Fed Jokes
131 fed jokes and hilarious fed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you need a break from the seriousness of the discussion about the Federal Reserve, GMOs, USDA policies, and local food sourcing? Check out this article for some quirky jokes about the Fed. Laughs guaranteed!
Quick Jump To
- Short Fed Jokes
- Fed One Liners
- Fed Up Jokes
- Grass Fed Jokes
- Cows Fed Jokes
- Force Fed Jokes
- More Fed Jokes
Funniest Fed Short Jokes
Short fed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fed humour may include short feed jokes also.
- I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home. My lighthouse, my rules.
- My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" "Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said. - My girlfriend said she's fed up with me always pretending I'm a detective, and that we should split up... I told her that's great, we can cover more ground that way.
- My wife is fed up with my constant stream jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!" I chuckled, "No it doesn't!"
- If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan... Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat.
- My wife is leaving me because she's fed up with me talking like a news anchor. More on this story later...
- I've seen aliens. I've seen Bigfoot. I've even fed a few fish to the Lochness Monster. But I still have never seen a bmw driver use his turn signals.
- I was fed up with life and tried hanging myself from the side of a cliff, but I failed. Now I'm just a cliffhanger and the suspense is killing me.
- My wife says she's fed up and is planning on leaving me this weekend. Despite begging and pleading with her, she's adamant she won't move out before then.
- (Original) What do Jesus Christ and Communism have in common? They both fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.
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Fed One Liners
Which fed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fed? I can suggest the ones about inflation and quarantine.
- How does Darth Vader manage to eat through that mask? He's force fed.
- Did you hear about the anorexic Jedi? She had to be force fed.
- What is a Cannibal? Someone who is fed up with people.
- In London, a man gets robbed every 4.5 minutes. And he's getting fed up with it.
- What did the tailor say to the fed up customer? Suit yourself.
- Why did the cannibal leave the party early? He was fed up with people.
- What did one doughnut say to the other... ...you look a little glazed
- I left my job as a door to door salesman I got fed up dealing with knobs
- My friend has just fed German sausage to a bird. He's taken a tern for the wurst.
- I'm really fed up of those insects that worship their Queen. Sycophants.
- Why did the baker quit making doughnuts? He was fed up with the hole business!
- I like Fed Ex drivers because... They are drug dealers and they don't even know it.
- Why are Jedi kids so fat? Because they were force fed.
- Tracking efficiency in dogs rises 300% when fed diets of salmon. Give it a fish an' see
- What do you call a delivery girl who dated an FBI agent? A Fed Ex
Fed Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny fed up jokes and even better fed up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I can't stand everyone ridiculing me for being a cannibal... I just get so fed up with people.
- The Fed Ex driver only delivered part of my grizzly costume I was so mad, I choked him with my bear hands
- So my wife is fed up with my dad jokes and asked me to stop telling them. Me: how do you want me to stop?
Wife: whatever means necessary.
Me: ...? No it doesn't. - I fed my chickens a chicken wing... I guess you could say they enjoyed themselves. *ba dum tss*
- Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They're going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
- I fed this kid peanut and he almost died. I guess some people take No Nut November way too seriously.
- My GF said she was fed up with me acting like a detective.She wanted to split up. I said,Good Idea,That way we can cover more ground!
- If ever society collapses and we resort to cannibalism... Vegans meat will be the most expensive because they're grass fed.
- I was fed-up with people laughing at me for being bald, so I went out and bought a hairpiece. It was a small price toupee.
- I'm fed up with all these Chuck Norris jokes on this Sub! If he's such a tough badass, I dare him to come over here and smash my face against my keybhrbhdbvdggdvrvvhdhdbsbhdhebb
Grass Fed Jokes
Here is a list of funny grass fed jokes and even better grass fed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I love vegans The meat is better because its grass fed, locally sourced and free of harmful chemicals
- What do you call arguing vegans? Grass-fed beef.
- Thinking of becoming a cannibal. If I had to resort to cannibalism, I would want the person I'm eating to be a vegetarian. I like irony and prefer grass-fed steak.
- It's remarkable that nobody has opened a "grass fed" steakhouse in Colorado yet.....On the other hand.... They might just be afraid that the steaks would be too high.
- I only date vegans. I like my meat grass-fed.
- Before the annual cattle fest, I fed the cows some 'quality grass' The steaks have never been higher
- Why do Asians never put "grass fed" on their meat products... Because cats and dogs don't eat grass.
Cows Fed Jokes
Here is a list of funny cows fed jokes and even better cows fed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you get sharp cheddar cheese from cows? You gotta make sure they're glass fed.
- What did the farmer say after he fed his cows p**...? "the Steaks are high."
- What did the f**... cow say to the farmer who fed him? Gassy a**...
- USDA approves shipment of m**...-fed cows' beef Analytical studies show that the steaks are high
Force Fed Jokes
Here is a list of funny force fed jokes and even better force fed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why don't Jedi parents let their kids use the Force at the dinner table? Like any other parents, they believe children should not be Force-fed.
