Fed Up Jokes
127 fed up jokes and hilarious fed up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fed up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fed Up Short Jokes
Short fed up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fed up humour may include short tired jokes also.
- I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home. My lighthouse, my rules.
- My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" "Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said. - If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan... Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat.
- My wife is leaving me because she's fed up with me talking like a news anchor. More on this story later...
- I've seen aliens. I've seen Bigfoot. I've even fed a few fish to the Lochness Monster. But I still have never seen a bmw driver use his turn signals.
- My wife says she's fed up and is planning on leaving me this weekend. Despite begging and pleading with her, she's adamant she won't move out before then.
- (Original) What do Jesus Christ and Communism have in common? They both fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.
- I can't stand everyone ridiculing me for being a cannibal... I just get so fed up with people.
- So my wife is fed up with my dad jokes and asked me to stop telling them. Me: how do you want me to stop?
Wife: whatever means necessary.
Me: ...? No it doesn't. - I fed my chickens a chicken wing... I guess you could say they enjoyed themselves. *ba dum tss*
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Fed Up One Liners
Which fed up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fed up? I can suggest the ones about exasperated and exhausted.
- How does Darth Vader manage to eat through that mask? He's force fed.
- Did you hear about the anorexic Jedi? She had to be force fed.
- What is a Cannibal? Someone who is fed up with people.
- In London, a man gets robbed every 4.5 minutes. And he's getting fed up with it.
- What did the tailor say to the fed up customer? Suit yourself.
- Why did the cannibal leave the party early? He was fed up with people.
- What did one doughnut say to the other... ...you look a little glazed
- I left my job as a door to door salesman I got fed up dealing with knobs
- Tracking efficiency in dogs rises 300% when fed diets of salmon. Give it a fish an' see
- What do you call a delivery girl who dated an FBI agent? A Fed Ex
- cannibals aren't very friendly they are fed up with all the ppl ✨
- can·ni·bal ˈkanəb(ə)l/ noun Someone that is fed up with people
- A man gets mugged every 30 seconds in New York City He is starting to get really fed up.
- What do you get to you cross Fed-Ex with UPS? Fed Up
- My son fed half of the petting zoo. That was the best way to dispose of the body.
Comical Fed Up Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about fed up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean upset jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fed up pranks.
I fed this kid peanut and he almost died.
I guess some people take No Nut November way too seriously.
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins...
...that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So the speed of light, e, and the square root of (-1) walk into a bar...
So the speed of light, *e*, and (-1)^1/2 walk into a bar. The speed of light heads over to the bartender and gets his drink pretty quickly, as he's wont to do. Then (-1)^1/2 goes and orders his drink, and *e* just flips out on him. The square root of -1 asks *e* what's wrong, and he says, "I came in here first, and you just went in front of me!" (-1)^1/2 just says, "Hey, man, I'm just following the rules here!"
Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, "No, no, no, you idiot, it's *i* before *e* **except** after c!
Friend told me this one today. Fed Ex and UPS
Did you hear Fed-Ex and UPS joined together and made a conglomerate?They called it fed up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He didn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a v**... and his Mother was sure He was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead; He had to get up because there was still work to do.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Response To The s**... "What's The Difference Between Jam And Jelly Joke" Reposted Every Second Day
Your mama must have fed you jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that.
I used to sit on my uncle's lap and wiggle around and he'd buy me beer...
So one day, my dad got fed up and said... "Son, you're 35, you're old enough to buy your own beer!"
*first post! no longer a lurker
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Polish joke
A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb p**... by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:
"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."
The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb p**...!".
Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"
The counterman says "This is a hardware store."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbours are very loud when they have s**....
And that's bad for my insomnia. Last night I was so fed up I had to scream their safety word.
On a bench, in the park, two lovers
are kissing passionately. At some point another man sits down next to them and starts staring at the woman.
Eventually, her partner gets fed up by the staring and tells the other man:
- I haven't seen such insolence in my whole life!
- I'm sorry, I did not mean to disturb you, but I need to ask my wife to give me keys to the house.
