Female Jokes
164 female jokes and hilarious female puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about female that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy this collection of hilarious jokes about strong and empowered women! From a female bartender to a female pirate, have a laugh at the unique roles that women can take on. Discover why women are just as funny and witty as men with these jokes about feminine comedy, colonoscopies, engineering, piloting, refereeing, and more!
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Funniest Female Short Jokes
Short female jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The female humour may include short gender jokes also.
- I got pulled over by a female cop... When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
"NOTHING" - How to determine the gender of your cat ? pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
- As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games. Not because I'm sexist, I just don't think it's right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at game.
- is google male or female? female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions
- When I professed my love to a female friend she told me she loved me like a brother... We are from the south so things are going good.
- Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
- A man gets pulled over by a female cop. He asks "what seems to be the problem, officer?", and the cop responds, "oh, nothing."
- If hillary clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush.
- No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first canadian president, or the last president.
- Last night I woke up, startled, to a female's voice coming from my desktop. Hello, it said, It's me. Upon further inspection,
I realized it was just
a Dell.
Share These Female Jokes With Friends
Female One Liners
Which female one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with female? I can suggest the ones about men women and girl power.
- When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body Then I was born
- What do you call a cockpit when the pilots are female? The box office.
- What do you call a female turtle? A clitortoise.
- Iron Man is technically a FEmale. I will downvote myself on the way out....
- all ants are female because if they were male, they would be called uncles
- Did you know 10% of female deer like Mario? It's one in ten doe
- Newton's third law of Emotion. For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
- What do female reindeer do for fun? Go into town and blow a couple hundred bucks.
- How does a male farmer win the heart of a female farmer? Attract her.
- Most people don't realize that Iron Man.. Is a Fe-male.
- If Wonder Woman is the best female warrior Would that make her Amazon Prime?
- What do you call Iron Man's transgender cousin? Fe-male
- Beer has female hormones Whenever I am drinking I talk too much and can't drive a car.
- What do you call an illegitimate female cow? Miss Steak
- Why are artificial intelligences in movies always female? Because they're never wrong
Male And Female Jokes
Here is a list of funny male and female jokes and even better male and female puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL that Saudi Arabia has over 130 males for every 100 females in the country It must be awesome to be a woman in Saudi Arabia!
- Why are genies always male? Well, there are female genies, but the men who find their lamp never know how to rub it just right.
- A male snake charmer married a female undertaker.. Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
- How do you tell the difference between Male and Female ghosts? One has boooooobs.
The other gets full pay at their jobs. - Wound you be rich if you had 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? Of course you would, you'd have 100 sows and bucks
- What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? A hundred sows and bucks.
- How many moths does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, a male and a female
- -Mom, is God black or white? \-Both, mother answers
\-Is he male of female?
\-Both
\-Mom, is Michael Jackson God? - How do you tell the difference between a male and female chromosome? You pull down it's genes!
- Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don't understand why? Wife: I'm pretty sure it's to stop the male from snoring before it starts
Male Female Jokes
Here is a list of funny male female jokes and even better male female puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How can you tell female ants from male ants? They're all females, otherwise they'd be called uncles
- How big of a difference is there between the male and female reproductive system? There's a vas deferens.
- What's the difference between a male paragraph and a female paragraph? The male one has no periods.
- Captain Marvel wasn't the first standalone female superhero... Iron man was, because he's Fe-Male
- I asked a German doctor about the anatomical differences between males and females... I don't think he knows, cause he answered "Vas deferens?".
- Grindr I was riding in an Uber with a gay male friend when his Grindr tone went off and our female driver said, hey, I know that game tone…my husband plays it all the time.
- Why did Iron Man become a trans woman? Because she realized she was Fe-male!
- What do you name the male and female twin monkeys? Abe and Anna
- How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome? You pull down its genes.
- When it comes to distinguishing male genitalia from female genitalia... There's a Vas Deferens.
Female Doctor Jokes
Here is a list of funny female doctor jokes and even better female doctor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Sex every day Says the patient to her female doctor:
"Doctor, my husband wants to have sex every day, what is the best thing to give him?"
Doctor: "My number..." - The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs... ...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
- Doctor: Sir.... Patient: It's MA'AM. I identify as a female
Doctor: Okay Ma'am. You have testicular cancer. - Have you heard about the new female doctor who can cure illness with all natural, homeopathic remedies? Look her up! She just goes by the name, "Miss Information"
- I guess, with the new Doctor being female... It really has become a period drama.