- At least Jared Fogle will be able to keep up with his weight loss in jail... He'll be force-fed six inches to foot longs for the next 15 years.
- Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Force a man a fish down his t**... and he'll be fed for the rest of his life.
Cheeky Fed Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about fed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean federal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fed pranks.
Mom got a s**... change operation
After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a s**... change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a s**... change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."
Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish
But h**... made 6,000,000 jews toast
Two drunk people are sitting at a bar having an argument about Coronavirus.
The first one says "You're just trying to scare people. You don't know anything."
The second replies, clearly fed up with the first, "I'm a doctor! I'm paid to know these things, I have a PhD and everything!"
The first one slurs back, "Well ***I*** have a ***DhD.***"
The second says, exasperated, "What the h**... is a DhD??"
The first cackles, "You're some doc if you don't know what ADHD is!"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders a half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and this trend continues on for some time. After a while, the bartender gets fed up and hands them 2 beers, shakes his head and says, "You mathematicians just don't know your limits."
Female hormones in a beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."
"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"
"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."
Why is h**... a better person than Jesus Christ?
Jesus Christ fed 2000 jews with 5 loaves of bread, while h**... made 6 million Jews toast
Jesus fed 2000 Jews fish and bread.
h**... made 6 million Jews toast.
A dwarf walks into a bar, he's very, very thirsty.
The dwarf approaches the counter. It's very high up, so he can't see the other side.
He tries anyway and says: "Can I have a Coke please?"
(no answer)
He tries to jump as high as he can, saying "Can I have a Coke please?"
(no answer)
He jumps up and down, saying every time he gets to the top, "Can I have a Coke please?"
(still no answer)
He's fed up, so he goes around the counter, and on the other side...
...he sees another dwarf, jumping up and down saying, "Is Pepsi OK?"
PS: Google tells me that "dwarf" and "little person" are equally non-offensive. Feel free to educate me if it's the wrong term.
A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...
They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.
Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".
Christians always go on about the time Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fishes...
What about h**...? He made 6 million jews toast.
I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having s**......
I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law.
My wife is k**... me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns...
'OK,' I said, 'Alpaca my bags.'
When I was a kid, my parents fed me a lot of b**..., like believing in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. But I finally started thinking for myself and realized it was all wishful thinking.
Thank you Jesus!
3 Irish men in a pub…
… called m**..., Pat and Tat. The barman says "Are you all related?"
m**... said "Yeah we're triplets!"
Barman said "Triplets!, how come you and Pat are 6ft tall and Tat is only 4ft tall?",
"Well!" said m**... "Me and Pat were
breast fed so there was no t**... for Tat!
A Polish joke
A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb p**... by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:
"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."
The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb p**...!".
Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"
The counterman says "This is a hardware store."
A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that tv."
The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes."
So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that tv."
Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."
So she left again and came back with her hair dyed black and said: "I want that tv."
But the salesman still said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."
Finally the blonde got fed up and said, "That's it! How'd you know I was a blonde?!" she asked.
The salesman answered: "Cause that's a microwave.
Jesus fed a 100 people bread
h**... made 6 million jews toast
Took my dad shopping for some new shoes
He's 86 and found it quite tiring so we stopped for a coffee and a sandwich. While sitting there some teenagers sat at the table next to us.
One of them had a Mohican hairdo that was dyed all the colours of the rainbow and my dad wouldn't stop staring at him.
Eventually the boy got fed up of this and asked my dad sarcastically 'what is your problem old man haven't you ever done anything wild just for fun'
My dad, without missing a beat, replied
'I got drunk once in my 20's and had s**... with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son'
So the speed of light, e, and the square root of (-1) walk into a bar...
So the speed of light, *e*, and (-1)^1/2 walk into a bar. The speed of light heads over to the bartender and gets his drink pretty quickly, as he's wont to do. Then (-1)^1/2 goes and orders his drink, and *e* just flips out on him. The square root of -1 asks *e* what's wrong, and he says, "I came in here first, and you just went in front of me!" (-1)^1/2 just says, "Hey, man, I'm just following the rules here!"
Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, "No, no, no, you idiot, it's *i* before *e* **except** after c!
A guy takes a g**... a date to the county fair...
When they get there, he asks her what she wants to do now. She says "I wanna get weighed." So he takes her to one of those guess your weight booths and she gets a prize. He asks her again what she wants to do. Again, "I wanna get weighed".
This goes on the whole night. Finally the guy gets fed up and takes her home. When she walks in the door, her mom asks "how was your date?"
She replies "*sigh* wousy"
In a small town there was a poor Christian old lady. She was always asking the God to bring her groceries. One day her not Christian neighbor went out and secretly bought the lady groceries…
As the lady saw the groceries she rejoiced and thanked the lord. The neighbor was fed up and told the old lady that God did not bring her groceries he did. She yelled thank you Lord for bringing me groceries and making the devil pay for them.
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins...
...that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
A little boy asked Jesus for a new bike.
He prayed every night.
On the first night, he told Jesus "If you get me a new bike, I will never scream or yell again."
