Ridiculous Female Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some w**... with her
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because it is cheaper.
Husband doing crossword with his wife
Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.
Wife: Never
H: p**..., 3 letters.
W: Gun
H: Disgust, 3 letters.
W: Ugh
H: Charity, 4 letters.
W: Give
H: Female sheep, 3 letters
W: Ewe
H: Pixar movie, 2 letters
W: Up
My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
I got pulled over by a female cop...
When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
"NOTHING"
Today in s**... ed our teacher asked what's the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.
Apparently there's a vas deferens
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
The guy behind the counter says, Male or female ?
The customer says, Female.
The counter guy asks, Black or white?
The customer says, White.
The counter guy asks, Christian or Muslim?
The customer says, What does religion have to do with it?
The counter guy says, The Muslim one blows itself up.
As airplanes about to c**......
As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy
who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
Why does an elephant have four feet?
Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.
My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
You can explore female sexed reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean female female secretary dad jokes. There are also female puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why are females so moody when they're on their period?
It's an o**... action.
The NFL has hired their first female referee.
She will throw the flag for penalties the team committed 5 years ago.
A female nudist calls for a taxi
The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.
At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a n**... girl before?
Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..
What is College Feminism?
What is college feminism?
10.000 women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren't enough female engineers
A man gets pulled over by a female cop.
He asks "what seems to be the problem, officer?", and the cop responds, "oh, nothing."
Iron Man is technically a FEmale.
I will downvote myself on the way out....
Today I was offered s**... by an 18 year old female...
Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the s**... I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents
No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic.
We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.ο»Ώ
A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
Female m**...
My woman told me that she would never play with her self when she was on her period. .
But I caught her red handed !!
Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president.
I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email
Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office.
Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'
If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....
....Like the words President Bush.
Why are hurricanes named with female names?
Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.
I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president
Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted
Newton's third law of Emotion.
For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..
Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: or a female partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Did you just...
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs...
...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
How do you confuse a feminist
Tell her you won't let her make a sandwich for you because she is female
I was told by a female friend that I was being sexist and should look at things from a woman's perspective more often
But I can't see very much from my kitchen window
Did you hear about the RPG fan who keeps making female characters and re-doing their stats?
He respecs women.
There's a way of telling if an orange is male or femaleβ¦
If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.
Female hormones in a beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
So I walked into a s**... shop the other day...
Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.
I like metal bands with female lead singers...
Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.
Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society...
Then I wait for the next bus
Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?
As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
What's the difference between a female farmer and h**...'s girlfriend?
One bails her hay and the other heils her bae
Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson
On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.
Help! I can't stop reading fantasy novels with female protagonists...
...I'm a heroine addict.
is google male or female?
female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions
I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their c**....
Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.
Shouldn't Iron man be a woman?
After all he is a Fe-Male.
If Hillary Clinton won she would've been the first F president.
I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.
Husband doing crossword with wife..
Husband : emphatic no, five letters
Β
Wife : never
H : p**..., three letters
Β
W : gun
H : disgust, three letters
Β
W : ugh
H : charity, four letters
Β
W : give
H : female sheep, three letters
Β
W : ewe
H : Pixar movie, two letters
Β
W : Up
When I professed my love to a female friend she told me she loved me like a brother...
We are from the south so things are going good.
I now understand the 52 genders
Male, female, and 50 shades of gay
The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some w**... with her.
I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
A male snake charmer married a female undertaker..
Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
A husband is doing crosswords with his wife.
**Husband:** Emphatic no; five letters.
**Wife:** Never.
**H:** p**...; three letters.
**W:** Gun.
**H:** Disgust; three letters.
**W:** Ugh.
**H:** Charity; four letters.
**W:** Give.
**H:** Female sheep; three letters.
**W:** Ewe.
**H:** Pixar movie; two letters.
**W:** Up.
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a copβ¦
How do you p**... off a female archaeologist?
Give her a used t**... and ask her what period it came from.
Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....
The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?
As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games.
Not because I'm sexist, I just don't think it's right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at games.
So I was doing crossword with my girlfriend,
Me: Emphatic no, five letters.
She: **Never**
Me: p**..., 3 letters.
She: **Gun**
Me: Disgust, 3 letters.
She: **Ugh**
Me: Charity, 4 letters.
She: **Give**
Me: Female sheep, 3 letters
She: **Ewe**
Me: Pixar movie, 2 letters
She: **Up**
β
How to determine the gender of your cat ?
pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
I have a male to female trans friend who just finished her gender reassignment surgery.
I asked how she felt afterwards and she said...
"I feel hole inside!"
(This joke is not meant to be transphobic, it exists purely for the pun. Trans rights!)
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
He says, "The female dormitory would be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory would be prohibited for the female students."
Continuing further, he says, "Anyone caught breaking this rule would be fined $50 the first time."
"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $100."
"Being caught the third time, would incur a hefty fine of $200."
"Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans
I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.
Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.
Me: Pinocchio?
Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"
Did you know 10% of female deer like Mario?
It's one in ten doe
The wage gap isn't real.
Men simply focus on getting the higher paying jobs like scientist, doctor, engineer. Meanwhile, women tend to go towards the lower paying jobs, like female scientist, female doctor and female engineer.
Why are genies always male?
Well, there are female genies, but the men who find their lamps never know how to rub it just right.
I was auditioning for a play today, and the director yelled at me. He said my acting reminded him of a female reproductive o**...! Needless to say I stormed offβ¦
But after I thought about it, I went back. I had to apologize for o**... acting.
A man tells his friend that he has a dog in a suitcase who can play the piano.
The friend says ok let's see it . The man opens the suitcase and sure enough a small dog with a small piano comes out and plays the piano with great skill. As he plays a crowd gathers around to watch. After some time a female dog comes out from the crowd, picks him up by the scruff and carries him off. The friend asks what's going on is that part of his routine? The man says No that's his mother, she wants him to be a doctor.
(Translated from Hindi and relayed by my father in law)
What do you call a cockpit when the pilots are female?
The box office.
How to determine s**... of aquarium fish?
Easy. Give it some food. If he eats it, then it's a male, if she eats it, then it's a female.
What did the female reindeers do when their boyfriends were off of Santa delivering presents on Christmas Eve?
They went to the nearest pub and blew a few bucks.
Grindr
I was riding in an Uber with a gay male friend when his Grindr tone went off and our female driver said, hey, I know that game toneβ¦my husband plays it all the time.
What do you call a female turtle?
A clitortoise.
Koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.
The group is always led by a leader fish , called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.
Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.
Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from threats, and asserts dominance over other groups of koi.
And if the fish are attacked, the other three swim away, and the predator always goes for the D koi.
The Missouri state legislature is considering a ban on female legislators' clothing that leaves their arms exposed
I never thought I'd see a Republican state trying to overturn the right to bare arms
(Yes, this is actually happening)
What is the term for a female peacock?
A peacunt.
Female Cowboys fans
Why is it considered safe to date a girl who's a Dallas Cowboys fan?
Because she will never expect a ring!
What do you get when you cross a female horse with a medieval warrior?
A Knightmare