Disclaimer: I'm hyped for the new season :D
Female Hormones Jokes
Here is a list of funny female hormones jokes and even better female hormones puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad's joke. 'Did you know there were Female hormones in beer?'
Because, if you start drinking too much.
You don't have the ability to drive, and you get fat. - I think there are female hormones in beer Because, if you start drinking to much you start to get fat and you lose the ability to drive.
- I'm certain there are female hormones in beer. When I drink too much, I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.
- An Olympic curler was just caught doping. He was taking female hormone injections
- Alcohol contains female hormones... If you drink some, they make you forget how to drive.
Female Bartender Jokes
Here is a list of funny female bartender jokes and even better female bartender puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A dumb billionaire walks into a bar and orders a pint. The female bartender notices how attractive he is and slips him her number on a tissue. " Preposterous! I could get laid for this much!"
Ridiculous Female Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about female you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean woman driver jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make female pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some w**... with her
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today in s**... ed our teacher asked what's the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.
Apparently there's a vas deferens
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist...
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent e**.... It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.
What do you call when a female physicist decides to try dating women for a change?
The double slit experiment.
Lover's Lane
A cop comes upon a car parked late one night on Lover's Lane. Upon further investigation he finds a male subject reading a book in the front seat and a female subject filing her nails in the back seat.
The cop asks the guy, "What are you doing up here?"
"I'm reading a book sir."
"Uh-huh. And what's she doing?" the cop inquires, motioning toward the back seat.
"Well clearly, sir, she is filing her nails."
With a puzzled look on his face, the cop says, "In the 13 years I've been a cop I've never seen anything like this on Lover's Lane. How old are you son?"
"I'm 20."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Well in about 15 minutes she'll be 18."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A whale tale
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a man walks in to a CVS..
and he goes to the female cashier and asks how he can know what size c**... he should wear. She tells him to step behind the counter, she unzips his pants, gives him a few tugs and says "Medium". He buys his condoms and tells his buddy "Hey, there's this girl at the CVS who can guess your c**... size just by looking!". His buddy, being a 'skeptic' goes and checks it out. She follows the same routine and says "large". He calls his friend when he gets home and is ecstatic. His 14 year old brother overheard the conversation and decided to 'try it out' for himself. So he goes to the CVS and asks the cashier what size c**... he is, she asks him behind the counter, gives him a few tugs and says "Clean up on register 5!".
**tl;dr - h**....**
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
The guy behind the counter says, Male or female ?
The customer says, Female.
The counter guy asks, Black or white?
The customer says, White.
The counter guy asks, Christian or Muslim?
The customer says, What does religion have to do with it?
The counter guy says, The Muslim one blows itself up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whales
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large h**... on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed h**... herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...
As she swam off she said..."I'll h**..., I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T s**... s**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Czech and a Mexican
A Czechoslovakian and a Mexican go camping, while they were in the woods the Czech gets eaten by a bear. So the Mexican runs to find the park ranger and says "park ranger a bear ate my friend"
The park ranger and the Mexican find two bears, a male and a female. The park ranger asked the Mexican which ate his friend he points to the male and the ranger kills him and guts him there are no remains of the Czech man in the bear. Moral of the story never trust a Mexican when he says the Check is in the male
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't b**... Your Mother
Mrs. Rabin comes to visit her son Bernie for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Elaine. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Bernie's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Bernie and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bernie volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Elaine and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Elaine came to Bernie saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
*Dear Mom
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house ; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Your Loving Son
Bernie*
Several days later, Bernie received a response email from his Mom which read:
*Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Elaine, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mother*
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy
who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
2 parrots
A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!
Why does an elephant have four feet?
Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the technical term for a female to male s**... change?
A strapadictome
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Late Night Phone Call To The Vet
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog
while the neighbors were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds,
rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage,
as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet,
who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**...
and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked on me," he replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor had s**......
A doctor had s**... with one of his female patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have s**... with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."
But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering...
"You're a veterinarian, you sick s**... fiend."
A bear is chasing a mouse through the woods..
When suddenly a genie appears. The mouse and bear stop dead in their tracks, perplexed at the genie's appearance. The genie offers to give both the bear and mouse three wishes. The bear, not hesitating, goes first; "I wish all the bears in these woods were female." The genie laughs and moves onto the mouse. "I wish for a motorcycle." The genie nods and moves back to the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world were female." The genie laughs again. The mouse asks for a motorcycle helmet. The genie gives it to the mouse and looks at the bear one last time. "I wish all the female bears wanted me." The genie goes, "My man!" and looks to the mouse for his final wish. The mouse gets on his motorcycle, starts it up, puts his helmet on and says, "I wish the bear was gay." and the mouse zooms off.
