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Federalized Jokes

113 federalized jokes and hilarious federalized puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about federalized that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Federalized Short Jokes

Short federalized jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The federalized humour may include short jokes also.

  1. Donald Trump said if I voted for hillary clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.
  2. l made $48m today and I'm STILL having burger King for dinner. Just another day working at the Federal Reserve.
  3. what's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir,
    this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy
  4. Why do the Politsiya (Russian federal agency) always go around in groups of three? One can read, one can write, and one keeps an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.
  5. They say Federer is the greatest tennis player in Grass Court and Nadal for Clay Court. How about for Djokovic? Federal Court.
  6. Did you know that there is a federal law that governs all bbq restaurants? They all must operate within it. It's called Cole's law.
  7. The Federal Reserve is fighting a war against inflation Journalists are calling it a conflict of interest
  8. If I have 10 guns and a Federal Law forces me to turn in 8 of them, how many will I have left? Thats right... 10.
  9. Stick and stones may break my bones But words are triggering and require federal regulation.
  10. In the latest federal North Korean election, Kim Jung Un won 100% of the vote. A landslide victory against his sole competitor: "*Or else*".

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Federalized One Liners

Which federalized one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with federalized? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. What time does Roger Federer go to bed? Tennish
  2. Local Apple grower was sent to federal prison this week... In cider trading.
  3. What is cat's favorite federal program? war on dawgs
  4. Exactly 50% of Roger Federer's name is 'er'! That's it, that's the joke! ;)
  5. What kind of car does the chairperson of the Federal Reserve drive? A Fiat
  6. TIL that 50% of Roger Federer's... ...name is "er"
  7. William Howard Taft was so fat... ...he sat in TWO branches of the federal government.
  8. What does Roger Federer call his backup racket? The Federer Reserve
  9. What is Roger Federer's favorite number? Ten is.
  10. What happens when a wiener encounters puberty? A 21 month federal prison sentence.
  11. What are Starbucks two shipping options? Ground and federal expresso
  12. Where does the Federal Reserve hide all of its dirty profits? In debasement.
  13. What do you call it when homosexual congressmen have lunch together? A Federal Mandate
  14. What do you call a group of federal budget makers? An add hock committee.
  15. A federal agent walks into a gay bar He was going in to work.

Federalized Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about federalized you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make federalized pranks.

Fed up with failure in preventing coyotes from killing his sheep, a rancher brought out his rifle to eliminate the pack. Suddenly, a federal bureaucrat rushed up and breathlessly screamed, "Wait, there's no need to do that. We've developed a new drug that renders them impotent." "I don't know what y`all do in Washington," drawled the rancher taking aim again, "but out here the coyotes eat the sheep."

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.

.
He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs."
The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.
"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull...
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...
"Your badge... Show him your badge!"

The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters.


"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?"
"Yes. What can we do for you?"
"I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding c**... in his firewood."
"Thank you, this will be noted."
Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom’s house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no c**..., swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom’s house.
"Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood for you?"
"Yeah, they did."
"Okay, now it’s YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

An old man lived alone in Tasmania.
He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, Jase, who used to help him, was in prison. 
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
 
Dear Jase,
 
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year; I’m just getting to old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad.
 
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
 
Dear Dad,
 
For heaven’s sake, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the BODIES. Love Jase.
 
At 4A.M. the next morning, the Federal Police and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologised to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.
 
Dear Dad.
 
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Jase.

A DEA agent and a rancher

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas...

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish . . . . On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull . . . . . .
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored
before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs . . . . . "Your Badge, show him your Badge!"

Roger Federer was doing an interview...

... when the interviewer asked him how he felt about his countries flag being displayed by so many of his fans in the arena he replied
"Well, it's a big plus"

What do you call a federal whistleblower caught in an avalanche?

Snowden

Random Drug search

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

Deputy Investigation goes Wrong.

