed a guy working on a fence by their house. "Making a new fence?" the man asked. The guy responded "Nah."
"Just a repost."
Teacher: "Billy, can you use the word 'contagious' in a sentence?"
Billy: "My dad said it will take that contagious to fix the fence."
