Federal Jokes

82 federal jokes and hilarious federal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about federal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the funniest jokes about the federal government, including the Federal Reserve, federal budget, federal agent, federal acquisition regulation, prosecution, FDA, and the Feds. Laugh out loud with these witty jokes that are sure to leave you with a smile!

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Funniest Federal Short Jokes

Short federal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The federal humour may include short confederate jokes also.

  1. Donald Trump said if I voted for hillary clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.
  2. l made $48m today and I'm STILL having burger King for dinner. Just another day working at the Federal Reserve.
  3. what's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir,
    this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy
  4. Why do the Politsiya (Russian federal agency) always go around in groups of three? One can read, one can write, and one keeps an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.
  5. They say Federer is the greatest tennis player in Grass Court and Nadal for Clay Court. How about for Djokovic? Federal Court.
  6. Did you know that there is a federal law that governs all bbq restaurants? They all must operate within it. It's called Cole's law.
  7. The Federal Reserve is fighting a war against inflation Journalists are calling it a conflict of interest
  8. If I have 10 guns and a Federal Law forces me to turn in 8 of them, how many will I have left? Thats right... 10.
  9. Stick and stones may break my bones But words are triggering and require federal regulation.
  10. In the latest federal North Korean election, Kim Jung Un won 100% of the vote. A landslide victory against his sole competitor: "*Or else*".

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Federal One Liners

Which federal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with federal? I can suggest the ones about congressional and statutory.

  1. What time does Roger Federer go to bed? Tennish
  2. Local Apple grower was sent to federal prison this week... In cider trading.
  3. What is cat's favorite federal program? war on dawgs
  4. Exactly 50% of Roger Federer's name is 'er'! That's it, that's the joke! ;)
  5. What kind of car does the chairperson of the Federal Reserve drive? A Fiat
  6. TIL that 50% of Roger Federer's... is "er"
  7. William Howard Taft was so fat... ...he sat in TWO branches of the federal government.
  8. What does Roger Federer call his backup racket? The Federer Reserve
  9. What is Roger Federer's favorite number? Ten is.
  10. What happens when a wiener encounters puberty? A 21 month federal prison sentence.
  11. What are Starbucks two shipping options? Ground and federal expresso
  12. Where does the Federal Reserve hide all of its dirty profits? In debasement.
  13. What do you call it when homosexual congressmen have lunch together? A Federal Mandate
  14. What do you call a group of federal budget makers? An add hock committee.
  15. A federal agent walks into a gay bar He was going in to work.

Federal Government Jokes

Here is a list of funny federal government jokes and even better federal government puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that's just 25 cents. Heads is positive. Tails is negative.
  • In the United States, tomorrow is a Federal Holiday and the government is supposed to be closed for a day.
  • I just talked to a furloughed federal employee and told him McConnell might schedule a vote soon to reopen the government. Was there anything he particularly hoped for? Mitch better have my money.
  • Due to cutbacks, each states government is asking their citizens to contact them only by fax... If you would like to speak to the Federal government, you'll need an alternative fax
  • Today is a good day for the south... They think if the federal government shuts down for 15 hours, they're allowed to secede
  • So the United States federal government was going to release a Donald Trump postage stamp... But decided against it fearing people wouldn't know which side to spit on.

Federal Agent Jokes

Here is a list of funny federal agent jokes and even better federal agent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Last two years I spent time impersonating a Federal Agent. Nobody gave me trouble when they saw me, including the police. Then I turned 8 and decided I wanted to be an astronaut instead.
  • Every TSA agent should be re-tasked to a federal oversight taskforce over police brutality. See what cops think when they can't carry more than 3.4 ounces of pepper spray.
  • My dad commited a felony today The federal agents showed up at more door to take him away. His wallet went through the wash and now he's going to do time for money laundering.
  • Federal Agents stand around the water cooler and discuss passing the buck on the case where 45 y/o Kevin Easterly abducts 16 y/o Amy Yu across state lines to Mexico.
Federal joke, Federal Agents stand around the water cooler and discuss passing the buck on the case where 45 y/o K

Federal Reserve Jokes

Here is a list of funny federal reserve jokes and even better federal reserve puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If you're going to file a lawsuit against the Federal Reserve what medicine should you take? Sudafed
  • What did the man who blamed his nasal congestion on the federal reserve do in response? Sudafed
  • Why did the 007 movie about the Federal Reserve being robbed flop in theaters? Because there's just not much interest left in the Bond.
  • How can you tell when money is counterfeit? It has the words "federal reserve note" written on it.
  • Did you hear about the p**... studio that went to the bank to get a loan? They got a very good interest rate.
Federal joke, Did you hear about the p**... studio that went to the bank to get a loan?

