The Best 74 Feeling Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Feeling jokes. There are some feeling sleepy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these feeling feeling sick puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Feeling Jokes and Puns

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...

maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office.

It improved my outlook.

A young girl goes to the doctor and tells him she is feeling ill

So the doctor places the end of the stethoscope on her chest and says "Big breaths".

To which the girl replies "Thankth, I'm only thickthteen."

A Pakistani living in England (offensive)

A Pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human faeces and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.

Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."

jokes about feeling

Sick day.

A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a blow job. Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."

He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."


A Texan and a New Yorker are sitting in a bar.

The Texan, feeling boastful, says, "Back home in Texas, I can get in my truck at sunup and drive a straight shot until sundown without reaching the edge of my property."

The New Yorker nods sympathetically and replies, "Yeah. I had a car like that once."

Drunk people are always fascinating

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "

Feeling joke, Drunk people are always fascinating

The Seven Dwarfs

The seven dwarfs were all in a hot tub. They were all feeling happy, then Happy got out.

So a doctor has sex with one of his patients...

And is feeling pretty down about it. On his left shoulder appears a devil. The devil consoles him saying "Hey man, don't even worry about it. Doctors have sex with their patients all the time. You are definitely not the only one." Then on his right shoulder appears an angel who says "Come on man! You're a vet!!"

As airplanes about to crash...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

7 dwarves were in a room and they started feeling sleepy.

So he left.

You can explore feeling feelin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean feeling mood dad jokes. There are also feeling puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Jim had been out for a few days with the flu. Back at work,...

...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"

"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.

"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"

"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"

Why didn't the camgirl show up for work?

She wasn't feeling herself that day.

Are you feeling sluggish and tired? Constantly yawning throughout your day?

There's a nap for that!

I used to be embarrassed by my geology fetish.

I started off stroking gravel but now I'm feeling a little boulder.

A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...

When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.

Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".

He leaves the Chief and goes home. A year later he meets the Chief again. Feeling respectful he approaches the Chief, and says "How" and the Chief says, "Scrambled!"

Feeling joke, A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...

Classic dad joke, but in bad taste

So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while.
My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says "it's nepalling isn't it?"
I had a good laugh, feeling guilty after :(

I hope Rand Paul doesn't pick Scott Walker as his VP

I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn.

I handed my wife some paracetamol.

I handed my wife some paracetamol (i.e Tylenol), to which she gave me an odd look. She asked me "why would I want these?"

"Do you not have a headache?"

"No" she responded.

"Not feeling unwell at all?"

"No, I am feeling perfectly fine".

"That's great, we can have sex this evening then".


Did you hear about the chronic masturbator that was slightly under the weather?

He's not feeling himself today.

The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy.

So Happy got out.

Getting drunk

at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for one guy.

The Wisdom of an Older Man

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''

Monkey Business

A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the redneck janitor of the zoo if he'll have sex with the gorilla for $500.
The redneck says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The redneck says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."

Yo girl, are you my appendix?

Because I don't really understand how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.

There's a new machine at my gym.

I used it, but after an hour I started feeling sick...

It's got Snickers, cheetos, Peanuts... Everything!

Feeling joke, There's a new machine at my gym.

My girlfriend dumped me over my love for pasta

And now I'm feeling canaloni

I have this nagging feeling.

It starts right when I wake up, but it usually stops when she goes to bed.

7 dwarfs in bed feeling happy

Happy got out so they started feeling grumpy


Our first born is 9 months old and I got to make my first Dad Joke

Wife: Have you noticed he feels a little warm?

Me: Yes, but he is teething, so that is to be expected. He seems to be feeling ok.

Wife: Well I took his temperature just now.

Me: Did you give it back?

Wife: ...

Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm sexy".

Some days I just stay at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.

The 7 dwarves are in the bath, all feeling happy

So he got out

Husband on second day of marriage :-

He went to the makeup artist who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iphone X box.

Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100.

Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this morning"


A guy was meeting his friend in the bar

As he walked in, he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other, "Nine." Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. "Sorry to spoil your evening," said his friend, "but when I walked in they were speaking German"

Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother,

But then I realized that she was from Alabama.

I was feeling very lonely the other day so I bought some stocks.

It's nice to have a bit of company.

I was feeling lonely, so I bought some shares.

It's nice to have some company.

A buddy of mine is one of those flat Earther's. He said he's angry and going to the edge.

I have a feeling he'll come around.

This season of Earth is not realistic

So many plot holes. Like, where did the murder hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?

I'm feeling Lost.

I was feeling really sad while crushing cans today...

It was soda pressing.

Jane and Erica are talking in heaven

"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."

My 4yo's first real joke: Why did the clown go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling funny!

#prouddadmoment

Nobody will upvote a cake joke on my cake day.

