Feel Jokes
183 feel jokes and hilarious feel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about feel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn how to "Feel Jokes" that make you happy, feel better and help you push through the uncomfortable and painful times. Find tips on how to start feeling pretty again with these jokes.
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Funniest Feel Short Jokes
Short feel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The feel humour may include short felt jokes also.
- Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings? Because it's always too soon.
^(i feel bad) - Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
- As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself... maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
- Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister.
daughter: "I don't have a si-" - I've just started to read a horror novel in braille. Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.
- TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed. It's called gluten tag.
- I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for my ex Now she'll know what rejection feels like
- If you ever feel like your job is meaningless, remember there is someone who is currently installing the turn signal at BMW.
- I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by. I just didn't realize it would Zoom.
- I told my wife, "I feel bad for saying this but you are getting loose and it doesn't feel as good anymore" She replied, "don't feel bad, it's not your fault!"
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Feel One Liners
Which feel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with feel? I can suggest the ones about sense and felt like.
- Nobody will upvote a cake joke on my cake day. Feeling desserted.
- I was feeling lonely, so I bought some shares. It's nice to have some company.
- Hey baby are you a Communist? Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.
- So I lost my mood ring yesterday... I'm not sure how I feel about that.
- The problem with kissing a perfect 10 Is how cold the mirror feels on your lips.
- Braille isn't that hard to learn... You just have to get a feel for it
- "What makes you qualified to be a waiter" I feel like I bring a lot to the table
- I totally understand how batteries feel... I'm rarely ever included in things either.
- Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral
As in
Without an ion - My wife said that our son feels neglected. I didn't even know we had a son.
- 7 dwarfs in bed feeling happy Happy got out so they started feeling grumpy
- I feel sorry for Justin Bieber. He's had to go to every Justin Bieber concert.
- I ate an entire feather pillow last week Since then I've been feeling down in the dumps.
- I told my therapist I feel like I'm invisible My therapist replied, "who said that?"
- I feel very strongly about graffiti in toilet cubicles So I have signed a partition
Feel Good Jokes
Here is a list of funny feel good jokes and even better feel good puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend at work got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine and said he didn't feel too good the next day I told him, "What do you expect from taking two Johnsons at once?"
- My friend with benefits asked when a good time to visit was. I said, "Whenever you feel like coming."
- A girl looks at the mirror and says "Mom, I look really ugly, can you compliment me and make me feel better?" The mother says "Wow you have really good eyesight!"
- I once volunteered to help out at a special needs school I played games with them like football, tennis, basketball etc.
It makes you feel so good inside...
Because you always win. - „Honey, I feel so ugly and fat, I really need a compliment from you... „Babe, your observation skills are really good.
- What do you call the feeling of relief after a good dump? Shatisfaction
- My wife suggested I should read Pride and Prejudice, but I said no. I'm too good for it, and I have a feeling it'll try to lecture me.
- Anti Vaxx Dating a girl with an unvaccinated kid is like adopting an old dog. You feel like you're being a good person for accepting it, then you get attached and they die when they're 12.
- It's hard to make good Power Rangers jokes. Most of the time, they feel Super Megaforced.
- Have you heard of that new band 1023 Megabytes ? They're pretty good, but they don't have a gig just yet.
Edit !: just woke up and i feel like the comments are funnier than my joke :(
Feel Better Jokes
Here is a list of funny feel better jokes and even better feel better puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I decided to rename my toilet from "The John" to "The Jim." I feel much better saying I've been to "The Jim" this morning.
- What do you call a webpage that helps your eyes feel better? A site for sore eyes!
My dad made this up and wanted me to post it lol - How does a booze thief make you feel better? He lifts your spirits.
- Wife: "I look fat. Tell me something to make me feel better." Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
- I had no shoes and i felt sorry for myself until i saw a man with no feet. I took his shoes now i feel better.
- I used to feel guilty about getting rid of old shoes until I realised they were going to a better place. It turns out that shoes have soles.
- Last night I was thinking to myself "I wonder how much Google really knows about me?" But then my Android phone texted me the message "not much". So I feel better now.
- I had to put my dog down today :( My arms were really tired and he's really heavy. I'm feeling better now so I might pick him up again.
