Fell Jokes

What are some Fell jokes?

Prison may be just one word

But to others, it's a whole sentence


i went to the liquor store on my bike.

i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home

apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry

My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike.

I rode on, ruthlessly.

I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he's had.

He started counting and fell asleep.

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.

Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home

The lifeguard yelled at me for peeing in the pool.

I was so startled, I almost fell in.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting but fell asleep.

My mom dropped this one on me

Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"

I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.

Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."

Got caught peeing in the pool

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None. "He fell".

I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...

...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today..

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.

Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex right there and then.

God, I love my new Taser...

My 7 Year Old Cousin just told me this

yo mamas so fat when she fell down no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up

My phone fell from the 20th floor,

good thing it was in airplane mode.

Two sisters

There were once two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge. One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because just after you were born, a petal fell on you."

"Bllaaarrarararraraaarg", says Fridge from the corner.

Does it hurt anymore?

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"

I asked my Welsh friend how many times he'd had sex...

He started counting then fell asleep.

Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell

no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

I had a gay friend in high school...

...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.

How did Mace die?

He fell out the Windu.

My dad is German and dropped this one on me the other day.

Dad: I never told you this but, my great grandfather died in the holocaust.

Me: Oh, man thats terrible.

Dad: Yeah, he got really drunk one night and fell off of the guard tower.

A man died today when a pile of books fell on him.!!!

He only had his shelf to blame.,,,,

A goat, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff..

Baa- dum- ssss

A colleague of mine fell into a vat of chemicals.

Ironically, his quick reaction killed him.

Kid1: Hey Dad why am I called lily?

Dad: Because a lily petal fell on your head when you were a baby.

Kid2: Hey Dad why am I called rose?

Dad: Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were a baby.

Kid3: herdurrrrahduhrgh#%*?

Dad: Shut up Cinderblock

I just fell victim to a dad joke

Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.

Me: I don't know?

Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

Me: What about the glue?

Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.

I once got yelled at for peeing in a pool

Scared me so much I almost fell in.

My 5 y/o cousins joke :)

Him:Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Him: To get to the stupid persons house.
Me: *voluntary laugh as older cousin*
Him: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Him: It's the chicken!

I fell right into the little tackers trap!

Joke of the day about blondes.

Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D

I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day

I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.

Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..

My manly password

My wife and I were trying to set up a new password for our computer.

Trying to be clever, I put "Mypenis" and my wife fell to the ground laughing hysterically because on the screen it said:

**"Error. Not long enough."**

Two Irish men came down to give Mrs. O'Mally some bad news.

"We have some terrible news about your beloved husband, he fell into a vat of beer and drowned."
"Oh my poor Patrick" she moaned "At least he died a sudden death and didn't suffer."
"Well I don't know about that Mrs. O'Mally, he got out three times to go pee."

I met a beautiful girl down at the park today

Sparks flew, she fell at my feet, and we wound up having sex right then and there!

Gosh I love my new taser

I once asked a New Zealander how many girlfriends he's had.

But he fell asleep while counting.

How many cops does it take to throw a black guy down the stairs?

None. He fell.

I slipped and fell on black ice.

I thought it was regular ice but when i got up my wallet was gone.

Two morons are sitting on a fence. The big one fell off, why didn't the other?

He was a little more on.

I heard the kid who fell into the gorilla pit was actually trying to get the jewelry his mother dropped.

He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back.

*BOOM*

Mom: what was that


Me: my shirt fell


Mom: it sounded a lot heavier than that


Me: I was in it

There was a mother who had three daughters...

...one day the first daughter walks up and asks,

"Mommy, why am I named Rose?"

"Well, when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head."

She walks away. Then the second walks up and says,

"Mommy, why am I named Daisy?"

"Well, when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head."

She walks away. Then third walks up and says,

"DURRUGFLARGLERDAAARGGGH!!!"

"It's ok Cinderblock. I still love you."

There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick

Rain asked his mom, Why is my name 'Rain'?
Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.
Then Snow asked his mom, Why is my name 'Snow'?
Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.
Then Brick asked his mom, NYANYANYANYA

Stalin and Roosevelt were arguing over whose bodyguards were more loyal...

...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.

"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.

Stalin lit his pipe and replied:

"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."

So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...

so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

I knew a guy who fell into an industrial meat grinder

He's fine now.

[NSFW] I was eating my girlfriend out when

she fell onto the floor.

She popped right back up on the bed and yelled, "FIVE SECOND RULE!"

How many cops does it take to push a minority down the stairs?

None, "He fell"

I was having a quick wee in the deep end of the swimming pool when the lifeguard blew his whistle.

It was so loud I nearly fell in.

I went to the liquor store on my bike the other day to get some vodka

But I was afraid that I would fall of my bike on my way home and break the bottle, so I drank the entire bottle before I went home. Which ended up being a good thing since I fell of my bike 7 times on my way home

I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up.

Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.

A bald guy slipped in the shower

Fell on his head and slipped again.

