The Best 48 Federal Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Federal jokes. There are some federal counsel jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these federal penitentiary puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Federal Jokes and Puns

A DEA agent and a rancher

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"

A man had a pest problem of crows nesting in his yard...

He asked his neighbor if he could just shoot the bird.

"No, it is a federal crime to kill a crow."

"Well this is a whole bunch of crows!"

"That's a murder!"

Being a teacher is great, I only work a half day

12 hours/day.

Thank you, don't forget to tip your TA, I'll be here all week (M-F except Federal Holiday) folks!

Federal joke, Being a teacher is great, I only work a half day

I work in a courthouse, and this is my favorite joke due to its accuracy: What's the difference between a federal judge and God?

God doesn't think he's a federal judge.

What do you call it when homosexual congressmen have lunch together?

A Federal Mandate


Obama is the first president to visit a federal prison.

Hes also the first black man to be let OUT of a federal prison

Federal Express is to merge with United Parcel Services

The resulting company will be called Federal United Parcels

Or FedUp for short

Federal joke, Federal Express is to merge with United Parcel Services

Where does the Federal Reserve hide all of its dirty profits?

In debasement.

Obama bans hiring bias against ex-cons seeking federal jobs

He was quoted as says, "well, we politicians need somewhere to work after leaving office".

If I have 10 guns and a Federal Law forces me to turn in 8 of them, how many will I have left?

Thats right... 10.

William Howard Taft was so fat...

...he sat in TWO branches of the federal government.

You can explore federal feds reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean federal investigation dad jokes. There are also federal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What are Starbucks two shipping options?

Ground and federal expresso

What was the name of the landmark 1973 federal court decision that gave women everywhere the right to wear leather?

Roe vs. Suede

Stick and stones may break my bones

But words are triggering and require federal regulation.

TIL that the FDA has recommended a permanent ban on all shredded cheeses be put in place immediately.

It's part of an official federal plan to make America grate again.

In the latest federal North Korean election, Kim Jung Un won 100% of the vote.

A landslide victory against his sole competitor: "*Or else*".

Federal joke, In the latest federal North Korean election, Kim Jung Un won 100% of the vote.

If Clinton gets elected, federal employees will be LEGALLY allowed to consume cannabis!

If you smoke, you have to say "I did not inhale"

and if you do edibles, you have to say "I did not swallow"

Due to cutbacks, each states government is asking their citizens to contact them only by fax...

If you would like to speak to the Federal government, you'll need an alternative fax

According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is...

Brown.

(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission)


Local Apple grower was sent to federal prison this week...

In cider trading.

This weekend a ghost whisperingโ€‹ midget escaped from federal prison

Now there's a small medium at large

I bought a new mattress and reached for the stupid label to tear it off. But I saw the federal warning, and couldn't decide if I should leave it or get rid of it.

I decided to sleep on it.

I was at the airport security and there was a sign that read...

"Federal law prohibits the making of any jokes on airplane highjacking and bombing."

I stopped and told the officer that you don't have to worry about me, I take my bombs very seriously.

My hearing is next month.

Why did the 007 movie about the Federal Reserve being robbed flop in theaters?

Because there's just not much interest left in the Bond.

Why do the Politsiya (Russian federal agency) always go around in groups of three?

One can read, one can write, and one keeps an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.

If you're going to file a lawsuit against the Federal Reserve what medicine should you take?

Sudafed

What happens when a wiener encounters puberty?

A 21 month federal prison sentence.

I know federal prosecutors have a 99% conviction rate. But I'm a little nervous.

Because Trump picked his cabinet from the 1%.

Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation.

I did and we do.

TIL that there is a federal law that mandates more jail time be given for breaking and entering a home on a holiday.

It's called the Santa Clause

what's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir,

this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy

What did the man who blamed his nasal congestion on the federal reserve do in response?

Sudafed

I think retirement can lead to senility.

Because after my Grandpa quit working at the Federal Mint, he just stopped making cents.

Me: Hey babe, are you a federal student loan?

Me: hey babe, are you a federal student loan? Because it looks like you have low interest

My date: Yep.

Me: oh

WH advisors: Mr. President federal employees didn't receive their last check, they can't even afford to buy their families bread!

Trump: I have the most tremendous solution, let them eat cake.

I just talked to a furloughed federal employee and told him McConnell might schedule a vote soon to reopen the government. Was there anything he particularly hoped for?

Mitch better have my money.

In the United States, tomorrow is a Federal Holiday

and the government is supposed to be closed for a day.

To all the unpaid federal workers...

Don't worry about your bills...Mexico is gonna pay for it!

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.

Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.

So a French man was diagnosed with lung Cancer and only have 2 months to live.

He didn't want to die leaving his familly with no money, so he decided to rob the federal bank. When he told his friend about his plan, tha latter asked why was he doing something so dangerous for the sake of his familly.

The guy replied ''I've got nothing Toulouse!''

What do you call a group of federal budget makers?

An add hock committee.

As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that's just 25 cents.

Heads is positive. Tails is negative.

Every TSA agent should be re-tasked to a federal oversight taskforce over police brutality.

See what cops think when they can't carry more than 3.4 ounces of pepper spray.

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafedยฎ

Why is Tom Brady against raising the federal minimum wage?

He doesn't want things to get too inflated.

What is cat's favorite federal program?

war on dawgs

Last two years I spent time impersonating a Federal Agent. Nobody gave me trouble when they saw me, including the police.

Then I turned 8 and decided I wanted to be an astronaut instead.

Rudy Giuliani house was searched

So federal investigators searched Giuliano's house today. I thought they would find hair dye, but they didn't. I guess it ran.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the federal agencies jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working federal prisons piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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