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Feeling Sick Jokes

105 feeling sick jokes and hilarious feeling sick puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about feeling sick that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Feeling Sick Short Jokes

Short feeling sick jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The feeling sick humour may include short feeling ill jokes also.

  1. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.
  2. Are you sweating while putting petrol in your car? Feeling sick when paying for it? You've got the carownervirus.
  3. Why do I always feel great on Saturday and Sunday, and sick on all the other days? Maybe I just have a weekend immune system.
  4. Are you sweating whilst putting fuel in your car? Feeling sick when paying? You have got the carownervirus
  5. I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
  6. THAT'S NOT FUNNY, THAT'S SICK! A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods. The boy says "it sure is dark and scary here". The clown says "how do you think I feel? I'm coming back alone".
  7. Sweating when filling up? Feel sick when you see prices? You might be suffering from Car Owner Virus
  8. There's a new machine at my gym. I used it, but after an hour I started feeling sick...
    It's got Snickers, cheetos, Peanuts... Everything!
  9. I don't have a great relationship with my doctor. In fact, I feel sick every time I see her.
  10. I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector The constant beeping gave me a headache and made me feel sick.

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Feeling Sick One Liners

Which feeling sick one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with feeling sick? I can suggest the ones about feeling poorly and being sick.

  1. What does a sick billionaire say? "I feel like a million bucks"
  2. Where do sailors go when they feel sick? The docktor!
  3. Where do you put Giraffes that don't feel good? Giraffe-Sick Park
  4. Feeling sick over increasing gas prices at the pump You could call it the car owner virus
  5. I feel bad for sick apple trees Cause doctors can't go anywhere near them
  6. What do you call half a dozen Punjabi that are not feeling well? Six sick Sikhs
  7. Yesterday, I was feeling quite sea sick, but today I'm doing just swell.
  8. How do you help a sick ghost feel better? Give it a BOO-quet of flowers!
  9. Where does a tugboat go when it feels sick? To the Dock
  10. Is good comedy making you feel sick? Try some PUNicilin.
  11. Why did the pregnant vampire feel sick? Morning sickness.
  12. How do you guys feel about that new drug-resistant superbug? It makes me sick.
  13. Your girl is feeling sick doctor congratulates you instead of saying what's wrong
  14. Why did the batista call in sick? He was feeling a little bit coughy!!
  15. I'm so sick I feel like a white boy at his first Kanye concert (masterpiece)

Amusing & Witty Feeling Sick Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about feeling sick you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean feeling tired jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make feeling sick pranks.

I went to my sisters house and saw her packing a suitcase.

I asked, "What's going on?" She said, "I'm feeling homesick." I suggested, "But you're at your home now." She replied, "I know. I'm sick of it!"

A Pakistani living in England (offensive)

A pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human f**... and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.
Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."

A guy goes to the doctor...

...and says "Doc! I have a headache and I'm very nauseous."
The doc says "well, you need to stop m**...."
The guy says "oh, so that's why I'm feeling sick?"
And the doc says, "No, because I'm trying to examine you!"

Bill, Bonnie, and Ted

So Bill, Bonnie, and Ted are stuck on a deserted tropical island. And I mean completely deserted. After a week they haven't seen any other inhabitants, they've seen no boats, planes, anything.
Over the next couple of weeks they manage to find and gather some food, create a shelter, and generally start living a pretty decent life. They have food in abundance, and their shelter protects them from occasional rains. A few weeks go by and once the stress of washing up on an island ebbs away, they start having urges. So they start having s**.... They're only human, they all have needs. Luckily enough Bonnie never gets pregnant, so they've basically got the perfect setup.
This goes on for a number of months, and all of a sudden Bonnie dies from a mysterious illness. Bill and Ted are crushed, they feel like their having s**... with Bonnie caused her to develop this sickness and die. They're deep in mourning but, eventually, time does heal all wounds, and after a few weeks, they start having urges again. And hey, there's no one around to judge them, so Bill and Ted continue having s**.... This continues for a couple of weeks, and then one morning Bill and Ted wake up with this weird feeling... Like what they're doing is wrong, like it's against God's will, it's not what he would have wanted...
So they decide to bury Bonnie

Sick day.