On the second night, he told him "If you get me a new bike, I will be nice to my siblings forever."
On the third night, he told him "If you get me a new bike, I'll do anything you want!"
On the fourth night, the little boy was fed up with Jesus not answering his prayers.
He took a statue of Mary, wrapped it in a blanket, and stuffed it in a closet and locked it. He told Jesus, "If you ever want to see your mother again, you better get me a new bike!"
I'm getting fed up with my wife! She's always stopping my perfect animal impressions just because she finds them annoying.
If she yells at me one more time for impersonating a flamingo, I'm going to have to put my foot down.
I just told my boss I'm fed up of working in a s**... hole: the toilets are never cleaned, there's mould in the fridge, there's never any hot water and the place hasn't been hoovered once
Apparently he can't do anything about it if I work from home
A Russian, a Brit and an American are stuck on a mountain
While they wait for rescue to arrive, they get together for a meal. As everyone is taking out their kits and prepping, the Russian starts boasting "in the soviet army, they feed us 2000 calories of food a day". The Brit turns and scoffs at him, then he says " in the royal army, we are fed 4000 calories of food a day". The American waiting for his turns goes and says "in the us army we are fed 8000 calories a day". At that point, the Russian jumps up and yells at the American "NON SENSE. NO ONE CAN EAT THAT MUCH CABBAGE IN ONE DAY".
I was so ugly as a baby
when my mum breast fed me, she used to shut her eyes and think of other babies.
I used to sit on my uncle's lap and wiggle around and he'd buy me beer...
So one day, my dad got fed up and said... "Son, you're 35, you're old enough to buy your own beer!"
*first post! no longer a lurker
A wife is getting fed up with her husband always acting like a detective.
They get into a huge fight about it and she finally says I think we need to split up
The husband replies That's a great idea we can cover more ground that way
(Sorry if this has been posted before I only heard it today)
What did the over-fertilized plant say to the farmer?
>!"I'm fed up with the s**... you've been giving me."!<
Three Irish men in a pub called says, "Are you all related?" m**... said, "Yeah we're triplets". Barman says, "Triplets, how Come you & Pat are six foot tall & Tat is only four foot tall?"
"Well", said m**..., "Me & Pat
were breast fed, so there was no t**... for tat".
my friend fed me rabbit for the first time and I told him it tasted like beer.
Must've been from all the hops.
my gf was dropping hints and leaving jewelry/ring catalogues around
I got so fed up I bought her a magazine organiser
A girl is fed up with her boyfriend's unhealthy obsession with detective movies, and wants to break up with him.
"This is too much. We really should split up."
"Good idea, we can cover more ground that way."
On a bench, in the park, two lovers
are kissing passionately. At some point another man sits down next to them and starts staring at the woman.
Eventually, her partner gets fed up by the staring and tells the other man:
- I haven't seen such insolence in my whole life!
- I'm sorry, I did not mean to disturb you, but I need to ask my wife to give me keys to the house.
Jesus fed 6 people with 4 loafs of bread and 2 fish.
However adolf h**... made 6 Million jews toast
An pakistani in the US fears for his safety
Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh:
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood.
So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime.
Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agency, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I have never felt safer.
I have a Chinese friend named Cheng.
At an official function, we were having snacks.
I asked him, "Cheng, do you ever get fed up of people saying that all Chinese look the same?"
He replied, "Cheng has gone to the washroom. I am his wife!
My sister was bother my 5 year old niece while she was playing Roblox on her iPod
My niece got fed up and said, "You better stop or I'm gonna buy this for real!" *Selects random IAP*
Jesus Christ may have fed 2000 people with bread and wine...
But Adolf h**... made 6 million Jews toast
3 housewifes got fed up of cooking
so the 3 wives ( a british , a french and a russian ) decided not to cook for 3 days
at the end of the three days, they met again
the british said " the first day I didn't see anything new, the second day he went to the kitchen and started cooking"
the french said " the first day I didn't see anything, the second day he took me to a restaurant "
the Russian said " the first day I didn't see anything, the second day I didn't see anything either but the third day I could see a little bit with my left eye"
Why did the man shut his donut shop?
Why did the man close his donut shop?
...because he was fed up with the hole business!
Miracle?
They say Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
My neighbours are very loud when they have s**....
And that's bad for my insomnia. Last night I was so fed up I had to scream their safety word.
My girlfriend is very short and she gets fed up of me making fun of her height.
So tonight I'm going to make it up to her.
I've got a good bottle of wine and a DVD box set of her favorite TV show.
When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favorite takeaway which we'll sit and eat while we drink the wine and watch the DVDs.
Then afterwards I'm going to go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.
Fed up
A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party? " "About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly. "NO! " exploded the teacher.. "I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches? " "Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says.. "I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party! "
James takes his date to the prom
They get to the building, and there's a long line to get in
They go to take pictures, and there a long line for pictures
They go to get flowers, and there's another long line for flowers.
James is fed up with all the lines, so he goes for some punch, and finds that there is no punchline
If they serve you snacks before your plane has finished ascending..
..are you getting fed up with airline food?
