Feeling Lucky Jokes
20 feeling lucky jokes and hilarious feeling lucky puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about feeling lucky that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Feeling Lucky Short Jokes
Short feeling lucky jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The feeling lucky humour may include short lucky jokes also.
- I googled "Free Games" and I thought I was feeling lucky.. Guess who's just won a £500 Amazon Gift Card and a 2 weeks holdiay to Fiji?!?!
- I've got two right here for ya Who are the easiest kids to pick on?
Orphans. Who are they going to tell, their parents?
Jews should feel lucky. They got their grandparents cremated for free! - Sometimes I feel so lucky to be American... Not like those poor kids in Africa, or the euthanasia.
- my wife cut down our s**... time to once a month! but i guess i should feel lucky
some guys i know she cut off completely!
Share These Feeling Lucky Jokes With Friends
Feeling Lucky One Liners
Which feeling lucky one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with feeling lucky? I can suggest the ones about getting lucky and feeling good.
- What park of google doesn't Snow White like? *I'm feeling Lucky*
Comical & Quirky Feeling Lucky Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about feeling lucky you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lady luck jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make feeling lucky pranks.
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parent's. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
I got lucky in a bar
I got lucky in a bar and ended up taking a nurse home last night for s**....
As I stripped off in front of her I said, you must have seen a few d**... where you work - how does mine rate?
It's slightly bigger than most I see she said.
Thanks I replied feeling quite pleased with myself, where do you work exactly?
I'm a midwife.
Lucky
An old guy, Sam isn't feeling too good so he goes to the doctor. After the exam, the doctor comes back and says, Unfortunately, Sam, I have bad news and worse news.
Oh dear , says Sam. Well, give me the worse news first.
Well , says the doc, you only have about 6 hours to live.
Oh no! , says Sam. This is awful!
I know. , says the doctor. I'm sorry. And you also have advanced Alzheimer's.
Well , says Sam. At least I'm not gonna die!
A boy opens up his presents under the Christmas tree
With disappointment he exclaims, "Santa s**... he didn't get me the Xbox I wanted instead he got me a s**... sweater."
Father:"Now, now son, you should feel lucky to have that sweater. There are kids around the world who need that sweater more than they need than the Xbox I accidentally sent out."
A man was crossing the street when suddenly..
He gets hit by a car. Worried that he might go to the police, the driver gives the victim 10 bucks to let him get away and not go to the police. Feeling lucky, the man takes the money and then asks the driver:
- Sir, do you come here often?
A girl married with a man who had only one foot.
Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little tell me how did U feel the marriage?"
Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!"
Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"
Why was six afraid of seven?
Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. He can seldom close his eyes without opening them again at fear of Charlies lurking in the jungle trees. Not that you could ever see the b**..., mind you. They were swift, and they knew their way around the jungle like nothing else. He remembers the looks on the boys' faces as he walked into that village and... oh, Jesus. The memories seldom left him, either. Sometimes he'd reminisce - even hear - Tex's southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes like nothing else. He always kept a pack of Lucky's with him. The boys are gone, now. He knows that; it's just that he forgets, sometimes. And, every now and then, the way that seven looks at him with avid concern in his eyes... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. Makes him feel like he's back there... in the jungle.
Young man and the Pharmacy
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."
"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a p**... go to Saudi Arabia
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a p**... go to Saudi Arabia. They decide to start drinking and somehow get caught. the go to see the Sultan for their punishment. The Sultan says "You're lucky today. I'm feeling nice today and I will only give you 50 lashes and you can choose to put anything on your back."
The Englishman chooses a pillow and the pillow takes 6 lashes and he gets the rest on the back.
The Scotsman goes next. he chooses a barrel top. The barrel top takes 25 and he takes the rest to the back.
The p**... goes last and being an honest man, says "You know, Sultan, the drinking was my idea."
the sultan is surprised by his honesty but says "I appreciate your honesty but since you started it, you shall get 250 lashes"
the Irishman had the Englishman strapped to his back.