A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a b**.... Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."
He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."

A Man Calls in Sick to Work

A man calls in sick to work. He says "Boss, I'm really not feeling well today, I'm going to have to take today off." His boss says, "Hey, just do what I do whenever I'm not feeling well. I get my wife to have s**... with me, and I always feel a million times better!" The guy says, "All right, I'll give it a try," and hangs up.
About an hour later he calls his boss again, "Hey boss, you were right! I feel lots better! By the way, you've got a NICE house!"

skipping church

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he
told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass
for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town
to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't
accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee,
he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from
the heavens and exclaimed "You're not going to let him get away with this, are
you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin,
dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

A man stumbles across an old lamp.....

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

Kid at church

A kid and his mom are sitting in church. The boy says he feels sick and is going to throw up, and his mom tells him to go outside and p**.... The boy returns 2 minutes later, to the mother's surprise. The boy said, "there was a box out there that said, 'for the sick'. How convenient!"

Understanding Women

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp... blah, blah, blah... This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much concrete... how much steel!! No. Think of another wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... to know why they're crying, to know what they really want when they say 'nothing' ... to know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?

The greatest salesman....

So the greatest salesman of all time sees a potential customer and stops him. The customer tells the salesman that he is in a hurry, the salesman tells him that he is selling energy drinks so he can get faster to his destination. I dont have time for this, says the customer. Time!! I'm selling Citizen, Bulova, Mont Blanc. No thanks, says the customer i'm in a hurry got to go to the office. Office!!! says the salesman, I got Desks, Computers, Laptops, Pen. STOP BOTHERING MEEE!!! I do not feel well. SICK!! Says the salesman, Panadol, Tylenol, Peptobismol... OK!! says the customer, do you sell guns??, GUNS!!! I have Magnum, 9mm, Shotguns..
Give me a 9mm.. and bam.. shoot the sales man twice in the chest.... KEVLAR!!!!! Long sleeve, short sleeve, no sleeve.... :/

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette..

are having their usual lunch of PB&J sandwiches in their high school cafeteria one day, when the blonde speaks up "I can't stand it, every day for the last year our mothers only make PB&J and I'm sick of it!"
The other two girls agree they are tired of the same lunch, so the blonde comes up with the idea that if tomorrow they receive the same lunch, they'll jump off the school.
The next day, the girls meet up on the school's roof, and one by one open their lunchboxes to PB&J again. They jump off and all die from the fall.
Later at the f**... the brunette's and redhead's mothers are crying together; lamenting over their stubbornness and not giving their daughters different lunches. They notice that the blonde's mother is quiet and distant, so they ask how she's feeling and why she looks so confused. "I'm upset of course, but don't understand" she replied. "You see, she always makes her own lunch"

Calling in sick from work

A man is calling in sick from work and says to his boss, sorry boss, I can't come into work I'm feeling sick. His boss replies, I'm sorry to hear that. Whenever I feel sick I have s**... with my wife and usually feel better. You should try it. The man agrees and calls him back later that day. He says you were right. I do feel better and your house is really nice.

Christmas Angel

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of r**.... When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful Christmas tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

One wish

A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon an old lamp. Giving it a rub a genie appears and says to him, "I will grant you one wish, what will it be?"
The man thinks then says "Well, I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I get sea sick and I'm too afraid to fly over all that water. I wish there was a bridge there so I could just drive over!"
The genie replies "No way! Think of how much material that'd be! How about something else?"
The man thinks again and comes up with another idea. "You know, I've always wanted to know how women think. What they feel and their emotions and dislikes. I wish I could understand women!" He grins and looks at the genie expectantly.
"Two or four lanes?"