What do you call a divorced FBI agent?
Fed-Ex
Miracle?
They say Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A steed was having s**... with a fox
The steed was pumping and carassing, neighing and kissing yet 45 minutes in the fox was still laying there, not moving an inch.
Fed up with the lack of respobse the horse sneers and says: i do all the work and all you do is lay there. Do something so I know you're enjoying it too.
The fox answers: Well if you'd pull out a bit maybe i could twitch my neck.
An pakistani in the US fears for his safety
Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh:
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood.
So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime.
Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agency, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I have never felt safer.
"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."
"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"
"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
USDA approves shipment of m**...-fed cows' beef
Analytical studies show that the steaks are high
A cannibal comes home from work...
after a long day and his wife asks him how his day was.
The cannibal sighs and replies "I'm just fed up with people!"
My mum fed me yeast and put me in the oven.
Just how I was raised.
How do you get sharp cheddar cheese from cows?
You gotta make sure they're glass fed.
Why did the man shut his donut shop?
Why did the man close his donut shop?
...because he was fed up with the hole business!
You know as long as you keep babies well fed they're usually pretty good...
But I like mine with a little BBQ sauce.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Colorado keeps advertising their legalised w**... through the media...
I'm fed up of seeing all that propaganja.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day...
Give a fish a man, and you don't gotta worry about him squealing to the Feds.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Female hormones in a beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
I called my boss this morning and said
"I'm not coming in today, I've got the squirts."
He said, "I'm fed up with this, it's the same time every week!"
I said, "I can't help it, my wife has community service on Tuesdays and we can't find a babysitter."
a baby was fed on elephant's milk
A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
I was so ugly as a baby
when my mum breast fed me, she used to shut her eyes and think of other babies.
I asked my doctor why he fed me nothing but pancakes during quarantiane
"It's all we're able to slip under the door" he said.
What do you call arguing vegans?
Grass-fed beef.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a woman and a Fed-Ex package?
One is female, the other is mail.
My sister was bother my 5 year old niece while she was playing Roblox on her iPod
My niece got fed up and said, "You better stop or I'm gonna buy this for real!" *Selects random IAP*
A wife is getting fed up with her husband always acting like a detective.
They get into a huge fight about it and she finally says I think we need to split up
The husband replies That's a great idea we can cover more ground that way
(Sorry if this has been posted before I only heard it today)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise
I wanted to test this out and Googled "h**... President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo
I love vegans
The meat is better because its grass fed, locally sourced and free of harmful chemicals
I have a Chinese friend named Cheng.
At an official function, we were having snacks.
I asked him, "Cheng, do you ever get fed up of people saying that all Chinese look the same?"
He replied, "Cheng has gone to the washroom. I am his wife!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Fed Ex driver only delivered part of my grizzly costume
I was so mad, I choked him with my bear hands
Did you hear about the guy that quit his job at a quilt filling factory?
He said he was fed up of feeling down...
A Texas Biologist
A Texas biologist, who discovered that the life of a porpoise could be prolonged indefinitely if it were fed a steady diet of seagulls, has been arrested at the Louisiana border. He faces charges of transporting gulls across state lines for immortal porpoises.
Even the best farmers or engineers failed to develop a brand of cannabis-fed beef meat
The steaks were too high
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lazy people find the most strangest reasons not to do something.
I would make a list but, it's Monday and I just fed the cats.
My girlfriend is very short and she gets fed up of me making fun of her height.
So tonight I'm going to make it up to her.
I've got a good bottle of wine and a DVD box set of her favorite TV show.
When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favorite takeaway which we'll sit and eat while we drink the wine and watch the DVDs.
Then afterwards I'm going to go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.
California Condor
A man was in court the other day accused of shooting and killing a California Condor. The judge asked the man, "Why on Earth would you kill one of the magnificent creatures?" The man replied, "Your honor, I have been out of work for quite a while and me and my family were hungry with nothing to eat and I looked up and saw this big bird over head so I shot it down and fed my family with it." The judge said, "That is a tough story. I am sorry for your situation and I will certainly take it into consideration when I sentence you, but by the way, I am a little curious as to what it tastes like." The man replied, "It's really not bad. Kind of a mix between a spotted owl and a baby seal."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend keeps joking she's addicted to chocolate.
