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Feet Tall Jokes

87 feet tall jokes and hilarious feet tall puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about feet tall that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Feet Tall Short Jokes

Short feet tall jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The feet tall humour may include short foot tall jokes also.

  1. Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?" Bartender says "Three feet tall."
    Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"
  2. Boss: You're 4 hours late! What's the matter? Employee: I fell from the 2nd floor this morning.
    Boss: That's 20 feet tall! It shouldn't take you more than 5 seconds!
  3. A man runs into a bar and shouts, Quick! How tall is a penguin?! The bartender says, Depends. Less than 3 feet.
    The man cries out, Oh my God! I just drove over a nun!
  4. What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character? The Adhomineminal snowman
  5. What is 5 feet tall, has 22 legs and feigns death if you approach it up to two meters? The Italy national football team.
  6. Why wife woke me this morning and said I'm half the size of Chris Evans. I think she's confused, because I'm definitely not 3 feet tall.
  7. How tall are you cowboy? I'm six feet and seven inches, ma'am. Let's forget about the six feet and talk about your seven inches.
  8. Disneyland will be opened in Chernobyl. As always, at the entrance, the visitors will be greeted by a 7-feet-tall mouse. But this time, a real one.
  9. My friend claims that his apartment is 100 feet from ceiling to floor. Bit of a tall story if you ask me.
  10. What do you call a 6 feet tall circle that recently got his diploma from college? A Graduated cylinder.

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Feet Tall One Liners

Which feet tall one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with feet tall? I can suggest the ones about huge feet and big feet.

  1. I'm 12 feet taller than my grandparents. I'm 6 feet tall and they're 6 feet under.
  2. What do girls call guys who are less than 6 feet tall? Friends.
  3. Which Goddess is 3.37 feet tall? Demeter
  4. Who is 50 feet tall, has a blue ox and kills co-eds? Ted Bunyan.
  5. Why didn't the necrophile like tall girls He likes them 6 feet under.
  6. Why can't your lawn be 3 feet tall? 'Cause then it'd be a yard.
  7. What do you call a boss that's under 5 feet tall? A micro manager
  8. Why Didn't The Tall Guy Get Into The Graveyard? He wasn't under six feet.
  9. Paul was 6 feet tall, Bob was 5 feet tall, John was 5'5. John was the mean one.
  10. What do girls call men that are shorter than 6 feet tall? Friends
  11. I like my women like I like my pool tables... Fast, loose, and three feet tall.
  12. How tall are u in heels? I dunno, but I could tell you in feet.
  13. Why is Top Thrill Dragster 420 feet tall? Because you get high really fast
  14. How tall does the grass grow in Germany? Nein feet tall.
  15. How do you gain delusions of grandeur? Be over 6 feet tall and never play sports.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about feet tall can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of feet tall puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Feet Tall Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about feet tall you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean large feet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make feet tall prank.

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”
The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation.
They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver’s seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.
A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down!
She loaded her bags into the car and then drove to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter.
He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, about 75, and carrying a large handgun.

Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.
The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.
The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever.
The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late.
Johnny says, "I was two hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound trout and had to take it home. If I didn't clean it and freeze it, my mom would've been angry. That's why I'm so late".
The teacher promptly takes him to the principal's office and explains the story to the principal.
The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day.
He says, "I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?"
Johnny replies, "Oh yeah, that's my dog Sparky. That's his third bear this week."

An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip.


He notices there a machine with the indication: "Put A Dollar in the Slot and the Machine will Tell you who you are!"
Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and he waits.
The machine suddenly sounds;
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
The man blacked out with the machine's ability.
So, he decided to trick the machine.
He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago," says the machine.
"But it's impossible!" screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine.
He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab.
Then, he did the same routine.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot.
-You're John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your b**... you.. lost the train!

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked.


"Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?"
"About two and a half feet."
"Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"

Twelve.

A man is walking down the street alongside a sizable construction fence. It's at least 8 feet tall, and it runs the whole length of the block.
About 3 steps deep, he hears a quiet voice saying
"Twelve. Twelve. Twelve." He thinks it odd, but continues walking. Almost immediately, he hears the same voice, but louder.
"Twelve. Twelve. Twelve" His curiosity is piqued, and he looks around for a crack in the fence as he walks. Again, the voice gets louder.
"Twelve! Twelve! Twelve!" It's about this time that he sees a knothole in the fence, just below eye level. He stoops to peer into the construction yard. All of a sudden, a stick comes out of nowhere and jabs him in the eye. He reels back in pain. There's a peal of laughter followed by,
"Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"

The First Night of the Honeymoon

The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.
The groom looked at his beautiful bride, took off his pants and threw them at her feet. "Put those on." He ordered.
She gave him a bewildered expression, but attempted to do as he asked. "They're too big, they won't stay on." She exclaimed.
"That's right, just remember who wears the pants in this family."
She gave him a narrow look and removed her pants and threw them at his feet. "Put those on." She ordered.
The groom could not even get his big toe into his wife's pants. "I.. I can't get into them." He stated struggling.
She declared back: "That's right and until your attitude changes that's the way it's going to be."