A man feels sick, so he goes to his doctor...

...and has some tests run. He is told to come back a few days later. A few days pass and he returns. When the male doctor invites him into the back room, the man says, "Give it to me straight, doctor." The doctor replies, "Why, that would be impossible, we're both men!" The man cracks a smile. The doctor then states, "Besides, I don't want to catch h**...."

Just been to the gym

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything – Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Chips, the lot..

tom and his boss

n the morning Tom calls to his boss:
- Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss replies:
- You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me s**.... That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later Tom calls:
- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house.

A little girl and her mother are at Church...

...when the little girl starts to feel sick. Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.
When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
"Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way around the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'"

What's the difference between a h**... and a dead baby?

One makes you feel sick and the other one is free!

Just been to the gym and there's a new machine there.

I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it's great: it's got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it

Feeling sick before work.

The other day I was hanging out with my buddy Collin and noticed that he doesn't look to good.
He said that he feels like he is going to p**..., has a growing headache and has work in a couple of hours.
He then said "I'm just ganna text my boss Lynn that I'm not feeling well today and will get someone to cover my shift"
With no responce he had only one other option.
Collin had to call Lynn, to call in.

Adam is a little lonely...

About a month or so after Adam was introduced to Eden, God and Adam are meeting for dinner. Adam expresses his admiration for the plants and the animals and the joy and beauty of it all, but admits that there is one little thing that he feels sad about: he feels a tiny bit lonely....
God quickly points out that he is already working on a solution: it is called a "woman," and is stunning to behold, beautiful and slim, would make company for Adam, would care for him when he's sick, attend to cooking and cleaning, make love to him whenever he wanted, and basically be a joy to be around.
Adam is suitably impressed, and expresses his eagerness for this "woman" thing to be created. He is practically beside himself.
"There is a catch, though," says God, "to create the woman I described I need both of your legs, and at least one arm."
Adam hems and haws for a while, and then asks: "what can I get for one rib?"

A Dutch anti-German joke (and the first foreign joke i ever learned!)

There's still a lot of ill feeling against the Germans in Holland. With that in mind, this is a joke a Dutch friend told me.
Walking around Amsterdam one day, a Dutchie sees a man down on his knees scooping up water from the canal with his hand to drink.
He shouts to the man (in Dutch) "Don't drink that, you will be sick!!!)
The man responds (in German) "Was hast du gesagt??" (What are you saying?)
The Dutch man responds (in German) "Use both hands! It's much better!"

Stranded on an island

Two men and a women end up shipwrecked on an island. Weeks and months go by and nature takes it's course, to pass the time, the woman starts having casual s**... with the two men.
Months later the woman gets sick and dies. As time passes, once again nature takes it's course and they men do what the have to do.
After a while they start to feel guilty, so they bury the body.

Chinese Sick Day

h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

Why Victoria Got Fired

Victoria calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I can't come to work today. I'm really sick. I have a headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I can not come to work."
Pao says, "You know Victoria, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my husband and tell him to give me s**.... Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."
Two hours later Victoria calls again: "Boss, I did what you said and I feel great. I will be at work soon. You have a nice house."

Calling In Sick

Today I called in to work, "Hi, I'm not feeling well today, fatigued, drained, tired, stressed. I'll be staying in bed, so I won't be coming to work today"
The boss says, "You know, I really need you here today, extra work came in today. When I feel overworked, I go to my wife and we have wild s**..., and this always works to release all that stress. So you try that"
a couple of hours later, "Hey boss it's me, I did what you said, and you were right, it's amazing. So I'll be on my way to work
Oh, your house look really nice by the way"

Why does John Cena always take awhile to feel better when he's sick?

Because the Doctor can never see him.

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad.

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really sick. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says, "I have some bad news. You have HAGS."
"What is HAGS" the man asks.
"It's h**..., AIDS, gonorrhea, and s**...," says the doctor.
"Oh my God," says the man. "What are you going to do?"
"We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza."
"Is that going to help me?" asks the man.
"No," says the doctor. "But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door."