Raisin Bread
A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know that beer contains female hormones?
It's true. You drink too much you get fat, get emotional, talk too much, cry, and you can't drive a car.
All apologies to the fairer s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A biker walks into a bar
and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
I've got a friend who's a female private investigator.
Or gynecologist, as she likes to be called.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of whales.
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two kids are watching 2 dogs making love.
The female kid asks:
> How do the dogs know when they want to have s**...?
> The boy: I don't know... Maybe they smell it.
They sit and watch them a little more. And after a while the female kid asks:
>Do you have a runny nose?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are females so moody when they're on their period?
It's an o**... action.
The NFL has hired their first female referee.
She will throw the flag for penalties the team committed 5 years ago.
How do you tell male flies from female flies?
After dinner a wife comes into the kitchen and sees her husband sitting at the dinner table with a fly swatter and asks what he is doing.
Husband: I'm killing flies. I already got two male flies and three females.
Wife: How do you know whether they are male or female.
Husband: Well, I got two on my beer and three on my wallet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A female nudist calls for a taxi
The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.
At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a n**... girl before?
Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..
What is College Feminism?
What is college feminism?
10.000 women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren't enough female engineers
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from s**....
The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in i**..., but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have s**....
Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have s**... with this gorilla?"
The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."
"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"
The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."
"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"
Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this doctor walks into a bar and he orders a beer...
**Feminist:** Why isn't the doctor a woman? Does it have to be a man? You know women can be doctors too!
**Me:** Okay, this FEMALE doctor orders a beer-
**Feminist:** Why is she drinking a beer in a bar? She's obviously an intelligent woman for being a doctor, why would she subject herself to such a male environment?
**Me:** Okay, she's not in a bar, she's um, at a… baseball game, and she orders a beer from one of the stands-
**Feminist:** Why would a strong independent intelligent woman doctor be supporting a male dominated sport?!!!!!! That's so oppressive! The men will look at her so demeaningly with no respect for what she has achieved!
**Me:** … Okay fine, I just won't tell the joke then.
**Feminist:** If you seriously can't tell a joke without being sexist then you're not actually funny at all. I bet the original male doctor was White too, you racist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Monkey Business
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the r**... janitor of the zoo if he'll have s**... with the gorilla for $500.
The r**... says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The r**... says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Female m**...
My woman told me that she would never play with her self when she was on her period. .
But I caught her red handed !!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'
A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum.
He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off.
Headline in the local newspaper next day read,
"Nut Screws Washer and Bolts .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine.
But if she shoots up a lot of h**..., she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.
Why are hurricanes named with female names?
Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.
Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..
Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: or a female partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Did you just...
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you confuse a feminist
Tell her you won't let her make a sandwich for you because she is female
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a female Chinese newborn?
A youth-in-Asia
^(Yes. I'm 100% aware I'm the worst person in history)
I was told by a female friend that I was being sexist and should look at things from a woman's perspective more often
But I can't see very much from my kitchen window
Did you hear about the RPG fan who keeps making female characters and re-doing their stats?
He respecs women.
Marvel Comics have announced a new female, Muslim superhero who can fly.
Which is handy, cause she's not allowed to drive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Female hormones in a beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I walked into a s**... shop the other day...
Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A reporter goes to the Middle East for an interview.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like metal bands with female lead singers...
Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 teenage friends were outside when they saw a female streaker walking down the street.
One of them ran away as soon as he saw her, but the other one stayed and watched for a while.
They saw each other at school the next day, and the one who stayed asked his friend why he ran away. His friend said "My mom said that if I ever look at a n**... girl too long I'll turn to stone. And I already felt something getting hard."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a female farmer and h**...'s girlfriend?
One bails her hay and the other heils her bae
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson
On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.
Help! I can't stop reading fantasy novels with female protagonists...
...I'm a heroine addict.
I'm dating the neighbor.
A young female tells her mother.
- "Mom I'm dating the neighbor"
- "But he could be your father"
- "Mom! Age is nothing but a number"
- "That's not what I meant"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their c**....
Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Shouldn't Iron man be a woman?
After all he is a Fe-Male.
What do you call a group of transgender female superheroes?
The Ex-Men
I'm currently on a restaurant date with a female boxer.
She's going for the ribs.
I might try a duck.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I now understand the 52 genders
Male, female, and 50 shades of gay
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing
out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will
cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
How much for a season pass?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do guys go to bars to meet women?
Go to target instead. The female to male ratio is 10-1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.
