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Female Jokes

173 female jokes and hilarious female puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about female that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy this collection of hilarious jokes about strong and empowered women! From a female bartender to a female pirate, have a laugh at the unique roles that women can take on. Discover why women are just as funny and witty as men with these jokes about feminine comedy, colonoscopies, engineering, piloting, refereeing, and more!

Funniest Female Short Jokes

Short female jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The female humour may include short girls jokes also.

  1. I got pulled over by a female cop... When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
    "NOTHING"
  2. How to determine the gender of your cat ? pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
  3. There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female… If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
    If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.
  4. A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
    cashier: "Because you're ugly."
  5. As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games. Not because I'm sexist, I just don't think it's right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at game.
  6. is google male or female? female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions
  7. Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society... Then I wait for the next bus
  8. When I professed my love to a female friend she told me she loved me like a brother... We are from the south so things are going good.
  9. Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
  10. If hillary clinton won she would've been the first F president. I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.

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Female One Liners

Which female one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with female? I can suggest the ones about gender and wives.

  1. Why is every gender equality officer female? Because it is cheaper.
  2. When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body Then I was born
  3. Shouldn't Iron man be a woman? After all he is a Fe-Male.
  4. What do you call a cockpit when the pilots are female? The box office.
  5. What do you call a female turtle? A clitortoise.
  6. Iron Man is technically a FEmale. I will downvote myself on the way out....
  7. all ants are female because if they were male, they would be called uncles
  8. I now understand the 52 genders Male, female, and 50 shades of gay
  9. Did you know 10% of female deer like Mario? It's one in ten doe
  10. Newton's third law of Emotion. For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
  11. What do female reindeer do for fun? Go into town and blow a couple hundred bucks.
  12. How does a male farmer win the heart of a female farmer? Attract her.
  13. What's Iron Man's gender? FeMale
  14. Why are there so few female politicians? It's hard to put makeup on two faces.
  15. Most people don't realize that Iron Man.. Is a Fe-male.

Male Female Jokes

Here is a list of funny male female jokes and even better male female puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • TIL that Saudi Arabia has over 130 males for every 100 females in the country It must be awesome to be a woman in Saudi Arabia!
  • Why are genies always male? Well, there are female genies, but the men who find their lamps never know how to rub it just right.
  • A male snake charmer married a female undertaker.. Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
  • I don't know why men go to bars to meet women... They should be going to Target. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.
  • How do you tell the difference between Male and Female ghosts? One has boooooobs.
    The other gets full pay at their jobs.
  • Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to target instead. The female to male ratio is 10-1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.
  • Wound you be rich if you had 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? Of course you would, you'd have 100 sows and bucks
  • What do you call Iron Man's transgender cousin? Fe-male
  • What do you call a man made out of iron A Fe-male
  • What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? A hundred sows and bucks.

Male And Female Jokes

Here is a list of funny male and female jokes and even better male and female puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How many moths does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, a male and a female
  • Is Google male or female? Female, because it knows everything, and secretly tracks your activity.
  • Is Google male or female? Female, because it can't let you finish a sentence without providing several suggestions.
  • How do you tell the difference between a male and female chromosome? You pull down it's genes!
  • -Mom, is God black or white? \-Both, mother answers
    \-Is he male of female?
    \-Both
    \-Mom, is Michael Jackson God?
  • Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don't understand why? Wife: I'm pretty sure it's to stop the male from snoring before it starts
  • How can you tell female ants from male ants? They're all females, otherwise they'd be called uncles
  • I too was once a male trapped in a female body... But then my mother gave birth.
  • How big of a difference is there between the male and female reproductive system? There's a vas deferens.
  • What's the difference between a male paragraph and a female paragraph? The male one has no periods.
Female joke, What's the difference between a male paragraph and a female paragraph?

Female Doctor Jokes

Here is a list of funny female doctor jokes and even better female doctor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Sex every day Says the patient to her female doctor:
    "Doctor, my husband wants to have sex every day, what is the best thing to give him?"