Feeling desserted.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

Doctors treating President Trump for COVID-19 at Walter Reed Army Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland,report that he is delusional, combative, argumentative, and seems to have lost touch with reality.

It's nice to see that Mr. Trump is feeling his old self.

Oldy repurposed

Trump was feeling the pressure of the office and stood before the protraits of our greatest leaders.
Looking at Washington, the Donald said:
"George, you were the first. Can you give me some advise?"
A ghostly voice replied
"Tell the truth"
Trump knew that wouldn't work, so next went to Jefferson.
" Tom, you wrote the constitution. Do you have any words for me?"
Another voice said "Be for the people"
As he had always placed himself before everyone, Trump moved on.
He stood before Lincoln and asked " Abe, you are one of the greatest. Can you advise me?"
A new voice drifted by saying
"Go to the Theater"

This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"

Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?

To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right.

Feel free to downvote me to reddit hell...

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.

Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.

Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely. So he asks God for someone to share his existence with.

God answers of course, I can create a being that will support you no matter what you do, provide for you, and never argue .

Adam is excited and asks that sounds perfect, what will it cost me

An arm and a leg

….what can I get for a rib?

Next time you're feeling down remember life is all about perspective

I have a friend who has sex 2-3x a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison

Next time you're feeling down, remember that life is all about perspective.

I have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day and reads two books every week yet he always complains how he much he hates prison.

My girlfriend left me because of what she described as my "weird pasta fetish"

Now I'm feeling cannalonli

A husband was sleeping next to his blind wife…

He woke up feeling his wife's hands touching all over his face. Annoyed he asked, What are you doing?

In a sweet voice she said, I just love watching you sleep.

A little old lady gets arrested for stealing a can of peaches from a grocery store.

At the trial, the judge asks her why she stole a can of peaches. She replies, "Your Honor, my husband and I don't have much, and we are very poor. I was simply trying to do something about my hunger."

The judge, feeling sorry for the old lady, asked, "How many peaches were in the can?"

"6," the old lady responded.

"Then," the judge said, "you will spend one day in jail for each peach, for a total of 6 days."

"Your Honor," spoke her husband, "she also stole a can of peas!"

I've been feeling really depressed, and my best friend isn't helping

I try to talk about my feelings with him, but he'll just say vaguely supportive things that really don't help. He'll say things like hey, cheer up buddy. I know things seem tough but at least you're not stuck in one of those, you know, those holes in the ground? The thing with the bucket so you can get water from the hole.

I know he means well.

I was feeling a bit lonely so I bought some stock

Now I have a bit of company.

Are you sweating whilst putting fuel in your car? Feeling sick when paying?

You have got the carownervirus

I've decided to quit my job as a Personal Trainer, I'm always feeling drained, and just not physically up to it..

So I've just handed in my too weak notice..

I ate an entire feather pillow last week

Since then I've been feeling down in the dumps.

I have a feeling that I'll be fired from my job at the graffiti removal company.

The writing is on the wall.

Are you sweating while putting petrol in your car? Feeling sick when paying for it?

You've got the carownervirus.

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond?

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.

Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.

Β«I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him busy in church for an hour after service for me?Β»

Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Mike asks the minister all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses, "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, and he asked me to keep you occupied."

The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a fatherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You should hurry home now. My wife died a year ago."

For those of you with feelings of paranoia that you are being watched:

I want you to know that you are not alone.

A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.

She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

She says "I want you to see this."

She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.

She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"

The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

My friend recommended that I try a sensory deprivation tank but I got out after 5 minutes…..

I wasn't really feeling it

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How you doing today?" the bartender asks. "Actually, earlier today I was feeling really down. Depressed even," the guy says. "But then I parked in a handicapped stall at the grocery store and then I had a bunch of complete strangers rally around me and tell me there was nothing wrong with me."

My friend sent me a text saying he was feeling down and wanted to hear a joke to cheer him up

I told Don't worry, I'll tell you a joke later, I'm with my girlfriend right now.

He said That was a good one, keep them coming!

From my niece, who doesn't know why grownups are laughing at her joke...

All of Snow White's seven dwarfs were in a hot tub, feeling happy.

So Happy got out.

She's six. Don't know where she heard this.

A man went to the doctor because he had trouble falling asleep.

The doctor told him to count to 1000 every night to help him fall asleep.

So that night, the man got into bed and started counting to 1000. When he got to 50, he started feeling very tired, so he got up, made himself a coffee, and went back to bed to keep on counting.

Doctors

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.

The doctor started to ask her the usual questions, about symptoms, when she interrupted him: Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?

The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, and immediately wrote out a prescription handed it to her and said, There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down.

Today on a drive, I decided to visit my childhood home.

I asked the people living there if I could come inside as I was feeling nostalgic. They refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the feeling sadness puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working feeling numb piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes