Following is our collection of Feel jokes which are very funny. There are some feel comfortable jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these feel vibe puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
Because it's always too soon.
^(i feel bad)
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?
Father: "Ask your sister.
Daughter: "I don't have a si-"
I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.
Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.
Something bad is about to happen...
I can feel it
It improved my outlook.
They have such a hard time fitting in. (NSFW with imagination)
You can explore feel pretty reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean feel lightheaded dad jokes. There are also feel puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a blow job. Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."
He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."
Man do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.
But I decided that I didn't really feel like getting stoned.
...I'm not really sure how I feel about it
I often find myself walking behind various girls while I'm going about my day and I'm always concerned I'm making them feel unsafe. So I like to remind myself not to walk like a rapist.
I find this works much better if I don't say it out loud.
The other day, my professor asked me what I'd name my dog if I got one.
I said, well I'd name him Grandpa.
That way, when people asked how my day was, I can say things like:
Oh man, I forgot to feed Grandpa today.
I feel bad for leaving Grandpa outside last night.
Grandpa pooped in the living room again.
I had to put grandpa down today.
Grandpa ran away again.
I caught Grandpa humping my friend's leg again.
And people who don't know me, won't know what I'm talking about.
"Honk if you think I'm sexy."
Then I wait at green lights till I feel better about myself.
So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.
Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.
Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"
Ho Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for sex. That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later ho Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"
The husband says "ah, it's raining"
The wife replies "no it's snowing"
"How about we ask this communist officer here" replies the husband, "he is always right!,
"Officer Rudolph, Is it raining or snowing?"
"definitely raining" replies Rudolph before walking off
"see?" says the husband,
"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
...and loses the international limbo championship.
(I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.)
As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, at first encountering resistance but then plunging in, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I took my finger back out and within seconds, before I knew it, she was going down on me.
And I thought to myself..... "I really need a new freakin' boat."
The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.
The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore.
They told him, "No whey, José."
A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".
He's had to go to every Justin Bieber concert.
there is someone who is currently installing the turn signal at BMW.
Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.
She must have given me a cold or something.
Husband takes off his pants, tosses it to his wife and says, "That needs a wash."
~~
Me: Dad what does it feel like having an awesome son?
Dad: I dont know ask your grandpa
Either way when I ran over that pedestrian I didn't feel a thing.
So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.
Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
Ho Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know what Ho, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
It was a very hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.
He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.
I can feel it…
It said 2-4 years on the box.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.
'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'
'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'
I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...
I feel like I bring a lot to the table
Neutral
As in
Without an ion
Or am I just breadjudiced?
Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks!
Just so I can make my crabs feel at home.
I'm rarely ever included in things either.
But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"
"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
...I feel awkward sitting here with his mother, but whatever.
You just have to get a feel for it
I feel violated.
Just remember: there is some bloke in Germany putting indicators on BMWs
I told him I'd be 100% down with that.
I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.
But then I realized that she was from Alabama.
'oh come on, it's just one move at the start of the game' I responded as I took his Knight.
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...
He shouts "Doctor, Doctor I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, we amputated your arms."
It's nice to have a bit of company.
...but we could only come up with half.
Feel free to him back halfway and we'll wire the funds. Thanks, the US
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Me "when I what"
It's nice to have some company.
When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers
Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you'll be safer if you stand up.
Then I was born.
"You don't look so good today, Bambi," said Barbie.
"You're right," said Bambi. "I feel like I'm coming down with something. My throat really hurts."
Barbie suggested, "You know, whenever I have a sore throat I give my husband oral sex and the next day I feel great."
Bambi carefully considered this. The next day Barbie noticed that Bambi looked better.
"You look much better today. Did you take my suggestion?"
Bambi replied, "I sure did. It worked great. And your husband just couldn't believe that it was your idea!"
It's only March 28th here, but in England it feels like it's the end of May.
She replied, "don't feel bad, it's not your fault!"
I just didn't realize it would Zoom.
They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of ask your mother.
I feel desserted
Once, Mahatma Gandhi was on a visit to the Mental Hospital. He bumped in a patient who had recovered by then
Gandhiji asked him, "So, how are you now?"
"I feel better. Tell me what's your name?"
"Mohandas Gandhi."
"I, too, was saying this before getting admitted to the hospital!"
Autocorrect is my worst Enima.
I think I should look for a new dentist....
I called to the front desk and they said they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said: "No one expects te spanish inn physician. "
I just always feel they are up to something
Everytime I say hello, they always tell me that onions are on sale.
However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, I'm afraid you've only got three weeks to live.
Are you sure? said Dan, I feel fine. Isn't there anything that can be done?
Well, said his doctor, you could try taking a mud bath each day.
Will that cure me? asked Dan.
No, but it'll get you used to the dirt , responded the physician.
It was pointless...
PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!
Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit doesn't use European time...
Edit #2: I feel honoured to receive my first award ever!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the feel numb jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working feel tingly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.