Fence Jokes
164 fence jokes and hilarious fence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a pick-me-up? Check out these hilarious jokes about all types of fences, from electric to wood, to broken and peeks fences! Laugh away as you learn about the different types of fences, including privacy fences, picket fences, garden fences, and more. Perfect for a fun night in with family and friends, or a distraction from the day!
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Funniest Fence Short Jokes
Short fence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fence humour may include short garden fencing jokes also.
- Why was my post removed Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over. - Why was my post removed? Can anyone tell me why my post was removed?
I'm a bit annoyed by this because my fence has fallen over. - I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- My fencing opponent laughed at me for bringing a block of cheddar to a sword fight. Until he discovered it was extra sharp.
- Is this the right sub? Need help repairing my fence. It seems everyone knows how to repost here.
- What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a small fencing sword? One's a little rapier...
- I've been bored recently so I have decided to take up fencing. The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.
- Someone called me racist for saying "black paint" Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".
- People today are so politically correct. You can't even say black paint, You have to say "Leeroy, please paint my fence."
- A hole has been discovered in the fence that surrounds a nudist camp. Authorities are looking into it.
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Fence One Liners
Which fence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fence? I can suggest the ones about gates and cage.
- I put up an electric fence around my house. My neighbor is dead against it.
- I installed a high-voltage fence around my property. My neighbour is dead against it.
- I built an electric fence around my property yesterday… My neighbor is dead against it…
- What do you call 4 sheep tied to a fence in Wales? A Brothel :D
- what happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction!
- Auto-correct walks into a bar... And the batman says, 'why the log fence?'
- My wife says adults shouldn't pretend the lawn is lava, but I'm on the fence.
- I just made up a really good fencing joke!
- "How big do you suppose that fence is?" "I reckon that fence is around a yard."
- My neighbour wrongly accused me of property theft. I didn't take a fence.
- Why do cemeteries have fences? Because people are dying to get in
- Why do graveyards have fences? People are dying to get in.
- Two social justice warriors walk into a fence store... Both took a fence
- What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.
- I have a fear of fences I just can't get over it
Fence Post Jokes
Here is a list of funny fence post jokes and even better fence post puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A farmer in Nebraska just had his fence destroyed by a tornado, and he's asking for our help He heard we have a lot of experts in re-posting
- A moderator of this sub is my neighbor in real life, and is demanding that my fence be removed ...just because I re-posted it.
- Can anyone tell me why my post was removed? I'm really annoyed as my fence has now fallen down.
- Ok Mods I want to know why my post was removed. It's annoying because my fence keeps falling down.
- To the guy that's bad at building fences... Oops, wrong place for this post.
Figured i'd put it in the right place and re-post it for you. - This post has been removed. It might cause a fence.
- Can the mods of this sub explain as to why my posts were removed? Now my fence has fallen over….
- Can one of the mods tell me why my post was removed? It's annoying that my fence fell over.
- I made a post but had to take it down. Someone took a fence.
- I am pretty bad at building fences. Oops, wrong place for this post.
Garden Fence Jokes
Here is a list of funny garden fence jokes and even better garden fence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One of my neighbours has stopped talking to me after I accused him of stealing from my back garden... ...I think he took a fence.
- A feminist has just stolen my garden gate I was going to shout at her but I thought she might take a fence
- Just put an electric fence around my garden.. My neighbor is dead against it.
- I've put an electric fence around my garden. The neighbours are dead against it.
- What is long, brown and runs around the garden? A fence.
- I just saw someone stealing a garden gate! I didn't say anything in case he took a fence.
- I heard a burglar in my back garden I wanted to go out and confront him but I didn't want him to take a fence
- There were five distinctive wet little thuds against the garden fence.... That told me mowing the lawn in my flip flops may not have been a great idea.
- The neighbours dog has jumped up into my garden so much that he's totally destroyed the fence. Figured here's the best place to get it fixed as everyone is a certified reposter.
- Two men break into a Garden Centre [OC] When a security guard started shouting insults at them.
One of them took a fence
![Fence joke, Two men break into a Garden Centre [OC]](/images/jokes/fence-jokes-is-this-the-right-sub-need-help-repairing-my-fence.jpg "Fence joke, Two men break into a Garden Centre [OC]")
Electric Fence Jokes
Here is a list of funny electric fence jokes and even better electric fence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Her body tensed and quivered as wave after wave of pure energy surged through it… I probably should've told her about the new electric fence…
- I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my house. My neighbor is dead against it.
- Her body tensed and quivered as she felt wave after wave flow through it. I probably should have told her about the new electric fence.
- Her body tensed and quivered as she felt wave after wave surge through it I should have told her about the electric fence
- I built an electric fence around my house last week My neighbour is dead against it
- I just put up an electric fence around my property yesterday. My neighbour is dead against it.
