I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
Because it is cheaper.
Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.
Wife: Never
H: Pistol, 3 letters.
W: Gun
H: Disgust, 3 letters.
W: Ugh
H: Charity, 4 letters.
W: Give
H: Female sheep, 3 letters
W: Ewe
H: Pixar movie, 2 letters
W: Up
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
"NOTHING"
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
Husband : emphatic no, five letters
Wife : never
H : pistol, three letters
W : gun
H : disgust, three letters
W : ugh
H : charity, four letters
W : give
H : female sheep, three letters
W : ewe
H : Pixar movie, two letters
W : Up
Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty and quiet female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat, sweaty, old slob who looks like a sexual deviant!
The captain responds, You must be new here. This is Air Force One.
Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: or a female partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Did you just...
After all he is a Fe-Male.
If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.
The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions
Then I wait for the next bus
We are from the south so things are going good.
Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.
He asks "what seems to be the problem, officer?", and the cop responds, "oh, nothing."
....Like the words President Bush.
Tell her you won't let her make a sandwich for you because she is female
Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the sex I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents
We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.ο»Ώ
Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.
Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.
Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted
One bails her hay and the other heils her bae
It's an ovary action.
The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.
At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a naked girl before?
Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..
On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
...I'm a heroine addict.
I will downvote myself on the way out....
She will throw the flag for penalties the team committed 5 years ago.
I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Male, female, and 50 shades of gay
...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
What is college feminism?
10.000 women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren't enough female engineers
Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
A guy walks into a bar and is greeted by a female bartender. On the wall he sees a menu that reads:
- Cheese sandwich 1.50
- Hamburger 2.50
- Handjobs 10.00
Quickly, the man checks his wallet to see how much money he has.
He asks the bartender: "Are you the one who gives the handjobs around here?"
With a wink and a sexy smile she replies in a sultry voice "Why yes, I am."
The man says "Well, go and wash your hands because I'm ready for a cheese sandwich!"
Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.
Apparently there's a vas deferens
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical sex.'
A male student's composition:
'I love sex.'
But I can't see very much from my kitchen window
When they finish the man asks "Geee Miss, how much do I owe ya?"
The prostitute replies "For you, hon? Only 20 dollars."
The southern man replies, "Well golly, miss. I thought the rate was 50 dollars."
The prostitute looks at the man, smiles and says...
"Not for you, baby... Family Discount."
He respecs women.
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
My woman told me that she would never play with her self when she was on her period. .
But I caught her red handed !!
They should be going to Target. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.
Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the redneck janitor of the zoo if he'll have sex with the gorilla for $500.
The redneck says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The redneck says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
Go into town and blow a couple hundred bucks.
A strapadictome
FeMale
One has boooooobs.
The other gets full pay at their jobs.
The female kid asks:
> How do the dogs know when they want to have sex?
> The boy: I don't know... Maybe they smell it.
They sit and watch them a little more. And after a while the female kid asks:
>Do you have a runny nose?
A young female tells her mother.
- "Mom I'm dating the neighbor"
- "But he could be your father"
- "Mom! Age is nothing but a number"
- "That's not what I meant"
I'm new to this, so I don't want to go nuts right away.
Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
But if she shoots up a lot of heroin, she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.
To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're home, darling. I'm afraid we have to sleep here tonight, My parents came for a surprise visit."
It's hard to put makeup on two faces.
Is a Fe-male.
Which is handy, cause she's not allowed to drive.
Or gynecologist, as she likes to be called.
She's going for the ribs.
I might try a duck.
A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.
The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man replied: " Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
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