WASHINGTON COUNTY SHERIFF 'S DEPT. Investigation
A Deputy stops at a dairy farm and talks with the old farmer who's the owner.
He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your property for i**... grown m**....'
The old Farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me"!! Pointing to the badge on his chest he proudly says,
"See this badge"!? "This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…on any land". "No questions asked or answers given". "Have I made myself clear!!??" "Do you understand!!??"
The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old guy hears loud screams and spies the deputy running for his life and close behind is the a huge breeder bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The old farmer immediately throws down his **** fork, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge! Show him your F**king badge!"

Roger Federer asked what the large silver dish was for.

"Seconds", they replied.

A man had a pest problem of crows nesting in his yard...

He asked his neighbor if he could just shoot the bird.
"No, it is a federal crime to kill a crow."
"Well this is a whole bunch of crows!"
"That's a m**...!"

Being a teacher is great, I only work a half day

12 hours/day.
Thank you, don't forget to tip your TA, I'll be here all week (M-F except Federal Holiday) folks!

I work in a courthouse, and this is my favorite joke due to its accuracy: What's the difference between a federal judge and God?

God doesn't think he's a federal judge.

A police officer stops at a local ranch

He talks with the old rancher, and tells him." I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs".
The rancher says, " OKay, but do not go in that field over there," as he is pointing out the location the police officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me".
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, and proudly displays it to the rancher.
" See the badge old man? this badge means I am allowed to go on any land ... have I made myself clear".
The rancher apologizes, nods and goes about his chores.
A short time later the old rancher hears loud screaming,
looks up and sees the police officer running in front of the farmers Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the officer makes the bull gains two, only seconds before the bull reaches him.
The rancher drops his tools and stands up and yells.
"Your badge, Show him your badge!"

WHY I AM SO TIRED

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies.
Now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me . . . and you're sitting there reading jokes.

Obama is the first president to visit a federal prison.

Hes also the first black man to be let OUT of a federal prison

What did the federal prosecutor arguing against Jared Fogle order from the judge?

A Cold Cut Convict

Federal Express is to merge with United Parcel Services

The resulting company will be called Federal United Parcels
Or FedUp for short

Obama bans hiring bias against ex-cons seeking federal jobs

He was quoted as says, "well, we politicians need somewhere to work after leaving office".

What was the name of the landmark 1973 federal court decision that gave women everywhere the right to wear leather?

Roe vs. Suede

What do you call a friar indicted on federal charges?

A felonious monk.

TIL that the FDA has recommended a permanent ban on all shredded cheeses be put in place immediately.

It's part of an official federal plan to make America grate again.

Did you hear about the p**... studio that went to the bank to get a loan?

They got a very good interest rate.

I asked Sean Connery what game he was going to play with Roger Federer tomorrow and what time he was going to go

He replied: "Tennish"

If Clinton gets elected, federal employees will be LEGALLY allowed to consume cannabis!

If you smoke, you have to say "I did not inhale"
and if you do edibles, you have to say "I did not s**..."

Roger Federer is not known for being quiet

In fact, he is known for raising a racquet.

How can you tell when money is counterfeit?

It has the words "federal reserve note" written on it.

Due to cutbacks, each states government is asking their citizens to contact them only by fax...

If you would like to speak to the Federal government, you'll need an alternative fax

So the United States federal government was going to release a Donald Trump postage stamp...

But decided against it fearing people wouldn't know which side to spit on.

what's the difference between putin and a microwave?

one is a spy, the other is the president of the russian federation

According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is...

Brown.
(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission)

INTERVIEWER: Roger Federer, why do you like Switzerland so much?

RODGER FEDERER: Well the flag is a big plus.

Did you know that it isn't Russia, it's Russian Federation? (There is more)

Aren't you Russian to get away from my fact?

This weekend a ghost whispering​ midget escaped from federal prison

Now there's a small medium at large

I bought a new mattress and reached for the s**... label to tear it off. But I saw the federal warning, and couldn't decide if I should leave it or get rid of it.

I decided to sleep on it.

What do you get if you make a joke about the leader of the free world on television in the country that is referred to as the leader of the free world.