- Me: Nothing's going well in my life. Friend: Think positive thoughts! You ll feel better.
Me: | Nothing's going well in my life. | - What happens when a brother thinks he is ugly?
After that, he thinks of his sister and feels better.
Happy Feel Jokes
Here is a list of funny happy feel jokes and even better happy feel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Happiness is like peeing in your pants Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth
- Does anyone else feel that white bread is superior? Or am I just breadjudiced?
Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks! - You should feel happy if someone tells you are a nobody... Becasuse nobody is perfect
- Tony Stark and Pepper potts are sitting in bathtub feeling Happy.. ... Suddenly Happy felt disgusted and left.
- Snowy White and the 7 dwarves... Snowy White and the 7 dwarves were lying in bed feeling happy...but happy didn't like it and got out...
- I feel really gay having just eaten burger and fries I'm just so happy to have Five Guys inside of me.
- It may only look like 3.14 inches... But it will feel like it goes in forever.
Happy Pi day! - I saved a life today I asked a homeless guy how he would feel if I gave him $1000.
He replied, I'd die of happiness.
So I didn't give it to him. - I was feeling down the other day and decided to go to the movies. I asked the guy at the counter, "Hey, which one has a happy ending?"
The guy says, "For an extra five bucks, they all do." - John was feeling happy then happy slapped him
Feel Pain Jokes
Here is a list of funny feel pain jokes and even better feel pain puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- French bakers hate me... ...I feel their pain.
- What’s the difference between an accordion and a concertina? The amount of pain you feel when someone throws it at you.
- What do you call a cow that can't feel pain? A c
- Being a doctor and a married man with kids, it feels like I'm living two lives. In one life there's medicine, scarring images and long, painful hours.
And in the other life I'm a doctor. - French people don't feel pain. They eat it.
- What do you call a mole that doesn't feel pain? A Paracetamole
- How did the french guy feel when he got hit by a piece of bread? He felt pain.
- When an Eel bites your heel, and pain is all you feel... Thats a "Moray"
- What do the bright colors feel when they get hurt? they taste the PAIN-bow
- People are always talking about cutting back on sugar. But I think sugar gives you super powers... After 20 years of eating sugar I no longer feel pain, in my legs anyways.
Cheerful Fun Feel Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about feel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean touch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make feel pranks.
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man, on a first date: How do you feel about s**...? Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...
I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?
My marriage is over.
I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.
I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office.
It improved my outlook.
Helpful Daughter
Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."
THAT'S NOT FUNNY, THAT'S SICK!
A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods. The boy says "it sure is dark and scary here". The clown says "how do you think I feel? I'm coming back alone".
A married couple is having a baby...
As she is going into labor, the doctor asks the man, "would you like to take part in this new technology that allows half the pain of the pregnancy to be put on to the father." The husband accepts, and they go on with the birth. Afterwards they ask him how he felt, he replied, "I didn't feel anything I don't understand what the big deal is about this. Later that day, they find the postman dead at their house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sick day.
A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a b**.... Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."
He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."
I just went to the Air & Space museum.
Man do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.
My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.
A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was about to roll a joint with a page from the Qur'an...
But I decided that I didn't really feel like getting s**....
So, my girlfriend won't let me wear my mood ring anymore...
...I'm not really sure how I feel about it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.
She asks her class: Whoever feels s**... at times stand up!
After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.
The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel s**... from time to time?
Little Johnny replies: No ma'am, it's just painful to see you standing all alone.
I was mugged today...
I was mugged in an alley today, all they took was my mood ring. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit s**... yesterday....
But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, f**... it, soldier on!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to make girls feel safe in the hallways
I often find myself walking behind various girls while I'm going about my day and I'm always concerned I'm making them feel unsafe. So I like to remind myself not to walk like a r**....
I find this works much better if I don't say it out loud.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dog, Grandpa
The other day, my professor asked me what I'd name my dog if I got one.
I said, well I'd name him Grandpa.
That way, when people asked how my day was, I can say things like:
Oh man, I forgot to feed Grandpa today.
I feel bad for leaving Grandpa outside last night.
Grandpa pooped in the living room again.
I had to put grandpa down today.
Grandpa ran away again.
I caught Grandpa h**... my friend's leg again.
And people who don't know me, won't know what I'm talking about.