She eats it every chance she gets. I finally got so fed up that I took her downtown to see a homeless j**.... I pointed at him and said, Now that, see that? Why can't you be that skinny?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last week I found out my cousin was into underage girls.
I reported him to the feds, but when they arrived on the scene they wouldn't do a thing. They let the freak run free.
Oh well, at least he didn't enjoy his tenth birthday party.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom got a s**... change operation
After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a s**... change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a s**... change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."
A terrible hairdresser was known for cutting customers' scalps with scissors.
One such customer, fed up and covered in wounds, told the hairdresser off.
The hairdresser snapped back, "Hey buddy, show some appreciation! You only paid $5 for this haircut, and I've already used $10 worth of bandages!"
\- From "Philogelos", an ancient Greek joke book dated to around 200 AD.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fed up with all this at the minute...
Gonna ask my mom if the offer to Slap me into next year is still on the table!
Small businesses: You have 30 apples. Someone asks you for 5 apples. How many apples do you have left?
Feds: 30
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was a kid, my parents fed me a lot of b**..., like believing in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. But I finally started thinking for myself and realized it was all wishful thinking.
Thank you Jesus!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mikhail Gorbachev started an anti-alcohol campaign in USSR in 1980s. People went crazy because of the restrictions on selling of alcohol. An old Soviet joke went like this:
A disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for v**..., decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for v**....
A dwarf walks into a bar, he's very, very thirsty.
The dwarf approaches the counter. It's very high up, so he can't see the other side.
He tries anyway and says: "Can I have a Coke please?"
(no answer)
He tries to jump as high as he can, saying "Can I have a Coke please?"
(no answer)
He jumps up and down, saying every time he gets to the top, "Can I have a Coke please?"
(still no answer)
He's fed up, so he goes around the counter, and on the other side...
...he sees another dwarf, jumping up and down saying, "Is Pepsi OK?"
PS: Google tells me that "dwarf" and "little person" are equally non-offensive. Feel free to educate me if it's the wrong term.
Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging.
They're going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
I used to have a border collie...
...then my parents fed him too much and he became husky.
A n old farmer grows watermelons
However, every night, a group of kids would sneak into his farm at night and eat some of his produce. One day the farmer gets fed up with this and places down a sign in the field saying "Warning: one of these watermelons has been injected with cyanide". He then waits. Night passes and the farmer excitedly goes out to his field to check the results, only to find another sign posted next to his saying "now there's two of them"
Why don't Jedi parents let their kids use the Force at the dinner table?
Like any other parents, they believe children should not be Force-fed.
Working overseas.
I work in China with a guy named Kim
One day we were drinking and I asked him if he's fed up of westerns saying that all Chinese look the same.
He said "Kim's at the bar getting drinks I'm his wife"
A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...
They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.
Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".
My wife told me that she's fed up with me singing all day long.
I told her Don't stop me now.
A Russian, a Brit and an American are stuck on a mountain
While they wait for rescue to arrive, they get together for a meal. As everyone is taking out their kits and prepping, the Russian starts boasting "in the soviet army, they feed us 2000 calories of food a day". The Brit turns and scoffs at him, then he says " in the royal army, we are fed 4000 calories of food a day". The American waiting for his turns goes and says "in the us army we are fed 8000 calories a day". At that point, the Russian jumps up and yells at the American "NON SENSE. NO ONE CAN EAT THAT MUCH CABBAGE IN ONE DAY".
Why do wives cook for their husbands?
Because according to the law, all prisoners need to be fed.
If ever society collapses and we resort to cannibalism...
Vegans meat will be the most expensive because they're grass fed.
Give a man a fish and he will be fed for a day,
Give a man a gram of uranium and he will be fed for the rest of his life.