Ladies Night

A blind man enters a bar, not knowing it's ladies night. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls quiet.
In a deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde woman.
2. The bouncer is a blonde woman.

3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5. The woman to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah ... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A very wealthy man was riding in the back of his limousine...

One afternoon, a very wealthy man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the roadside.
The man ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one of them.
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then." the man from the limousine said excitedly.
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man."
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!" So, they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine.
One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The wealthy man replied: "No, thank you... the grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help!"

There is a tribe over in Africa

There is a tribe over in Africa called the fuckrwe. Every member stands at a height of only two feet tall and the grass they hunt their pray is 5 foot tall. As they run through the tall grass they chant their name "We're the fuckrwe!, We're the fuckrwe!"

A tall woman and a midget

A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's apartment.
I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget, said the woman, especially with the size difference and all.
Just t**... clothes, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes, said the midget.
The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she'd ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times.
If you think that was good, said the midget with a smirk, Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!

The English and the Scots.

A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."

Elephants

How many legs does an elephant have?
Four. Two in the front and two in the back.
Why don't elephants make good dancers?
They have two left feet.
What's flat and feathery and half an inch tall?
A duck who tried to teach an elephant how to dance.
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stomp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stomp out flaming ducks, of course.

What's three feet tall and can't turn around in a hallway?

A toddler with a harpoon in it's t**....

What would a midget be jealous of at a little kid?

The kid is over 5 feet tall.

A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police . . .

They ask her for a description and she says "He's six feet, three inches tall, well-built, with thick, curly hair."
Her friend says, "What are you talking about? Your husband is five-foot-four, bald and overweight."
And she says "Who wants that one back?"

Three men are standing at the edge of the roof on a tall sky scraper...

There is a strong wind blowing up the side of the building from below.
o**... says, "This wind is so strong, it will bow you right back up if you happen to fall off, watch!" He steps off the edge and falls about 30 feet before spreading his arms and legs out to catch the air. He slows, then rises back up to land gently on the roof again.
The second guy says "That's awesome, I'm going to try". He steps off the roof and falls 120 stories to his death.
Third guy says "Superman, you are a mean drunk".

Four older men are bragging about their sons

The first says, "My son is a bishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Excellency".
The second says, "My son is an archbishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Grace".
The third says, "My son is a cardinal, and when he enters the room people say, Your Eminence".
"My son is 7 feet tall, and 500 pounds," says the fourth man.
"And when he enter the room, people say, 'My God!'"
...told by my parish priest.

Went golfing with my Grandpa yesterday..

We were on the 12th hole and I hit my tee shot a bit to the left. When we got to my ball there was a big 40ft tree right in my way and I was just going to hit around it when my grandpa chimed in:
"Ya know, when I was your age I could hit it right up and over that tree"
Well not to be outdone my ego took over and I grabbed my 9 iron to hit it right over that tree. I took my shot and *THWACK* the ball hit dead center of the tree and bounced back 30 yards behind me. That's when he chimes in again:
"Of course when I was your age that tree was only 2 feet tall!"

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.

But how did they get this name?..
Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...
Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...
''Where the Fakawi?''

My brother's in the circus - he gets £500 a week for swallowing a four-foot sword.

What's so good about swallowing a four-foot sword? He's only three feet tall.

I was in a car accident.

I got rear ended the other day, and the driver, who was less than 4 feet tall, started yelling and hollering.
He screamed, "I am NOT HAPPY!", so I yelled back, "WELL WHICH ARE YOU THEN?!"

I saw a cow today that was over 6 feet tall.

No bull.

If a butcher is 6 feet tall, wears size 9 shoes and has a 38 inch waist, what does he weigh?

Meat.

I always hear people comparing my dad to Bigfoot...

He's 7 ft tall, hairy, has huge feet, and I haven't seen him once

My dads favorite dumb joke

Astronauts land on a planet inhabited by beautiful women who are10 feet tall. They approach the women and say "take me to your ladder, ill see your leader later"

Police are looking for an escaped convict who is 4 feet tall and can communicate with ghosts.

He is a small medium at large.

An elderly man takes his grandson golfing,

Once they were at their first hole the grandfather remarks, y'know when I was your age I could hit the ball right over that big ash tree over yonder. The boy looks and sees it is quite a hit and not wanting to be out done he whacks one right dead center and it sticks right in the trunk. As he stood there impressed by his grandfathers feat, the man finished his comment, 'course when I was your age that tree was 'bout 3 feet tall

Behind the counter of a sweet shop stood pretty Cathy, who was six feet tall and 15 inches wide. What did she weigh?