    Doctor: "My number..."
  • The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs... ...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
  • Doctor: Sir.... Patient: It's MA'AM. I identify as a female
    Doctor: Okay Ma'am. You have testicular cancer.
  • I asked a German doctor about the anatomical differences between males and females... I don't think he knows, cause he answered "Vas deferens?".
  • A doctor is examining a young female patient... "Big breaths!" he tells her.
    "Yeth!" she says, "And I'm thtill only thixteen!"
  • A woman asked a female doctor if she had aids ... "Yes, I do. They're busy now, but they'll be with you shortly."
  • What do you call a female dinosaur doctor? A Dinocologist.
  • Have you heard about the new female doctor who can cure illness with all natural, homeopathic remedies? Look her up! She just goes by the name, "Miss Information"
  • I guess, with the new Doctor being female... It really has become a period drama.
    Disclaimer: I'm hyped for the new season :D
  • I too was a male trapped in a female's body until the doctors pulled me out of the w**....

Female Hormones Jokes

Here is a list of funny female hormones jokes and even better female hormones puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Beer has female hormones Whenever I am drinking I talk too much and can't drive a car.
  • I've discovered that alcohol contains female hormones After drinking you can't drive, you never stop talking and have to sit while peeing.
  • My dad's joke. 'Did you know there were Female hormones in beer?'
    Because, if you start drinking too much.
    You don't have the ability to drive, and you get fat.
  • Why are women athletes so upset about losing to transgender females? Hormones
  • I think there are female hormones in beer Because, if you start drinking to much you start to get fat and you lose the ability to drive.
  • I'm certain there are female hormones in beer. When I drink too much, I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.
  • There are a lot of female hormones in beer. When I drink five bottles I also can't drive a car and start behaving illogically.
  • An Olympic curler was just caught doping. He was taking female hormone injections
  • Alcohol contains female hormones... If you drink some, they make you forget how to drive.
  • Did you know that beer contains female hormones? It's true. You drink too much you get fat, get emotional, talk too much, cry, and you can't drive a car.
    All apologies to the fairer s**....

Female Bartender Jokes

Here is a list of funny female bartender jokes and even better female bartender puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A dumb billionaire walks into a bar and orders a pint. The female bartender notices how attractive he is and slips him her number on a tissue. " Preposterous! I could get laid for this much!"
Female joke, A dumb billionaire walks into a bar and orders a pint. The female bartender notices how attractive h

Ridiculous Female Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about female you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean men women jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make female pranks.

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some w**... with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.
Wife: Never
H: p**..., 3 letters.
W: Gun
H: Disgust, 3 letters.
W: Ugh
H: Charity, 4 letters.
W: Give
H: Female sheep, 3 letters
W: Ewe
H: Pixar movie, 2 letters
W: Up

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

Today in s**... ed our teacher asked what's the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.

Apparently there's a vas deferens

What do you call when a female physicist decides to try dating women for a change?

The double slit experiment.

A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.

A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
The guy behind the counter says, Male or female ?
The customer says, Female.
The counter guy asks, Black or white?
The customer says, White.
The counter guy asks, Christian or Muslim?
The customer says, What does religion have to do with it?
The counter guy says, The Muslim one blows itself up.

Don't b**... Your Mother

Mrs. Rabin comes to visit her son Bernie for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Elaine. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Bernie's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Bernie and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bernie volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Elaine and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Elaine came to Bernie saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote an email:
*Dear Mom
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house ; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Your Loving Son
Bernie*
Several days later, Bernie received a response email from his Mom which read:
*Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Elaine, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mother*

As airplanes about to c**......

As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy

who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

2 parrots

A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!

Why does an elephant have four feet?

Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.

What's the technical term for a female to male s**... change?

A strapadictome

What do you call an illegitimate female cow?

Miss Steak

My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]

A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.

I've got a friend who's a female private investigator.

Or gynecologist, as she likes to be called.

Two kids are watching 2 dogs making love.

The female kid asks:
> How do the dogs know when they want to have s**...?
> The boy: I don't know... Maybe they smell it.
They sit and watch them a little more. And after a while the female kid asks:
>Do you have a runny nose?

