The Best 77 Female Jokes
Following is our collection of Female jokes which are very funny. There are some female addadicktome jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these female female hormones puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because it is cheaper.
Husband doing crossword with his wife
Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.
Wife: Never
H: Pistol, 3 letters.
W: Gun
H: Disgust, 3 letters.
W: Ugh
H: Charity, 4 letters.
W: Give
H: Female sheep, 3 letters
W: Ewe
H: Pixar movie, 2 letters
W: Up
My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
I got pulled over by a female cop...
When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
"NOTHING"
Today in sex ed our teacher asked what's the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.
Apparently there's a vas deferens
Don't Bullshit Your Mother
Mrs. Rabin comes to visit her son Bernie for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Elaine. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Bernie's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Bernie and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bernie volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Elaine and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Elaine came to Bernie saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
*Dear Mom
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house ; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Your Loving Son
Bernie*
Several days later, Bernie received a response email from his Mom which read:
*Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Elaine, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mother*
As airplanes about to crash...
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Why does an elephant have four feet?
Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.
What's the technical term for a female to male sex change?
A strapadictome
My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
Top Female Puns and Funny Jokes
You can explore female sexed reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean female female secretary dad jokes. There are also female puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Two kids are watching 2 dogs making love.
The female kid asks:
> How do the dogs know when they want to have sex?
> The boy: I don't know... Maybe they smell it.
They sit and watch them a little more. And after a while the female kid asks:
>Do you have a runny nose?
Why are females so moody when they're on their period?
It's an ovary action.
The NFL has hired their first female referee.
She will throw the flag for penalties the team committed 5 years ago.
A female nudist calls for a taxi
The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.
At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a naked girl before?
Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..
What is College Feminism?
What is college feminism?
10.000 women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren't enough female engineers
A man gets pulled over by a female cop.
He asks "what seems to be the problem, officer?", and the cop responds, "oh, nothing."
Iron Man is technically a FEmale.
I will downvote myself on the way out....
Today I was offered sex by an 18 year old female...
Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the sex I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents
No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic.
We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.ο»Ώ
Monkey Business
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the redneck janitor of the zoo if he'll have sex with the gorilla for $500.
The redneck says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The redneck says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
My pubic hair trimming business will limit itself to female customers for the first few months.
I'm new to this, so I don't want to go nuts right away.
A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
Female Masturbation
My woman told me that she would never play with her self when she was on her period. .
But I caught her red handed !!
Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president.
I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email
Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office.
Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "sex" both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical sex.'
A male student's composition:
'I love sex.'
If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....
....Like the words President Bush.
If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine.
But if she shoots up a lot of heroin, she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.
Why are hurricanes named with female names?
Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.
I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president
Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted
How do you tell the difference between Male and Female ghosts?
One has boooooobs.
The other gets full pay at their jobs.
Newton's third law of Emotion.
For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..
Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: or a female partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Did you just...
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs...
...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
How do you confuse a feminist
Tell her you won't let her make a sandwich for you because she is female
I was told by a female friend that I was being sexist and should look at things from a woman's perspective more often
But I can't see very much from my kitchen window
Did you hear about the RPG fan who keeps making female characters and re-doing their stats?
He respecs women.
There's a way of telling if an orange is male or femaleβ¦
If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.
Female hormones in a beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
So I walked into a sex shop the other day...
Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.
[NSFW] A female prostitute gives a southern man the time of his life...
When they finish the man asks "Geee Miss, how much do I owe ya?"
The prostitute replies "For you, hon? Only 20 dollars."
The southern man replies, "Well golly, miss. I thought the rate was 50 dollars."
The prostitute looks at the man, smiles and says...
"Not for you, baby... Family Discount."
I don't know why men go to bars to meet women...
They should be going to Target. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.
I like metal bands with female lead singers...
Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.
What gender is Google?
Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
What's Iron Man's gender?
FeMale
Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society...
Then I wait for the next bus
Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
What's the difference between a female farmer and Hitler's girlfriend?
One bails her hay and the other heils her bae
Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson
On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.
Help! I can't stop reading fantasy novels with female protagonists...
...I'm a heroine addict.
is google male or female?
female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions
What do female reindeer do for fun?
Go into town and blow a couple hundred bucks.
I'm dating the neighbor.
A young female tells her mother.
- "Mom I'm dating the neighbor"
- "But he could be your father"
- "Mom! Age is nothing but a number"
- "That's not what I meant"
I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their crotch.
Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.
Shouldn't Iron man be a woman?
After all he is a Fe-Male.
If Hillary Clinton won she would've been the first F president.
I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.
Husband doing crossword with wife..
Husband : emphatic no, five letters
Wife : never
H : pistol, three letters
W : gun
H : disgust, three letters
W : ugh
H : charity, four letters
W : give
H : female sheep, three letters
W : ewe
H : Pixar movie, two letters
W : Up
When I professed my love to a female friend she told me she loved me like a brother...
We are from the south so things are going good.
A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.
To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're home, darling. I'm afraid we have to sleep here tonight, My parents came for a surprise visit."
I now understand the 52 genders
Male, female, and 50 shades of gay
How does a male farmer win the heart of a female farmer?
Attract her.
The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some weed with her.
I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very sleazy, very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
A male snake charmer married a female undertaker..
Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
A husband is doing crosswords with his wife.
**Husband:** Emphatic no; five letters.
**Wife:** Never.
**H:** Pistol; three letters.
**W:** Gun.
**H:** Disgust; three letters.
**W:** Ugh.
**H:** Charity; four letters.
**W:** Give.
**H:** Female sheep; three letters.
**W:** Ewe.
**H:** Pixar movie; two letters.
**W:** Up.
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a copβ¦
How do you piss off a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from.
What do you call a crazy female astronaut?
A lunachick.
What do female reindeers do for fun?
Go into town to blow a couple of bucks
How does Santa choose which female reindeer to breed with his prized stud?
By choosing the one that's the best bang for the buck.
Do you know about the female cow that always messed up?
Her name was miss steak
This guy out there asking the real questions
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
What did the male beaver say to the female beaver when she said she wanted him to build something nice for her?
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dam.
I got a female dog, so I named her "Life"
Because Life's a bitch
a woman walks into a bar and takes a seat across from the female bartender
"I'll take a shot of anything, I'm celebrating taking the Bechdel test."
The bartender pours her a whiskey and says, "think you'll pass?"
"I just did!" she says as she downs the shot.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the female gender jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working female genitalia piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.