- What's 12 inches, pink, and throbs? Piglet stuck in an electric fence
- There are three kinds of men... The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
- See the top 10 electric fences YOU should use! Number 7 will SHOCK you!
- I vaulted an electric fence. My friend asked me, "Why did you do that?". I said ,"enough with your ample comments". He looked back in shock.
Broken Fence Jokes
Here is a list of funny broken fence jokes and even better broken fence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm having some real trouble mending my broken fence. Can anyone here give me some tips?
I was told you guys are the best at reposting. - A farmer's wire fence was broken, so he put new wood into the ground and ran wire across it. This is a repost.
- Can I get some help repairing my broken fence posts? I figure there are enough reposters here that it will only take a few minutes.
- How does a Redditor fix a broken fence? They repost it
- Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House
- A man's fence is broken and he needs to hire someone to fix it. He went online to this sub and had everything reposted in no time.
Great Fence Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about fence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hedge jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fence pranks.
A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
Two Jews die and wait outside the pearly gates.
While waiting they realise that they both survived the same concentration camp.
After some chatting, one says to the other: "remember that time when the guard pushed you onto the electric fence and you almost died?" A second of silence passes and suddenly they both start laughing hysterically.
Upon calming down the other Jew asks his new friend: "remember when that dog chased you for so long that you ended up exhausted and almost died of hunger?" Another second of silence passes and again, they both start laughing like crazy.
God, overhearing the conversation, approaches the old Jewish couple and asks them what's so funny about any of these events.
They both look up and say: "Oh you wouldn't understand, you just had to be there".
I just saw two guys stealing my neighbors gate.
I didn't say anything, because I didn't want them to take a fence.
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...
but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."
Mad cow disease
Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.
The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."
The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because everyone is dying to get in.
In memory of my Uncle David RIP. He would always tell this joke
Two newfies are walking down a path...
They see a sheep tangled up in a fence. The one says "man, I wish that was a pretty lady" to which his friend replys "i just wish it was dark"
Tour guide
A tour bus is going through the Highlands when the guide spots a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets out, saying "watch this" and then bangs the sheep.
When he's finished, he zips up and asks "does anyone else want to have a turn?"
Another guy from the tour says "sure, I will" and sticks his head in the fence.
I'm on the fence about h**...
On one hand he killed 6 million Jews. On the other hand he did kill h**...
The fencer thought he knew what was about to happen but...
...his opponent feinted.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...
The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.
The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."
The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"
The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her b**... and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.
The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."
The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"
The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her b**... and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.
The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."
The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"
Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?
Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".
Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
A pedestrian is walking past an insane asylum, and in the distance hears a bunch of the asylum inmates inside screaming at the top of their lungs, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Intrigued, the pedestrian peeks through a hole in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and, suddenly, a finger pops out jabbing him right in the eye.
He screams in pain, and the inmates all start gleefully shouting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!
two men are driving down the country road when....
...one man sees a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. he pulls the truck over, gets out, walks up to the sheep and pulls down his pants and has s**... with the sheep. After he is done he walks back and tells his buddy "hey man its your turn". his buddy walks over to the sheep, gives a deep sigh, and sticks his head in the fence.
A man is walking past the mental hospital
through the board fence he hears the nuts inside chanting, thirteen...thirteen...thirteen. Curious, peeks through a knot hole and someone pokes him in the eye! As he jumps back in pain he hears the nuts start chanting, fourteen...fourteen...fourteen.
little Johnny
Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was l**... her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was s**... the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
Finger l**... Good
Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
I was walking home and saw some drunk guy trying to steal someones gate...
I was gonna say something, but I din't want him to take a fence.
The warning sign
There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".
Police humors
Someone cut a hole in the nudist camp fence. The police are looking into it.
Someone stole the toilet from the police headquarters. The cops have nothing to go on.
What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence?
It was an udder disaster.
^(I'll show myself out)
The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)
Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is s**... her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one s**... the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.
Typical Johnny
Teacher asks the class if they can think of a sentence with the word 'contagious' in it.
After a long pause little Johnny puts his hand up. "yes Johnny, give it a go"
I was in the car with my dad and we were driving past one of our neighbours who was painting his garden fence with a toothbrush. My dad said "it's going to take that contagious to finish that"
How I learned to miknd my own business:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."
The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.
Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!
Everyone's so politically correct these days.
You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"
A little Johnny...
One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think."
Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream shop and they all have an ice cream cone, one is l**... it, one is biting it, and one is s**... it, which one is married?" The teach thinks about it a bit and says "The one s**... it." Johnny looks at her and say "The right answer was the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
The two old-timers...
...were having a chat over the back fence.
"You know, Chester," said one, "you should invest in some heavier curtains for your bedroom window."
"Why's that, Clem?"
"Because the ones you have now are kinda transparent. In fact, last night I could see you making love to your wife."
"Pfft! That shows how bad your eyesight is. I wasn't even home last night!"
Why aren't Mexicans ever indecisive?