3 little girls walk up to their father

The first little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
and the dad says, "because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head, so we decided to call you rose."
The second little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"
and the dad says, "because when you were born, a lily petal fell on your head, so we decided to call you Lily."
The third little girl says, "hurdddurflbbbbb dur."
and the dad says, "shut up Cinderblock."

It was my first day at a new school.

When I arrived, I wanted to make sure nobody would pick on me so I walked up to the captain of the football team and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. From that day forward, everyone knew not to mess with the new principal.

There were two sisters

There were two sisters named Petal and Fridge.

One day Petal was curious and asked her father, "Why was I named Petal?"

His response was, "Well, when you were a baby a flower petal fell on you."

Then Fridge says, "BLARGHHHALHGLAHG".

My hamster died...

He fell asleep at the wheel.

"Mom, before I was born did you want a boy or a girl?"

"I wanted to pickup a fork that fell on the kitchen floor..."

Met a girl in the park...

Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.



These taser guns are well worth the money.

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor?

It was just a stage he was going through.

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

"I have only my shelf to blame"

What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet

A woman goes to the doctor...

A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says

"Doctor, I don't fell so well."

And the doctor replied

"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forward they'd still be on the boat. :D

3 girls and thier mother were walking through a park...

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head

This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says...

Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH

Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block

Two red blood cells met and fell in love

but alas, it was in vein.

A mother has 3 kids

A mother has 3 kids.

The first kid goes up to her mom and says,
"Mommy, why I am I named petal?"

The mom responds, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."

The second child goes up to her mom and says, "Why am I named Rose?"

The mom says, "Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head

Finally, the third child comes up and says, "My favorite color is potato."

"SHUT UP BRICK"

What's big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell from a tree it would kill you?

A pool table.

Did you hear about the woodworker who died when he fell into a vat of varnish?

It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish.

A little boy asks his mother; why is my name Feather?

When you where a little baby a feather dropped on your head. The next day her other son walks up to her and asks: 'Mom, Why is my name Leaf?' 'That is because when you where a little baby a leaf fell on your head.' The next morning her last son walks up to his mother and asks: 'aaiaiijhhh jaijahhhuuhhghhhhhh nnggh?' 'Shut up, Fridge.'

Two antenna met on a roof...

fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't much but the reception was *excellent*.

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.

'What's up?' says the driver.

'Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,' says the policeman.

'Thank goodness for that,' says the driver. 'I thought I'd gone deaf.'

My favorite pokemon joke

What did pikachu say when ash fell off a cliff? Pikachu, that's all he can say.

How many mobsters do you need to push a man off a cliff?

None. He slipped and fell by himself.

My Mother in Law fell down a wishing well

I was amazed. I never knew they worked.

A man has three daughters...

One of them goes up to him one day and says, "Daddy, why was I named Rose?" The dad replies, "Because when you were born, a rose petal fell onto your head.

A second daughter asks him, "Daddy, why was I named Daisy?" And the dad replies, "Because when you were born, a daisy petal fell onto your head."

His last daughter says, "Guuuuaaaahuuugghhhhhppoakkk!" And the dad says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

Did you hear about the man who fell into the lens making machine?

He made a spectacle of himself.

Why could no one hear Helen Keller cry for help when she fell off a bridge?

She was wearing mittens

Funeral

Emily died last week after she fell in the lake.

It's a shame she never learned how to swim.

We brought a life preserver to her funeral.

It's what she would have wanted.

Yo mama fell down...

The physicists discovered Gravitational waves today

The rear view mirror fell out of my car a couple of months ago and I have never replaced it.

Haven't looked back since.

My gay friend fell into the ocean

Good thing he's so flambuoyant.

Officer: Sir your wife fell out of your car about a mile back!

Man: Thankyou for telling me officer! I thought I had gone deaf!

I went with my kids for a swim in the public kids pool and apparently adults peeing in a pool is not entirely unnoticeable

The lifeguard yelled so loud at me I almost fell in the water.

I got caught peeing in the pool the other day

The lifeguard yelled at me so loud that I almost fell in.

A cow is talking to her three calves

The first calf asks "Why is my name Daisy?"

The cow replies, "When you were born, a daisy fell onto your head, sweetie."

The second calf asks "Why is my name Rose?"

The cow replies, "When you were born, a rose fell onto your head, dear."

The third calf says "Hargendflarfrebargen"

"Shut it, Cinderblock!"

My mother-in-law fell down our well last week but she is fine

she stopped crying for help 2 days ago

Sean Connery was in his private library.

He was sat down reading a book when a large encyclopaedia fell and hit him on the head. "Ouch!" He said. "What was that? Who is responsible for this?" He then looked down at the book and noticed what it was. "Oh well" he said. "I guess I've only got myshelf to blame".

Why did the black boy fall off his bike?

He didn't. He fell off your bike.

A book just fell on my head..

and I've only got myshelf to blame.

A peeping tom fell out if a tree, where did he end up?

In the ICU

How to make Fell jokes?

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