Why are females so moody when they're on their period?

It's an o**... action.

The NFL has hired their first female referee.

She will throw the flag for penalties the team committed 5 years ago.

How do you tell male flies from female flies?

After dinner a wife comes into the kitchen and sees her husband sitting at the dinner table with a fly swatter and asks what he is doing.
Husband: I'm killing flies. I already got two male flies and three females.
Wife: How do you know whether they are male or female.
Husband: Well, I got two on my beer and three on my wallet.

Blow-up dolls

I went to my local s**... shop last night to get a new blow-up doll. As I was looking at them the clerk came up to me and asked if I needed help? 
I said yes and he asked if I wanted a male or female? 
I said a female and he asked blonde or brunette? 
I said blonde. Then he asked Muslim or Christian?
I asked what's the difference? 
He said the Muslim blows itself up.

A female nudist calls for a taxi

The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.
At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a n**... girl before?
Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..

What is College Feminism?

What is college feminism?
10.000 women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren't enough female engineers

A man gets pulled over by a female cop.

He asks "what seems to be the problem, officer?", and the cop responds, "oh, nothing."

Today I was offered s**... by an 18 year old female...

Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the s**... I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents

No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic.

We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.

Monkey Business

A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the r**... janitor of the zoo if he'll have s**... with the gorilla for $500.
The r**... says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The r**... says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."

My p**... hair trimming business will limit itself to female customers for the first few months.

I'm new to this, so I don't want to go nuts right away.

Female m**...

My woman told me that she would never play with her self when she was on her period. .
But I caught her red handed !!

Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president.

I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email

At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared

A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'

If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....

....Like the words President Bush.

If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine.

But if she shoots up a lot of h**..., she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.

What's the difference between a knife, and an argument with a female?

A knife has a point...

Why are hurricanes named with female names?

Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.

I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president

Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted

A Guy Walks Into A s**... Shop....

He asks for a blow up doll.
And the owner asks male or female?
He says male please.
The owner then asks white or black?
He says white please.
The owner finally asks American or Muslim?
The guy asks what's the difference??
The owner replies, the Muslim blows itself up.

Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..

Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: or a female partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Did you just...

A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...

She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."

How do you confuse a feminist

Tell her you won't let her make a sandwich for you because she is female

A plane is about to c**...

A female passenger gets up and frantically announces, "if I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "here iron this."

I was told by a female friend that I was being sexist and should look at things from a woman's perspective more often

But I can't see very much from my kitchen window

Did you hear about the RPG fan who keeps making female characters and re-doing their stats?

He respecs women.

If Wonder Woman is the best female warrior

Would that make her Amazon Prime?

Marvel Comics have announced a new female, Muslim superhero who can fly.

Which is handy, cause she's not allowed to drive.

Female hormones in a beer

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

So I walked into a s**... shop the other day...

Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.

A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.

A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.
The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man replied: " Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

I like metal bands with female lead singers...

Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.

What gender is Google?

Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

What's the difference between a female farmer and h**...'s girlfriend?

One bails her hay and the other heils her bae

Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson

On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.

Help! I can't stop reading fantasy novels with female protagonists...

...I'm a heroine addict.

I'm dating the neighbor.

A young female tells her mother.
- "Mom I'm dating the neighbor"
- "But he could be your father"
- "Mom! Age is nothing but a number"
- "That's not what I meant"

I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their c**....

Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.

I'm currently on a restaurant date with a female boxer.

She's going for the ribs.
I might try a duck.

Husband doing crossword with wife..

Husband : emphatic no, five letters
 
Wife : never
H : p**..., three letters
 
W : gun
H : disgust, three letters
 
W : ugh
H : charity, four letters
 
W : give
H : female sheep, three letters
 
W : ewe
H : Pixar movie, two letters
 
W : Up

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and r**..., she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're home, darling. I'm afraid we have to sleep here tonight, My parents came for a surprise visit."

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing
out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will
cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
How much for a season pass?

The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some w**... with her.

I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.

Female joke, The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some w**... with her.

jokes about female