The Funniest Federal Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about federal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean presidential jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make federal pranks.

A DEA agent and a rancher

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"

A man had a pest problem of crows nesting in his yard...

He asked his neighbor if he could just shoot the bird.
"No, it is a federal crime to kill a crow."
"Well this is a whole bunch of crows!"
"That's a m**...!"

Being a teacher is great, I only work a half day

12 hours/day.
Thank you, don't forget to tip your TA, I'll be here all week (M-F except Federal Holiday) folks!

I work in a courthouse, and this is my favorite joke due to its accuracy: What's the difference between a federal judge and God?

God doesn't think he's a federal judge.

Obama is the first president to visit a federal prison.

Hes also the first black man to be let OUT of a federal prison

Federal Express is to merge with United Parcel Services

The resulting company will be called Federal United Parcels
Or FedUp for short

Obama bans hiring bias against ex-cons seeking federal jobs

He was quoted as says, "well, we politicians need somewhere to work after leaving office".

What was the name of the landmark 1973 federal court decision that gave women everywhere the right to wear leather?

Roe vs. Suede

TIL that the FDA has recommended a permanent ban on all shredded cheeses be put in place immediately.

It's part of an official federal plan to make America grate again.

According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is...

(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission)

This weekend a ghost whispering​ midget escaped from federal prison

Now there's a small medium at large

I bought a new mattress and reached for the s**... label to tear it off. But I saw the federal warning, and couldn't decide if I should leave it or get rid of it.

I decided to sleep on it.

I was at the airport security and there was a sign that read...

"Federal law prohibits the making of any jokes on airplane highjacking and b**...."
I stopped and told the officer that you don't have to worry about me, I take my bombs very seriously.
My hearing is next month.

I know federal prosecutors have a 99% conviction rate. But I'm a little nervous.

Because Trump picked his cabinet from the 1%.

TIL that there is a federal law that mandates more jail time be given for breaking and entering a home on a holiday.

It's called the Santa Clause

I think retirement can lead to senility.

Because after my Grandpa quit working at the Federal Mint, he just stopped making cents.

Me: Hey babe, are you a federal student loan?

Me: hey babe, are you a federal student loan? Because it looks like you have low interest
My date: Yep.
Me: oh

WH advisors: Mr. President federal employees didn't receive their last check, they can't even afford to buy their families bread!

Trump: I have the most tremendous solution, let them eat cake.

To all the unpaid federal workers...

Don't worry about your bills...Mexico is gonna pay for it!

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.

So a French man was diagnosed with lung Cancer and only have 2 months to live.

He didn't want to die leaving his familly with no money, so he decided to rob the federal bank. When he told his friend about his plan, tha latter asked why was he doing something so dangerous for the sake of his familly.
The guy replied ''I've got nothing Toulouse!''

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®

Why is Tom Brady against raising the federal minimum wage?

He doesn't want things to get too inflated.

Rudy Giuliani house was searched

So federal investigators searched Giuliano's house today. I thought they would find hair dye, but they didn't. I guess it ran.

Probably done before: What's a pirate's LEAST favourite letter?

Dear Mr Redbeard,
It has come to our attention that you have been illegally duplicating and reselling copywrited movies without permission.
As such, and utilising the full jurisdiction of the Federal Communications Authority, you are subpoenaed to appear before the Federal Supreme Court to face charges on the time and date so indicated below.
J. L. Peabody
Chief Video Piracy Investigator

It's no surprise that Australia's Federal Court overturned Djokovic's visa cancellation.

It's a Kangaroo court after all.

Federal joke, l made $48m today and I'm STILL having Burger King for dinner.

jokes about federal