A ship wrecks onto a deserted island.

Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have s**.... Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore so they keep having s**.... After a few days of s**..., they feel guilty about what they've been doing...
So they bury her.

For the sick

Little Bob went with his mom to church every Sunday. One morning in the middle of the service Bob complained that he was feeling a bit queasy and was afraid he was going to p**.... No problem dear, whispered his Mom in his ear, just head on over to the bathroom on the other side of the Church, and take care of it there. Thirty seconds later Bob came back. Did you go to the bathroom? question his Mom. No need responded Bob. Right outside the door was a big box with a sign next to it 'for the sick', so I just did it in there!

I was feeling sick, but the doctor just put some coffee powder and milk into my mouth...

He was treating me like a total mug.

I've just had to take the batteries out of the Carbon Monoxide alarm

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and I was starting to feel sick and dizzy

"Doctor, I'm feeling sick"

"Well then, let's find out what you have. Would you cough once please?". The patient coughs. "Would you cough once more please?". The patient does as he is told and coughs a second time, then asks "So, what is wrong?". The doctor replies "I think you have a cough".

Life is like a box of chocolates...

When you've reached the end you feel sick, ashamed, and you just want to die.

Chinese man calls in sick

h**... Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know what h**..., I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for s**.... That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

A man goes to the doctor's office...

Man: "Doc, I am feeling really sick and I don't know why."
Doctor: "Well, the first thing to do is to stop m**...."
Man: "Why, is it bad for my health?"
Doctor: "No, it's upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

Looking at my face is like reading in the car

It's all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick

A nun is feeling sick

A nun is feeling sick so she goes to the doctor. He runs few tests and told her she's pregnant. The nun is completely stunned. when she's walking home towards the monastery she thinks about how this is possible as she never had s**.... When she arrives home she figures out, goes to next door to the monastery where the monk live, opens the door interrupting the monks at dinner and shouts: "Alright, which one of you b**... has been w**... off on the church candle?"

Lil piggy is sick

A Lil Piggy is sick and goes to see Dr. Pig. "Dr. Pig," he says, "I feel awful!! What do I do?"
Dr. Pig says "Here's what you do: go home and roll around in some salt. I'll check back in with you in a week."
One week later, Dr. Pig goes to see the Lil Piggy. Dr. Pig asks, "So, are you feeling any better?"
"Better?" says Lil Piggy. "I'm cured!!"

Lee has a terrible headache

Lee calls in work and say "I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come to work today."
His boss says "I really need you today, Lee. You know, whenever I am not feeling OK like you, I go ask my wife for s**.... I always feel better after."
A couple of hours later, Lee calls in. "I do what you say. I feel great now. I be at work soon. You have nice house"

Chinese Sick Leave

Wong calls his boss in the morning telling him he was feeling sick and couldn't come to work.
His boss says, "You know what Wong? Sometimes when I feel sick I ask my wife for s**.... I feel better then. You should do the same."
Wong agrees and three hours later he calls his boss again.
"I do what you say and I feel better now. I come to work in a while... By the way, you have very nice house."

So there's this pig that's feeling under the weather.

So there's this pig that's feeling under the weather. He goes to the doctor and is like "Doc, I've been sick all week, you gotta help me." The doctor pauses for a moment, considering options, and finally says "Okay, this is an age old remedy. Here's what I need you to do. Before you go in your mud pile, I want you to fill it with salt and sugar. Then, lay in there like you usually would. Call me in a week and let me know how you feel."
So a week goes by and the pig calls the doctor. "Oh, so how are you feeling," asks the doctor. "Better?"
"Better?" exclaims the pig. "I'm cured!"

What's the difference between a beer and a Christmas song?

It takes more than one beer for me to feel sick.

A guy asked his boss for a day off because he was feeling sick.