Father in delivery room
A woman is all ready to give birth to her first baby. The doctor, obstetrician, and nurses are all waiting for the birth. The doc checks for any signs of progress and suddenly he feels something moving, pulls back his hand and this little head pops out, sees the doc and asks him, "Are you my daddy?" "No, I'm not," the doctor replies. The head pops back in.
Then the obstetrician goes over to check out the situation. The baby pops out his head and asks him, "Are you my daddy?" "Nope, I didn't do it," and the baby pops back in.
The doctor calls the father and says, "Sir, the baby seems to be reluctant to come out---he keeps asking for his father. Would you please come to the delivery room?" So the father is standing there and the baby pops his head out again, and seeing his father the little one asks in an annoyed voice, "Are YOU my daddy?"
Dad kneels down and answers proudly, "Yes, son, I am your lucky father!"
The baby starts tapping his index finger violently and repeatedly on his father's forehead and asks, "This is pretty annoying, isn't it?"
Buying Condoms
A sixty year old man walks into a drug store and walks up to the girl at the checkout counter. He asks her, "Do you sell condoms here?"
"Sure. What size are you?"
"I don't know," he replies.
"Well, just let me check," the cashier says. She unzips his pants, takes a feel, and then says over the intercom, "Extra large condoms to the checkout counter please. Extra large condoms to the checkout counter."
A clerk returns with some condoms. The man pays for them and leaves the store.
Later, a thirty year old man walks into the store and up to the checkout counter. He asks the girl, "Do you sell condoms here?"
The cashier replies, "Sure. What size do you need?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Allow me to check for you," she says as she unzips his pants and takes a couple of tugs. She then says over the intercom, "Large condoms to the checkout counter please. Large condoms to the checkout counter."
A clerk returns with some condoms. The man pays for them and leaves the store.
Some time later, a eighteen year old boy, hoping to get lucky, walks up to the girl at the checkout counter and asks sheepishly, "Um, ah, do you guys sell condoms here?"
"Yep," she says. "What size do you need?"
"I don't know," he says nervously.
"Allow me to check for you," she says. The cashier unzips his pants for a feel, pauses for a moment and then says over the intercom, "Clean up at the checkout counter please. Clean up at the checkout counter."
A twist on a classic
Why is six afraid of seven?
Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those b**..., mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.
Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.
The best blond joke I know.
This blond woman was tired of all these "s**... blond jokes." So she decided to do something about it. She went to a salon and dyed her hair black. On the drive home, feeling very pleased about not being blond anymore, she spots this s**... blond on her front yard rowing a boat and not going anywhere. She says to herself.
"Thats it! Iv'e had enough, I'm going to say something!"
She pulls over her car gets out and walks to the edge of the lawn that the blond is rowing her boat in. She screams at the blond.
"You know it's s**... blonds like you that made me dye my hair black!"
But no response, the blond women just kept trying to row the boat on the lawn. The more she watched the more she become upset and frustrated until she yells out.
"You're lucky I can't swim or else I'd swim over there right now and tip that boat over!"
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.
My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it’s a really good idea!
My girlfriend?
She is a dream!
But there is something that bothers me! This something is her little sister…
This is my future 20 years old sister-in-law , wearing a super skinny, mini skirts and short blouses.
Always lean ahead and I was often lucky to see her underwear.
She never did that in front of someone else!
One day she calls me and asks me to go home to see the wedding invitations.
When I arrived she was alone.
She whispered that soon I get married and that she has feelings for me for long time and that she thinks she cann’t overcome them.
She also said that she desperately wanted to have s**... with me just once before I marry her sister.
I was shocked and could not say a word…
She said to me that she goes to bed and asked if I wanted to go up with her.
I froze and looked at her going up the stairs.
Going up, she took her p**... off and threw it at me.
I stayed there for a moment and then ran to the door.
I opened it and I walked to the car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said: "I’m glad you passed this little test and I am sure that my daughter could not find a better man. Welcome to the family, my son!"
Moral Lesson: Always keep your condoms in your car!