feed Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious feed puns

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year

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Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat

Then I remember they feed off of attention.

EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D

EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D

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Give a man a cheeseburger, you feed him for a day.

Teach a man to cheeseburger, I'm high as hell.

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Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16

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What makes Hitler better than Jesus?

Jesus could only feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. Hitler made 6,000,000 Jews toast.

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My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away.

Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.

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Pavlov is sitting in a bar when the phone rings.

All of a sudden he jumps up and yells: "Shit! I forgot to feed the dogs!"

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My mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'here comes the train', and we always used to eat it straight away

Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks

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I tried to force feed my child...

After a while, my wife said, "Just use a fucking spoon Mike, you're not a Jedi."

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Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will use 3 times a year

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When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it

I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.

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Pavlov is sitting at a bar...

...when another patron walks in and a bell on the door rings. Pavlov stands up, says, "I forgot to feed the dogs," and leaves.

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My mom used to feed me by saying: Here comes the train! I always ate everything.

Otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.

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My friend said, I really need to go home and feed my baby hamsters.

Me: That's a terrible diet for a baby.

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Quick question...

How much of this "No More Tears" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?

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A man stayed late at the pub after work when he got a call from his wife

Wife: "I've cooked your dinner and if you're not back in 10 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog!"


Man: "Hey, it's not his fault!"

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Give a man a fish and feed him for a day

Give a fish a man and feed it for a month

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I tired to force feed my child...

After a while my wife just said Use a fucking spoon, you're not a Jedi

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Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.

Give a man a poison fish and feed him for the rest of his life.

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My dog, Grandpa

The other day, my professor asked me what I'd name my dog if I got one.
I said, well I'd name him Grandpa.

That way, when people asked how my day was, I can say things like:

Oh man, I forgot to feed Grandpa today.

I feel bad for leaving Grandpa outside last night.

Grandpa pooped in the living room again.

I had to put grandpa down today.

Grandpa ran away again.

I caught Grandpa humping my friend's leg again.

And people who don't know me, won't know what I'm talking about.

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Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land

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Pavlov is sitting in a bar when suddenly someone rings the service bell

"Shit!" Pavlov screams jumping up, "I forgot to feed the dogs"

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Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat

Then I remebered vegans feed off of attention.

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What do you feed an autistic donkey?

Ass burgers

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What do you feed a gay horse?

Haaaaaaayyy

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A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit…

Why are you doing that? asked the keeper.
The sign says it's okay, replied the visitor.
No, it doesn't.
Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'

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I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

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"I must go," said my friend.

"Why?" I asked.

He said, "I need to feed my baby hamsters."

I said, "That's no way to raise a child."

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Pavlov walks into a bar.

Ivan Pavlov walks into a bar.
The bartender rings the bell for last drinks, and he thinks "shit - I forgot to feed the dog"

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Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....

Feed a man to your fish, and feed your fish for like 6 months

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Ex-girlfriend on Facebook (NSFW)

I saw on my Facebook news feed that my ex-girlfriend 'likes' Comcast Xfinity, and I was pissed.

It hurt enough to be reminded of my ex, but I was more upset that she uses Comcast!

I mean, she never let ME fuck her in the ass!

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What do you feed a gay horse?

Hayyyy!!!

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Pavlov walks into a bar

As he opens the door the bell rings.
"Oh shit!" Yells Pavlov, "I forgot to feed my dogs!"

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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince.

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Why shouldn't you feed marijuana to cattle?

Because of the high steaks.

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What are the most funny Feed jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Feed? Well, here are the best Feed dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Feed pick up lines to share with friends.

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