His boss told him : When I'm feeling sick,I kiss my wife and kids,and my illness goes away.Try it.
Ok - said the employee,
An hour passes and the boss asks him how it went.
The employee replies : It was hard at first because she refused,but then your wife agreed and my illness dissapeared.

A man was standing at the bus stop.

Suddenly he saw a very fit-looking old man.
He went to the old man,and said-
Man-'Sir,you look very fit. What's the secret of your looking  so fit and young?'
Old man-'I smoke 30 cigars a day. 
I drink 4-5 bottles of v**... daily,and I am a serious drug-addict. 
And I hate doing exercise or Yoga.
Whenever I see someone going to gym or playground,I feel sick for them. 
That's all I do'
 Man(Extremely shocked and impressed)-'WOW Sir.That's unbelievable. By the way how old are you?'
Old man-'I will turn 25 this month'

Is it wrong to hate a particular race?

I love to run, but I hate running 10k races as they make me feel sick the next day.

I got rid of my carbon monoxide detector last night

The constant beeping was making me feel sick and dizzy.

My wife was feeling awfully sick when I got home from work

My wife was feeling awfully sick when I got home from work. It was so bad I had to carry her to the kitchen so she could prepare dinner.

Turns out vitamins have been both making me sick, and make me feel better at the same time.

I hate Vitamins B6, and D6.

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say the moment he feels sick?

"GET THE THERMOMETER, DO IT NOW!"

A bad book is just like a sick pet.

Eventually you feel like putting it down
By- Neeteesh bapat

I feel really sick today.

Now I got to think of an excuse to cancel my doctor's appointment.

If your friend makes you feel sick, they're probably toxic.

If they give you a tingly feeling, they're probably radioactive.

I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

Must be the high Mercury content.

p**... is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and getting dizzy.

He calls down to Murphy and says "I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick". Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?" p**... replies "No I only live round the corner".

Little John and his mother were attending church

Suddenly in the middle of mass, John clenched his tummy and looks distressed
Concerned his mother asks him, " What's wrong, son?"
John replies," My tummy really hurts, I think I am going to throw up"
Since the mass was still underway, she turns to him and says , " Ok, You know where the washroom is right? Go there, and when u feel better, come back"
Little John rushes out and soon returns
His mother is perplexed because the washrooms were located on the other side of the church.
"Are you feeling better? Did you use the washroom?"
John replies, "Oh there was no need to go all the way there, there is box outside titled 'For The Sick'"

I got sick in a small hotel in Madrid.

I called to the front desk and they said they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said: "No one expects te spanish inn physician. "

A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room....

and said to himself every so often, "Boy, I hope I'm sick!"
After about the fifth or sixth time, the receptionist couldn't stand it any longer, and asked, "Why in the world would you want to be sick, Mr. Adams?"
The man replied, "I'd hate to be well and feel this bad."

TIL I'm allergic to leather.

Every time I wake up with my shoes on, I have a massive headache and feel quite sick.

I'm an Anti-vax and I don't care what you think.

I'm sick and tired of seeing people who are anti-vax getting bullied on social media. We have good reasons to feel this way and simply bad mouthing us or attacking us is not going to change our mind. We will not be silenced.
I for sure will never have one again. No chance, no matter what you say to convince me. I've been s**... into that trap before!
They are absolutely the worst brand of vacuum cleaner. Dyson all the way for me!

[Couples Therapy] Her: I am sick of him being literal all the time!

Therapist: I see. And how do you feel?
Him: With my hands.

Billy Bob calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Billy Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me s**.... That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later, Billy Bob calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

The local town drunk stumbles into the doctor's office

"Doc, I don't feel so good lately.." he says, "You gotta tell me what's wrong."
The doctor looks him over and asks, "Have you been drinking today?"
"No, Doc. I was feeling sick so I didn't drink like I usually do." he replies.

"Oh, I think I know what the problem is, George." says the doctor. "You have too much blood in your alcohol system!"

jokes about feeling sick