Sweets.

I was walking past the prison last night

When I saw this short man, no more than 5 feet tall, dressed in an orange jumpsuit climbing over the fence, escaping from the prison yard. As he was climbing down, he saw me and stuck out his tongue at me. I remember thinking, That's a little condescending.

I heard that the cat with the worlds longest tail is 7 feet...

But I think that's just a tall tail.

One of them Deevorces

A backwoods country bumpkin goes to his lawyer and says, "Sir, I wanna git mahself one uh them thar deevorces."
The lawyer says, "Ok, well, you need grounds for a divorce."
The farmer says, "I has grounds sir, a hunderd an fitty acres of it."
The lawyer says, "No, I mean, you need a case!"
The farmer says, "I has one-uh them too! Keep mah doc-u-mints in it!".
The lawyer says, "No.... No.... You need a to file a suit."
The farmer says, "Sir, I has the suit, wear it tah church err'y Sumday."
The lawyer sighs. "Ok, let me put it to you this way... Is your wife a nagger?"
The farmer says, "No sir, wife's a white woman, 'bout 5 feet tall... Had herself a nagger baby though..."

Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.

The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:
'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"
"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.
Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the church, they go:
'Oh pastor! Oh pastor!'"
The other two shout, "Oh my, how impressive!"
The third mother is beaming with pride and says, "Well, MY son is 4 feet tall and 800 pounds. When he walks past the church, they go:
'MY GOD!'"

TIL

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.

But how did they get this name?..

Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...

Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...

''Where the Fakawi?''

After a long emotional struggle, my three feet tall uncle finally announced that he is gay.

I'm glad that he decided to come out of the cabinet.

What has three legs, sharp teeth, claws and is seven feet tall ?

I don't know but it's behind you !

A young man gets paired with and older gentleman on a golf course

On the first hole the young man slightly miss hits the ball a few meters away from a tree. Gauging whether he should chip the ball around the tree or try and make it over, he ask the older man for his advice to which the man replies I've hit it over that tree many times. So the young man try's his luck but hits it straight into the tree. There's no way I can clear that! How did possibly hit it over? he asks. Well, when I cleared it twenty years ago it was only about three feet tall

An Irishman and an Englishman find a lamp

Upon rubbing it a genie pops out and says For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish!"
The Englishman says "I love my country, but it's being ruined by foreigners. I wish a wall to be built around it so that no one else can get in."
The genie says, "Done. And you, Irishman?"
The Irishman looks thoughtful for a moment and says, "Tell me more about this wall."
The genie responds, "It is twenty miles tall, a hundred feet thick and made of granite. Nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it with water."

My friend got a girl pregnant when they were in high school. Their son grew to be 6 feet 7 inches tall.

Biggest mistake they ever made.

A Welshman, a Scotsman, and an Englishman find a magic lamp

A Welshman, a Scotsman, and an Englishman are walking on a beach and find a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. He tells them that they each get a single wish.
The Scotsman goes first. I wish for Scotland to make the finest whisky forever. The genie granted the wish, and...not much changes.
The Englishman went next. I wish England was surrounded by a tall wall, and all the foreigners gone. A wall appears, 300 feet (100 meters) high, right on the sand next to them, and stretches as far as the eye can see in both directions.
The Welshman says, fill in the wall with water .

A group of movie producers are working on the next avengers/MCU movie

Producer 1: Does anyone have any ideas for the villain?
Producer 2: Ok, how about a 14 foot tall, flaming eye-ball, with poison swords for arms, who shoots lasers from his feet, and has a pet llama made of diamonds
Head producer: You're over-thinking this, let's just keep it low-key

A guy rushes into a bar, in a hurry

He asks the bartender, "Quickly! How tall is a penguin?"
The bartender replies "I don't know, three feet. Why?"
The guy says "Oh my god, I think I just ran over a nun!"

Growing Up

My son, Bob, was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.
When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. "Couldn't you tell by your clothes that you'd grown?" I asked him.
"Since I've been doing my own laundry," he replied, "I just figured everything had shrunk."

A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police...

A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police. They ask her for a description, and she says, He's six feet, three inches tall, well-built, with thick, curly hair.
Her friend says, What are you talking about? Your husband is five-feet-four, bald, and has a huge belly.
And she says, Who wants that one back?

Fed up

A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party? " "About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly. "NO! " exploded the teacher.. "I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches? " "Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says.. "I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party! "

A guy runs into a bar.

He goes up to the bartender and asks him "Hey how tall is a penguin?" The bartender looks at him and goes "I don't know, probably around three feet." The guy looks distraught and while leaving goes "Oh s**..., I think I hit a nun."

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside...

He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these feet tall jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.