Feet Wide Jokes
10 feet wide jokes and hilarious feet wide puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about feet wide that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Feet Wide Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good feet wide joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
The English and the Scots.
A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."
A man walked into a copy shop, and requested that they print a book for him with pages 30 feet long and 1 foot wide.
Printer: "Why do you need pages that long?"
Man: "Well, it's a long story."
What do you do if you step on a landmine?
Well standard procedure is to jump 50 feet and spread over a wide area.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you catch a polar bear?
First you dig a hole in the ice, about 8 feet deep and about 6 feet wide.
Second you open a can of peas and place the peas around the perimeter of the ice hole.
Then you hide and wait. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
I was working at the shoe store
When a teenage girl came into the store, looking for new shoes. I saw that she was struggling to fit into some of the traditionally sized shoes, so I showed her special shoes for wide set feet. She began to cry and thought that I was calling her fat. I told her, "I'm not calling you fat, but if the shoe fits, wear it."
A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peacekeeping mission.
During a briefing on landmines, the captain asked for questions.
Our intrepid soldier raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
Behind the counter of a sweet shop stood pretty Cathy, who was six feet tall and 15 inches wide. What did she weigh?
Sweets.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada.
He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...
It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.
The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.
His feet feel refreshed!
The street has gorgeous s**... and embankments, like an alleyway out of Florence in the 1500s, but made out of clay stones.
He sees two gentlemen working on fixing a small crack in the street, the only blemish for blocks.
One of them is pounding down the clay with a wide-head sledgehammer, thwap thwap!
The other is on his knees with a compass and a pick and a broom, adjusting the grade of the street material.
He interrupts them to say, Excuse me gentlemen! I hate to be a bother, but I just want to applaud your hard work on this alleyway. It's rare a city takes such good care with its streets and this one is one of the best.
The man with the sledge stops and says, Well, we appreciate that sir. You know your streets, it seems! Would it surprise you to know that the composition of this street is not adobe? It's mulched with our native nut trees, the cashew nut. That's what gives it its softness. When it rains, the petrichor has a slight sweetness due to the cashew, and the town smells fantastic. I'm just hammering it down before it gets too cold.
Well, I'll be! cried the archaeologist. And what's that fellow up to? pointing to the man on his knees.
Oh him! He's in charge of checking the grade of the clay. If it's too rough, he picks and sweeps it. Backbreaking work. We hire four of them, one for each season. And since autumn just arrived, he's got a few months yet. So you see...
And here the man paused...
So you see...my hammered alley is really 'cashews clay'. And he is the gradist.
The gradist...of fall time.
Timmy and Billy compare Christmas presents...
Two 9 year old boys, Timmy and Billy, met after Christmas. Billy asked, "How was your Christmas, Timmy? Did you get any nice presents?"
Timmy's eyes opened wide. "It was amazing!" he said. "I got an Xbox One with all of the games, PLUS a Playstation, a brand new remote control car, a helicopter, an iPad, an iPhone 6, a drone camera, and all the Transformers toys, and a whole bunch of candy and chocolates, a big cake, and a new bike! I got everything I asked for and more."
"Oh my God!" Billy said. "That's so cool. You're so lucky. I didn't get much. I got a new sweater and some puzzles."
"That's too bad," Timmy said. "How come that's all you got?"
Billy looked at his feet. "Because *I* don't have cancer."
Baby camel talking to daddy camel
"Dad, why have we got these humps?"
"Well, my son, we are the ships of the desert, we fill them up with water and can walk for hundreds of miles across the desert wastes"
"Dad, Why have we got big feet?"
"Well son, we are kings of the desert, but the desert sand are soft and treacherous, and we need wide feet to avoid sinking as we labor across the dunes"
"Dad, why have we got thick coats?"
"Well, my son, it is bitterly cold at night in the deserts, and we need thick coats to protect us from biting wind and fierce sandstorms"
"Dad...?"
"Yes son..?"
"Why do we live in the New York Zoo?"
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