Because if they're on the fence too long they get caught.
Contagious
"Right class," said the teacher. "Who can make a sentence with the word 'contagious'?"
Little Johnny threw up his hand excitedly.
"Yes, Johnny?"
"My dad saw our neighbour painting his fence with a little brush, and said, 'Blimey, that'll take the contageous!'"
Was walking by a mental hospital when...
I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.
Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."
Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."
Was walking by a mental hospital when.....
I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 6, 6, 6, 6. My curiosity got the better of me thinking I was about to witness some sort of satanic ritual, so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration and applause from inside, I then heard the people start chanting 7, 7, 7, 7.
Did you hear about the cow who tried to jump over a barbed wire fence?
It was an udder disaster.
Inmates Running the Asylum
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
My friend hasn't spoken to me since I accused him of stealing some wooden panels.
I think he took a fence.
Two pilots are landing a plane.
Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.
When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!
Political Correctness has gone mad...
You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."
Why did the fencer downvote my latest submission?
It was a Riposte.
Most Intelligent But Funniest
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
(Corny)-Why did the grave keeper build a fence around the grave yard?
Cuz everyone was dying to get in.
FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....
In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......
The world is becoming too politically correct
You can't even say black paint anymore, instead you have to say "Lamar can you please paint the fence".
Today I was helping a friend install his fence, but I put in one of the stakes upside down so we had to do it over.
Sorry for the repost.
A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.
The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.
The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.
The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to be outside the fence.
I hate how you cant even say black paint anymore
Now I have to say "Leroy can you please paint the fence?"
An engineer, a mathmetician, and a physicist are hired by a farmer to build the smallest fence possible to hold all his sheep.
The physicist makes a large fence and gradually shrinks it over and over until he cannot shrink it any further.
The engineer stacks all the sheep in a specific way and builds a small fence around them.
The mathmetician builds a tiny fence around himself and then defines himself as outside the fence.
I was walking by a mental institution on my way to work
And in the yard behind the fence, I heard people shouting "four, four, four...". I was curious so I peeked through the wood planks to see what was happening. Someone jabbed a stick in my eye and then everyone started shouting "five, five, five...".
My wife has been keeping secrets from me.
I just built a fence and put down some paving. Turns out not only is she a master carpenter she's also an expert brick layer. If only I had known earlier I could have sought her advice before I did the work. It would have saved me from making all the obvious mistakes she pointed out after the work was done.
Why are there fences around cemeteries?
People are dying to get in.
*Told to me by pastor this morning just before Sunrise Service.*
A guy walks past a mental hospital
A guy is walking past a mental hospital with a high privacy fence, and can hear some kind of chant going on. As he gets closer, he hears them chanting, "sixteen! Sixteen! Sixteen!"Curious as to what is going on, he notices a small hole in the fence. He walks over and presses his face to it to try and see in, only to get poked in the eyes. The chant continues, "Seventeen! Seventeen! Seventeen!"
What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common?
They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.
I called my girlfriend's mini skirt a fence
Protects the property but doesn't spoil the view
I saw a bird that couldn't decide if he wanted to leave my yard.
He was on the fence.
I hate all the political correctness these days, I can't even say "black paint" anymore.
Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."
Two morons are sitting on a fence. The big one fell off, why didn't the other?
He was a little more on.
johnny in the math class
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is l**... her ice cream, one is s**... her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one s**... her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
Today, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down the fence.
As we made eye contact, he glared at me and I thought to myself, "Well, that's a little condescending!"
Apparently, even saying "black paint" is considered racist...
You're supposed to say, "Leeroy, would you please paint the fence."
Two cowboys sitting on a fence watching a dog lick his nuts..
One says to the other, "man I wish I could do that" then the other says, "doncha think you should at least pet him first"
Too guys trying to escape a prison
Last fence they have to jump has bells on it. First guy jumps, touches the wires and the bells ring.
They guard says:- Who goes there?
The guy makes a noise:-Meow!
Guard says: -oh, its just a cat.
Second guy jumps, hits the wires, bells ring.
Guard says: -Who goes there?
Second guy:-Just another cat.
People are so political these days...
...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".
With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can't even say Black Paint!
You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!
My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes t**... in her yard.
Personally I'm on the fence.
Why are there usually fences around a cemetery?
Because everyone's just dying to get in!
Teacher: "Billy, can you use the word 'contagious' in a sentence?"
Billy: "My dad said it will take that contagious to fix the fence."
So my buddy and I were driving down a country road and see a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence.
Now, like any good ol Montana boy I know a good opportunity when I see it. I pull over and walk up to the sheep and unzip my pants and start giving it to her. I'm really give'n her the boots when I look over and my buddy is jacking off. I mean, he's really beat'n his meat. Kinda freaked out I stop and ask 'ya wanna turn?'. He runs over and sticks his head in the fence.
My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes n**... in her backyard.
Personally I'm on the fence.