Fired and charged with a federal offence.

I was at the airport security and there was a sign that read...

"Federal law prohibits the making of any jokes on airplane highjacking and b**...."
I stopped and told the officer that you don't have to worry about me, I take my bombs very seriously.
My hearing is next month.

Why did the 007 movie about the Federal Reserve being robbed flop in theaters?

Because there's just not much interest left in the Bond.

If you're going to file a lawsuit against the Federal Reserve what medicine should you take?

Sudafed

I know federal prosecutors have a 99% conviction rate. But I'm a little nervous.

Because Trump picked his cabinet from the 1%.

There's a DVD in the shop all about Roger Federer's serve.

TIL that there is a federal law that mandates more jail time be given for breaking and entering a home on a holiday.

It's called the Santa Clause

What's Roger Federer's best pick-up line?

'Hey baby, wanna check out my Grand Slam?'

Roger Federer, Pat Rafter and John McEnroe decide to go to a party dressed as stars.

"I'll be Betelgeuse," says Federer.
Rafter says, "OK, I'll be Sirius".
McEnroe says, "YOU CANNOT BE SIRIUS."

Federal Agents stand around the water cooler and discuss passing the buck on the case where 45 y/o Kevin Easterly abducts 16 y/o Amy Yu across state lines to Mexico.

FedEx?

You mean Federal e**....

Roger Federer

Has a really uncertain surname

What did the man who blamed his nasal congestion on the federal reserve do in response?

Sudafed

I think retirement can lead to senility.

Because after my Grandpa quit working at the Federal Mint, he just stopped making cents.

Me: Hey babe, are you a federal student loan?

Me: hey babe, are you a federal student loan? Because it looks like you have low interest
My date: Yep.
Me: oh

Donald Trump, Angela Merkel, and Vladimir Putin are being chased by a horde of angry Arab bandits.

"Please stop chasing us, I'll pay you!" Trump screams, but the bandits just keep charging.
"Please stop chasing us, I can get your countries accepted into the EU!" Merkel yells, but the bandits seem to dislike this offer and continue the charge.
"I have an idea," says Putin. He turns around to face the bandits, smiles, and says, "Prevyet, comrades! You are now crossing the border of the mighty Russian Federation!"
All the bandits flee screaming.

My dad commited a felony today

The federal agents showed up at more door to take him away. His wallet went through the wash and now he's going to do time for money laundering.

I heard Tekashi 69 changed his name following being brought up on Federal Racketeering Charges...

He's now goes by Tekashi *69 to Life*

Today is a good day for the south...

They think if the federal government shuts down for 15 hours, they're allowed to secede

WH advisors: Mr. President federal employees didn't receive their last check, they can't even afford to buy their families bread!

Trump: I have the most tremendous solution, let them eat cake.

I just talked to a furloughed federal employee and told him McConnell might schedule a vote soon to reopen the government. Was there anything he particularly hoped for?

Mitch better have my money.

In the United States, tomorrow is a Federal Holiday

and the government is supposed to be closed for a day.

To all the unpaid federal workers...

Don't worry about your bills...Mexico is gonna pay for it!

What would you call it if the US federally legalized m**..., and used the tax revenue to fund the border wall to Mexico?

Bi-partisanship at the highest level

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.

So a French man was diagnosed with lung Cancer and only have 2 months to live.

He didn't want to die leaving his familly with no money, so he decided to rob the federal bank. When he told his friend about his plan, tha latter asked why was he doing something so dangerous for the sake of his familly.
The guy replied ''I've got nothing Toulouse!''

Government

The federal government is sending most Americans a $1200 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras
and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany.
If we purchase useless c**... it will go to Taiwan and none of it
will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on
prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced
in US.
I've been doing my part, and I thank you for your help,

As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that's just 25 cents.

Heads is positive. Tails is negative.

Every TSA agent should be re-tasked to a federal oversight taskforce over police brutality.

See what cops think when they can't carry more than 3.4 ounces of pepper spray.

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®