My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day
So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistics say that the typical man has s**... 92 times a year...
I feel that December will be amazing
Bill Gates: "Why don't you tell me why Bing failed"
Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.
Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.
Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
The best jokes also teach you something.
In 1954 John Stapp broke a huge record. Using a rocket powered sled that was going 632 mph, he came to a full stop in just over 1 second. He experienced 46.2 G's making his 168 pound body feel for an instant like it was 7,700 pounds and he STILL only felt half as fat as yo mamma.
Daddy, what's it like being drunk?
A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chinese Sick Day
h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"
A man walks into a bar...
...and loses the international limbo championship.
(I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a Lesbian, I feel like I wasted my time learning to cook.
All my partner and I do is eat out.
They say that a person's surname is named after whatever their ancestors did to make a living
I feel sorry for the guy who's dad was the first person to be called "Dickinson"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My therapist asked me what I'd feel if I shot someone.
"Recoil", I calmly answered.
Last year I felt miserable and depressed, but this year I've managed to turn it around.
Now I feel depressed and miserable.
I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.
The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.
If you ever feel lonely...
just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore.
I feel really bad for the Mexican Olympian disqualified from weightlifting for excessive use of protein.
They told him, "No whey, José."
Give me a compliment.
A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar.
They ask the bartender, "What have you got?"
The bartender points to two taps.
They say, "What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"
The bartender says, "Now you know how I feel."
My mom just took away my mood ring.
I don't know how I feel about it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Went to a n**... beach today and let me tell you- I had a lot of women's attention.
I could just feel them dressing me with their eyes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A beautiful blonde walks up to a craps table...
She bets ten thousand on one roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm n**...."
She strips down and rolls the dice. When she sees the dice she jumps for joy screaming "I won! I won!" She hugs the dealers, takes her winnings and leaves.
Finally, one of the dealers asks, "What did she roll?" The other says, "I thought you were watching!"
It goes to show: Not all blondes are dumb, but men will always be men.
I slept with my best mate's wife last night and now I feel terrible.
She must have given me a cold or something.
Wife walks up to husband, takes off her pants and says, "Make me feel like a woman"
Husband takes off his pants, tosses it to his wife and says, "That needs a wash."
~~
Dad what does it feel like having an awesome son?
Me: Dad what does it feel like having an awesome son?
Dad: I dont know ask your grandpa
I can't tell whether my new car's suspension is amazing, or if I'm a sociopath
Either way when I ran over that pedestrian I didn't feel a thing.
My wife said she wanted to feel special this Valentines Day.
So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.
I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but then I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chinese man calls in sick
h**... Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know what h**..., I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for s**.... That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?
He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.
I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books.
I should probably get that checked out.
Why did the Blonde feel so proud of herself for finishing a jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
It said 2-4 years on the box.
My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me...
'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'
'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'
I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you...
I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sometimes i rub sand into my p**...
Just so I can make my c**... feel at home.
A young boy was kissed by a girl he really liked.
But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"
"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My husband called and asked if I could be n**... before he gets home from work...
...I feel awkward sitting here with his mother, but whatever.
I don't see the point in learning Braille.
But I can feel it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was forced to s**... purple food color.
I feel violated.
The doctor asked me how I'd feel about having an extra chromosome.
I told him I'd be 100% down with that.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a s**... club
Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you've had s**... with less than 536 people, then having s**... with you is a more exclusive club than going into space.
I though I'd post something my ex-girlfriend could feel good about.
Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother,
But then I realized that she was from Alabama.
'I just feel like being black is a huge disadvantage no matter how much skill you have ' said my friend
'oh come on, it's just one move at the start of the game' I responded as I took his Knight.
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...
I feel severely let down by two people in my life.
My father, my mother, and my mathematics teacher.
A man wakes up in the hospital after a serious accident
He shouts "Doctor, Doctor I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, we amputated your arms."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dear Brits: We have received your ultimatum and have scrounged for the ransom...
...but we could only come up with half.
Feel free to him back halfway and we'll wire the funds. Thanks, the US
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Them: "don't you think you'll feel embarrassed by all your s**... jokes when you get older
Me "when I what"
Don't wait until you're on your death bed to tell people how you feel
You might be too weak to lift your middle finger
